"What sort of joke is this?" were the first words out of Aizen's mouth after the person in the screen introduced himself.

"It's not a joke," said Aizen #2, "Seeing as you might fail and mess up my life, I've sent a few arrancar to help you out."

"What about the kids?" demanded Aizen #1.

The color was gradually returning to his face and he felt irritated that someone thought that he would fail.

"Oh, Toki absolutely insisted on going," replied Aizen #2, with a dark smile that suggested Toki did not insist on anything except staying where he originally was.

"And the girl?" inquired Aizen #1.

Aizen #2 ignored this question and proceeded with his instructions.

"The arrancar will more or less listen to you, so you don't have to worry about them," he said, "Natsuko- which is the girl, if you haven't figured that out- is okay as long as you don't do anything stupid."

"You didn't mention the boy," said Aizen #1 suspiciously.

"Just don't give him sugar," instructed Aizen #2 after a moment of consideration.

Then, the screen turned black.

The big arrancar picked up the device and tucked it away.

"Well," said the medium arrancar, who had not spoken till now, "If you don't mind, Aizen-sama, I believe we should introduce ourselves."

"Go ahead," said Ichimaru, answering for Aizen, "Then maybe we can all go to bed."

Tousen promptly scowled at him. Aizen waved a hand, indicating for the arrancar to begin.

"I am Tullio Cerres," said the medium arrancar, "Espada number 4."

"Tommo Ravenna," said the smallest arrancar, "Arrancar number ninety-five."

"Cosmo Dartemis," said the big arrancar, "Number eighty-seven."

"That's great!" exclaimed Ichimaru, jumping up, "We know the boy is Natsuko and the girl is Toki, so let's all go back to bed."

"Idiot!" yelled the girl, "I'm Natsuko!"

She threw her zanpakuto at Ichimaru, who ducked. The zanpakuto ended up hitting Aizen in a very- delicate – spot.

By the time the arrancar had finished apologizing, Aizen had finished screaming, Toki had finished laughing, and Natsuko had finished yelling at Ichimaru, it was well past noon.

"Finally!" gasped Aizen, who was still recovering from his incident, "It's noon. I'm going to eat lunch."

"Wait!" called Toki, "Don't ya wanna hear 'suko's surname?"

"I don't really care what that woman's surname is," snarled Aizen.

"It's Aizen!" proclaimed Toki happily.

This was a really devious thing for Toki to do, because the great Aizen Sosuke, who had outwitted Soul Society, stared at him in disbelief, then toppled over in a dead faint.

When he woke up, Aizen found himselft, Ichimaru and Tousen in his bedroom. Unfortunately, Toki and Natsuko were also there. To make matters worse, Toki was jumping on his bed.

"Get off," he growled, "You'll ruin the springs."

"That's why I'm jumping on it," replied Toki, "Don't you know that springs in the bed were made to be ruined?"

"I suppose you're Ichimaru's kid?" inquired Aizen.

"Nope!" said Toki, "I'm Kubo Titeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Baka!" yelled Natsuko, "You can't be the author! If you were the author, this whole series would be so random and off-topic that no one would bother to read it."

"He's Ichimaru Toki," she said to Aizen.

"Age 12, 5 feet 2 inches, and still singleeeeeeeeeeeee!" sang Toki.

"Where are the arrancar?" asked Aizen.

"Eating lunch, Aizen-sama," answered Tousen, "We should go too."

"I'm only here because Tousen made me," announced Ichimaru, "Now that you're awake, I'm going to lunch. And breakfast. We skipped breakfast."

"Lunch?" inquired Toki, his ears perking up, "Me first!"

He shunpoed out the door, leaving the four other shinigami behind.

"Come back here!" yelled Natsuko, racing after Toki.

"And then there were two," commented Ichimaru.

"Three," corrected Tousen, "Can't you count?"

"Two," insisted Ichimaru, as he shunpoed to the dining hall.

"Well, Aizen-sama," said Tousen, "I shall be in my room if you need me."

"Aren't you going to eat lunch?" asked Aizen.

"No," replied Tousen, "Inoue is cooking today."

"Then it should be okay," reasoned Aizen, "Aren't women suppose to cook better meals than men?"

Inoue Orihime was ecstatic. She was finally allowed some freedom. Today, she was to cook lunch for everyone. What would arrancar eat? Hopefully something normal, because Orihime was not about to cook people. Sadly, a single bite of what was "normal" by Orihime's standards would probably knock out even the strongest of arrancar. Perhaps they would like pasta? Orihime had found some in the kitchen. Or maybe they preferred mushroom soup. Orihime had tried it once and it tasted great. Then there were the three shinigami. What did shiningami eat? wondered Orihime. They probably ate normal food, but can arrancar eat normal food?

"Okay, then," announced Orihime, "I'll make some of everything!"

She called some of the kitchen workers over.

"Okay, guys," she said, "I will need the following ingredients from the human world: two hundred pounds of wasabi, twelve dozen extra large bottles of mayonnaise, twelve tons of chili peppers…"

As the list went on and on, the kitchen workers' faces grew greener and greener. One arrancar excused himself. Moments later, they all heard loud noises that sounded as if someone was puking violently.

"… and gourmet French snails for extra flavor," finished Orihime.

"Surely-surely you do not need this all today," said an arrancar, holding the sixty foot list of ingredients.

"Oh, I need them in an hour," said Orihime, "Good luck."

The kitchen attendants looked at each other in despair.

"We will get a few friends," muttered the arrancar with the list.

Aizen Sosuke was confused. Usually, everyone was present during meal times. However, today half of his army was absent, all claiming strange illnesses involving inability to eat. He also heard Ichimaru saying that they all found out what went into the lunch. The ones that seemed genuinely sick apparently found out what it tastes like.

Fools thought Aizen how could one woman's cooking frighten you so?

Soon, several arrancar arrived, carrying Orihime's masterpiece. Upon merely smelling it, half of the arrancar present instantly fainted. The other half ran for their lives, but they were no match for the aroma of Orihime's cooking. Now, only Aizen, Ichimaru, Toki, and Natsuko were left.

"No point in letting good food go to waste," said Aizen to Ichimaru.

"Oh, I absolutely insist that you go first, Aizen-sama," said Ichimaru deviously, "Perhaps a good meal shall make you feel better after today's events."

Aizen picked up something that looked like Mayuri's latest experiment gone wrong with his chopsticks and put it into his mouth. He felt a sudden urge to spit it out and start puking, but pride made him chew and swallow. He was about to stand up and leave, when his gaze fell on Toki. The boy had already finished three bowls!!!!

"What's the matter, Aizen-sama?" asked Toki, with his mouth full, "Stomachache?"

To make matters worse, all the arrancar had woken up. They all yelled at Toki in unison, "Don't mock Aizen-sama. He can eat more of that poison than you!"

They all looked expectantly at Aizen, whose stomach was threatening to explode. He glared at Toki, who continued onto his eight bowl.

I will not lose to you thought Aizen furiously.

He picked up his chopsticks and took another bite of the food. This bite was even more agonizing than the first. Slowly and painfully, all of the food was finished. After counting the number of bowls, it turned out Aizen had won by half a bowl.

"Ha!" he gasped, "I've won."

"Darn!" said Toki, "Oh! I know! We can do this everyday at lunch!"

"Hey Orihime!" Toki called to the kitchen, "You're cooking everyday at lunch!"

This remark was met by an excited squeal from Orihime, who quickly began planning menus.

Aizen picked up a phone and betgan dialing.

"What are you doing?" asked Ichimaru.

"Seeing if Pizza Hut can deliver to transdimensional places," muttered Aizen.

After several calls, he gave up and headed for his bathroom. He was about to start puking into the toilet, but stopped and stared in horror. He staggered back, gasping. Apparently, someone had redecorated his bathroom and bedroom.