Author's Note: Next chapter. It will probably be some time next week before another chapter goes up, but I hope my readers will enjoy this set of quick updates anyway. :)
I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.
Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/reviewing this.
Bebedora: Thank you. :) I figured that there would be a lot of romantic stories between various couples in a fandom like this, but while playing the game here recently, I was really struck by the potential of the Squall/Laguna dynamic and wished yet again that they had explored this more in canon. Thus why I decided to do a story like this instead. I am glad that you like the idea and will be sure to check out your fic here soon. :)...Also thanks on the card thing. I was thinking about how it was cool how there tended to be some significance to who had each character card and started to wonder about what Laguna would think about having his son's card. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
Chapter Two
Squall Leonhart stared at the message on the screen in front of him for several minutes, the scowl on his face growing deeper with every passing second.
Six months after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall was still in charge of many of Balamb Garden's operations, with Cid and Edea mainly acting in advisory and administrative roles to help him manage things, despite their acknowledged authority over the direction of the Garden's activities. After helping Esthar take care of its monster problem, he began to attend to numerous requests for SeeD assistance in a variety of matters from local monster problems to threats of terrorism from some of the smaller towns and cities that were still threatened by the current global instability. The result had been that everyone at Garden had been busy for the last few months, which was fine by Squall because it gave him a chance to avoid dealing with certain events in his life that he would rather not think about.
Three weeks after Ultimecia's defeat, he had received an official message from Esthar asking for his presence at the Presidential Palace. Even though the request had been official, Squall was certain that it was actually a personal request from Laguna. He had remembered that Laguna had said something about wanting to talk after everything was over, and Squall figured that Laguna had decided that the time for that had come.
Squall leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest as he recalled that meeting.
Squall walked into the room and found Laguna by himself, facing the wall behind his desk. He didn't see Kiros or Ward around which supported his suspicions that this was not about government or SeeD business. When Laguna did not turn around for almost a full minute after he had arrived, Squall thought about saying something to indicate that he was here. The moment he opened his mouth to speak, however, Laguna suddenly whirled around and greeted him with a warm, but tentative smile.
"Oh hey, hi," Laguna said as he loped toward him. "I hope the trip here was ok. Do you need anything? Some refreshment or….?"
"I'm fine," Squall interrupted. "Please state your business." Laguna put his hand to the back of his head, the smile on his face waning slightly.
"Ah I suppose I should have expected that," he replied. "The usual no-nonsense SeeD attitude and all. It's a lot like what I remember from when I was in the Galbadian army. You know, there was this one commander I had. Wow, he was strict. I remember telling Kiros one time that…."
Squall crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head to the side while looking down at the floor. Thanks to Ellone and her ability to send his consciousness into the past, Squall was aware of Laguna's habit of rambling on and on whenever he became flustered. Squall was certain that he would be at this for a long time and was surprised when Laguna abruptly stopped talking.
"Sorry about that," Laguna said with a short laugh. "I kind of let myself get carried away there."
"Was there something you needed to discuss?" Squall asked impatiently. Laguna reached down and rubbed his leg briefly before beginning to pace around the office.
"Yes, of course," Laguna replied. "There is something I need to discuss with you. Something really important."
Laguna sat down and motioned at a chair for Squall, but just as Squall started to move toward the chair, Laguna jumped back up and paced about the room. Squall let out a sigh and waited for Laguna to say more.
"Um ok," Laguna finally said. "So I know that Elle told you about sending you back into my past and all. And you got to see a lot of stuff that happened in my life. Like when I was in the Galbadian army and the last mission I did before I left and…and Winhill, and….Raine…."
Squall remained outwardly impassive as Laguna's pacing slowed and he kept reaching down to rub his leg. He didn't really want to listen to some long, pointless spiel that told him nothing new, but he couldn't think of any even remotely polite way to cut it short.
"Um, Raine and I…well I know you know something about that," Laguna continued. "She and I…after Kiros showed back up and we started to take care of some of the monsters there, I got to thinking. About my life and about the life I had there in Winhill. And uh, I decided that it was time for a change."
"You married her?" Squall asked, hoping to speed things along. Laguna started a little and looked down at the ring on his finger.
"Yeah, I did," he said quietly. "I know all her friends were against it, but I don't regret it. And I…I don't think she did either. I'm pretty sure she didn't anyway. But after that, well, life went on and unfortunately Esthar soldiers came looking for Elle, just like Raine and I thought they would. I tried. I tried everything I could to stop them from taking her, but I just couldn't."
He paused and resumed his pacing, and Squall noted that his demeanor became less animated as he continued his story.
"I knew that I had to go get Elle," he said. "There was no way I could let her spend her life being studied and experimented on. Raine supported my decision, even though I know she really did not want me to go. And to be honest, I really did not want to leave her for even one second. But before I left, she told me that she had a surprise that would be waiting for me when I got back. A surprise that would change everything for her, me, Elle…for all of us."
Laguna stopped pacing and talking for a couple minutes and Squall was about to ask him if he was done when Laguna suddenly turned to face him.
"I didn't know," he said. "I didn't know what the surprise was. All I could think about was saving Elle and getting back to Winhill and to Raine as fast as I could. Eventually, I stopped wondering what this surprise was and focused everything on those two goals. And afterward, after sending Elle back and then having to go look for her again, I still didn't know what Raine was waiting to tell me. I went back to Winhill, but most of the people there wouldn't even talk to me."
Laguna made a sound that was almost like a soft hiccup and swallowed several times before going on.
"It…it wasn't until I found… until I found Raine's grave that I was able to get anyone to tell me anything about what had happened," he murmured. "And then, the only substantial thing I was able to get out of them was that Elle had been sent to some orphanage. No one would tell me anything about Raine other than that she had fallen ill and died. For years, that was all I knew. I guess I figured that the only way I could keep going after that was to find things to fill my time. So I worked on finding Elle, on getting Esthar back together after the whole thing with Adel, and on trying to be a leader to all those people. And I suppose it worked. Life went on, and I kept busy."
He waved a hand near his face, as if he was awakening from a trance, and he slowly walked about in a semicircle in front of Squall.
"When I finally got to see Elle again here recently, she told me some stuff," he said. "Some things I didn't know about Raine and about that time before she….before Elle ended up at that orphanage and before she was taken in by those SeeDs. And um, I think it's important that you know about what she told me."
Squall crossed his arms and went back to looking at the floor. He had figured out a while ago where this was going. After everything that had happened recently, it hadn't taken that much time or reflection for him to figure out the truth: that Laguna Loire was his father. Everything from the way the Moombas had confused him for Laguna after licking his blood, to the cryptic comments Ward and Kiros had made to him about how much he looked like his mother and not so much like his father, to what he had been able to piece together from all those glimpses into Laguna's past had given him plenty of clues to solve this mystery.
Squall frowned and tightened his grip on his upper arms. He supposed that he could have just told Laguna that he already knew and thus put an end to Laguna's awkward progression toward the truth, but some dark corner of Squall's heart wanted this to be as difficult as possible for Laguna. He knew that it was selfish and maybe even a little cruel, but that deep seated hurt over being alone and abandoned for so many years demanded its revenge.
"She told me that Raine hadn't just died from some random illness," Laguna continued. "And that she hadn't died alone either. And I don't mean that she was with Elle, because she was, but it wasn't just the two of them. She told me that Raine given birth to a child, our child. And that child, well…that child was…you."
Squall glanced up to see Laguna staring right at him, his eyes searching. Squall didn't know what Laguna was looking for, but he was certain that whatever it was, he wasn't going to find it.
"So, is that it then?" Squall said his tone cold and brittle. "Is that what you needed to tell me?" Laguna blinked hard, the slight smile on his lips starting to fade.
"I don't understand what…." Squall let his arms drop to his sides and took a couple steps back.
"Raine was my mother," Squall replied. "She died because she gave birth to me. And that makes you my father. Is that what you wanted to say to me?"
"Well…yes. But there's more that I…."
"That what? That you need to explain?" Squall interrupted. "What else is there to say? You left Raine to find Ellone, and you chose to stay in Esthar rather than go back to Winhill. She died and Ellone and I ended up living in orphanages for most of our lives. You left us behind and went on with your life. And we moved on too."
"That wasn't what I wanted to do at all," Laguna insisted.
"But that's what you did," Squall retorted, his voice low and tightly controlled. "You made your decision. That's fine. I get why you did it. You had a duty to these people in Esthar. They needed someone to help them fix things after Adel, and you stepped into that role. Ellone and I just had to make it on our own without you."
"Squall, please believe me, if I had known…."
"What difference does that make?" Squall said. "Maybe you think that things could have been different, but it doesn't matter. You can't change the past. Ellone was able to figure that out. Can you?"
"No, you're right, I can't change the past," Laguna responded. "I know that I made a bunch of mistakes, and I know that I can't change any of that. But I guess I was hoping that…that maybe I could start trying to make up for those mistakes."
"How? By telling me all this?" Squall asked him. "Did you think that telling me that you're my father would somehow make everything better? Did you think that it would make up for all those years that you went on with your life as if I didn't even exist?"
Squall turned away and walked toward the door. He could hear Laguna following him, but he made sure not to look back at him.
"Squall…."
"Laguna, I don't know what you were thinking when you asked for this conversation and I don't really want to know," Squall growled at him. "I spent way more time than I could possibly want inside your head, and I've had enough. So unless you've got some official business with Garden, I'm leaving."
"No," Laguna mumbled. "Nothing official. Not with Garden or SeeD."
"Then there's no reason for me to be here," Squall said. He walked out the door, and as he did, he could hear a groan from Laguna, but he refused to look back, suspecting that it was just another one of those 'convenient' leg cramps that Laguna got whenever he wasn't ready to handle stressful situations in his life.
As he came out of his reverie, Squall's frowned softened, but did not go away. He ended up letting Rinoa, Quistis, Zell, Selphie, and Irvine know about what had happened at that meeting with the explicit demand that they keep this a secret from everyone, including Cid and Edea, as a way to prevent any possible political complications from arising due to his connection to the president of Esthar given his position within Garden. For weeks after that meeting, Squall did his best to bury himself with work and avoided thinking about it. Old anger and memories of loneliness had strengthened his belief that it was better to push the past and Laguna out of his life and to not encourage any further contact between them. Convinced that he was completely justified in his actions, Squall concentrated on getting his life back to a more comfortable existence.
Weeks turned into months, and eventually Squall's emotions faded from a violent rupture of pain and vague feelings of betrayal into a dull ache. This reduction in intensity helped him find the clarity he needed to reconsider what he had done and said and to attempt to think about Laguna's perspective.
"Squall, please believe me, if I had known…."
Squall let out a long sigh as he remembered those words yet again. It was clear that Laguna was trying to tell him that if he had known that he had a son, things would have been different. If he had learned the truth back then, he would have done more than just quietly search for Ellone while tending to Esthar. Everything seemed to hinge on that single if. The fact was Laguna had not been given the opportunity to choose between his obligation to Esthar and his responsibility as a parent. Squall pondered how, much like how he had had little choice in what happened to him back then, Laguna had had the truth about his family stolen from him, making it unlikely that he could have made any other decision than the one he ultimately chose.
Still, resentments built over an entire childhood continued to have a hold on him, and Squall found it impossible completely separate his legitimate sorrow and pain over how he had had to grow up from the pettier, vindictive sides to those feelings. Ruminations over the conversation he had had with Laguna gradually added one more emotion to this potent mix: regret. Regret that he had been so harsh with Laguna and regret over the wall that he had put up between himself and his father.
It was this regret, along with an oppressive uncertainty over what he could do differently if they were to see each other again, which had compelled him to avoid answering Laguna's continued requests for another meeting. Even though he soon wished that one of them could find a way to break this stalemate of doubts and hurt feelings between them, Squall couldn't stop himself from being a little afraid of the day when that breakthrough came.
Squall stretched his limbs and sat up in his chair. This latest message from Esthar on his computer screen had actually come from Kiros Seagill and was a formal request for SeeDs to guard the president of Esthar while he attended an upcoming conference in Deling City. But Squall was certain that Laguna was behind this, and as a result, he was wary of responding to it.
His confused feelings over the matter led to him forgetting about how official SeeD requests were automatically transmitted to the computers of all top ranking members of Garden, a fact that he was promptly reminded of when Cid and Edea appeared in his office.
"Ah Squall, good, I see that you are reading Esthar's request for our services," Cid said as he approached him. "That takes care of any need for a mission briefing."
"Sir, I take it we are accepting Esthar's request?" Squall said.
"Of course," Cid replied. "This is exactly the kind of thing SeeD needs to be doing now that the immediate problem of the sorceress has been taken care of. The conference in Galbadia might not be an official conference between governments, but it's important all the same."
"I understand," Squall nodded. "I will make sure to assign an excellent detail to the Esthar delegation."
"Actually Squall, Edea and I have already decided that this job should be handled by the best that Balamb Garden has to offer," Cid said. "And that means you and your team."
"Me?" Squall said. "Sir, I have too many duties here. Shouldn't we….?"
"Squall, listen to me, please," Edea said, stepping forward past her husband. "You have to understand how important all of this is. Galbadia is still disliked by many throughout the world, not without reason, mind you, and Esthar is just now starting to build relations with other countries after years of antagonism and then isolation. To many, President Loire represents a more benevolent and cooperative Esthar, far different than how it has been perceived in the past. These people trust President Loire and are counting on him to encourage other countries to work together to formulate treaties and settle long-standing differences."
"Quite right," Cid added as he darted about Squall while nodding his head. "An incident in Galbadia involving Esthar's president would be disastrous. There are people who would take it as a sign that Galbadia is unwilling to live peacefully with its neighbors, and the people I have talked to recently from Esthar have convinced me that Esthar would not react well at all to an attack on one of their most beloved citizens. It is imperative that this conference goes as smoothly as possible and that President Loire has absolutely nothing untoward happen to him. That is why we need you and your team, a team that has already been proven to be the best that Balamb Garden can offer."
Squall crossed his arms over his chest and looked down and to the side. It was clear that Cid and Edea were completely set on the idea of him being a part of Laguna's security detail. Even though they gave him plenty of freedom in how he handled SeeD business, Squall knew that they were still ready to assert their authority if they felt they needed to.
"I understand," he mumbled. "I will get my people together and brief them on this mission as soon as possible."
"Great, wonderful," Cid smiled. "I am sure now that there will be no problems. Not with the six of you there to take care of things."
A couple hours later, Squall was standing on one of the balconies on the edges of Balamb Garden, watching the scenery drift by him. Even though the immediate threat of Galbadia and the sorceress was no longer a concern, many within Garden had seen an advantage to continuing to remain mobile and only settling in any one spot for short periods of time. Right now, they were slowly moving toward Deling City so they could stop for a while in an area a few miles south of the city.
The moon had begun to rise and its reflection on the ocean wavered and shimmered as Garden sailed along, the water rippling around it. Squall had lifted his head toward the sky when the sound of footsteps interrupted his train of thought.
"Hey, I heard that we have another mission," Rinoa said as she walked over to stand beside him, a smile on her face. "Where are we going to this time?" Squall made sure to give her a smile of his own and put his arm around her waist.
"Esthar, to join a security detail," he answered. "And then we will be going to a conference in Deling City."
"Oh Esthar," Rinoa said, clapping her hands together. "I can't wait to see that incredible city again."
Squall's smile widened a little. He hadn't been able to forget how people from Esthar had been willing and anxious to seal Rinoa away just because she had inherited Edea's sorceress abilities, and he continued to be amazed at how generous Rinoa could be when it came to forgiving others for their actions.
"Hey wait… Esthar," Rinoa mused. "Does this mean that we'll be seeing Laguna and his friends again?" Squall turned to look back at the night sky, his face falling.
"Yes," he said. "Kiros wants to hire SeeD to protect Laguna while he attends this 'cultural exchange' conference. I guess everyone is worried about some kind of international incident if anything happens to him while he's there." Rinoa looked over at him and placed a hand on his arm, causing him to look back at her.
"Squall, are you sure about this?" she asked. "This assignment, I mean. I know that you and your….that you and Laguna haven't exactly been on good terms ever since you guys had that talk." Squall frowned, but did not loosen his hold on her.
"I don't exactly have a choice," he said. "Cid and Edea made it clear that they want me to handle this, and with Laguna being the president…it's not as if Garden can afford to ignore a request like this. I'm sure he was counting on that."
"What, you mean you think Laguna made sure that you'd be the one assigned to him?" Rinoa responded.
"He probably did not do it overtly, but I am pretty sure that he did what he could to ensure that it would work out this way," Squall said. "I suppose I'm going to have to stop underestimating him."
"Don't worry," Rinoa laughed. "I think Laguna has been letting people underestimate him for a long time. He strikes me as someone who is always a little more aware of things than he'd like to admit, not unlike a certain SeeD I know."
"Please," Squall said, with a trace of irritation. "Don't start comparing me to him. That guy is clumsy, disorganized and has no idea how to be serious for even one moment when faced with a pressure situation."
"Oh I'm sure you're right about all that," Rinoa said with a sly smile. "But still, I think I can see a little bit of him in you, perhaps even something more than a little bit." Squall scowled again, and Rinoa laughed a little before wrapping her arms around him and moving even closer to him.
"Squall, maybe this assignment is just what you need," she continued. "Spending this time with Laguna, it could give you a chance to mend things with him. I know that you two have a lot of things to sort out between you, but…he is still your father."
"Mend things with him?" Squall echoed. "This coming from someone who hasn't talked civilly to her father in years?" Rinoa lowered her head, resting it against Squall's arm.
"That's not fair," she said. "The situation between me and my father is totally different than the one between you and Laguna."
"Maybe the circumstances are different," Squall said. "But the results are pretty much the same, aren't they? So you tell me, why exactly should I put myself through something you'd never do?"
Rinoa looked up at him with a wounded look in her eyes, and Squall immediately regretted his words. 'Seems like I can't say the right thing to anyone anymore,' he thought to himself. He was about to apologize when Rinoa's expression suddenly changed from hurt to calm resignation.
"I guess you have a point," she said. "You're right. It doesn't matter how it started, the result is the same as the situation between you and Laguna."
"Rinoa…."
"But that doesn't mean that that's the end of it," she continued. "You said that we'll be going to Deling City for this conference, right? Well maybe this is an opportunity for both of us."
Rinoa pulled away and clasped her hands behind her back while tracing a circle with her foot. A few seconds later, she looked into his eyes again.
"Let's make a promise," she said. "I promise to go talk to my father if you promise to give Laguna another chance."
"Rinoa, I…."
"Come on, Squall," she said, leaning toward him. "Don't you see? We need to do this. After all that stuff with Ultimecia, I don't want to think about having a bunch of things left undone and unsaid. I want to live my life without all those regrets. And I want you to have that too. Please?"
Squall let out a sigh as he dropped his face against his palm. He couldn't see any flaws in her argument and instinctively knew that he was going to let her talk him into this. He then wondered for the umpteenth time in these last few months how exactly she managed to have this kind of effect on him.
"All right," he said as he raised his head. "If you're willing to meet with your father, I'll try to get along with Laguna for this mission. But I can't promise anything."
"That's all right," she beamed at him. "I have no idea how well this is going to go with my father either, so it wouldn't be fair for me to insist that things turn out perfectly for you." She then leapt toward Squall and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Squall stumbled back, surprised, but managed to stay upright and put his arms back onto her waist.
"Don't worry so much, Squall," she said as she squeezed him tight. "I just know that things are going to work out between you and Laguna. You'll see. You won't regret doing this. I'm sure of it."
Squall sighed and let himself smile again as he held her close to him. He could not muster up the same level of confidence that Rinoa seemed to have about this, but he couldn't deny that her belief in him and in a positive outcome for him made him feel warm inside. He closed his eyes and started to stroke her hair.
"Please," she whispered. "Don't let me go. Not tonight." Squall bowed his head down so that his lips brushed her ear.
"I won't let you go," he murmured. "I promise."
