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Now it's Teal'c's turn!

I DON'T OWN SG-1!

Uozumi

How to Take Care of Your Jaffa

Quietly Jack read each of his new e-mails; all praise for his ingenious How to Take Care of Your Archeologist. Leaning back in his chair, he regarded his computer, then opened a new Word document.

How to Take Care of Your Jaffa

Smirking, he began typing away.

The species known as Jaffa can be sort of scary at first - I mean, a big Ra eye on their forehead, worm in their stomach…

It's kind of disgusting at first.

Then you get used to seeing the thing every now and then…

Well, that's what's supposed to happen….

"Jack, what are you doing?" Daniel glanced wearily over at the SG-1 leader.

"Writing a report," Jack answered almost as though he was in a trance as his fingers flew across the keyboard.

"It better not be about me," Daniel muttered as Sam stared.

"Since when do you write reports?" she blinked.

"Since now."

Your average Jaffa won't have a defining quality skin wise; however, their taste in culture might be a little off….

"Perhaps we should return later then," Teal'c suggests, seeing how Jack was too immersed in his own writings to successfully conduct a group meeting.

Also, there's the speech problem. If you haven't noticed yet, these Jaffa tend to avoid contractions and the everyday. They go in for old English, and if they say "thou" or verb th, I wont' be surprised.

Your Jaffa will always come equipped with a Ra symbol on its forehead batteries not included (that was a strange movie), and a nifty staff. This nifty staff comes in hand for stunning people and maybe cooking food - I don't know, they won't let me touch it - and also there's that freaky worm thing to contend with always.

However, each model varies from Jaffa to Jaffa.

"No, that won't be necessary," Jack murmured. "I'm listening."

"Then you heard me profess my love to Carter," Daniel looked to Jack.

"When was that, Dr. Jackson?" Teal'c blinked.

Also, your Jaffa might not be quick on the uptake when doing "in" jokes.

Glancing up, Jack regarded Daniel a moment, "Yeah, when was this?"

"Oh never mind."

Another pesky habit these Jaffa have is wanting to find out about your culture. Now, you might think that this is all well and good in the neighborhood, but it isn't.

Give them a TV and you will never be sane again.

"What are you writing anyway, sir?" Sam glanced suspiciously at her superior.

"Nothing."

Daniel sighed, then looked to Sam, "I want to apologize for what Jack is doing to you before you find out -"

"This isn't about her, Space Monkey."

"What is it about, Colonel O'Neill?"

"Well, Teal'c," Jack met the Jaffa's eyes, "it's about sci-fi."

"Which one?" Teal'c inquired, interested immediately.

Yes, sci-fi. If you place your Jaffa in front of the TV, the next time you see him, he'll be spouting new phrases, like, "Beam me up, Scottie," and, "We're doomed."

Daniel's told me that these are from Star Trek and Star Wars, but, well…

"Well, you know me and sci-fi," Jack shrugged.

"What about you and sci-fi?" Daniel raised an eyebrow.

Jack sent Daniel a warning look, "That's enough out of you, Space Monkey."

Anyway, once you've got them hooked on cable, you've got them hooked for life. The only things that will pull a Jaffa away from TNN's Star Trek or the bagillioneth running of Star Wars, is work, and…

And…

Well, work, pretty much will pull him from it.

"How long does it take to write a report in one sitting, sir?"

"Only a few minutes if certain Majors don't interrupt."

"Jack, we all know it's a random thing and not a report," Daniel sighed. As much as he liked his co-workers, he could think of how much he'd rather be looking at what Jack called "rocks," than sitting in the office that could barely hold all of them at the same time.

"Are you saying you want to flirt with the pretty nurse?"

Daniel went to retort, but no words came out.

"I thought so."

All in all, your Jaffa is the more loyal than certain Space Monkeys, who mutiny from time to time -

"HEY!"

"You brought it on yourself," Jack justified.

More loyal than most humans, a Jaffa will save your ass a lot, however, there are others that will kick your ass just as much.

Personally, I would take this Jaffa, over any every day. He's a good friend and co-worker, even if he has an OCD for Star Wars.

THE END

"What is an OCD, Colonel O'Neill?"

"An obsession to the insane point."

"Like your 'reports'."

"Didn't I say that was enough out of you, Space Monkey?"

Since Jack was obviously avoid the question, Sam looked to Daniel for a straight answer, "What is it?"

"It's a -"

"You'll find out soon enough, Major," Jack smirked, "Your turn is coming."

"My…?" Sam stared.

Jack resisted cackling evilly, then shut his laptop, getting up, "Now, let's go!"

"Go where, Colonel O'Neill?"

Jack paused, then looked to them, then the unopened assignment on his desk. Sitting back down, he sighed, "Let's start the meeting."