The wedding day

AUGUST

Gwen struggled through the lower town pulling the hand cart that contained all that she could carry from her Home . She thought of all she was leaving Behind , who she was leaving behind .For the thousandth time she wondered what had made her agree to meet Lancelot ,why she kissed him , why she'd been so focussed on him . She 'd been so happy , she was going to marry Arthur , he'd kept the promise he made her so long ago. She was going to be by his side. No more hiding. No more judgemental looks from the noble women , no more sly glances from the maids in the kitchen or leers from the market traders . She would be queen, removed from gossip and prying busybodies who watched her every movement , it would be her and Arthur and the friends that she loved , her family.

And even though she had spent the night in the dungeons thinking it over she still didn't understand why she had done it , she spent the most happy night of her life quietly with Arthur in her small house and two days later she was kissing another man .Sure she liked Lancelot but she Did'nt feel for him anything close to what she felt for Arthur if she was honest she never had , she'd been infatuated by Lancelot but that was it. A few kisses and some dangerous moments but Arthur was the one who was in her heart .

As she walked out into the forest she could hear the city behind her waking up , she smelled the bread from the bakers heard the strike of steel on steel from the training grounds as soldiers and knights began dawn practice .

She hadn't said good bye to Elyan , he refused to see her. Gaius had come to the cottage last night to say good bye as had Gawain and Percival but the person she'd most wanted to see was the one person she couldn't See . Merlin had watched her leave and she so wanted to beg him to get Arthur but she hadn't , She left without telling the man she loved her secret .

Three months later

NOVEMBER

Gwen sat by the fire sewing a tunic , she was using the fine linen that had once been her mothers wedding dress , Gwen herself was to have worn lilac silk shot with lace and silver thread , but she supposed as she cradled her rapidly expanding stomach that silks and lace probably were not the most practical fabrics for a baby , at least not the baby of an unmarried maid who now earned her living as a seamstress and swineherd . As she continued edging the tunics hem with yellow flowers she wondered who her baby would look like , her mother had had green eyes and red hair. Her father brown eyes like hers, Arthur had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen and Uther had had green eyes . S ometimes when she looked at Elyan very closely she could see her mother in his face as well as her father and she wondered if she would see Arthur in her child or her own face staring back at her she had another three months to go and she was unbelievably exited and lonely at same time . she needed Arthur here to hold her and reassure her the way he always did

EARLY JANUARY

Gwen panted and thrashed on the bed as the midwife and Mrs Canty tried to help with the birth , Gwen had been knocked down after the blacksmiths horse had spooked yesterday morning and since then her body had been labouring to bring her child into the world. her body was beginning to tire and she wanted to scream for Arthur. but she pushed when they told her to and panted when the pains came and the day wore on slowly, as dawn approached on a new day the midwife wrapped the still and silent baby in a blanket and walked into the other room , when she came back a few minutes later empty handed. Gwen tried to rise from the bed

"where is my baby " she asked the midwife who refused to meet her gaze Mrs Canty tried to hug Gwen to her ample chest but Gwen shook her off

"please bring me my baby! "

Mrs Canty took Gwens hand kissed it "your little boy is in heaven , no more pain for him now " she said gently .

Gwen screamed "No! No, not my baby , Arthur i want my baby back , bring him back to me ...

The sheets beneath Gwen turned crimson as she began seizing and fainted .

Gwen washed her little boy and dressed him in the clothes she'd spent so much time creating for him, the over dress embroidered with flowers. the tunic underneath embroidered with the pendragon crest she tied booties to his tiny still feet rubbing her finger over the mole on his foot , the same mole Arthur sported on his right foot and began to cry again her silent tears soaked the fine blond hair on her sons head , she kissed him one last time smoothed back his cowlick and placed him into the small pine box. his pale skin was almost translucent , his tiny fingers topped by tiny nails

Gwen could almost fool herself into believing he was asleep if she didn't watch to closely, didn't stare at the tiny chest that didn't rise and fall didn't look at the waxy sheen of his skin didn't feel the coldness of him ,she could pretend .

March

Gwen was cleaning out the pig pen forking out the spoiled bedding when she heard screaming and the thunder of horses , she ducked down and began to run as soon as could towards the safety of the fields as she ran past the last house in the village she stopped there stood a man with his horse and a large sword he was bring down in her direction she was ready to die the thought flashed through her mind. Her precious baby angel and her parents would be with her again , her pain would be over . but the blade never made contact another huge male used his arms to stop the killing blow .

Camelot

Arthur and Merlin walked back from the great hall Merlin was in shock, Arthur was going to marry the princess Mithian !

Helios 's keep

Gwen sat as the maid dressed her in the revealing garments , she felt naked, Vunerable and petrified She clenched her hands together , since the baby she hadn't looked at her naked body but now she couldn't help it her reflection in the mirror and the sheerness of the clothing she'd been given made it impossible to look away . Her breasts had finally stopped leaking ,although they were still swollen her stomach was once again flat ,if she didn't look at the stretch marks. If not for the small grave in the forest she could almost pretend . she had been doing that a lot of that lately, pretending she didn't miss Arthur and Camelot pretending she hadn't lost her baby pretending she was fine when she just wanted everything to stop . The pain and the loneliness where overwhelming her and she couldn't make it stop

Just then Helios returned to the chamber

"i was not mistaken , the filth of the pigsty cannot disguise true beauty."