When the Hero is not a Hero(Fate/Stay Night x Disgaea)
Chapter 1: Herkzerker Arrives - Mad Warrior Versus Insane Hero

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Arturia Pendragon, the Once and Future King of Britain and Servant Saber, decided that her new Master is insane. After the red headed woman, who she learned was Shirou's mother, blew up Lancer (and everything around him). she proceeded to curbstomp Shirou for "boasting about his pitiful level" and calling her a "soggy old carcass". Saber was too stunned by that turn of events to intervene. Her Master then thought it was a good idea to blow the red haired woman a raspberry. It was several hours later before Shirou was conscious enough for proper introductions to be made

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Saber panted with exhaustion as the last of the strange beings that confronted her was sliced in two by her invisible blade. She didn't know how long she was in this strange world, avoiding strangely colored floor tiles and beating up even stranger creatures. Her Master didn't even give her the chance to talk when he exclaimed:

"As your new Lord, note the capital letter, I command you, my vassal, to fight in my stead!"

And in a flash of light, she found herself somewhere else. After what seemed like hours of plowing through various enemies, she surmised that her Master must be testing her mettle by making her fight horde upon horde of opponents with a variety of abilities, strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps, she mused, my Master might not be as insane as I thought.

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After finding what seemed to be a portal, Saber found herself face to face with her Master, who was staring at a girl in pink and red clothing expectantly. The girl handed her Master a small stick like object before vanishing in a swirl of flames. Her Master turned to her, looking giddy.

"Master? What was that place you sent me to?"

Shirou unwrapped the stick of gum he received from the Red Mage and began chewing it.

"Eh? That was the Item World of this gum. See, it's a place where you can train by beating up the imperfections in the item, all of which seem to have a fondness for demonic forms. And I admit that you did a good job vassal. This is the sweetest gum I've ever tasted! I think you got rid of every imperfection in it."

Saber's eye twitched. So her Master threw her into a strange world full of dangerous enemies... just so his gum would be sweeter? He reminded her so much of Merlin and all the things he put her through in the guise of training that it was scary.

-

Tohsaka Rin and her Servant, Archer, stood in front of the mansion that just suddenly appeared in the middle of the abandoned park. As the magical supervisor of Fuyuki, it was her duty to make sure that the obviously magical residents of the new dwelling knew their place. But before she could even knock, a blue and gold blur rushed towards her at alarming speeds. Archer jumped in front of her and blocked a blow from the blur, resulting in his blades shattering. Rin forced Archer to astralize before the enemy could deliver a finishing blow. However, this had the side effect of leaving her open to attack.

"Stop, vassal!"

The seals that Shirou didn't even knew existed on his right arm glew before part of it disappeared. The now revealed Saber turned to her Master questioningly.

"But Master! She's an enemy Master! It would be easier if we get rid of her now!"

Shirou shook her head. Such an ignorant vassal.

"If you kill her, then the plot will take too long to advance! And I will not wait until next month before my next big appearance happens! Now you, tsundere mage, take me to the Church!"

Rin blinked, decided that she had no choice if she wanted to live and nodded.

-

After a meeting with the creepy priest that reminded Shirou too much of Geoffrey, Shirou couldn't help but feel excited. For some reason, he knew that the girl taking him to the Church was important if he wanted the upcoming big scene but to actually be part of a War where Heroic Spirits are summoned was too good to be true. In fact, Heroic Spirits are pretty cloe to Heroes of Justice that Shirou was sure that he'd receive a bucketload of experience points if he was to beat one. Speaking of Heroic Spirits...

"Good evening."

A child-like voice came from behind them as a platinum haired girl who looked to be ten years of age made her appearance. Saber stood protectively in front of her Master as Rin backed away from the girl.

"You're Ilyasviel von Einzbern!"

The girl stared at them for a moment before exclaiming.

"Avalon was lost during the fire ten years ago. And the only way for you to summon that Servant is if you had it. If you hand it over, I'll tell Berserker to kill you as painlessly as possible.

Shirou had no idea what or who this Avalon was but the appearance of the massive being behind the girl derailed his train of thoughts.

"MWAHAHAHA!"

Everyone stared at him like he was crazy, including Berserker.

"I know what you are!" he declared, pointing at massive figure. Ilyasviel giggled.

"You're funny."

"Hmph. That fierce gaze! Those impossibly overdeveloped muscles and the presence of a loli as a sidekick! It's obvious that you're a Hero of Justice! Now tremble in fear as I pound you to the ground!"

Saber sighed. Exactly like Merlin, indeed. She decided to take the initiative before her Master did something stupid and charged Berserker. With a single swing of the madman's club-like weapon, Saber found herself rolling on the ground.

"Master! Stay back!" she exclaimed as she saw Shirou approach the beast. Ilyasviel scoffed.

"Is this all Servant Saber can do? Then again, Berserker is the strongest Servant. He is after all Greece's most famous hero." From the sidelines, Rin gasped.

"He's..."

"Yep. Berserker's true name is Herakles!"

Shirou pulled out a spear from his pocket. The spear looked like it was a cardboard cutout.

"Bla bla bla. Yada yada yada." Berserker took this as an insult and in a second, the madman was in front of Shirou.

"GRAAAAAAAWR!"

"Master!" Saber was, fortunately, too far to intervene.

CLANG

The sound didn't make sense. A massive stone club-axe against a cardboard spear shouldn't make a metallic sound. But it did. And even more surprising is the fact that the cardboard spear wasn't even damaged. The ground beneath Shirou's feet wasn't as lucky though. The force of the blow was strojng enough to shatter the concrete that Shirou was standing on. But the spear still wasn't damaged. Shirou grinned, before he let go of the spear and with speed that can't be rivaled by all but the fastest Servants, poked Berserker in the chest. His finger glowed green and...

"Blast finger!"

The explosion rocked the entire street and it was a miracle that not a single soul was awakened by the noise. As the smoke cleared, Ilya found herself gaping as Berserker regenerated himself. She pointed accusingly at Shirou.

"What are you? You killed Berserker!"

Shirou stared at the obviously alive Servant for a second.

"Killed him? As if a Hero of Justice will fall so easily! He wouldn't be worth the SP if he was." Berserker roared and was hit by a flying penguin.

Another explosion rocked the street and Shirou found himself crashing into a wall. On top of a lamp post stood a familiar red haired woman with a devil's tail.

"Shirou! If you want to make explosions with your friends, do it somewhere I won't be awakened by your racket!"

Off to the side, Ilya was having an aneurysm.

"Y-You! You killed Berserker too!" Etna stared at the obviously alive monster and then at the obviously mental girl.

"Unless you want to be punished alongside my idiotic son, I suggest you go home." she declared with an evil grin forming on her face. Ilya and Rin took the threat at face value, as they should, and fled as far away as possible. Etna turned to Shirou and Saber while polishing her spear.

"It's been a while since I've had a good brawl..."

Saber gulped and wondered if this was one of her Master's training sessions. There and then, she decided that her Master was even worse than Merlin Emrys