I can't really think of a way for Task Two to be safe unless Harry finds a way to get out of it. I mean, once you even touch the water, you're in danger of them merpeoples.


Ludovic "Ludo" Bagman raised his hand in the air, capturing the four contestant's attention.

"On my mark…" he yelled and the audience leaned in towards the dock where the champions stood. "GO!"

Fleur and Cedric quickly jumped in the lake. Krum entered a moment later after transfiguring his head into a shark's.

As for Harry Potter?

The crowd swiveled their heads over to peer at the Boy-who-Lived –or rather Boy-who-Lived-to-become-chosen-as-a-Triwizard-Champion-but-insisted-not-to-participate-in-the-First-Task-and-now-possibly-Second-Task-as-well-using-rather-pitiful-excuses. Said boy grinned at the crowd as they looked over at him.

"I'm sorry Mr Bagman, but I can't compete in this Task."

Would this be the first time he said this, the crowd would have been shocked. Alas, this was not, and it was, actually, quite expected.

Could you say anti-climatic?

"What now; waterphobia?" Bagman sniped sarcastically. Oh, he was so looking forward to working with Potter, but with his last stunt and now this, he was ruining the event for everyone.

"No, of course not! How can I drink, bathe, wash, and exist if I did? Did you know the body's made up of seventy percent of water, or something? It's –"

"That's enough." Bagman yelled. The boy would probably keep going on if he didn't stop him. Was that his new plan this time? "Why can't you participate, Harry?"

"Mr Potter," Harry cut in.

"Sorry?"

"Call me Mr Potter," he clarified, "When you say Harry, it feels insulting; it like calling me Baldy, which I'm not, by the way. I'm not hairy either."

"Mr Potter, then, w-"

Harry continued regardless of Bagman. "I mean, I am Harry, just not hairy –like 'Harry' Harry, not 'hairy', as in hair, hairy. Neither am I hairy Harry, you know, just 'Harry' Harry – not that I'm not hairy 'cause I have to have hair. I'm just not that hairy, if you see what I mean. So no hairy Harrys please, and for the sake of any misunderstandings, no 'Harry's either to solve the whole hairy situation. 'kay?"

His rant was met with a silent pause.

"… right, Potter," was Bagman's only response – or at least the only thing that he could come up with.

Percy, who was judging for Mr Crouch, realized the situation as what it really was, "Potter, stop stalling and answer the question. We aren't as singled mined as you that we'd forget our discussion if you decide to go off on a tangent."

Harry shuffled his feet on the wooden dock he stood on. "It's a funny thing, you see, and you can't blame me either-"

Percy all but snarled (in a pomponous snarling voice, mind you), "Make it snappy, Potter."

"Harry, my boy," Albus Dumbledore, another judge of the Second Task, spoke up in an attempt to get an answer. "I'm afraid young Mr Weasley is correct in hurrying with your answer. The other champions are well on their way, and right now you have quite an unfair disadvantage to them."

"Er, well, it's quite embarrassing, and really not my fault, 'cause I didn't realized in the beginning and all, and-"

"You probably didn't find out about the task and aren't ready for it, and now you're playing it off as a 'serious' problem." Percy sniffed in a disgusted voice. "You're making up excuses so you don't let you fan club down."

"Au contraire, Percy, muggle scuba diving gear would have worked easily, and I could have easily ordered it. It's not that I don't know how to tackle the second task, but that I can't at the moment." He chided, "And this isn't a 'Sirius' problem, unless you're trying to tell me that the Ministry's not taking care of that dilemma and I have to myself, you lazy bastards." Harry added, having no qualms in using the over-used joke.

"Sukuba diving? What is that, my boy?" Albus cut in, not allowing Percy to take the bait Harry was dangling blatantly in front of him.

Harry waved it off. "A muggle thing."

"If that's not the problem, what is, boy?" Bagman yelled exasperatedly

"You're making me want to say it less with that tone."

Bagman grimaced, "Potter – Mr Potter – what is such a problem that you cannot participate in this honourable tradition?" he gritted out.

"It's simple really; I have my period."

There was a pregnant pause.

"Your what?"

Harry smiled. "Period," he confirmed, "I forgot about the bloody thing."

Percy, the fountain of knowledge, interrupted him once more, "An obvious lie. If you had any common sense, you'd know only females have the menstrual cycle."

"No, if we had sex ed. at Hogwarts, then that would be common sense." Harry retorted back, "Nevertheless, I don't see what that has to do with me and my period."

Professor McGonagall stepped forward from her place in the stand beside the docks. "Mr Potter, in my 25 years of teaching, I have never come across a male with a period."

"Why would anyone need to tell you about having a period anyway Professor? It's not against school rules or anything, so why would you need to be informed about one?"

"To help them, Mr Potter."

"If I knew you'd help, I wouldn't have spent all that time figuring out what to do!" Harry all but screamed in frustration.

"Nevertheless," Bagman yelled over the two, "Your excuse is discredited Potter. Please get on with your assigned task and stop spouting the impossible."

Harry glared at the man. "Excuse me?" he cried indigently, "Impossible? Why is it impossible for me to have one? It's more possible than surviving an Avada Kerdava. And crossing the line to put my name in the Goblet! And defeating Voldemort at age one! And killing a Basilisk at age twelve! And producing a corporal patronous at age thirteen! And becoming the youngest seeker of the century on my first flying lesson! And being able to speak parseltongue despite not being of the Slytherin line!"

"Er-"

It was hard to disagree with the evidence.

"Albus, he has a point." Was Professor McGonagall's only response.

"Potter, you want us to believe that you started you period out of no where? You probably don't even have the necessary toiletries for such a thing!"

Harry gave a shrug, "Oh, I just borrow them."

"Really."

"Yeah." He turned towards the crowd, "Hey Luna, I borrow tampons from you, right?"

"I beg your pardon, Harold?" Luna asked airily despite the fact the other females in the audience were yelling about indecency.

"I borrowed a tampon from you yesterday for my period, right?" he repeated.

"That's quite right. The day before too." She frowned, "Do you need another one? You're going to use up my supply soon. Try limiting the times you come running to me again because your period did the unexpected and your tampon's soaked through, please."

"Hey," Harry yelled indigently, "It's not my fault it got soaked!" he turned back towards the Percy, "See; I'm well covered. She's the one who introduced me to them in the first place."

By the stands, Luna nodded happily.

"As you can see, I am in no position to jump into a lake today."

The judges, or rather Karkaroff and Percy started to yell about lies and deceits and being to get away with it just because he was the Boy-who-Lived.

Bagman patted the boy on his back. "I'm sorry Mr Potter, but I would hate to be seen as an unfair judge. Your excuse is denied."

Harry just smiled.

Why? The audience, mainly the females, did the arguing for him.

The judges were bombarded with accusations of being sexist and ignorant about the pains of the womanly problems among other things.

Madam Maxime spoke out for her sex, "Don't you malez beli'le ze situation. I'll 'ave you know, ze veek of 'ardship ve 'ave every month iz annoying an' extremely inconvenient – and zat doesn't even start to describe it. Swimming iz ze last thing anyone vould vant to do in such a case."

She was supported by the females in the stand.

"I -"

She stood up "You don't vant to be an unfair judge, no, but judging from zis, majority is on Mr Potter's side."

"I -" Madam Maxime towered over him, "I - very well then, by vote, Mr Potter, you are exempt from this Task in account of an unfortunate unforeseen event." He thought it over "If – I mean – if it is true and proved as such from a simple spell."

Harry nodded, "Okay."

Bagman cased it with a magnificent wave of his wand. "Potter, if your excuse is indeed true, you will flash a bright white light. If you're lying, it will flash black. It's easy to break through, but we're not here to do that, are we? So, please repeat your defence."

"I can't participate in this task because I have my period, and I'm afraid that my tampon will get wet, useless, and a bloody mess."

The light around him, despite what most expected, turned white.

"I –" Bagman, for the second time this day, was at a loss of words. "By both viewers and judges' decision, you are excused from this Task for it violates your wizarding rights, so mote be it."

Harry smirked with his back towards them. I'm getting so much better at this.

o-o

LATER THAT DAY

"Er, Harry, do you need a … er- a pad?"

Harry looked up at the voice. "No, I'm fine Hermione, thanks for asking."

She scratched her head nervously; it was hard talking to a guy about womanly problems. "I've talked with the other girls, and they're all willing to provide you pads or tampons – in fact, they're happy to."

Harry waved her off. "I'm fine; two's enough for me. Tell them 'thanks' though."

Two? Just two? Hermione pounced at him, "I don't know what Luna taught you, but you need to change it every hour! Especially if you're able to unexpectedly soak it through so easily!"

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what kind of plane you usually make, but mine doesn't need to be changed every hour. I have better aim than that!"

Hermione could feel her brain crash, "P – Planes?"

"Yeah, I had this idea to make a plane out of something other than paper 'cause that just doesn't last long enough, and you don't have really great control over it. I needed something long and thin I could paste wings on with probably a round tip – you know, aerodynamics. So here I was thinking out loud, then Luna, who was passing by heard me and told me about tampons. I borrowed one from her the day before to make a plane. I worked out fine, let me tell you! It flew so far too! So far that it landed in the lake and got all soggy and soaked through." Harry nodded to himself sadly, "I had to borrow another one from Luna yesterday to remake it."

"…"

Harry smiled, "Anything wrong, 'mione?"

"So no male menstrual cycle?" Hermione asked slowly, feeling a twitching eye starting to occur.

"Nope. Why does everyone keep asking me that? I never said anything about having a damn menstrual cycle in the first place!"

"You said you had your period!"

"Exactly! I did!" he yelled back

"The why are you –" The Fat Lady's portrait slammed open interrupting Hermione's retort back.

Luna, of all people, waltzed in joyously. "Hi Harold, Hermione. Ready to fly your tampon plane?" She asked, waving her own in the air."

"Yup," Harry took a look at hers, "Oh, nice design!"

"Thank you; I coloured it golden-yellow and drew potion vials on it for good luck. Makes you think of the Felix potion doesn't it? That's what I named it, by the way."

"Luck's not going to help it fly further than mine!" Harry boasted, "although, you think I should've coloured mine red so it'd live up to it's name?"

Hermione jolted up as she suddenly realized something, "Harry, what's your plane's name?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Period – what else do you think I've been talking about this whole morning? I had it in my pocket, and you know just how fast it soaks up liquids! If it got soggy again, I wouldn't be able to beat Luna's Felix! Why else did you think I told the judges I couldn't participate because I have my period (on with me)?"

Hermione thud her head on the table in front of her and groaned. "You knew exactly what we were thinking when you said that!" she shot back.

"What ever are you talking about?" Harry cried, eyes wide open.

"You aren't fooling anyone looking like that."

"Hermione, how could you think so badly about me! And here I was, planning to let you watch our epic plane race!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "You – just you wait 'till you the Daily Prophet comes tomorrow, you prat." She snapped at him. "Just you wait."