At the McGee household on the news.

"The Channel Three Noon Report with anchor-partners Greg Corbin and Terry Bates," The announcer said, "News that's independent, proud, and unashamed."

"Good news to report today, Greg," The blond mane on the TV said, turning to the brown-haired man next to him.

"Sure is, Terry," The brown-haired man, Greg, agreed, "The threat level has just been lowered from yellow to blue, prompting across-the-board reductions in security measures. This is the first time the threat level has been blue. Same color as my handsome coanchor's eyes."

"Stop," Terry said, rolling his eyes slightly.

"Come on now, we've talked about this," Greg said, "Learn to take a complement."

"Thank you," Terry said.

"Hmm, see?" Greg asked, "Now how is that hard? Now let's check the freeways."


At the CIA.

A man popped his head into the security room, where two guys were watching the two screens, one saying 'Mexico' with lots of people, and the other saying 'USA' with three or four people.

"Hey, they just lowered the threat level," The man informed the other two, "I saw it on the news."

"Sweet!" One guy said, then turned to the guy sitting next to him, "Wanna play backgammon?"

"Do I!" The other guy said. They pulled out a drawer inbetween them and started to play the game. On the two screens that the men were no longer watching, all the people on the 'Mexico' moved to the 'USA' screen."

"Well done, fellas," Eddy was at his desk with two men, "Our country is a full color value safer."

"Hello, everyone," Edd walked over, "The boss said we could take a half-day."

"All right!" One guy said, high-fiving Eddy, "I got stuff to do."

Everybody in the building was cheering as they ran out the front doors, similar to kids running out of school on the last day. One guy ran out and jumped in a car another one had pulled up. Two guys were riding past on bikes, one of which had a belt tied around his forehead.

"Wanna get baked and ride the escalators at the mall?" One asked.

"Do I!" The other answered.


At the McGee household.

In the kitchen, Roger was looking in the fridge while Bella was doing dishes. Klaus was in his bowl on the counter and Felice was watching him from the other side of the sink.

"Roger, take something out or close the door," Bella scolded.

"Nothing looks good," Roger whined.

"You know what looks good to me?" Klaus asked, "Bella, bent over that sink."

"I will let Felice eat you," Bella said calmly. Felice moved to walk over to the bowl, but Bella held her back.

"I was just joking," Bella spoke in cat. She turned to see Eddy entering the kitchen. He set something down on the table.

"Well, you're home early," Bella spoke in human.

"Well, that's my reward for making the world a safer place," Eddy smiled, "That and this magnificent government paycheck." He pulled an envalope out of his suit.

"That's my Eddy," Bella smiled.

"Here's your allowance, champ," Eddy turned to Chris and handed him a bill.

"Wow, a whole five bucks," Chris said, unenthusiascily.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need change," Eddy said.

"I can't buy a Gamestation with this!" Chris complained.

"You know, when I was a boy, five dollars was-" Eddy was cut off by Chris.

"Tell you what?" Chris said, "I'll give you ten dollars not to tell me this story."

"Five dollars would buy him and our friends twenty jawbreakers," Bella said quickly.

Roger was sniffing the thermos Eddy had put on the table.

"Ew, what is this?" He asked, "Smells like crap."

"That should be empty," Eddy said, "I had my soup for lunch." Bella took the thermos.

"Honey, why is there a biohazard symbol on your thermos?" Bella asked, concerned. She turned the thermos to show a sticker on the side.

"Let me see that!" Eddy said, taking the thermos. He sniffed it and poured out a cup and drank it. He poured out another cup before his eyes widened, "This is not soup."


On the news later that day.

Greg and Terry were sitting and there was a picture between them of the McGee household being covered in plastic.

"This is the scene in Peach Creek, Verginia, where the McGee family has been quarantinied in their two-story Georgian Colonial home," Terry was saying.

"Actually, Terry, it's an updated Cape Cod," Greg corrected, "The shutters are a dead giveaway."

"You're right, Greg," Terry said, "Thanks for correcting me. It's how I learn." A picture appeared beside Greg's head of a can with a skull and crossbones on it and reading 'Cream of Death'"

"The McGees have been exposed to a biological agent which will eventually liquify their internal organs," Greg explained, "We have a computer generated image of what that might look like, but I must warn you, this is not for the squeamish."

"I'm not gonna look," Terry said, looking away and covering his eyes.

"Oh, no," Bella said. She, Eddy, and Chris were sitting on the couch. Felice was in her lap and Klaus was on the coffee table, "This is a nightmare."

"Don't worry, honey," Eddy said, "You know how the media sensationalizes everything." He turned to a man in a suit next to them, "Hey, friend, what's the real deal?"

"The good news is, you won't die-" The man began. The family started to celebrate.

"See there?" Eddy asked.

"What a relief!" Chris sighed.

"Meno male!" Bella said.

"Wunderbar!" Klaus said.

"-for twenty-four hours," The man finished, causing the family to look at him, surprised, "Which is just enough time for you to learn not to interrupt someone when they're talking!"


Izzy was walking with a homeless man who was pushing a cart full of stuff.

Don't worry, Tony," Izzy was saying, "We'll find a place to build that homeless shelter."

"Thanks for all your hard work, Izzy," Tony said, "And thanks for walking me home." The man curled up on the sidewalk and Izzy looked at her house.

"Oh my God!" She gasped. She walked in the door wearing a suit.

"Izzy!" Eddy said.

"They let me say good-bye," Izzy said, tearing up, "I'm gonna miss you. All of you."

"Hey, how come she gets to live?!" Chris cried, standing up and pointing at Izzy.

"Because I was out helping the homeless while you were here being a loser," Izzy said.

"Oh yeah?" Chris said. He took the tube in the suit apart and blew into it, "Who's a loser now, loser?"

"Mom, Chris just infected me!" Izzy yelled.

"Nobody likes a snitch, Izzy," Eddy said.

"I don't believe this," Izzy said, taking off her suit, "We're all gonna die!"

"Yeah, tough break," Roger said, giving Izzy a measuring tape end, "Can you hold this?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Eddy asked.

"Measuring for drapes," Roger answered, "As soon as your dead, I'm gonna completely redo this place. I'm thinking something vibrant, like a sea-foam green." When the others looked at him weirdly, he said, "Oh, 'cause I'm gonna need a lot of happy to get over all this sad." He brightened, "Ooh, dimmer switches! Dimmer switches everywhere!"

"What gives you the idea that you're gonna live?" Eddy asked.

"My species is immune to all human ailments," Roger answered simply.

"So explain that cold sore," Eddy said.

"Mind your own business!" Roger yelled, folding his arms.

"Stop arguing!" Bella ordered, "Time is precious." She stood up, "We have to make the most of our last twenty-four hours together!"

"Your mother's right," Eddy said, "We should all sit together as a family...and watch the entire first season of Twenty-Four on DVD."


Twenty-four hours later.

"Well, that was bold television," Eddy said, turning off the TV with his remote, "And we still have a moment to spare."

"I can't believe I'm gonna die a vergin," Chris said. Felice meowed, "What do you mean there was a 70-80 percent chance of that happening away?!"

"Daddy-" Izzy started to cry.

"No tears, damn it!" Eddy cried, standing up and pointing at Izzy, "A McGee dies with dignity. Kids, I've been tough on you, but only because I love you so very, very-" Eddy stopped mid-sentence as a scraping sound was heard. The family looked to see Roger dragging in a pink couch.

"Right, should probably wait," Roger laughed sheepishly.

"This is it!" Izzy gasped, standing up and pointing at the clock. It was ticking slowly and finally hitting twelve, striking. A bubbling sound made Chris look at Klaus and gasp.

"Look!" Chris said. Bella screamed when she saw Klaus floating belly-up, but Klaus flipped back over, eyes open.

"Ah!" Klaus said, "I was just snoozing."

"You're alive," Bella said, "We all are."

"That clock is always a little quick," Roger denied, "Let's wait a few minutes."

Bella and Eddy walked outside to see the men clearing up the plastic and tubes.

"Good news," The guy from earlier walked over and took his helmet off, "Apparently, that batch of virus was inert, so that means-"

"We'll be ok!" Eddy said.

"Yes, although apparently your manners died years ago," The man said, irritated. He was about to walk off, but stopped for a minute, "You're welcome!"

Bella sighed.

"Hey, what's wrong, babe?" Eddy asked, "We're alive!"

"I know," Bella said, "And that's good, but, well, when I thought we were gonna die, it made me realize how little I've done with my life, and now I guess I'm feeling...unfulfilled."

"Unfulfilled?" Eddy asked, "But I've given you anything you could ever want. You clean, you cook, and once a week we lie together as husband and wife in sexual congress."

"I know, but remember that time I wanted to own my own goldfish store?" Bella asked, "Back when I was little?"

"Yeah," Eddy said.

"Well, I...I want something like that, but maybe not my own business," Bella said. The two looked across the road when they heard a tapping sound. They walked over.

"What's going on?" Bella asked.

"Hi, Barb Hanson, Exposition Realty," The woman said, shaking Bella's hand, "Let me bring you up to speed. Your virus scare prompted these folks to put their house on the market. Any questions?"

"No, that was good," Bella said.

"Give me a call if you ever need a real estate agent," Barb said, handing Bella a card, "I'm also a hand model." She held out her hands.

"Sweet Sean Hannity, your hands are lovely!" Eddy said, "Uh, come on, Bella."

"Oh, boy, she seems so confident," Bella said as they walked back over to the house, "And the way she wear that jacket with her company's logo. Her life must be so exciting."

"Well, you could do what she does," Eddy said.

"Really?" Bella asked, smiling.

"Absolutley!" Eddy said, "We will absolutley get you a real estate costume. Oh, you'll look adorable. And I'll dress up as a sea captain, and we can take pictures."

"I mean a real job!" Bella said, crossing her arms, "Sorta like when I had my pizza selling-thing when we were younger, but not my own business. It was too hard to run, and that was in that little cul-de-sac."

"No, no, it'll be great!" Eddy said, "I'll be Admiral Finch from the 58th Flotilla, and you'll be Lady Constantina, my real estate agent, and we'll promenade around the neighborhood, delighting young and old alike with our saucy banter."

"Eddy, I can't be a real estate agent just because you say so," Bella said, "It takes years to get a licence."

"You leave that to me milady," Eddy said, kneeling down and kissing Bella's hand like a princess. Bella giggled.

Eddy burst into Barb's office with two men in suits and walked over to her desk. The men stood on either side of Barb.

"Barb Hanson?" Eddy asked.

"Yes," Barb answered.

"Go!" Eddy yelled, putting a black bag over Barb's yelling head as the two men dragged her away, "Wait!" Barb stopped screaming and Eddy took her red jacket off, "Go!" Bard continued yelling as two more men brought in a yelling Bella with a black bag on her head in and sat her at Barb's desk and Eddy tore the bag off.

"What's happening?!" Bella asked as Eddy slipped the jacket on her.

"Congrats, you're in real estate, now!" Eddy said, "Adorable."

"Wait a minute, this is Barb's stuff," Bella observed, "What happened to her?"

"She'll be fine," Eddy assured.

In Guantanamo Bay at a prison camp. Bard was sitting at a lunch table with two men. Everyone was wearing an orange suit.

"Hi, Barb Hanson, Exposition Realty," Barb said, reaching over, "Mind if I borrow one of your napkins? Thanks."

"The infidel has stolen my napkin!" One man said in a forghen languidge.

"Tonight we will cut off her lovely hands," The other said. The first man smiled and nodded.


At the CIA.

"You let your wife get a job?" Dick asked Eddy. Edd was standing nearby with a cup of coffee.

"No, no, no, it's more like a hobby," Eddy said, "You know, something to keep her busy until I get home."

"Besides her goldfish, of course," Edd added.

"I used to work in real estate," A guy walked past.

"What are you, gay?" Eddy asked.

"I was when I worked in real estate," The man said, "Once I stopped selling houses, my sodemy cleared up like that." The man snapped his fingers.

"You know what's so wrong about gayness?" Eddy asked, "If there are two men, who has the vagina?" Edd sighed.

"No kidding," Dick said, "You need a vagina."

"Yeah, vaginas are great," The man said, "Wish I had one."

"I'm staying out of this conversation," Edd said quietly.


In the neighborhood.

Bella was putting a 'SOLD' sign in front of a house. Eddy drove up and honked. He stopped behind a moving truck.

"I did it!" Bella cried, running up, "I sold my first house!"

"Hey, who's my big girl?" Eddy smiled, "And such a nice family." He waved at a family moving boxes and they waved back.

"Oh, they're just the movers," Bella said, "The new owners are Greg and Terry." Greg and Terry waved from the doorway. Greg had his arm around Terry's shoulder. Eddy's eyes widened.

"What were you thinking?" Eddy asked after they walked inside, "We don't want their kind in our neighborhood!"

"You're overreacting," Bella said.

"Overreacting?" Eddy asked, "Overreacting?!" He turned around and slammed his head in the wall, creating a dent, "Do you know what those two are? Reporters! That's right, Bella. Members of the liberal media."

"Eddy, not all journalists are bad," Bella said, "You like Brit Hume, right?"

"You know damn well I like Brit Hume," Eddy said.

"Just give Greg and Terry a chance," Bella said.

"All right, but if I-" Eddy stopped when the lights began to dim and brighten, "What- what the hell?"

"Dimmer switch!" Roger sung from the doorway. He had a tool belt on, "Huh? Huh?" Eddy and Bella stared at him, "Oh, I'm sorry, too fabulous?"

"Actually, I used to have one of those in my old house, but it was like a circle," Bella said.

"Thank you!" Roger said, "Someone appreciates my genius!" Roger walked out of the room.

"Oh, I haven't even told you the best part!" Bella turned to Eddy, "Look at my commission check!" Bella pulled an envelope out of her jacket.

"Incredible!" Klaus said, "That is more than Eddy makes in a month!"

"And more than I made with my pizza business in a half-year!" Bella beamed, "And it's just for one house!" Bella walked off into the other room.

"Ooh, you have been emasculated by the superior earning power of your little haus frau," Klaus said to Eddy, laughing lightly. Eddy turned around and banged his head into the wall again.

"OW!" Eddy cried, holding his forehead, "Oh, God, stud, stud. Hit the stud."


At the CIA.

"Well, you're in a pickle here," Dick was saying. Eddy was in the break room with Dick and Edd. Edd and Eddy each had a cup of coffee.

"I agree," Edd said, "In a relationship, money is usually power."

"Look, this is just a bump in the road," Eddy said, "Bella's like a kitten. Again. Sure, she's having fun playing with her new ball of yarn and selling a few houses. But soon she'll get bored and go right back to ironing my shirts and taking naps in the sun."

"Open your eyes, Eddy," Dick said, "Your very manhood is at stake."

"Oh, that's crazy," Eddy said.

"Is it?" Dick asked, "When my wife started working, I didn't think twice, but she kept earning more and more money, and then one day, bam!" He dropped his pants but nothing was there. The other two gasped, "And I didn't even get to say good-bye."

"How do you go to the bathroom?" Edd asked, stunned.


Eddy was now driving home. He saw a bench near a bus stop with a picture of Bella and the words 'Real Estate's Rising Star' and groaned.

"Your very manhood is at stake!" Dick's voice said, "Your very manhood is at stake! Your very-" Eddy looked over to see Dick sitting next to him.

"Ok, that's it," Eddy said, "We're not gonna carpool anymore."


At a resturant called 'Pricey's'

Izzy, Chris, Bella, and Eddy were sitting at a table.

"Here's to Mom," Izzy was saying, raising her glass, "She's finally cast off the shakles of domestic servitude and realized her potential as a smart, independent woman."

"Izzy, how'd you like a knuckle sandwich for dinner?" Eddy asked angrily.

"Oh, I have a little surprise for everyone," Bella announced, "Presents!" Bella brought out three small boxes and handed them out.

"A donation for my homeless shelter!" Izzy gasped happily.

"Fifty buck towards my Gamestation!" Chris cried.

"A tie?" Eddy asked, "Since when do I wear a tie?" He was wearing one right now.

"Thank you very much, Mrs. McGee," A waiter walked over.

"You paid?" Eddy asked, "You said you were going to the bathroom."

"I did both," Bella said.

"Well, you can just do it all, can't you?" Eddy said, his arms crossed.


At the Peach Creek Shopping Mall.

"Dang, we still need a hundred bucks for that Gamestation," Nick said. He, Chris, Martin, and Toshi were walking in the mall.

"Don't worry, I have a scam plan," Chris said, "Toshi, you have a video camera, right?"

"You assume this because I am Asian," Toshi said in Asian.

"Wow, that's a lot of words for 'Of course'," Chris said.

"Oh, I get it," Nick said, "We can sell Toshi's camera and get the money."

"Woah, Nick," Chris said, "Why do you make everything so complicated? The plan is quite simple, really."

'Toshi will 'borrow' a camcorder from his parents.'

Toshi was sneaking in his house and snuck out a camera.

'Meanwhile, Martin and I will find some lovely ladies willing to 'go wild' in exchance for a little cash.'

Chris and Martin walked up to a lunch table full of girls and showed them a wad of money.

'We'll have ourselves a little photo shoot.

The boys and girls were outside and Toshi was recording the girls lift their shirts. Nick fell backwards and Martin turned red when they did.

'After that, we make thousands of copies, direct-market the tapes on late-night cable television, and then we retire and live out our days playing video games.'

The boys are playing a video game in an expensive-looking room on a couch.


In Greg and Terry's back yard.

Greg, Terry, and Eddy are in the hot tub.

"I gotta admit, I wasn't sure about you fellas, but sometimes you just wanna be around other men, ya know?" Eddy said.

"It's, uh, nice to meet you, too," Terry said uncomfortably.

"Yeah, thanks for, um, dropping in," Greg added.

"Ah, I envy you guys," Eddy said, "Just a couple of unmarried studs, enjoying life to the max."

"Actually, Greg was married once," Terry shared.

"I was confused," Greg admitted, "Is that why you're here, Eddy? Are you confused?"

"Things are strained between me and the missus," Eddy sighed, "The whole balance of power in our relationship has shifted, and, well, I don't like it."

"I don't blame you," Greg said, "A healthy relationship should be a partnership."

"Well, it's never really equal," Terry said, "Someone always ends up on top."

"Yeah," Greg said, "But, you know, sometimes it's ok to switch."

"Really?" Terry asked, smiling.

"Mm, down the line," Greg said.

"I think I hear what you guys are saying," Eddy said, "I'm the man, and I have to reclaim the power in my marriage. Hey, thanks, fellas." Eddy got out of the tub.

"Take a picture, why don't you?" Terry said to Greg.

"I'm just being polite," Greg said, "It'd be rude not to look."


Bella was walking out of the Realty building with a woman.

"Forgive me, Bella," Eddy said, holding up a long gun, "I'm only doing this to save our marriage." Eddy lowered the gun, "What am I doing? This is the woman I love." He switched the target with a heart-shaped one, "That's better." He lowered the gun again, "Oh, damn it, I'm such a softie. There's gotta be a better way to put her out of business."

Eddy walked inside the building after Bella had left and walked to an office where two men were.

"Excuse me, are you Bella's boss?" Eddy asked.

"Yes," The man standing up said.

"Go! Go! Go!" Eddy yelled into a watch on his wrist. A group of men broke in with guns, "You're all under arrest."

"What for?!" The boss asked. Eddy picked up a white donut.

"Possession of cocaine donuts," Eddy said.

"Those are powered sugar!" The boss said angrily.

"Put it in a rap song, jailbird," Eddy said, "This office is permanently closed."

"What are you saying?" The boss asked.

"I'm saying you're fired!" Eddy said, pointing the donut in his hand at the boss. A man walked over and cleared his throat, holding out his hand, "Oh, for God's sake. Somebody pay Mr. Trump."


Chris and his friends were walking up to a for sale house with two women. Toshi was holding the video camera.

"Are you positive we're allowed to use this house for our photo shoot?" Martin asked.

"I overheard my mom say it's been on the market so long everybody's forgotten about it," Chris said.

"Eavesdropper!" Nick scolded, pointing at Chris, "You should respect her privacy!"

"You guys got beer, right?" One girl asked, "'Cause we're not going wild and exposing our breasts without beer."

"Yes, we've got it," Martin said, holding up a box of beer, "Unfortuantly I don't approve of drinking."

"My pants grow tight," Toshi said.

The group walked inside.

"What?!" Chris cried, surprised. Hanging from the ceiling was a sign reading 'Homeless Rights Center' and below it was a bunch of homeless people with beds, newspapers, and carts.

"We are going neither wild, nor totally wild and a homeless shelter," The other girl said.

"But we are taking our beer," The first girl said, taking the box from Martin.

"Izzy, you ruined everything!" Chris yelled at his sister who walked over, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm giving these poor, forgotten people a new lease on life," Izzy said.

"Um, Izzy?" Tony from earlier said, "I think Phil is dead." He was standing next to a dead man. Three other men hurried over and started stealing his stuff. A fourth man leaped forward and grabbed the beer bottle. A fifth man jumped on another and tried to tug the shoe out of his hands. They started to fight.

"Now we'll never get a Gamestation," Martin sighed.

"Au contraire, my dear cousin," Chris said.


At the McGee household.

Bella was in the kitchen at the counter and Eddy walked up with flowers.

"Hey, honey, I just heard the news," Eddy said, "Too bad about your office closing down. Well, looks like I'm making more money than you again." Bella turned to him and held up her finger. She was wearing a headset and holding some papers.

"I'd advise you to write an offer soon, Randy," Bella was speaking, "Mortgage rates aren't going to stay this low forever." Bella sat down at the table.

"That's real estate chatter," Eddy said.

"Silence, you fool," Klaus said as Felice meowed, "She's closing a duplex at four percent over list!"

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" Eddy asked, "You were fired." The man from earlier walked over with his hand outstretched, "That's passive past tense, Trump! You don't own that!" The man growled and walked away.

"Eddy, I'm on the phone," Bella hissed, "Sorry, Randy, I'm working from home these days."

"Here you go, boss," Roger walked over and gave Bella a coffee cup with chocolate milk in it.

"'Boss'?" Eddy repeated.

"I'm Mrs. McGee's assistant," Roger explained, "Can I get you something while you wait?"

"Um, a bottled water," Eddy requested.

"It's not cold," Roger said, grabbing a bottle of water from the table, "Is that ok?"

"Ah, forget it," Eddy said. The phone rang and Roger walked over to a desk at the end of the table and answered, "Bella McGee and Associate."

"Hold her calls!" Eddy said, "Bella, I want you to stop this nonsense."

"'Nonsense'?" Bella said, angry, "This job is my career."

"No, my job is a career," Eddy said, "This is just some silly housewife's hobby."

"Oh, yeah?" Bella stood up and set her headset on the table, "Well, this silly housewife loves her 'hobby.' She's good at it. In fact, she kicks ass. So, her big career-man husband is just going to have to deal with it." Bella crossed her arms.

"I could have assassinated you!" Eddy yelled.

"What?" Bella asked, surprised.

"Nothing," Eddy said.

Eddy was taking out the trash. When he got to the trash can out back, the bag broke and Eddy sighed. He heard arguing around the corner.

"It was my house first!" Izzy yelled at her brother.

"You can't stand in the way of progress, tail-face!" Chris shouted back.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" Eddy asked, walking up to them.

"Chris is making the homeless men in my shelter beat each other senseless," Izzy said.

"It's called 'bum fights'," Chris said, "It's a great scam and I'm gonna make a fortune selling tickets."

"It's exploitation!" Izzy said, "You're making money off of their pain and misery."

"All right, Izzy, I'll handle this," Eddy said. Izzy walked off, smirking, "Let me get this straight, son. You're pitting desperate, downtrodden men against each other in a violent confrontation for cash?"

"Yes, sir," Chris said, slightly ashamed.

"I want in," Eddy smiled.


Izzy was walking up to her homeless shelter and walked inside and gasped. The sign had a blue 'F' sewn over the 'R' in rights, making it say 'Homeless Fights Center.' The men were all preparing to fight.

"What the hell is going on here?" Izzy asked her brother, who was leaning against the wall near the door.

"Ask Dad," Chris snapped, "He stole my whole bum fights scam idea. He won't even give me a piece of the action."

"Ok, I want a class act," Eddy was saying to two men, "I'll introduce you both, you'll shake hands, and then I'll throw raw meat on the floor, and whoever beats the crap out of the other gets to eat."

"Dad, you were supposed to shut this down," Izzy said, walking over with Chris, "You're degrading these poor men."

"That's ridiculous," Eddy scoffed, "I'm giving them jobs and self-esteem. More importantly, I'm giving them costumes and a back story." He held a blue suit in front of the man to his left, "This is 'The Garbage Collector.' He's got his own catch phrase: 'I'm taking out the trash and sorting it!' An this guy," Eddy turned to the man on his right, "He grew up in the bayou, living and wrestling with alligators. I call him 'The Aviator.'" Eddy held up a mask hat and brown suit to the man, "Fight nights already sold out. I set up a ring, fans can make bets…" Eddy looked over to a stand with people lined up and making bets, "I even put out some nice mixed nuts." He held up a bowl of nuts and the man tried to take some, but Eddy pulled the bowl away, "No! Those are for people!"

"I can't believe you muscled out your own son," Chris said, "You suck, Dad." Chris walked off

"Oh, come on, what's more important?" Eddy asked, "Your hopes and dreams, or me making more than your mother?"

"This is pure exploitation," Izzy said, "I'm going to tell Mom."

"Go ahead," Eddy said, "Then your homeless pals will be back on the street, where the nights are cold and the fights are meatless."

"This. Isn't. Over," Izzy said, walking off.


At the McGee household.

"Yeah, it's been that kind of week, girlfriend," Roger was on the phone at his desk and filing his 'nails' Bella was sitting at the other end of the table behind him, "But, uh, hey, TGI Hump Day, am I right?"

"Roger, who are you talking to?" Bella asked.

"Tami down at Mentzer Ezcrow," Roger answered, covering the bottom of the phone, "We're phone friends."

"Did you copy those title reports?" Bella asked as Felice worked her way under Bella's hand. Roger squinted at Bella.

"Tams, I gotta go," He said into the phone, "Yeah, the boss is being a real catch you next Tuesday."

"Eddy is back," Eddy said, walking in with a bag. He gave Bella a little box, "Here you go. Just my little way of saying you can keep your little job."

"A diamond ring?!" Bella cried happily, putting it on.

"I also got you a mink stole," Eddy said, pulling it out of the bag.

"Oh mio Dio!" Bella gasped, standing up so Eddy could put it on her, "But Eddy, can we afford this?"

"Well, you can't, but I can," Eddy smiled.

"But how did you get-?" Bella began.

"Shh-shh!" Eddy said, "Smile for Leroy Neiman. He's painting up right now." A man was painting on a canvas in the kitchen.

"That's Leroy Neiman?" Bella asked.

"I know; I thought he was black, too," Eddy said.


Eddy was counting a bunch of ticket money at the center. He was wearing a grey sweat shirt and a green sun cap. A little sign said 'Bum Fighting Accounting Dept' on the table.

"I gotta hand it to you, Dad," Chris was standing nearby, "You really pulled it off. Or did you?" He pulled open a curtain to reveal the homeless men outside with strike signs and Izzy standing in front. She raised her fist and Eddy's eyes widened and he rushed outside.

"You unionized the homeless?!" Eddy cried.

"Yup," Izzy said, "This is the Fighting Bums Local 302." The homeless men were cheering and marching in a circle holding their signs, "Here are our demands." Izzy handed Eddy a list.

"'Longer red lights at freeway off ramps, free doggy day care, human dignity'?" Eddy read, "I can't meet these demands."

"Then you better start refunding everyone's money, 'cause there won't be and bum fights tonight," Izzy smirked and walked off.

"No!" Eddy cried, covering his stuff, "You can't take my money!"

"Don't sweat it, Dad," Chris said, "I found a bum who's willing to scab. All you got to do is dress up like a bum and fight him."

"Son, you're a lifesaver!" Eddy cried, "All right, what bum is stupid enough to step into a ring with me?" Chris pointed and Eddy's jaw dropped. The bum was big and stronger than Eddy, "Who the hell is that?"

"He doesn't have a name," Chris said.

"What do you mean?" Eddy asked.

"He...killed his own name," Chris said. The man bit off his thumb and spit it out, laughing.

"My God, Chris!" Eddy said, turning to Chris, "You couldn't get me the Aviator or the Tickler or Pillow Hands McGraw?"

"No way!" A man said. He had pillows for hands, "Not me! I ain't no scab!"


Later that day in the back yard was a group of people surrounding a boxing ring. In one corner is the bum, and in the other is Eddy dressed as a homeless man with Chris at his side and Izzy next to him outside the ring.

"Dad, this is suicide!" Izzy said, "You're a weapons expert! When was the last time you were in a fist fight?"

"I'll be fine, Izzy," Eddy said, taking a towel Chris was handing him, "You never forget how to fight. It's like beating up a bycicle. A bell dung and Eddy and the man walked towards the middle of the ring. Eddy tried to punch the man in the stomach, but hurt his hand. The man grunted happily and grinned.

"Don't let it eat my heart," Eddy said to Chris. The man punched Eddy in the face and began beating him up. He dropped him on the ground and laughed evilly. Bella was walking a couple around the house to the back yard.

"This is a wonderful starter home," Bella was saying, "I've been saving it for a couple just like you."

"Pretty soon we're going to be more than a couple," The woman said, her hand rested on her bloated stomach.

"Oh, congrats!" Bella said, "When is it due?"

"We're adopting," The woman said.

"Let me show you the backyard," Bella changed the subject. She opened the gate, "It's the perfect place for a baby to play." As they entered the yard, blood splattered onto the couple from the fight, making the woman scream, "Oh mio Dio!"

The man was now beating Eddy even more.

"Smettila!" Bella cried, running forward, "Eddy, what are you doing?!" Bella stepped into the ring and held the man back, "Leave my marito alone!" A man in the crowd laughed.

"Look, that bum's wife has to jump in and save him," He said.

"What a wuss!" Another guy said. The crowd started laughing. Eddy looked around angrily, stood up, and punched the bum in the face, sending him to the ground. Eddy fell to his knees, smiling. Chris walked over and held Eddy's arm up.

"It's a knockout!" Chris announced, "My Dad wins!" The crowd was angry.

"I lost a pile of dough on that one-thumbed psycho," A man said.

"Me two," Another said, "Let's exit quickly." The crowd rushed out the gates.

"I did it," Eddy said, "I'm the man!"

"Not really," Izzy confessed.

"We paid this guy to take a dive, then bet everything on you," Chris explained as the man stood up. The two kids each held up a wad of money.

"So, this whole thing was a set-up?" Eddy asked.

"More of a performance piece," The man said, "Hi- Ted Fielder, method actor. I'm also a hand model." He held up his hands and saw a thumb missing and gasped, "NNNNOOOOOOOOO!" He ran off and Izzy and Chris walked the other way.

"Eddy, why did you do this?" Bella asked, "This had to be your craziest scam ever, and that's including the Incident."

"Oh, money," Eddy groaned sadly, "You make more of it than me. I'm a failure as a man."

"You big droga," Bella sighed, "Don't you get it? We're a team."

"I know, and you're the owner," Eddy said, "I get it."

"No, Eddy, we're equals," Bella said, helping Eddy up, "We share everything, good and bad. You don't have to feel threatened by my job."

"So, you mean when you succeed, I succeed?" Eddy asked.

"Exactly," Bella said.

"Hey, I was gonna hitch a ride home, but I bit my thumb off," Ted walked back over.

"So use your other one," Bella suggested.

"Right, thanks," Ted said, "Hey, teach a man to fish, huh?" He walked off again.


The next day at the McGee household.

Eddy was pouring a cup of coffee and Roger was watching the news in the kitchen when Bella walked up.

"I made you fresh coffee," Eddy said, handing Bella a cup.

"Grazie," Bella said, "Y'know, since I started drinking coffee, I haven't needed my ADHD meds. Weird."

"Have a good day at work, partner," Eddy said.

"Shh!" Roger glared from his seat and turned back to the TV.

"Interest rates went up this morning by a whopping 20 points, sending mortgage rates soaring," Greg was saying, "Smart play locking us in on that low-fixed rate, Terry."

"Thank you," Terry smiled.

"Said the man who's finally learning his own self-worth," Greg said, "This senseless rate hike by Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan has jeopardized the fragile U.S. economy, and put every real estate agent in the country out of work."

"That's a shame," Eddy said, setting his hand on Bella's shoulder, "I'm sorry, babe."

"Can I keep this mouse pad?" Roger asked, holding up the blue mouse pad, "I'm keeping this mouse pad."

"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted," Bella said, "And you learned there's no need to feel threatened by my success."

"Absolutely," Eddy said, "Go Team McGee!" Eddy kissed Bella's cheek and she walked off. Eddy spoke into the watch on his wrist, "It's Eddy. Release Greenspan's schnauzer."

A man was holding a dog in front of Greenspan.

"Fannie Mae!" He said. The man let go of the dog, which bit Greenspan where it hurt.

"That's all on the morning report," Terry was saying, "We'll see you at noon."

"And I'll see you tonight," Greg said.

"Greg!" Terry said.

"Oh, relax," Greg said, "Everybody knows." While this was going on, Eddy was whistling as he grabbed his thermos and headed outside.