Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters.
Dean looked at his brother sharply, "Dude you're catching flies." He pushed pass him and makes his way to his bag ignoring the dumb look on Sam's face. He knows it looks strange. First time in three weeks, he asked Cas how long it had been, Dean is out of bed and ready to go when Sam finally drags himself to the motel room. Though 'drags' is not the operative word; Sam has had a bounce in his step since that night. He can stay out all night hunting demons and drive them the next day to where ever it is next on their quest. Dean thinks about it and he isn't sure when the last time his brother slept, but then again he spends a lot of his time sleeping now too so he couldn't say for sure that Sam has stopped sleeping altogether.
"I'm just surprised," Sam says carefully. The brothers have not been side stepping each other for these three weeks; though again Dean doesn't remember enough about them to be sure.
"Yeah," Dean's still tired but the sound of his mothers laugh is still strong in his ears and even though it had been completely embarassing being in that position Dean was going to ask again, soon. The musical laughter is a enough to get him to not notice the slight bruise on Sam's neck that he knows came from Ruby's mouth. It keeps the hysteria and disgust that his little baby brother is sleeping with a damn demon down, if only a little. Dean jerks and groans from pain out of reflect but the usual pain that would have been accompanied by the movement is gone and another pleasant memory replaces the images of Sammy and Ruby.
"You okay?" Sam is hovering at the foot of the bed staring at Dean's chest and head like he has Superman's x-ray vision. The worry that pours off him is palpable.
Dean nods and entertains the idea of not telling Sam what Castiel did for him; it's not like his brother didn't know that Cas spent most of his time with him. Since that night it would seem that they had come to something of a truce. Dean hadn't asked what happen; doesn't want to know, because he knows that it had something to do with Sammy's powers and the fact that Alistair is dead. That automatically put it on the 'too damn tired' to care list of things about that night he does not wish to know about. As far as not telling Sammy it came down to the fact that Dean's time spent with Castiel felt... private. Like it's their time, no one elses. And that is enough for that chick-flick moment.
"Cas healed me, I'm all better." Dean laid down, it doesn't look like Sam's in a hurry to get to the next town any time soon.
Sam looked confused, "What do you mean? I asked him to heal you and he wouldn't."
Dean shrugged his shoulders, "He aint followin anyones orders."
"Wont he Fall?" Sam asked bewildered.
Another shrug, "Guys got faith." Enough for the both of them, Dean keeps telling himself.
"That can't be all that matters, he has to follow orders... Right?" Sam cares about what happens to Castiel and that eases something in Dean's chest that he hadn't realized was tense until now.
Dean scoffs, "Follow orders? Like Uriel did?" He shifts uncomfortably; Dean had never liked Junkless, not in the least. "Maybe Uriel had a point about one thing. If there is a God, he doesn't care what's happening down here."
"No Dean," Sam is right there leaning over him looking right at him. "You can't think like that. If there is God then he does care what happens down here. He does because if he didn't what would the point be then?"
Dean looks at him unabashed for a moment, "Seriously after every thing thats happen, after everything Uriel and Cas said to you and about you you still have faith?"
Sam looks so sad for one moment that Dean wishes he had never said anything, "Christ Dean. If I didn't have faith I don't know where I would be." That tension, it eases a little more. "I wont say it didn't diminish when I first met the angels but I still pray... Everyday." Sam gets out of his face after that and goes to the bathroom both of them need a moment to themselves.
"It is awe inspiring." Dean's head whipped so fast to the side he's surprised he didn't have a new injury from it. Castiel is sitting on the bed next to Dean, arms crossed over his chest a thoughtful experssion on his face.
"I thought I was over you surprising me." Dean grunts rubbing his neck, another warm hand joined his and the little twinge he had felt melted away. "I'm never going to enjoy a little pain again, am I?"
That thoughtful experssion turns to him, "Why would you enjoy pain? From the pain I felt as Alistair tried to force me back to Heaven it is not something you should enjoy."
Dean sighed and closed his eyes, "Sometimes pain... reminds you you're alive. Back to the 'awe inspiring?'" Dean's quick to change the subject.
"Sam," Castiel said softly. "He still has faith, after everything... He would not Fall." That last sentence is said more to Castiel then Dean.
Dean's suddenly gripped with a icy fear his hand grabs Castiel's, "And what about you? You wont Fall?" Dean knows he doesn't have the fight left in him anymore but the idea of even trying without Cas is a little too unbearable.
"My faith is strong." He repeats his words from the night before and they are still as certain as then. "Even stronger when you too have faith."
A laugh escaped, "Dude leave it be." That hand Dean forgot he was still gripping tightly squeezed back.
"I will not," There's a light pressure along Dean's jaw. "I enjoy you touching me more than when Anna touched me."
Coughing and sitting up Dean twists to look at Castiel who is still leaning against the head board. "Dude," Dean stops unsure of what exactly to say. "What?"
Castiel's eyebrows drew together, "I do not understand."
"I don't understand." Dean fired back, so maybe he had thought he was liking the new Cas with bubbling emotions but this was getting weird.
Castiel tilted his head to the side and had his thoughtful look on full-force. "Maybe it would be best if I did not touch you?" It's a question and Dean doesn't know what to make of the fact that Castiel looks like he fears the answer.
"Wow," Sam's standing with the bathroom door open, a towel wrapped around his waist. He's lookin between Dean and Castiel with a mixture of confusion, amusement and something that may be akin to disturbed. "I think---" He grabs his clothes off the corner of his bed and goes right back into the bathroom.
Dean grabs a hold of Castiel's wrist before he can blink out, if the tinge of rogue to his cheeks is any indication he was leaving. "I don't want that... It's just weird when you say things like that."
"I am confused Dean. It is like experiencing this world for the first time after so long of just meerly existing in it. I watched the sun rise this morning," Castiel paused. "I felt awe and peace. The idea that my father made that possible, that he paints these beautiful and unique sunrises and sunsets each day...." He trailed off. "There are other things here too." He put a hand to his chest. "Feelings that I do not understand."
Dean doesn't know what to say for a long time. Sam comes out of the bathroom, a grin on his face when he sees their clasped hands, mumbling something about getting breakfast. Still they sit in silence. "Help me with my faith and all of this that is happening and I'll try to help you understand what's going on with this... awakening or what the hell ever you want to call it."
"Dean," It's the first time in a while that Castiel has sounded reprimanding and it pulls at Dean's mouth in an upward fashion. "What do you think I have been doing these last three weeks. All the talks, being here for you, with you. I am trying to heal you."
Dean trys to joke it off but it falls short, "I thought it was because I've been great company." Considering that for the first week that Castiel had sat by his side Dean barely acknowledged him Dean has a new appreciation for Castiel's patience. "Then I'll try to help you with this emotion crap, but fair warning. I don't do chick moments well; so no spilling your guts about daisyies or something." Dean's really hoping the joke will get him something.
Castiel frowns, "I can handle this on my own. You need to concentrate on your healing." Wasn't what he was expecting so Dean switched tactics.
"You can't be fighting Lucifer, Lilth and all their little demon armies if you're fretting about emotions." Dean says, suddenly very serious.
"And you cannot without faith." Dean takes it for a deal, a deal that will probably end in Hellfire and Brimstone one way or another. He was certain any course of action that involved fighting this war only had that outcome.
Dean sticks out his hand and Castiel looks at it for a moment, "It's called a handshake Cas, come on." Dean takes up Castiel's hand and shakes it. "It's how us mortals seal a deal." Castiel nods and watches their clasped hands.
When Sam gets back Castiel's gone, he's meeting with some of his kin. The idea that Cas goes off alone to confront possible traitors keeps Dean's stomach in knots; it's new and alittle disconcerting. Dean's seriously starting to miss when their conversations were all one-sided and Castiel was droning on about the history of the Earth according to an actual angel, but this new.. lightness to him makes him think twice about that. Dean had thought that he wouldn't get out of that hospital bed and here he was actually considering this... destiny. He hated that word.
"Dude?" Sam is looking at him, a grin pulling at his mouth. "What was going on?"
Dean fidgets and squirms, he doesn't like feeling alive again; he suddenly misses his catatonic state a whole lot more. "Cas is going through some stuff."
"Like?" Sam presses.
"I don't know," Dean took a bite of his burger to keep from answering. "Things." He says finally when it becomes apparent that Sam doesn't plan on changing the subject. "We're working through stuff, need to be ready---"
"Dean," Sam cuts in, "You don't have to be ready. I'm strong enough for the both of us."
Dean doesn't doubt it one bit, he doesn't know the details but he knows that Alistair is dead and that Sam was the one to do. He has to bite his tongue on the, 'At what cost?' that is threatening to slip it's way out. "Regradless I'm..." Pain grips at him but it is not physical but instead emotional or better yet it was probably spiritual pain. A pain that the knowledge of knowing what he did rips across him. Dean jump started the apocolypse. "Important to this fight." Castiel told Sam about what Dean had learned; it was the last thing he had said that night before he slipped back into unconscious. "Tell Sam, I don't want to have to." Dean hadn't stayed awake long enough to see if Cas agreed or not. "I have to be here, all the way here."
"Is that possible?" It's harsh to hear it, even though Dean's been thinking it.
"I don't know." Dean mumbles.
Sam reaches across to try and grab his hand but Dean is quick to get out of reach. "Dean you left a part of you in the Pit. You can't get it back."
"Fuck," Dean stands up already moving for the door. "You don't think I don't know that? I've known that since I got back!" Sam tries to stop Dean but the look in his eyes stopped him from trying to grab his older brother's arm. "I'll be back... Nothing pressing right?" Dean knows the answer and is already out the door before Sam can answer. If there had been nothing would have stopped Sam from packing the Impala as soon as he got back; he definitely wouldn't have wasted time on a shower.
I hope this chapter flowed with the first chapter. I know that it seems pretty humorous and that has a lot to do with all those sad stories out there right now. So I'm sort of counter-acting that. I got myself the wing!fic I wanted, Dean healing and hopefully becoming something of our old Dean, and something that has a little humor to it also.
It's not that hard with Castiel being all 'impulse first wonder about it later.'
If there is any big mistakes let me know I beta'd this at two in the morning in my zeal to upload. I re read it a couple of times but in my personal expierence that has tended to do more harm than good. hehe.
I'm thinking maybe five or six chapters altogether... I'm not planning on doing the whole she-bang, like how they defeat Lucifer or what ever, this is more to focus on Dean and how he would heal and come to terms with what he has started. And a excuse to put these boys together, squee.
I also love Sam very much and would never in a million and two years want to see him evil so no evil!Sam here. Hardly misguided, maybe a little coarse all things considered but I love him too much to make him bad.
