I noticed that my story has quite the number of hits, at least, in my opinion it has. There were even several people who read it twice. Does that mean that either the title is interesting, or the summary or perhaps because the first chapter wasn't as bad as I thought it was? Either way, I'm happy because there have been almost 40 readers already!
A Thank You for everyone taking the time to read this!
Chapter two: Sound Of Forgetting
Mute on a stretcher, with her head curiously bandaged, Alice seems to cling precariously to life. Her burns have healed remarkably in the year since the fire, but she languishes in a deep trance-like dementia. It's as if the blaze consumed her senses wholesale. Deaf, dumb and blind to all stimulation, she's a fair match for the infirmary's gloom.
The 24th of October 1874
As a doctor, I have done everything I can think of. Treatments, remedies, disciplines and pleasures and nothing made a difference in her behavior. She will only talk when she wants to and only talk about what she wants. Sometimes she even talks to us by using poems or drawings of the world called Wonderland. Alice is seemingly a very willful girl and nothing I say makes any difference.
Recently though, she has frequently muttered "Off with her head" and other more cruel sentences. And I presume she's talking about the Red Queen. The few conversations we had were about Wonderland, and I find myself entirely immersed with the fantastic tales of that place. I actually find myself waiting for the day when she claims victory over the Red Queen and her minions. Perhaps she'll regain a sense of sanity and be balanced enough to leave this place.
Sometimes she appears to be so close, but at other times I'm certain it'll never happen and she'll spend the rest of her life housed behind Rutledge's barred windows and dirty walls... with me.
What conflicts me the most, is that I feel impotent and worthless because there's nothing I can do to cure her. I feel a pang of jealousy at the thought that there are others out there who could help her further while I could not. In these 10 years with us here at Rutledge I hardly managed to do anything which posed as a cure for her.
I do take some comfort in the guess that the other therapies could take her outside Rutledge and perhaps even more. But that is only possible if the girl is more stable.
Letting the pen drop from his hand onto his desk he re-read what he had just written. This was supposed to be a record of Alice's progress and not of his own troubles. It did ease the uneasiness within his own heart concerning his young patient that had resided within the asylum for nearly ten years. Dr. Wilson found himself quite taken with his young patient but feared that she would never be balanced enough to live outside these walls.
Rutledge asylum was a dark and haunting place were even the staff was as mad as a hatter, as Alice often put it. Even the name itself was as dark as the place itself, meaning "red pool" in old Anglican. Rutledge was indeed a place where blood was one of the most present colours to be found, be it on the floor, the walls or even sometimes the ceiling. The building itself was built just outside London, England. Filled to the brim with mad and raving patients where the nights were especially scary. Screams and moans filled the hallways which even the best liquor couldn't drown out. And there was also the ghost story of patients disappearing in the middle of the night, taken away by some secret force. Deaths were rather common as well, suicides even more so even with all the precautions. Treatments like electro-shock therapy, trepanning and bloodletting using leeches happened every day. With its five floors and many rooms for patients it was always filled to the brim and there was a waiting list for patients waiting to be admitted.
Dr. Wilson had worked in this field for years and started working in the Rutledge asylum just five years prior to the arrival of Alice. He had now become completely used to the screams and the deaths of patients and staff. The dark corridors no longer frightened him nor did the screams haunt him in his sleep anymore. Strangely though, the thing which scared him the most was Alice and her stories of Wonderland. When she speaks to him of her adventures in Wonderland she appears to be powerful and even aggressively assertive while the Alice in the asylum in massively passive and it is rather difficult to connect her with the person she describes in her dreams. How she fights with her knife and other weapons give him the impression of a trained fighter who, with her selfless acts of courage, turns into a hero. They do not seem as mere "delusions of grandeur" nor is it simple madness. In her head, an entirely different world apart from this one existed with its own set of characters and much more. That's what scared him. It wasn't just a simple raving from a person who, as seen in her records, was simply too mad and unstable aside from being mostly catatonic. This was something much more and he couldn't find out what. The drawings and poems she used to converse with him and Nurse D were equally disturbing to him, showing things which were impossible in this world, but seemingly possible in Wonderland.
Alice had fallen back into her catatonic state and when awake she only spoke about the Red Queen and a beast called the Jabberwocky. She appeared to be quite mad at the both of them for her voice had a very angry tone to it. Little did Dr. Wilson know that Alice was in Wonderland right now, fighting against the Jabberwocky together with her allies and was trying to collect the last piece for the eyestaff, the eye of the Jabberwocky.
…
A roar of pain and the sound of ripping flesh echoed through the air as the left eye of the Jabberwocky was ripped from its socket by the Gryphon. Blood gushed over his scales and metal parts as he continued to growl in pain while Alice and her friends pieced the eyestaff together, completing it.
"I will kill you! All of you!" the Jabberwocky roared.
"Give me your worst! I'll destroy you and the Red Bitch! You won't be able to kill me nor will you destroy Wonderland!" Alice roared back, turning her burning glance upwards to his one remaining right eye.
Though obviously in pain, the Jabberwocky still managed to look slightly smug when he said; "Even if you manage to destroy us, will you be able to overcome your guilt? How you KILLED your family, left them to DIE , roasting in an infernal hell of incredible horror?"
The Jabberwocky knew his words hit Alice hard as he saw her flinch and drop to her knees before he took off, flying towards the castle of the Red Queen in the distance, roaring with laughter along the way.
...
1st of November 1874
Alice seems to have fallen back into her catatonic state. Even now she still mutters about the Queen and the Jabberwock, but also about a gryphon and some sort of staff with an eye. We literally have to force her mouth open in order for her to eat, but in comparison to the years before now it seems to be a lot easier, almost as if she welcomes the food even though she is asleep or unresponsive.
It has now been 69 days since she we had a real and relatively normal conversation, and I find myself hoping for her victory over the Red Queen and this Jabberwocky even more now. In the last conversation we had he spoke of a place called the Fungiferous Forest. It's a place filled with mushrooms the size of large trees, fungus and foliage that grabs those who trample it, cavernous wastes filled with creatures who are as disturbed as any I've ever heard of. I recall the drawing she drew once when she was in one of her creative moods, the mushrooms were rather large indeed.
It seems, from what I can make out of the gibberish she mostly speaks, that the gryphon fought against the Jabberwocky and died in the progress but before that happened he gave the eye of the Jabberwock to Alice as to complete the eyestaff. Now all she has to do is defeat the Red Queen, and I find myself quite happy now that she is apparently almost at the end of her journey inside Wonderland.
She does sleep more restless lately, often moves in her sleep and seems to be in great pain for she sometimes screams so loud while there is no sign of external injury nor external as we decided, Nurse D and I, to have her examined. I think it's because she's reaching the end of her journey and is starting to face her guilt and other emotions which she steadfastly avoided the last nine years. I also noticed a cat meowing at her window several times now. I often shooed it away but it keeps coming back. A small white cat, slightly mangy and thin. Perhaps it feels Alice's distress while she's asleep.
Putting his pen back in his pocket Dr. Wilson closed his casebook before laying it down on the small table. He and Nurse D had decided, since Alice had troubling dreams, to stay and wake in her room for a few hours every night, in just two hours Nurse D would come to relieve him of this duty and take his place in the chair in the other corner of the small room. He looked over to the other corner to observe the young girl sleeping strapped against her bed with leather restrains while thunder and wind were waging a war on the world outside. The small candle on the table besides his chair gave him enough light to write another part in his casebook but it was now just a small light of comfort.
A sudden knock at the door drew his attention away from his patient. Raising from his seat, he watched Nurse D come in quietly.
"I know there's still two hours before I take the watch, but the patients were rather calm this evening so I came in early, do you mind Dr. Wilson?" Nurse D whispered as she quietly closed the door.
"I do not mind at all Nurse D. It's rather nice to have a little bit of company on such a night as this." Was the answer Dr Wilson whispered back against one of his most trusted nurses on this case.
Nothing more was said between the two as Dr. Wilson sat down on his seat again while Nurse D kept standing in front of the door, keeping watch over the restlessly sleeping Alice like himself. His mind wandered through the memories he had of Alice and how he had gotten used to her sudden mood swings or outbursts, how she would strongly refuse to do anything unless she herself wanted to do it. All of it had gotten so usual even though there was nothing usual about her case. Lightning lighted up the entire room and the sound of the wind howling was still ever present when he heard a sound coming from Alice. The sound from Alice drew his attention to her face, which had contorted into a painful expression. More huffs and soft painful moans left her pale chapped lips as her head started to twist and turn while her hands started tearing at the sheets. Alice started to struggle against her bindings which were starting to cut into the skin of her arms after a few seconds. Dr Wilson immediately walked over to her bedside and pressed his hand against her sweaty and cold forehead in a wasted attempt to calm his little patient.
When his fingertips met her skin a scream filled with sorrow and pain filled the small dirty room.
…
Alice held her head in her hands as shivers raked through her thin body. The words of the Jabberwocky ringing through her head while the memories flooded her mind. The screams, the cries from her parents rung loudly in her ears. The stench of burning bodies hit her nostrils as she fell back into her memories of that fateful night.
On her bed, Alice was sleeping soundly with her toy rabbit in her small arms. Within her dream, there were her friends from Wonderland and she dreamt of a tea party hosted by the Mad Hatter, before everything had gone to hell and he was just a little bit saner and not evil just yet.
In front of Mad Hatter's house was a table set out under the large tree and the Marche Hare and the Hatter were already having tea at the table. Clean pale pink sheets with only light stains from tea were draped over the table while the chairs, with their soft pillows, looked rather fine to sit on as well. Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep while the other two were using him as a pillow, resting their elbows on him while trying to wake him up.
"Wake up, Dormy, it's time for the tea party," called the March Hare.
"But I'm tired…" sighed Dormy while pushing their arms of him as he sat up as straight as he could sit.
"Here's a riddle, Alice, why is a raven like a writing desk?" asked the Mad Hatter, ignoring the fact Dormy almost pushed him of his chair.
"I don't have the faintest clue," replied the younger Alice.
"Neither do I. Mad isn't it?" said Hatter
Moving over to the table, Alice grabbed a chair and sat down only to hear protests coming from the three other occupants crowded together at one corner of the table.
"No room! No room!" All three cried out when the saw Alice sitting down on the opposite corner.
"There's plenty of room!" Alice said rather indignantly as she instead sat down on the large old wooden chair at one end of the table, sinking away into the soft and big pillows.
"Well then, have some tea then." the Marche Hare said.
Dormy had fallen asleep again, Marche Hare tried to the Mad Hatter kept asking riddles and Alice tried to answer them as best as she could, and being only a young little child, she found that she was rather smart for she could answer most of the riddles Hatter asked her. After a while, another friend of her decided to visit the tea party. Actually in this case the friend suddenly appeared on top of Dormy out of thin air, waking the poor fellow up yet again after he had just fallen asleep again.
"You want some tea to Cheshire-puss?" Alice asked, ignoring the look she got from the then less mangy and thinly built cat.
Outside her dream, Dinah came into her room and hopped onto the table next to Alice's bed and watched how Alice smiled in her dream. A sudden shadow drew Dinah's attention and she jumped from the bedside table, knocking over the small lamp placed on it. Not knowing what was going on, Alice continued to sleep as fire and smoke started to quickly spread through the house. Smoke seeped through the small opening in her door and the smell of fire and smoke reached her nose as she suddenly twitched in her sleep.
"Fire! Fire!" shouted the Mad Hatter in alarm, as smoke suddenly surrounded the tea party, and Alice collapsed onto the ground.
"Alice!" cried the Cheshire Cat, running to her. "Wake up, Alice! Wake up!"
Alice's eyes snapped open instantly when she heard Cheshire cry out to her, but the sound of her mother and father screaming drowned out his voice. The smoke filling her lungs made her cough as she sat up in bed quickly, gasping in horror at the smoke invading her room from the hallway. Sprinting out bed with her rabbit in had she ran from her room towards her door only to fall back at the heat coming from behind her bedroom door. The house creaked as fire ravaged it and started to break the house down. From the bedroom of Alice's parents came another scream. Running from her door towards her parent's bedroom door she found it to be locked.
"Mother! Father!" screamed Alice as she grabbed the handle tightly.
"Alice! Get out, dear!" shouted Alice's mother, coughing violently.
"Save yourself!" cried Alice's father. The two were trapped in their bedroom.
As her father and mother screamed at her to save herself, smoke slowly rose from beneath their bedroom door and Alice ran away crying. Flames erupted from the staircase and Alice found herself trapped upstairs. Then she remembered the way her sister always escaped from the house and also how Dinah often went outside through her window and how she then jumped down onto the ground down below.
Alice screamed in absolute horror as a piece of the ceiling fell down not far away from her and in her fear she instantly ran towards her window. Wrenching her window open the cool outside air mixed with some snow hit her her rabbit tight in hand, Alice propped herself up in the windowsill as she looked down in fear. It was a long way down, but the fear of fire and smoke behind her pushed her further away from the sill and into the open air. Cautiously she placed her feet on the pitched roof one by one, small step by small step. Her hand still gripping the sill tightly. Dinah had already jumped down and Alice saw her small footprints in the snow. Going a bit further Alice could now see the ground and she prepared herself to jump down. In that instant, her hand slipped from the windowsill and Alice's feet slipped in the snow and within seconds Alice found herself falling down towards the ground, knocking her out cold immediately.
Screams left Alice's lips as the pain and horror from that night filled her up entirely.
Her friends watched her, sorrow filling their eyes. None of them knew how to properly console their beloved Alice who had by now stopped screaming but instead curled up into a ball, sobbing silently.
"I could have saved them.."Alice cried. "I should have saved all of them instead of saving myself.. I killed all of them..!"
"You didn't kill them Alice, nor could you have saved them.." Cheshire said in a soft tone rather unlike him. "It is not your fault, you do remember your parents telling you to run don't you? If you would survive and live on in their stead it would give them peace."
"Peace..? Dying in a fire isn't peaceful! I still hear their screams of pain! I did it! I KILLED them!"
…
