"No. No. No. No….NO! Oh my god do you not understand that none of those frames are good enough for me!? God! Who do you think I am Deidara, Orochimaru? He will settle for any stupid shit!" Itachi groaned.
"Itachi, you can't make an informed decision until you try a set of frames on, yeah." Deidara said trying as hard as he could to be helpful.
"Don't tell me what to do, okay! I just got the most horrible news today that every man dreads Deidara! It's my life that's ruined not yours! Oh my god….Dana!...Oh shit…Dana's not going to marry me is she?! IS SHE!? Oh my god does this mean my wedding is off? I HATE MY LIFE!" And then came the tears. "I'm sorry for being a bitch, I really am, it's just that I'm a little bit sensitive right now, I can't deal with all this stress." Itachi's voice was all high and squeaky.
"Now Itachi, it's okay…it's okay…let it out….let it allllll out…..yeah." Deidara gave Itachi a loving hug as he cried and cried over the glasses. Itachi started muttering something to Deidara but he couldn't be understood because he voice was so squeaky.
"I can't understand you, yeah. But it doesn't matter now, just cry, yeah." Deidara was so comforting.
Meanwhile back at home, the bruchetta had come out of the oven and now Sasori and Hidan were at the kitchen counter getting ready to eat it when Sasori caught sight of the package that had arrived for Lola.
"When did that arrive?" Sasori said reaching for the package.
"This morning I think." Hidan replied.
"Oooooh, it's Lola's new Blackberry phone….ooooh I need to figure out how this thing works before she gets home today so I can leave her a tacky welcome message every time she turns the phone on. " Sasori said basically looking for an excuse to mess with the phone.
"Hey do you think I should make watermelon Jello today or blue raspberry?" Tobi asked appearing from the pantry.
"You should definitely make the watermelon….mainly because I used the blue raspberry in the last batch of Jello shots." Sasori told him.
"Okay! Today we will have fish shaped Jello jigglers!" Tobi said excitedly returning to the panty to fetch the Jello and his cookie cutter.
"Kisame will love that." Hidan mumbled sarcastically.
"Hey, what's going on? Me and Kisame finally convinced that stupid mailman to stop driving the mail carrier in our grass." Zetsu said.
"Let's see, Itachi's freaking out because he needs glasses and Deidara got us these stupid ass fitness club trial passes and that's it." Hidan said.
"Oh god, Itachi needs glasses? God this is great. And what the hell are we supposed to do with fitness passes?" Zetsu wondered.
"Let Deidara have his fun and then maybe our lives can go back to normal." Sasori said biting in to the bruschetta.
"Oh my god! I'm like so excited! Guess what, yeah!? I found….a notebook!" Dana said entering the room. Her blue eyes sparkled with excitement.
"Okay…and?" Kisame said.
"Marisol can do all kinds of maid of honor stuff in this notebook, yeah!" Dana was thrilled.
"Oh…well yeah that's true. You would need a notebook for that kind of thing." Zetsu said. Dana gasped.
"Are these free trial membership passes to the fitness club downtown, yeah?"
"Don't remind us." Sasori mumbled. "No Tobi, what did I tell you last time about the Jello? Don't make it in the big mixing bowl. Here….use this bowl." Sasori halted Tobi's Jello skills before he could make it in the giant mixing bowl like he did last time.
"I have so always wanted to go to that place downtown! Oh my god, Itachi is going to be so excited, yeah."
"Yeah, about Itachi…..Kakuzu said counting money on the living room table. "He had to get glasses today. He's not happy about it."
"Oh glasses? Hmmmm….that's kind of hot, yeah. He'll be like….one of those scientist people! Oh I can't wait to see them, yeah!" Dana was excited.
"Alright, Itachi lets take this one step at a time, yeah. These are nice Giorgio Armani frames…let's see how they look." Deidara handed Itachi the frames. He reluctantly took them and slowly put them on. "Okay, that was the first step, now are you ready to see them?" Deidara asked. Itachi took a deep breath.
"No, I can't. I can't look at myself!" he whined. Deidara took those frames off of him.
"Fine let's try these... Dior frames…these look nice, yeah." Deidara handed the next set of frames over but Itachi wouldn't' take them.
"You know, I don't need glasses that badly. Come on let's just go back home and use start our fitness club free trial membership." Itachi said.
"Itachi, how many fingers am I holding up, yeah."
"Dumb ass! I'm near sighted I can see that!" Itachi bitched at him.
"Oh okay…" Deidara got up and walked across the room. "Okay, now how many fingers am I holding up, yeah? Oh my god can you even see me over here?" Deidara wondered.
"Shut up! God you are so retarded!" Itachi yelled at him.
"At last! The end is finally near! I only have 47 more internship hours, then its back to Harvard for graduation, take the bar exam and I will be Lola Aagard…attorney at law!" Lola said excitedly coming through the front door.
"I thought Lola was already an attorney?" Kakuzu asked.
"Well, she gets paid for the internship and she's doing things that she will be doing as an attorney, but she doesn't have the diploma or the license yet." Sasori explained. Lola had disappeared to change clothes just as quickly as she had come through the door.
"When does she graduate?" Kakuzu continued to question.
"In less than one month. And Kakuzu…you may like to know…Lola's starting salary at the firm downtown has already been set at 175 thousand dollars plus any cases she represents on her own. She would collect an appropriate lawyer fee…and those can add up quickly." Sasori knew Kakuzu would like that part. "Kakuzu?" Sasori questioned after Kakuzu didn't respond. The look on his face was priceless and it appeared that Kakuzu was drooling just a little bit.
"Hey what do you say you and I go get Burger King tonight and take it to the park. The new art piece is being unveiled tonight." Lola told Sasori.
"Yeah, we can do that…but look what you got in the mail today." Sasori said shoving the Blackberry towards Lola.
"Oh my god, my new phone…..Damn this thing is going to own my ass until I figure it out." Lola said examining the phone. Of course something else caught her eye as she studied it. "What are those?"
"Some stupid ass fitness club passes Deidara got for free today...apparently we have to use them." Sasori said.
"Great, that's exactly what I need. Some cutsie little twenty something blonde who just so happens to be a former cheerleader turned personal trainer telling me about all my problem areas and how I don't exercise enough and how I need to drop 20 pounds." Lola said bitterly.
"Wow! You're as cynical and angry as Sasori about this…god you two will have a hell of a time at the fitness club." Hidan said.
"Hey, has anyone seen my….oh….my…god." Kisame was interrupted by Deidara and Itachi appearing at the door next.
"Come on Itachi, it's okay. I've already told you 87 times that you look good and that if I were gay I would sleep with you AND if I were looking for a metrosexual guy pal to roam the city with you would be that person, yeah. Now, what are you going to say?" Deidara questioned. Itachi sighed.
"I put the 'oh yes' in sex." Itachi mumbled.
"I can't hear you, yeah!" Deidara said struggling to pull Itachi through the door.
"I put the 'oh yes' in sex." Itachi said slightly more audibly.
"Itachi! Get in this house now, yeah!" Deidara demanded. "Now say it like you mean it!"
"I PUT THE 'OH YES' IN SEX!" Deidara shoved Itachi through the door. All eyes were on Itachi.
"Holy fuck he got glasses!" Lola said caught completely off guard. "I bet that took some spunk out of his balls." She muttered to Sasori.
"Like a teenage boy that gets rejected by the cute girl that sits behind him." Sasori whispered.
"Hmmm, that's heavy." Lola said.
"Oh my god! Itachi, baby! I love them! I love them, I love them, yeah!" Dana threw her arms around Itachi.
"Dana, you don't have to lie. Go ahead say it…'Itachi you look like a scientist.'" Itachi told Dana.
"But honey, I really like them…they're really hot actually. Rectangle frames look nice on you, yeah." Dana reassured him.
"Don't worry my contacts will be available in 2-3 weeks." Itachi said.
"Itachi, I told you Dana would still do you, now relax and let's all get changed, wait for Marisol to get home and go to the fitness club tonight, yeah! The place is open until 11:00!" Deidara was excited.
"Really, Itachi the glasses are fine." Hidan said. At this point it was only a matter of time before the fitness club saw it's newest trial members…this surely couldn't go well…could it?
