ToT 2 Truth-Telling
Lorelai looked like crap.
It wasn't a hangover.
It wasn't illness.
It wasn't aging.
Lorelai looked like crap because she felt like crap.
She made a face at her reflection, ironically noting that inner ugliness leads to outer ugliness. "Ugh," she said and went back to bed.
An hour later, she still felt like crap.
Making herself a pot of coffee, she gradually pulled herself together. She had work to do, and not just at the Dragonfly. She also had to find out for herself if the man-eater label fit, and if yes, what she could do about it.
Dreading another encounter with Lane, she gingerly opened the door to the diner. No Lane, just the regular customers. No Luke either. She dragged herself into the diner, waved weakly at Babette and Miss Patty, then took a seat at the counter.
"Wow. You look like crap." Luke stood across the counter from her, frowning slightly.
"Take me now, sailor. Flattery will get you everywhere."
"Here, have some coffee. You can't face the world looking like that."
She looked at Luke as he looked back at her. He didn't want to speak first in case she wanted to talk about the guy from yesterday, and he really wasn't in the mood. She didn't want to speak first in case she blurted out something stupid, like 'I'm sorry I'm a man-eater' so she didn't say anything either.
Luke abruptly turned and walked away, doing a round of refills while he tried to figure out what to do with a silent Lorelai. His fallback option was to say nothing until Lorelai opened some topic, so he used that.
Lorelai had two options: talk a little or talk a lot. Normally she'd use talk a lot in awkward situations, but she simply didn't have the energy today.
"How are you today, Luke?" she asked, then shut up again.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"What do you mean what's wrong? I asked you how you were doing, Luke. You're supposed to reply with an answer to the question."
"I did. My reply was to skip over the discussion about why you asked that question today when you never asked that question before in your life, and try to find out what's wrong. So, Lorelai, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong is I don't know how you are doing and I want to know how Luke Danes, Proprietor of Luke's Diner, good friend and man behind the curtain, is."
"I'm not behind the curtain. I'm in front of the curtain. That's how I am." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter, wondering what the hell was going on.
"No, that's where you are, not how you are."
"Geez, Lorelai, I can't help you out of this funk. Do you want breakfast or not?" This must have something to do with the guy from yesterday. Lorelai always got weird when there was a new guy on her mind.
Lorelai sighed deeply and dramatically. "Luke, I want more coffee, pancakes and bacon, and to know how you're doing. Extra sugar on that last part, please."
Luke squinted at her. 'Extra sugar?' Didn't that mean a kiss? What the hell is with her today? This conversation was too complicated. He didn't have time to deal with this today.
"You're cracked," he finally replied. Giving in, he added with a soft, small smile, "I'm fine. Do you want my new hazelnut pumpkin spice syrup with the pancakes?"
His acquiescence was rewarded with a weak Lorelai smile. Not what he was used to, but she really was off-kilter today, so he took it as a positive sign.
Lorelai's pancakes came out at the same time Miss Patty was paying for her breakfast. As Luke rang her up, she leaned over to Lorelai and asked, "How was that handsome guy you had lunch with yesterday, sweetie? I heard that you were flirting up a storm."
Luke accidentally on purpose pushed a couple of papers off the cash register onto the floor, giving himself an excuse to squat down and keep his frustrated expression to himself. By the time he stood up again, he was the center of attention between the two women – Miss Patty to see if he was showing love angst, and Lorelai to see if he was mad at her. Luke, however had regained control of himself and since he had mastered the blank look, that was all he gave them.
Lorelai moaned in ecstasy over the syrup. "Luke, have you been hiding this from us? This syrup is fantastic!"
"New recipe," he said casually. "Glad you like it."
"Can I have some to take to work with me? It would taste great in coffee! And it's so good that Sookie will get jealous. She needs that every once in a while to get inspired."
"Sure, I'll put some in a cup to take with." He turned to the coffee station and poured the syrup carefully into a to-go cup.
Miss Patty didn't let up on the topic of Daniel. "I heard you were all over him, dear. Didn't he ask you out?"
Lorelai, who had been watching Luke pour the syrup and put a lid on the cup, noticed a flash of pain cross his face as Patty spoke.
She felt a crack open up in her wall of denial. He does have feelings for me.
"I wouldn't want to go out with him, Patty, I like home-grown products better," she joked, using the joke at the same time to test Luke yet again.
Luke froze, his only reaction to her comment being a slight twitch in his jaw.
Actions speak louder than words, that's what Daniel said. Lorelai could see that Luke Danes' actions really did say far more than his words expressed.
"Well honey, it's your loss," she said as she left, "He was a pretty one."
Luke took time cleaning an imaginary spot of syrup off the outside of the cup, giving himself time to breathe. She turned him down in favor of home-grown. Maybe it's time for me to test the waters, see if I can get a nibble. He then smiled, knowing the 'dirty' he'd get from Lorelai if she heard the 'nibble' comment.
"Here you go," he said, pushing the cup toward her, steadying it with his right hand. "There's enough for ten cups of coffee, OK? Don't go pouring it all into a single cup."
She looked at his slender fingers, then placed her own on top of his, removing them one by one. "Thanks, Luke. You have pretty fingers, did you know that?" She ran her thumb over his fingertips before letting them go.
Standing, she kept a pleasant but noncommittal expression on her face as she tilted her head sideways and looked at him. She could now see that he was slightly thrown by her fingers comment. She stepped backwards toward the door, still looking at him. He finally looked up, their eyes connected and he smiled that gentle smile again, rubbing his left hand over the fingers of his right hand.
Lorelai's noncommittal expression blossomed into a full-blown Lorelai smile as she silently waved goodbye.
"Sookie! You have got to taste this! Luke made the most fantastic syrup," crowed Lorelai as she entered Sookie's house through the front door. "We have to talk!"
"Lorelai!" hissed Sookie. I just got Davey down to sleep. We've been up all night."
"Oh! Sorry!" she whispered. "Look, we have to talk!"
"No, we don't. I need to sleep. I haven't slept in over 30 hours, Lorelai."
"Try this syrup. Luke made it for pancakes. It's orgasmic!"
"Look what orgasms lead to, honey. Babies. Babies who are like vampires, sucking at you every waking moment and staying up all night looking for more victims to possess."
"I know, honey, just relax and we'll talk about other things. Do you think Luke likes me?" asked Lorelai.
Sookie collapsed on the sofa and buried her head in the pillow. "No. Luke doesn't like anyone. He's a grumpy killjoy who will never have love in his life because he's too surly to recognize love when he sees it."
Lorelai's jaw dropped. "Harsh, Sookie, harsh."
"Lorelai, I don't have the energy to play your sixth grade 'does he like me' game anymore. You never listen to me and I am too busy looking for a kitchen manager to run around in circles to help you stay in denial." She pulled an afghan from the back of the sofa and covered her body, trying to go to sleep.
"No, seriously, we need to talk about this. Yesterday this guy came to the diner, and …"
Sookie interrupted her friend. "I heard about the guy, I heard about the date, I heard how you dissed Luke one more time. Seriously, Lorelai, Luke is more important to you than Christopher ever was to either you or Rory. How can you keep treating him this way?"
"What way? He's a good friend."
"No, he's your 'do me a favor' friend. You tease him cruelly in the diner, but expect him to show up at the spur of the moment when something goes wrong or something at your house needs to be fixed. Is it any wonder that his feelings get hurt when you hit on another guy right under his nose?"
"But he would have to be interested in me to get his feelings hurt."
"Enough, Lorelai, I can't deal with this anymore. If you're interested in Luke go tell him. He's a simple, loving man who is crazy about you. He doesn't need innuendoes, games or whatever. Knock on his door, tell him you love him, strip naked, and he's yours. It will take you two minutes, tops. You are so wasting your life chasing after other men. You always dump them anyway, because no one's as good as Luke. No one knows you as well as Luke does. No man can love you like Luke can. Now leave me alone. I have to write a job ad to replace Manny."
"Replace Manny? I thought he was your kitchen manager."
Sookie stood up, realizing that Lorelai was not going to go willingly. She took her by the elbow and walked her to the door. "Well, he quit today. He said he's had enough and is looking for another job."
"Sookie, we can't run the inn without Manny! He's the only one who can keep you out of the hospital, and he's a damn fine chef as well. We'll never find another Manny."
Sookie opened the door and none-too-gently shoved Lorelai out onto the porch.
"We're gonna have to, though, because he's done. And I'm done. I need to sleep until Davey wakes up again. Goodbye, Lorelai." Sookie shut the door in Lorelai's face.
Lorelai went immediately to Manny. When she found out that Sookie hadn't considered a number of things that were needed for the new kitchen, she asked him to take on the task until Sookie was back on her feet. She also promised him a hefty raise and a formal management position when the Dragonfly opened. That hole in the dike patched, she turned toward home. Rory would be finished with classes and she could at least talk to her about Luke.
"Mom, I'm so glad you called. I'm having the worst time finding a place to study. There's always someone in the dorm room making noise, and …"
"You know what, Rory? You're an adult. Solve that problem like an adult. Just figure it out."
"Geez, Mom. Way to comfort your favorite daugh- …"
"Luke likes me!"
"What?"
"Luke likes me! Or maybe he likes me, or maybe he doesn't. What should I do?"
"Mom, what is different from all the other times we've told you Luke likes you? Of course Luke likes you. He likes me too."
"But this is different. I went out yesterday with another guy, and boy did Lane get mad at me. I was just talking to him, but Lane said I hurt Luke's feelings, and …"
"Lane called me, and she's right, Mom. You did hurt Luke's feelings. He was grumpy for the rest of the day and the evening was the worst. He moped around the diner all evening, hoping you'd come in."
"He moped because of me?"
"Mom, it was really bad. You hit on a guy right in front of him, when you know he has feelings for you."
"He's just a friend."
"Mom, we've covered this ground a hundred times. You're determined to believe that Luke doesn't love-love you, because that would mean you'd have to admit your feelings for him."
"I just have friendship feelings for him."
"Please, Mom, that boat sailed long ago, the first time you got jealous because another girl looked at him. Seems to me that this is an adult problem that you should solve like an adult."
"Did you learn to talk to your mother like that at Yale? But …"
"Mom, tell me about your feelings for Luke. Include how you feel when you see him on a date and why you hide your boyfriends from him."
"Well, he ought to tell me about his girlfriends, because if someone's in his life, she's gonna be in my life too."
"OK, first question answered, you do have feelings for Luke. Why don't you tell him about your boyfriends?"
"Oh, Luke's not interested in hearing about that."
"What was Luke's reaction to hearing about you and that guy from yesterday?"
"Well, …"
"C'mon, Mom, use full sentences, subjects and verbs, say what needs to be said."
"He wasn't happy."
"And why wasn't Luke happy?"
"Because … God! This is hard for me." Speaking very fast, she blurted, "I think he has feelings for me, and it made me very happy to learn that."
"Good, that's something we all agree on."
"Who's we?"
"You, me and all of Stars Hollow."
"Did you know there's an underground group of people in Stars Hollow and that there are people who call me a man-eater?"
"Yeah, sure, Jess told me about that. There's kind of a big percentage of Stars Hollow that think it."
"And they think I'm eating Luke alive, body and soul, one bite at a time?"
"Not all of them. Some of them think you're just a vampire, sucking the blood out of him and maybe other useful members of society. That's just a small group, and they're mostly online, so we can't identify who they are."
"But isn't a man-eater the same thing as a zombie? I'm not a zombie."
"Whoa, they don't teach this stuff at Yale, Mom. Wouldn't it be easier to just stop doing it to Luke and start doing IT to Luke? Heehee. I made a dirty joke."
Lorelai's brain was elsewhere. "I suppose I could be a zombie when I don't have coffee. Maybe that's the connection – Luke's coffee makes me into a zombie who feasts on Luke's body and soul."
"Now who's making the dirty jokes, Mom?"
"Maybe he's doing it on purpose! Could this be Luke's demented way of committing suicide?"
"Mom! Mom!"
"What?"
"I need you to be a bit closer to reality, OK? Luke is in love with you and you have very strong positive feelings for Luke, right? You can work with that, right?"
"Well, yeah."
"Now it's time for you to progress to the next logical step."
"Knock on his door, tell him I love him and get naked?"
"Ah, you know about the Knock-Love-Naked plan. I see you've been talking to Babette."
"Babette? I heard this for the first time from Sookie. How many people know about this Knock-Love-Naked plan?"
"Everyone who's in the pool."
"Please tell me you mean a swimming pool."
"Only if they're keeping the money in a swimming pool, Mom."
"Who's in this pool?"
"Everyone who doesn't think you're a zombie or a vampire."
"This conversation has gone to a very weird place."
"Maybe we should stop right now and never speak of it again."
"Done."
"I gotta go, Mom, remember: Knock-Love-Naked. Very easy."
The more she thought about it, the easier it was to appreciate Luke's feelings for her. The problem was, she still wanted to talk to someone about it before she was willing to risk their friendship. Sookie and Rory were no longer available, so she found herself ringing Patty's doorbell.
"Hi Lorelai," said Miss Patty.
"Hi Patty," she replied. "Have you got a minute?"
"Are you here for some tips on the Knock-Love-Naked plan?"
"No, I can handle that. I'm just feeling like I've misunderstood a lot about Luke. How much damage have I done?"
"Sure sweetie, come in. Let me get the tequila."
The first shots made her brain cloudy, but by the time Lorelai had her third shot of tequila, things were looking crystal clear.
Luke's parents were a sweet, loving couple who did their best to raise their kids well. Young Luke was a happy, if quiet boy, focused on baseball and other sports. The year after their mother died, both Luke and Liz tested their boundaries.
Luke was more conservative, giving up sports for a long time and spending hours in his room, except for his nerdy involvement in Star Trek and other science fiction. He eventually went back to sports as his outlet for his sadness, building a new, stronger relationship with his father.
Liz wasn't so lucky. She was on the cusp of puberty when their mother died and had no one to help her through the difficult times. A few bad choices in friends and suddenly she had flunked out of high school. Almost before William knew it, Liz was uncontrollable and within a few months had run away with friends, eventually turning up pregnant and with a criminal record.
Luke was lost again after Liz' departure and the death of his father. Only the plan and execution of the diner saved him. It gave him an adult identity that he adopted with pleasure.
With the exception of the occasional breakup with Rachel, Luke was happy. Knowing Rachel as well as he did, he'd come to understand their on-again, off-again relationship. He didn't expect more than she was willing to give, and they always knew that she would leave again. It wasn't an open relationship; they truly broke up every time she left, but Luke didn't need much in the way of relationships.
Before he knew it, years had gone by. Neither he nor Rachel felt the drive to have a family, although Luke would have enjoyed having one. He simply pushed the wish away year after year until too many years had passed and he knew Rachel would never settle down.
Luke's game changed when the Gilmores came to town. He fell hard for Lorelai, but she kept dancing just out of reach, mostly for very good reasons. At first she wasn't interested in a permanent relationship with anyone, because she was completely involved in raising Rory and building a career that could support them in the long run.
Luke's and Lorelai's friendship was kick started when Lorelai bought the Crap Shack. There was always something to talk about, for him to help with, for her to ask questions about. Naturally, their bond grew into other areas as well, and he bonded with Rory too.
By the time Lorelai began thinking of dating again, Luke was established in her psyche as a friend. She couldn't go a day without talking to him (it really wasn't just about the coffee), and he felt the same, but he wished for more.
The more his attempts to form a closer relationship with her failed, the more frustrated he became. At first he took out his frustration on Taylor, who richly deserved it. Eventually it wasn't just Taylor who was the recipient of his grumpiness, but almost anyone who crossed him at the wrong moment. Normal diner owner Luke had become grumpy, borderline-loner Luke.
He seemed to be eternally surly, except, of course, when he was around Rory and Lorelai. They made him happy to a point. Even though he couldn't manage the 'whole package', his friendship with the Gilmore Girls filled some of the gaps, similar to the way Rachel's occasional appearances substituted for a full-time relationship. He'd learned to live with this.
Lorelai knitted her eyebrows together as she pondered the effect she'd had on Luke. "Oh, Patty, I never knew. I mean, I knew he tried to ask me out sometimes, but I thought he changed his mind. I'm so sorry."
"Luke is important to us all, Lorelai. He's one of us. When he's not happy, we try to help him, but we know we also have you and Rory to care for. That doesn't make it easy for us. It's not that we hate him taking out his frustrations on us, it's that we want the best for both of you. That's why we kept encouraging you all these years. We hoped against hope that you two would find each other. We hoped that if you two found each other, Stars Hollow would get its old Luke back."
Tipsy enough to feel the effects of the alcohol, but not so much that she felt drunk, Lorelai made her way to the diner. She walked in on a teenage soccer team celebrating their win.
Darkness had fallen and the team were the only customers left in the diner. Luke had sent Lane home already, but fortunately had Caesar in the back, still cooking. Cheeks pink from the tequila, Lorelai smiled at Luke as he juggled several plates at once. Arms finally empty, he stepped over to her before going to the kitchen for the next load.
"Hey," he said, a little uncertainly, but with a ghost of a smile.
"Hey," she returned, "How are you tonight?"
He rolled his eyes before looking at her with a sheepish grin. "Fine, thanks," he answered. "I'm just gonna get the next batch, then I can get you some coffee, OK?"
"Sure, sure," she said with a giggle. "Want some help?"
He sniffed the air near her. "Not with breath that I could light on fire, thanks for the offer. How about if you sit over here, and wait for me?"
Another half-dozen orders were delivered and Cokes were refilled for pretty much everyone before Luke slumped down onto the stool next to Lorelai at the counter.
"Oh, your coffee! I forgot!" He stood up halfway before Lorelai pushed him pack onto the stool.
"I'm good," she said. "Just relax. Take a load off."
They sat there in companionable silence for a while, just watching the kids. Some of them were children of Luke's former schoolmates, but all of them were Stars Hollow residents. They were the future of Stars Hollow, even the guys sprinkling massive amounts of pepper onto their cokes and challenging other kids to drink them.
"They're having a good time, aren't they?" she asked.
"Well, they won, didn't they? They should be happy."
She bumped her shoulder against his. He pretended to almost fall off the stool. "We live in a great town, don't we, Luke?"
"Town full of crazies." He arched an eyebrow at the goalie, who had begun to balance a fork on his nose. That one look from Luke brought him under control.
"But they're our crazies, aren't they?"
Luke looked at her, pondered for a moment, then nodded.
She sat there a moment longer, then rubbed his arm, saying, "I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night."
As she walked out the door, the only thing Luke knew for sure was that something had changed.
++++ end chapter 2
