Chapter Two
The wind dispersed around us, giving us our view of the scenery. This pretty much consisted of trees. A forest. It appeared much safer than where we'd been before. I didn't even look at Syaoran and Mokona, nor did I look at the bodies of our fallen comrades.
"Sakura!!" Mokona bawled, and I heard it hopping across the floor over to Syaoran. "Sakura!!!"
"She's dead," Syaoran choked out. "So is Kurogane." The devastation in his voice hurt. I could hear he was trying not to cry. I knew he was a strong kid, so...
Was losing them supposed to hurt this much? I hadn't intended to grow so close to the group. I felt the tears flood into my eyes. I couldn't protect my own brother, and now, I had to lose the princess and the ninja, too...
"SAKURA!! KUROGANE!!!" Mokona's heartbroken wail was just a bit too much, and I felt the tears begin to run down my face. I still couldn't look at them. I felt Mokona's small paws wrap around my leg as it sobbed. It did its best to stifle the sound it made by burying it's face into my pant leg, as well. It did a pretty good job. Other than it's muffled sniffles, there was absolute silence.
This was why I shouldn't have bonded with Sakura and Kurogane, and not even Syaoran. I had known something like this might happen. I knew what Syaoran was, too. I had known for a long time. Why was it that the only thing I could do was inflict bad luck on myself and others?
Syaoran yelled, suddenly and loudly. He spun around, and there was the harsh, cringe-worthy sound of his fist hitting the trunk of the nearest tree. I glanced over my shoulder. The boy's whole body was shaking. I wondered what he was thinking. He appeared to be in some sort of shocked state. Not that I was surprised. Blood ran down his hand and onto the dirt beside him as he fell to his knees. I noted his broken arm. I assumed he hardly remembered these injuries.
I shoved my pain aside as I walked up behind him. I really doubted he knew I was there anymore. Gently, I placed a hand on his shoulder. There was a long silence, and I was completely prepared for the next thing he said:
"I...I need to be alone."
I nodded sympathetically and turned around, walking amongst a couple of trees. I'd give him time.
I sat down a fair distance away, as my kudan materialized beside me.
"Fai's sad," it sighed. I nodded. "Yeah."
I didn't say it, but I'm sure anyone could've worked that out. Mokona had disappeared somewhere, too. I guess even the pork bun needed to be alone. Hell, I think we all did.
"It's OK to be sad. I've lost a lot of friends in Hanshin, too."
I never really considered that kudan could have friends. But after what I'd just seen, was I surprised? No.
"And it hurt," it continued. "So it's OK." I noticed that it's voice was very child-like. It reminded me of Mokona. Only about fifty five times bigger. And a bird, not a rabbit/pork bun.
It lowered its head to make proper eye contact. I gently placed a hand on its beak. It chirped and rested its chin on my shoulder. Suddenly, its head shot up.
"I think your son's up to something," it remarked.
"My---...Syaoran-kun is not my son...!" I retorted in shock. My kudan laughed. Hard. I don't know what it found amusing. Or maybe I just missed it somehow.
"Come on, let's go!" It swirled into its orb form and led the way.
I stopped back at the main set of trees. Syaoran was standing by his kudan, and right in front of him was...Kurogane. Or, at least, he looked like Kurogane. Only he was silver. Sort of like the color of the pendant. Only that pendant was gone, now. I could add two plus two. My kudan entered my heart as I crouched down and listened.
I must've missed some of the conversation between the two, and Syaoran must've said something really stupid, because Kurogane drew back his hand and struck him, hard. If my kudan hadn't told me something was up, I'm sure I would've been able to hear it from where I had been standing and worked it out myself. Syaoran only looked surprised for a second, but the surprise was quickly replaced by a look that can only be described as the 'I deserved that' look.
"Stop dwelling on the past, kid!" Kurogane snapped. "I'm dead, there's nothing you can do about that. Look forward." Well, Kurogane seemed to be pretty accustomed to the situation already. I mean, he's dead, and he just slapped his apprentice. If that doesn't tell you something, I don't know what does.
"While you're at it..." The ninja continued. Syaoran tilted his head in curiosity. He seemed to have regained his composure a bit. If you're talking to the dead guy, it's a bit hard to feel bad that they're gone, I suppose.
"When you next see that magician, tell him that he needs to tell you the whole truth. What he's running from, why...I mean everything. If you're going to be stuck with him, you need to know exactly why he's running."
I flinched, causing the leaves around me to rustle slightly. Syaoran, however, didn't seem to notice, instead nodding.
"But...what am I supposed to do?" He asked.
Discover your purpose in life like I have to, if I have one? Move forward? I thought.
"That's easy: Keep the magician out of trouble," Kurogane answered.
Oh, that too.
"Kurogane...? Thanks. You were kind of like my father...in a more...violent way...and you taught me how to fight with a sword. It may seem stupid, but it means a lot to me. Thank you."
I smiled. So did Kurogane, which was nice, as I thought he might brush if off and tell him to stop being a sap. I saw him turn his glance over to Sakura's dead body. I forced myself to follow it, but even looking at her caused me to wince. No one deserved to go out that way, especially not her.
"I might want to suggest getting that claw out of the girl's back, if you can stomach doing that," Kurogane told Syaoran. I decided that I would help him do that after these guys were done with their conversation.
Syaoran shook his head slowly. "Probably not."
"Well, depends, the girl's soul might be trapped in it. Seems like souls could be trapped easily in the last world we went to."
Trust Kurogane to jump straight to the point. The kid in front of him nodded. Kurogane suddenly knelt down in front of the boy and placed his hand by Syaoran's right eye. For some reason, this forced me back to the flaming wolf's (Blaze, he'd been called?) statement about Syaoran's height. It wasn't that he was short, it was that the two adults he hung around with were tall. I knew exactly what Kurogane was checking for, but Syaoran obviously didn't. "What are you...?" He began. The question went unfinished as Kurogane got back to his feet.
"...Looks like that seal is no longer needed," He muttered to himself. "Kid's grown a heart."
I even found myself letting out a sigh of relief. The very last thing that I needed was that seal to break and for him to lose his heart. The loss of Kurogane and Sakura was enough. I noticed that I didn't feel as sad as I had before, knowing that Kurogane's, and probably Sakura's, souls were still with us.
"What are you talking about?" Syaoran asked uneasily. I shook my head. I wondered if Kurogane would actually tell him. Would he ever need to know? It would probably only make him feel worse...
"It's not important. It's best left unknown." I silently nodded my agreement. He placed a hand on Syaoran's head. The look the kid gave him reminded me of a lost puppy. I guess it made sense, I thought with a smile. They were the puppy pair.
Too bad big doggy was dead.
"You're a good kid. Take care of yourself, alright?"
"I will," Syaoran said with little hesitation. I smiled. Still determined. I was glad. I saw Kurogane inconspicuously cast me a glance. Inwardly, I chuckled, unsurprised. In return, I gave him one of most forced smiles I'd ever given. He rolled his eyes, and with a gust of wind, he disappeared.
Syaoran turned around to face Sakura, his kudan standing up from where it had been watching the whole scene.
"Any chance her soul could be in that claw?" Syaoran asked, casting Blaze a glance that was half hopeful, half nervous.
"...I'd almost guaruntee it. Do you have the courage to talk to her, if by chance, her soul comes out and talks to you?"
Syaoran shook his head. "No, but I have to."
I figured now was a good time to intervene and maybe help him out. He gently flipped the princess onto her back. I noted how he almost seemed worried that he's hurt her more if he was too rough. I highly doubted he was thinking about this too much. Treating the girl as if she were fragile, and protecting her from anything dangerous seemed to be built into his subconscience. I stepped out from behind the tree and walked towards him.
"What are you doing?" I asked, faking cluelessness, just as I'd faked a lot of my emotions.
"You know," Syaoran muttered. He didn't seem angry. More casual, maybe curious. "You were watching the whole thing. I heard you tense when Kurogane said you needed to tell me everything."
I really should've known I couldn't sneak up on him. He'd learned from Kurogane. Still, I couldn't help but sigh aloud. I didn't want to tell him why I'd traveled with them all. It would require telling him my past, which almost literally felt like a bunch of cruel gods had dumped a bucket of angst fuel on my head, no matter how much time passed. It required telling him what a coward I was. It required telling him how I'd murdered my own brother. It probably also involved betraying his trust. I didn't want to do any of that.
"I'll get back to you on that," I finally decided. "Come on."
Syaoran and I both gripped the claw and pulled until it slid out. I released it so Syaoran could do what he was supposed to with it, which consisted of giving it to Blaze so he could set it on fire, I guess. The blood that poured out of the girl's body almost made me sick. It almost felt as if I was staring at the dead body of my little sister.
Except I don't have a little sister. So I really need to shut up.
Syaoran's sharp intake of breath caused me to look up to see Sakura, who had wrapped her arms tightly around Syaoran. Syaoran seemed uncertain for a moment, then he gently hugged her as well. I knew I was supposed to feel bad, and I did, but I couldn't help but also think "Awww." I felt I had no right to say anything about the situation, and I seriously considered just getting up and leaving. But I decided against it.
"I'm sorry," Sakura whispered.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about," Syaoran answered.
Neither of you do, I thought.
"And nor do you, so stop scolding yourself."
I couldn't help but smile. I think Blaze said something, but I missed it.
"Listen, I know it sounds corny, but I'll always be with you. Even when you change dimension. I'll always be there. Don't worry about me, OK?"
The two stared at one another for a long moment, then Syaoran turned his head away. I could see tears welling up in his eyes. How often had I seen this kid cry before? Twice? Once when Sakura couldn't remember him in Hanshin, and twice after he saw Kurogane's past (whatever it had been) in a memory book. It made me feel bad for him.
"Being sad is fine, Syaoran. I'm sad. I'm not hiding it." He looked back up, though he seemed worried about doing so. I guess he thought he was supposed to be stronger than this. Maybe I was just looking too much into it. I sighed aloud. He was only a kid. And just because he was a boy didn't mean he wasn't allowed to cry.
"Here," Sakura murmured. And then she kissed him. And he kissed her back.
"...Did Mokona miss something?" It asked as it hopped out of the bushes. Then it stopped. "...How long have they been at this?"
Syaoran: The master of the understatement. Mokona: The master of horrible timing.
"Not too long," I told it as the two parted. It giggled halfheartedly, obviously thinking up some story to tell Yuuko.
"It's OK to be sad, but you don't need to worry about me."
Like that was going to stop him anyway. Sakura got to her feet and made her way towards me.
"Thanks. You were always like my big brother, Fai." I wondered where the honorifics had gone. I guess they didn't matter when you were dead. She gave me a long hug. For some reason, I couldn't help but think of all the times I'd lied to her, and everyone else in the group. I felt horrible, but instead of saying so, I forced a smile and gave her a hug, too.
"If you don't feel like smiling, then don't. Please," Sakura whispered. Without a word, I dropped the act. She let go, giving a short smile of approval. She crouched down to Mokona's height. "Be good, OK, Mokona? Don't get into trouble."
"Sakura..." Its voice was hard to hear. I was almost afraid it'd start bawling again. I could imagine Sakura might've stayed a little longer to comfort it. But it took an even breath and gave a smile. In a voice even more quiet than it had been before, it said something that sounded like 'OK.'
You have to give it credit. That must've been hard. I believe it continued talking to Sakura for a short moment, but I couldn't hear it. Syaoran probably had no idea that it said anything.
"Thanks, all of you, for everything. Don't worry if you can't see me, I will be there, OK?" She turned her head and gave a light smile at Blaze. "Take care of Syaoran," she told it in a playful teasing tone. Syaoran laughed. I admired the effort he gave. At least he tried. But listening to it sort of hurt, because he still sounded heartbroken. Sakura's playful smile faded into a sad, possibly apologetic one. She disappeared with the wind, just as Kurogane had.
"I assume we should bury their bodies somewhere," Blaze muttered, it's tone cautious as to not shove the facts at us. "Syaoran and Fai need their time to grieve. Do you want to help me out, Mokona?"
"It probably needs its time to grieve, too," Syaoran pointed out. I agreed with him, and I was about to suggest putting off any sort of burial at the moment, when Mokona hopped forward.
"Mokona will help," it declared, trying to sound enthusiastic about being helpful. (Like a lot of our attempts to sound happy today, this fell flat on its face.) Mokona disappeared among a pile of tree roots, Blaze faded into the shadows. How does a fire wolf disappear into shadows? I wondered.
"Are you going to tell me what we do now?" Syaoran asked nervously. So he assumed I had a clue. Admittedly, I was surprised. He'd never really asked me what we were supposed to do next. I was just following him and helping him collect feathers. I guess that goal was gone.
I shook my head. "I'm still working it out." This actually meant 'I have no idea and haven't really thought about it in the slighest.' "Be patient, alright? If you can get any sleep, I recommend trying. We'll probably have to bury those two tomorrow." I could feel the tears come to my eyes with that statement. Burying them felt like declaring their death officially. And it was already official, really. They were dead, there was nothing we could do to reverse that. And I hated it.
I did what I seemed to do best: I shoved the thought away. Instead, I added "Be careful with that arm of yours." While my mind was on that subject, I realized Syaoran seriously needed medical care. He still had those wounds from the library, though he didn't seem to remember them. Sometimes, I wondered if I cared more for his wellbeing than he did. I certainly didn't care much for mine.
"OK." His voice was quiet. I gave a sigh. Poor kid. He stood there, his face hard to read for a while, and then he finally lied down, his eyes falling shut. It took a surprisingly short time for him to fall asleep. He must've been exhausted. I got to my feet. I probably needed to rest as well, but I just didn't think I could right now. Instead, I walked through the trees to where Mokona and Blaze were.
"Need help?" I offered the two. Blaze seemed surprised, but Mokona just seemed plain weary. It looked like it was asleep on its feet. "I'll take your place, if you want, Mokona," I offered, kneeling in front of it. It held its paws out into the air. "Could Fai carry Mokona?"
...Aww.
I picked up the white pork bun and carried it back through the trees, to where Syaoran was. I placed it beside him. Tiredly, it slipped into his pants pocket. In about a few seconds, I could hear it snoring.
With a smile, I turned and headed back through the trees, to where Blaze was. My kudan appeared beside me and we continued digging for Mokona. We were silent for the most part. When we were finally done, the fire wolf turned to face me.
"I'm sorry for your loss," he murmured. "I'm sorry for butting into your lives like this."
I shook my head. "It's no trouble at all, really. If it weren't for you guys, we'd all be dead."
It gave a sigh. "Is there any way I can help my master?"
I couldn't help but find that kind of cute. "Give him time," I said with a shrug.
"Is that how I can help my master, too?" My kudan said hopefully. I gave a light chuckle. "Yeah, I guess I need time as well."
"I think you also need a friend," Blaze suggested. "Your kudan's there to help you if you need to talk. So am I. And so is Syaoran."
They wouldn't understand. But I lied and nodded anyway. "Don't wake up Syaoran-kun," I told Blaze. "He needs his rest. You should rest, too."
"And you," it suggested before walking back through the trees.
"Can Fai and I be friends?" My kudan asked. I nodded.
"Sure!" I said enthusiastically. The exact opposite of how I felt. I seemed to do this a lot.
"Please don't sound happy if you're not happy. Didn't Sakura ask the same thing?"
I sighed. "It's kind of how I do things."
"It'd be best for everyone, most of all yourself, if you broke that habit. At least try. We'll all help every step of the way."
I shrugged. "We'll see."
It lied down. "I'm going to rest," it told me. I nodded slightly before lying down and staring at the 'sky'. The sky was covered by the trees. There was no way of knowing what time it was. I stared on anyway. My kudan turned into a silver orb and floated into my chest. My eyes fell shut.
Maybe I had been exhausted and just hadn't known, because when I next opened my eyes, I could tell some time had passed. As I sat up, my back snapped at least three times. The joys of back pain. I pushed to my feet and walked back through the trees. If we were going to bury the two, it was better we did it sooner than later. The more we put it off, the more it would hurt when we finally had to do it.
I found Syaoran exactly where he'd been when I left him. And I mean that literally. He didn't appear to have moved. At all. I guess this disturbed me, when combined with the fact he was completely pale and his face had an expression of pain on it.
"Syaoran-kun?" I muttered. Nothing. I got down beside him, grabbed his shoulder, and shook him back and forth gently. When there was no response, I began to panic, shaking him a bit more violently. "Syaoran-kun!" I repeated. Again, no response.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so worried. But after yesterday's events, I wasn't taking any chances. I couldn't lose Syaoran as well.
