Three Things
II.
"What has a man's face to do with his character?" -- Ann Radcliffe, The Mysteries of Udolpho
"Okay, this has gone too far," Nick said, reading the morning's headlines as the limo wound its way to Joe's house. The party the night before had been broken up abruptly. Guests were telling all sorts of stories about just what exactly had occurred. Nick's patience had finally been lost when he read the headline linking JONAS to aliens. "I thought you said you were going to handle it," he added, looking up at Macy.
"Ah!" Macy cried from her seat beside Kevin. "I said I would try to keep things under control until you got here!" She turned to Kevin, pulling away from him. "What took you so long?"
"I--" Kevin looked to Nick, then back to Macy. "We took the JONAS Jet. I didn't know there was a faster way."
Macy sighed and settled back into place, snuggling closer to Kevin than was entirely necessary. Nick just rolled his eyes and glanced out the window, hoping they would get there soon. Joe's bad attitude was hurting everyone.
"Have you tried--?" he ventured.
"No," Macy said resolutely. "In high school she accepted my borderline unhealthy JONAS obsession and I didn't ask for any special JONAS privileges. She is my best friend, Nick, she's moving on -- or trying to, at least -- and I'm not going to hurt her by forcing her to face something that at this point can only cause her more pain."
The limo came to a stop then and the three piled out.
"Well," Kevin said, "it certainly looks like a SWAT team tore through the place."
Macy took his arm. "You know those headlines are probably all lies, right?"
"Well, how do you explain this?" Kevin asked, spreading his free arm wide to encompass the trash-strewn lawn, broken windows, door hanging by only one hinge, and ottoman resting high in the branches of a tree.
Macy and Nick cocked their heads in identical looks of confusion.
"I have no idea," Nick said. "Let's just go inside and see Joe."
Kevin went in first, helping Macy around the remains of the front door. The only light came through the doorway and gaps in the curtains blocking the windows.
"It did not look like this yesterday," Macy said, tip-toeing around the shattered remains of a family of crystal geese. Furniture was overturned, pictures torn from their nails, and a hole bigger than Kevin's head now connected the foyer and the nearest bathroom.
"Joe!" Nick called, while Kevin and Macy examined the wreckage. "Joe! You come out here right now!" His voice echoed off the walls and he turned to Macy. "Where's his room?"
"This way," Macy said, and led them up the stairs.
The second floor fared better than the first. The only damage they found was a small table thrown across the hall and a shattered mirror.
"Oh," Kevin sighed when he saw that, "someone's got seven years bad luck."
"Let's hope it's not Joe," Nick said. "He's had more than enough lately."
Macy took them to the end of a long hallway, where a set of double doors stood. She paused, her hand over the gilt knob, before stepping back.
"I can't do it," she said.
"That's okay," Kevin said, "he's our brother."
"And he's my friend! I mean, I want to help but … I just can't be the one to open it."
Kevin smiled. "Like when you had to open my college acceptance letters because I was afraid they'd reject me?"
"Exactly," Macy said.
"Well," Nick said, eager to get this over with, "luckily for both of you, I'm here now."
He went through the door without any further discussion, Kevin and Macy following close behind. Nick marched across the room and pulled the curtains open, bathing the room in morning light. Joe's massive four-poster bed sat against one wall, with a plasma TV across from it. One of the hangings around the bed had been torn half-off to reveal a lump beneath the silk covers.
Nick gave Kevin and Macy an incredulous look before hurrying to the bed. He didn't stop to think before stepping up onto the mattress and walking across until he reached his brother. He kicked and pushed the heavy sleeper all the way off the bed.
"Ow!" Joe moaned when he hit the hardwood floor.
"Get up!" Nick snapped, jumping off the bed after Joe. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been about you? Mom was almost crying when we left last night! Look at me when I'm making you feel guilty!" He reached down and pulled the blanket off of Joe.
Macy let out a scream while Nick and Kevin stood stunned.
"Yeah," Joe sighed, "I know."
Nick sat down on the bed, staring at his brother, and Kevin and Macy slowly approached him as if he were an animal they weren't quite sure of.
"I don't," Macy began, "I mean … it's you. You look the same but … different."
"Ugly?" Joe volunteered.
"Yes," Kevin said abruptly.
Macy and Nick shot him annoyed looks.
"Sorry," Kevin said with a defensive shrug.
"No," Joe said, "it's okay. I am the one who said it."
Macy knelt down and poked Joe's cheek, then his forehead, then his nose. Joe stopped her before she could poke anything else.
"Okay, that's enough," he said.
"I don't get it," she said. "You look exactly the same as you did yesterday, if a bit more tired. Why are you suddenly so ugly that I can barely stand to look at you?"
Joe pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. "I've been cursed," he muttered.
No one said anything for a moment as the full effect of those words sunk in.
"Usually," Nick said finally, "I would say that's insane, but since I don't even think Mom could love that face … I'm gonna roll with it this time."
"Gee, thanks," Joe said.
Macy stood, brushing off the back of her jeans as she did so. "Well, curses are meant to be broken, aren't they? That's the way it works in fairy tales. So all we have to do is figure out how to break the curse, then Joe can get back to normal and none of the paparazzi ever have to know about this."
"Okay," Kevin said, "but could Joe put on a mask first, he's really freaking me out. Those eyes … when they look at you…." He shuddered.
"They're the same eyes I've always had," Joe said without much passion.
"Yeah, but now they're just so creepy."
"Come on!" Macy said, taking Kevin's hand and pulling him towards the door. "Let's all go downstairs and have something to eat, it'll make us feel better and Joe can tell us exactly what happened. Wait," she said, pausing and turning back to Joe, "don't you have someone who comes in and cleans? Do they know about this?"
"Yeah," he said, "my maid was here last night when it happened. I don't think she's coming back."
The four hurried downstairs, Joe at the back of the line so no one had to look at him. The only masks Joe had were large wooden ones the boys had gotten while doing relief work in Africa -- they were some of the only Stella era items in the house. With no other options Kevin cut two holes in a brown paper bag and stuck it over Joe's head.
"So what happened?" Nick asked when Macy had set them all up with peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Joe sighed, though it was muffled by the bag. "This old lady came to the door asking if I could turn down the music. I knew none of my neighbors could possibly hear it since I got this place specifically since it's so far removed from everything. I told her to get lost. She didn't and asked if I could spare a blanket for a woman out in the cold. It was an unseasonably warm night so I told her no. Then she asked if I would let her stay the night. I didn't want her cramping my style -- who wants hobo grandma crashing the party? -- so I told her I'd call the cops if she didn't leave. The next thing I know there's a huge flash of light and everybody's screaming and running and it's total chaos. I tried stopping a few people, but they all just started screaming louder when they saw me. The old lady stayed until they were gone and explained to me that I was too wrapped up in appearance and my own problems and what I really needed was a change of perspective, so she made me ugly."
"Really ugly," Kevin muttered.
"Kevin!" Macy snapped. "Go on, Joe, did she tell you how to break the curse?"
"I have to learn what really matters in life or something like that," he said, waving his hand vaguely.
"Well," Nick said, "at least something good's come out of all this."
"What?" Joe demanded.
"You're talking to us with a lot less sarcasm than usual. And the last time we had a conversation that lasted this long was Easter."
"That wasn't so long ago."
"Easter of last year."
"Oh."
"Well," Macy said cheerfully, "this should be fun. We just have to teach Joe what's important in life, he'll be a changed man, and everything can go back to better-than-normal."
"Ummm," Kevin said quietly.
"What's up, Kev?" Nick asked.
"What is important in life?"
The four exchanged helpless looks and Joe buried his face in his arms, the paper bag crumpling.
"I'm doomed."
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