New story! Another request for G/Marty. I love this pairing. So damn cute! Alright, so right now their a little OC but come on it's just too cute for them not to be. Don't worry they're get back to themselves as the story goes on. I just couldn't pass the chance up. Anyway, I truly do believe that this is exactly how they would act in this situation.
Warnings: Sex, violence, talks of child abuse. I'll probably add more as I write, but if you see anything you want me to add just tell me and I will!
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Dropping down onto the beach Deeks let the warmth of the sun wash over him. He loved getting up early in the morning and going out to suck up some rays. It was something that he had been doing since he was a child.
Some of his fondest memories were coming here with his mother. They'd play in the ocean for a bit acting out different things that they could imagine. They'd lay in the sand watching the surfers or birds or whatever caught their eye that day.
His favorite part though was when they went for walks. Spending hours walking along the water as she told him story after story of her childhood and the grandparents that were long dead before he was born.
It was the only peaceful time that he got when he was a child. All the yelling and cursing that constantly shook the walls. All the broken plates and glasses that littered the floor. The house was a nightmare.
The beach though. It was heavenly. They didn't get to go all that often if he was truthful with himself. Maybe once every six or seven months. Even then it didn't last long. They only had the time when he was out drinking or already passed out drunk.
Whenever it got too bad he'd daydream of the next time they'd get to go because he knew they would. It was a promise that his mother made to him when she was cleaning up whatever it was his father had broken that day. Whether it was another plate or one of them.
She never broke a promise either. From new clothes and toys to birthday cakes to everything else. If she said that she promised he would get it than that was exactly what was going to happen. He never doubted her.
Blinking a few times he pushed away the tears that had begun to gather in his eyes. He had spent so long crying over the past, over what his father took from him, but not anymore. He was done crying. That was the last thing that his mother would have wanted.
Sitting up he scanned over the area. It was a school day, but he could still see some parents and children running around without a care in the world. The sight brought a smile to his lips as well as made his heart clench angrily.
The happiness was something he always felt. He loved seeing families out and about with smiles on their faces loving life. It made him proud to be one of the people that was working behind the scenes to make sure that the bad guys didn't try to destroy it.
The rest of it though... That was something new. It had been almost two weeks since Callen had brought up the fact that he wanted to bring kids into their family. Something that Deeks was totally on board with. Mostly on board with.
Okay, he wasn't fully convinced it was a good idea. Don't get him wrong he loved kids. He volunteered at different shelters so he knew pretty well how to take care of them. From little babies to teenagers. He knew how to take care of them.
He wasn't afraid that he'd fail at taking care of a child. That part he already knew. It was the idea that a child was going to be in his care. He would be somebody's father. A baby would be relying on him. It sounded wrong no matter how many times he said it.
Maybe it was stupid of him, but he had always told himself that he would never be a father. It was too much of a risk to him. While he might not act like his father there was a chance that something would change in him.
From all the stories that his mother used to tell him the man she had fallen for was nothing like the monster he knew. He had been funny and kind and everything that Deeks would never describe him as. He was just like him.
That terrified him more and more each day. There had been no warning with his old man. He had just started drinking and abusing them. If he was just like his father how long would it be until he did that too?
To him it was a risk simply being married to Callen. No matter how much he loved the older man he was scared every day he woke up in his arms. That that would be the day that he finally broke and turned abusive.
He knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt the man he loved. Callen was strong though. He'd get maybe one hit in before he'd be thrown out the door on his ass or locked away in a prison no one had ever heard of.
Add a baby to the mix and he had no idea what would happen. That was a lie. He knew exactly what would happen. He'd be in prison for child abuse and everyone knew that child abusers didn't last long in prison.
Callen wanted to have a child though. He could see it whenever they were out and the man saw a baby. He'd look at it like it was the most precious thing on the planet. He was more than ready to be a father and he'd be an amazing one too.
He might not be the most open person, but he was warm and kind with a smile that always calmed the younger man down. He was protective and strong. The man was everything that a child could ever want in a father.
Then there was the fact that he'd finally have a family to call his own. Something he knew that Callen wanted more than anything. They might be married, but he wasn't related to the man by blood. He needed that in his life.
"You're thinking too hard, Sunshine," his husband spoke softly walking up behind him.
"G?" Deeks questioned moving so he was on his feet, "What are you doing here?"
"Can't I come see my husband without an ulterior motive?"
Shaking his head in amusement the detective bent down and pressed a loving kiss to the man's lips. He always felt so at peace whenever the other man was around. It was like the world to suddenly stop spinning and everything would be fine.
"You hate the beach," Deeks countered with a smirk.
"I don't hate the beach," Callen shrugged looking out at the waves, "I'm just not really a beach type of guy."
"No, more of a homebody."
Callen rolled his eyes at the words. He looked like he was going to continue their banter when he reached up and forced Deeks to look at him. His thumb gently caressed his cheekbone as worry filled the sky blue eyes.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Marty?" Callen asked his voice so tender that he had to pull away from him.
He hated himself whenever he had to do that. He wanted to be fully open with his husband. That was what they were supposed to do. Right? It all just got to be too much sometimes and he had to stop and let his mind catch up.
"I'm sorry," Deeks shook his head staring at the ground hating himself, "I'm fine, G. I am."
"Don't lie to me," Callen forcefully replied, "Tell me what's going on."
"It's stupid."
"Not if it's making you act like this. Talk to me."
Ocean blue eyes looked skyward not knowing what he should do. He wanted so badly to be able to explain what he was feeling to the older man, but he hadn't talked about it before. It was something that he dealt with alone.
It felt so weird to think that. Ever since they had gotten together he had been pushing Callen into opening up to him. He had wanted to know everything that there was to know about the man that he had fallen in love with.
Sometimes that pushing lead to fights. Either simply because he pushed too hard too quickly or because it was a subject that the man didn't want to talk about just yet. It had never occurred to him that he was doing the same thing.
As he opened his mouth to answer his husband a baby gave a cry behind him. Without even realizing it he tensed up at the noise. Not in the normal 'must help crying baby' way either and Callen could see that.
"You don't want kids," Callen stated staring at him.
"G, I..." Deeks tried to start only to have the older man shake his head.
"You said you wanted to have kids. You're helping research the best way for us to have them."
"I am."
"Then what was that about?"
Deeks opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to find the right words to tell the man he loved what he was thinking. He could see the mounting disappointment in the sky blue eyes those and he hated him for it.
After a moment for him not saying anything the older man started to turn away and make his way back up the beach. Feeling his heart begin to break at the sight he ran forward wrapping his hand around Callen's.
"Don't," Deeks pleaded holding on tightly, "Please don't walk away from me."
"Then tell me what's going on," Callen demanded not turning to look at him, "Why did you lie about wanting kids?"
"I didn't lie. Not fully. I love kids, G. You know that."
"I also thought you wouldn't lie to me. I've been wrong so far."
"Stop. If I'm going to say this don't interrupt me."
Slowly the older man turned away so he was facing Deeks. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood there silently. Taking a deep breath Deeks nodded his head trying to gather the words that he wanted to say.
"I know that you had your fair share of bad houses when you were in foster care," Deeks started his voice softer than he'd like, "That you were abused in some of them. I know that you understand where I'm coming from when I talk about my parents. But you and I differ in a way that I'm not sure you'll fully understand.
The people that hurt you weren't related to you. There were no ties. You never had to wonder if you'd grow up to be like them. I did. Every time my dad hit me or my mom. Every time I heard him scream how much he hated us or how he wished we were dead. I think about how I could be like him every second of every day.
I promised myself that I'd do everything to make sure that I was never like that man. Yet I think back on what I know about him and I am him. I'm exactly the man that my mom told me he used to be like before⦠Before I was born. If I'm my dad now, G, what do you think I'm going to be like when we have kids?
I want kids, G. I do. I want to watch our family expand and I want to watch them grow up into their own little people. I want to watch you be an amazing father because I know you will be. But for every dream I have of us being a happy family I have five more about me turning into a drunken, abusive bastard. I can't be that. I can't let myself become that."
By the time Deeks was done talking he had tears streaming down his face while his body shook his excess emotions. All he wanted to do was either fall into his husbands arms or take off running down the beach.
Luckily the older man took that decision away from him and wrapped him in a tight hug. Burying his face in the man's chest they stood there attempting to calm down and get back in control of their emotions.
"You are the best man I know, Marty," Callen whispered his voice unwaveringly strong, "You would never raise a hand to a child."
"My dad..." Deeks tried to say.
"No, you're not the man that he was. He was, in your words, a drunken, abusive bastard. You know that. You know the signs of becoming that. And I know how strong you are. You'd never let yourself become that."
"I'm scared."
"I know you are, Sunshine. I am too. That's why we have each other. To help us when we're scared. You say I'm going to be an amazing father. So are you. You'll be everything that I can't be and I'll be everything you can't be. It's partnership. One I know we can do."
Swallowing roughly Deeks pulled away from the hug and stared into the older man's eyes. He looked so convinced in his words. He really did believe that they could do this. That they could become parents.
"Okay," Deeks nodded his head, "Okay."
"Okay?" Callen asked slowly.
"I'm scared out of my mind, G, but, okay. Let's do this. Let's start a family."
