The Boys in Blue
The Parking Ticket Detail: Part 2
Bruce Wayne rounded the corner of the Bludhaven street in search of a police car. If he had been a cartoon character, there would have been smoke coming out of his ears. Walking a few paces, he spotted exactly what he wanted. He briefly reminded himself that he was supposed to be in his Brucie persona but then convinced himself the even Brucie had bad days and yelled at people. Batman wasn't the only one with the ability to make people see reason the hard way.
Storming up to the police car, he banged his fist on the driver's side window and glared in. The officer inside was lazily smoking a cigarette with his cap pulled down over his eyes. Bruce's scowl deepened. The nerve of making this man an officer of the law! He banged on the window again. He hated Bludhaven. Hated it. And the sooner he got to get out of there the better; preferably before his sons found out that he had gotten a parking ticket in their city. He could just imagine Dick and Jason laughing at him right now.
The officer rolled down the window slowly. "What's up Mac?" he asked. The words were hard to make out because he still had the cigarette in his mouth.
Bruce shoved the crumpled parking ticket through the window. "Look," he demanded.
The officer handed it back to him after a cursory inspection. "Looks like a parking ticket. And a darn good one."
"Some idiot officer put a boot on my car, and I want it removed! I have a meeting at Wayne Tech in an hour."
"Did you pay the ticket?"
"No."
"Nothing I can do till you pay up, Mac," said the officer stubbornly.
Bruce let out a Batman worthy growl. "Do you know who I am?"
"Do you know who I am?" the officer countered. (At this point, Jason was having a really hard time withholding the rising laughter. Dick had been right about one thing; being a police officer had its own odd little perks.)
"My punishment for coming to Bludhaven," answered Bruce flatly.
"Nope. I'm the 'idiot officer' who put the boot on your car Old Man." Jason finally removed the cigarette from his mouth and pushed the hat off his eyes. He looked up at Bruce with a wicked mischievous smirk.
"YOU!" cried Bruce slightly shocked. How had he not recognized Jason? He was extremely aggravated at himself and at his son. He reached through the window and grabbed Jason by his jacket. "Take the boot off my car now!" he demanded.
"Assaulting an officer? Tsk, tsk, Mr. Wayne. I'm surprised at you!" said a casual voice behind him.
Bruce turned around to see his eldest son grinning fiercely. He promptly dropped Jason's collar and faced Dick full on. The boy's smile never faltered. "You're in cahoots with Jason on this aren't you!" Bruce shouted. Dick's widening grin was answer enough. Thoroughly aggravated with his sons, Bruce reached for Dick's shoulders intent on shaking some sense into the boy. Suddenly, Bruce felt strong hands on his wrists and the cold sensation of metal being slapped into his wrists.
"I'm afraid you need to come with us Mr. Wayne," said Officer Todd behind him. He sounded entirely serious but there was a satisfied smirk edging the corners of his mouth. After Batman had arrested Red Hood, Jason had been dying for revenge. The fact that he was now a police officer with the authority to arrest Bruce Wayne was poetic justice. Jason really hoped Bruce saw the beautiful irony of it all.
"On what charges?" Bruce demanded, though he already knew the answer. He just couldn't believe that his sons would do this to him, especially Dick. Ok, yes, he had been an ass to them ever since Jason took up residence in Bludhaven. But in his defense, that was tough love. He just wanted Dick to send Jason to a psychiatric hospital to get the help he needed. Why couldn't they see that?
"Attempted aggravated assault and assaulting an officer," answered Jason.
Bruce glared at Dick for help even though he got the feeling it was pointless.
"He's not wrong," said Dick with a shrug. "Now I advise you come quietly and don't add resisting arrest to the charges."
Bruce scowled as he climbed into the back of the patrol car. Dick went around to the other side and got into the passenger seat as Jason fired up the engine. Dick asked if Bruce wanted the windows up or down, but all he got for his trouble was a string of complaints and lectures. Deciding he'd had enough, Dick closed the divider window between the back seats for those arrested and the officers' more comfortable front seats. Jason turned up Only the Good Die Young on the radio and mentally sang along.
They arrived at the BCPD fifteen minutes later and Bruce was escorted into a temporary holding cell. Dick advised him that he could make one phone call. Bruce's pride got in the way of his better judgment, and he chucked the phone at Dick's unsuspecting backside. Shrugging, Dick bent over and picked up the phone.
"You shouldn't use the law for practical jokes, even if everything you did is within your rights," Bruce scolded.
"How do you know this is a practical joke?" asked Dick innocently batting his eyelashes.
Bruce groaned again. "Those smirks on your faces gave you away. You two are enjoying this too much."
"Maybe we are," said Dick. He couldn't hold in the laughter rising up inside him as he really looked at Bruce glaring at him from behind bars. The laugh broke free without his consent, loud and genuine and beautiful.
Why couldn't Dick be serious for one minute? Wondered Bruce. "Listen, Dick," Bruce whispered urgently while the two of them were still alone, "you can't let Jason loose around Bludhaven with a gun. He's unpredictable and dangerous. He needs professional help. And if the police ever found out who he really is…"
"What? They'd lock him up, right? If that's what you want, then why haven't you exposed him as the Red Hood yet?" hissed Dick.
"Because if I did that, it would compromise us all; you, me, Tim, Barbra. You can't help him by handing him a gun and telling him that now he's on the right side of the law," Bruce continued to argue.
"Contrary to popular belief, Jason isn't as insane as people think. He's lost. I'm helping him by trusting him. He hasn't tried to kill you or Tim since he started living with me."
"How long will that last? He shouldn't be running around with guns. Neither of you should."
"Have you ever read the US Constitution, Bruce? The founding law of this country protects our right to own guns and use them to defend ourselves and our families. And while I still whole heartedly despise them myself, we are allowed to carry them," Dick shot back.
Bruce shook his head. "It's dangerous," he repeated.
The argument paused as Officer Todd and Chief Redhorn walked into the room. The chief's eyes goggled for a moment seeing Bruce Wayne, Billionaire, Play-boy, Philanthropist, behind bars. As for Jason, his face was alight with triumphant amusement.
Chief Redhorn cleared his throat as if it would expel the awkward tension and rising sense of hilarity from the room. "Mr. Wayne, Officer Todd has informed me that you have been charged with attempted assault on an officer."
"Two actually," Jason corrected him, "but you're doing fine chief."
"The 'officer's' in question are my sons," said Bruce rolling his eyes, "this is some kind of punishment joke."
"Then you didn't assault them?" demanded Redhorn looking both betrayed and confused.
"Well, I grabbed Jason's collar and tried to shake some sense into Dick, like I did when they were children. I hardly intended them harm," answered Bruce.
"I see. Well…um," the chief didn't really know what to say. If Bruce had done that to any other officer, well he could be charged and fined. However, family familiarity made it sound less serious. Honestly, he didn't know what he was supposed to do with Bruce Wayne; or the boys for that matter. "Well, I'll just leave you three to settle your differences for a while," he finally decided.
As soon as the chief was gone, Jason whipped out his phone and took a picture of Bruce in his cell. Tossing the phone to his brother so Dick could look at the picture too, Jason wrapped his arms around his chest and roared with laughter. Dick allowed Bruce to see the picture, and the scowl on the man's face deepened. Dick joined Jason in hysterics; the two boys holding each other upright as their laughter threatened to bring them too their knees.
"Laugh all you want, but one day there will be a reckoning for this," Bruce threatened slipping into his bat-voice.
The boys just laughed louder.
"I'm late for a meeting," Bruce tried.
"I don't think that cell will accommodate a conference table," laughed Jason.
"He still has one free phone call," Dick pointed out.
"Oh ha, ha," Bruce deadpanned.
"You look very natural in there, Old Man," said Jason.
"You can't keep me here much longer!"
Dick looked like he sobered up for a moment. "By god, he's right Jay! I'll bet Alfred's already baked a file into a cake and is on his way."
"I'll put an end to that," Jason promised. He pulled out the communicator in his pocket and pretended to call all the other officers. "This is officer Todd calling all cars; be on the look out for an elderly butler carrying a cake. Over."
"You'll pay for this," Bruce promised.
Just then the chief returned. "Have you sorted out your differences and decided how you're going to proceed?"
"Yes Chief," said Dick. He had stooped laughing. "We're dropping the charges."
"We are?!" demanded Jason. The smile dropped of his face in an instant and he looked like he had been kicked in the stomach.
"Yes, Jason. We are."
"Maybe you are, but I'm sure as hell not going to!" declared Jason stubbornly.
"Yes, you are. This as has gone far enough Jay," insisted Dick.
Jason scowled. They seemed to be having a conversation without words for a moment. Bruce wondered since when they had gotten that close. They had started acting like real brothers; putting things of the past aside and working as a unit. Bruce had never expected anyone to be able to get close to Jason ever again after all that had happened. But he was wrong.
"Fine!" Jason snarled after a moment, "but I'm keeping the picture."
Dick smirked. "I'd quit talking to you if you ever deleted it."
"Right then," Redhorn interrupted, "it sounds like you're free to go Mr. Wayne as soon as you pay the parking ticket."
"Certainly," said Bruce.
"I'll go make sure his car is here," said Dick leaving the room without looking at Bruce again.
Jason grabbed the keys to Bruce's cell and opened the door. As Bruce stepped past him to leave, Jason grabbed his arm. "Do you remember what Dick did for you when he became Robin? He saved you. Alfred told me so. Well, he's doing the same for me; no matter how strenuously I will deny it if you ever quote me on this," Jason hissed in Bruce's ear. Bruce tried to pull away from him but Jason yanked back. "The point is, I don't know why Dickhead sticks up for either one of us, but he does. And we're lucky to have him."
An odd smile spread over Bruce's face. "Now I know how to blackmail you Jason. Behave yourself or I'll tell Dick everything you just said."
"You do that and I will personally egg and TP your house," Jason threatened as darkly as he could.
This time Bruce outright laughed. "You're not threatening to shoot me?"
Jason started at him pointedly. "While I would be more than happy to shoot you, Dick won't like that very much and I'll have to suffer through another one of his 'brotherly lectures' and watching him cry. Heck, he'll blame himself for not listening to you and have me committed. And honestly, I'd rather have you after me that him."
"Why?"
"Because you're pathetic Old Man. You just lost a battle with the Bludhaven Police," Jason laughed.
And then he stopped. A curious expression spread over his face like a mask dropping awkwardly into place. For a moment, joking around with and insulting Bruce felt normal. A kind of comfortable that he had forgotten. Dick knew that Jason missed Bruce, but Jason didn't know he missed Bruce. Even though everything he did was for Bruce's attention, he didn't think he really truly missed the man. Right now, he felt like he was sobering up after a drinking spree but he hadn't gotten drunk. He felt so hollow. He hated it when Dick was right.
"Just get out of here," said Jason.
Bruce nodded. "I think that would be best."
Dick was waiting by the door to show Bruce to the parking lot where his car was. Bruce left Jason to follow Dick to the parking lot where his car was waiting for him. He settled himself behind the wheel, and then looked up as Dick began to walk away.
"Dick," Bruce called.
"Yeah?"
"Good one."
And Dick smiled a little as Bruce drove away.
Later that evening, Dick and Jason decided to go out to Roxie's Bar for a celebration over their joke on Bruce. Starfire was already on her way, and Jason planned to try flirting with Roxie (Roxanne) the owner of the place. A night on the town was the perfect ending to the perfect day. They were about to leave, when they heard a light tapping on the door.
Dick answered the door thinking it was Kori, but was surprised to see Tim Drake standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Tim?" he asked in surprise.
"Can I come in?" asked Tim nervously.
"No!" shouted Jason, "don't let the replacement in here!"
But Dick moved aside for Tim to enter and glared at Jason.
"What's up Tim?" asked Dick with a smile.
Tim hesitated for a moment, then blurted, "did you guys really arrest Bruce? And take a picture of him in the cell and everything?"
"We sure did," answered Jason proudly.
"Can I see the picture?" asked Tim. Jason pulled out his phone and they all got a good laugh. "I can't believe you guys! He was so pissed when he got home that he ranted around the cave for an hour. It's the best thing that happened to him all week!"
"Well he deserved it," said Jason with conviction.
"We were going to celebrate. Care to join us?" asked Dick.
"I can't go to the bar," answered Tim skeptically. He knew neither could Jason technically, but change came slow. Dick had decided that he didn't mind Jason drinking under age knowing if he said something, it would just sound hypocritical since he had been doing it himself until the beginning of this year.
"We'll get ice cream instead," Dick offered. He turned to Jason, "will you and Kori be alright with that?"
"You think I would give up a night of flirting with Roxie and drinking to go have ice cream with replacement?" Jason demanded. Then, unexpectedly he shrugged. "Why not? Replacement needs to hear the full story of Bruce's trip to the clink."
So, they had a celebration. All of them. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Kori. Tim got the full story with all the jokes. Dick and Kori sat hand in hand under the stars. And Jason started flirting with Tammy, the Australian girl who ran the ice cream shop. They had a wonderful evening at the expense of Bruce's reputation.
Tim waved as he boarded the bus back to Gotham. He still felt a little awkward around Jason. Maybe still a little afraid of the older boy since the last time they met, Red Hood tried to kill him. But he'd seen Jason grow and thought it would be nice to get to know the other Robin. He loved Dick to death. Maybe he'd learn to love Jason and just maybe, Jason would learn to accept him. Turning back to face his brothers he said, "I'm coming back guys. You'll see me again."
"Joke's on you Replacement; Dick and I were just about to poke out our eyes," Jason informed him. Weather or not he was being sarcastic was anyone's guess.
"Speak for yourself Jay!" cried Dick horrified.
Tim laughed as the bus drove away.
Epilog: Group Chat with Dick, Jason, Alfred, and Tim
Tim: Hey guys! I made a group chat.
Jason: How did you get my number Captain Obvious?!
Tim: Um, Dick…duh
Jason: Of course. That horses' ass!
Tim: No need for name calling; his nick-name will suffice if you use it right
Jason: Believe me, I've made every 'Dick' joke under the sun
Dick: Uh, guys…I'm on the chat too you know
Tim: …
Alfred: Hello
Jason: How does one get out of a group chat with a bunch of losers?
Dick: You don't. LOL
Author's Note:
Thank you all for your support of this story! I really appreciate it and I hope you liked part 2. Writing this story was way harder than I thought it would be.
I hope this is making some kind of sense. It's hard to figure out how to keep Jason Todd and Red Hood separate. But then, some of those strings Dick was pulling to make it happen included doctoring Jason's history and record. Also for the record, some of the cops in Bludhaven (including Chief Redhorn) do have some kind of criminal record in the comics. It's some of the corruption Dick went in trying to fix.
Up Next: Why Dick doesn't Cook
