Light flooded the lair.

Leonardo squinted against the harsh light, heart slamming into his rib cage. Adrenaline shot through him like lightning. Suddenly he was more awake than he had been in days, a mixture of excitement and paralyzing fear growing inside. Auto pilot engaged, he climbed to his feet and stepped into the doorway.

He heard someone puttering around, and then saw Don, slow and zombie-like.

"Hi Donny."

Donatello's head spun around. He forgot all about the energy drink he had been carrying and with an expert speed slid into a defensive stance, hand reaching for his staff. His eyes, normally kind and gentle, now dark and untrusting. Neither of them moved.

"You..." Don's body softened; the wheels in his head turning, struggling. He took a step closer, and then another. "You're real, right?"

"I'm real," Leo confirmed quietly, smiling.

"I-I can't believe-" Don seemed to struggle for the right words. "when did you get back?"

"Just a few days ago," Leo lied. Truthfully it had been a couple of weeks.

"Wow."

He could feel his brothers eyes roaming over him, like he still couldn't believe he was really awake. He knew it was shocking. But what bothered him was he couldn't read exactly how Donatello felt. Was he happy? Angry? Resentful? It had been that same fear that had haunted him, and ultimately kept him away for so long: the fear that he just was not good enough nor would he ever be.

Leo made a small noise in the back of his throat.

Don seemed to realize how long the silence had gone on for. He blinked several times, and flashed the biggest, gap-toothiest grin he could muster. "I'm really glad to see you, Leo. We've missed you."

"Me, too," Leo answered, feeling a warmth coming from his sibling. "I'm really sorry."

Just then, Mikey staggered out onto the landing, yawning and stretching. He spotted Don and began to wave, then stopped abruptly. "What the frick? Is that-? Leo! Oh man!" A hop, skip and a jump was all it took for him to close the gap and smother his brother in a huge hug. Leo flinched slightly, but neither seemed to notice. "Dude, you're back!"

"You look good, Mikey." A sharp pain shot through Leo's shoulder where a bullet was lodged, concealed by his cloak. His grip was considerably weakened now. It took far more effort than it should have to pat Mikey on the back. "Oof. I don't remember you being so strong."

"Thanks, man."

"He's really gotten into weight lifting," Don supplied.

"So like, what happened?" Mikey asked, the playfulness leaving his voice. He folded his arms. "What took you so long?"

Don nudged him, hard.

The question was valid, and inevitable, but still felt like a slap to the face. Leo said nothing. There was no short answer. Nor was there any answer he felt comfortable sharing. "It's a long story," he replied curtly.

A look of hurt flashed across Mikey's face.

Leo exhaled through his nose, a culpable noise. "Don't get me wrong. You totally deserve to know, you all do. It's just-"

"No, yeah, it's okay. I get it." Mikey held up a dismissive hand. "Whenever you're ready, bro."

"We're just glad you're home," added Donny.

Even in the eye of the emotional cyclone, Leo could identify one of the stronger feelings: joy. And it was a joy, to see his family. To see the shy excitement in Donny's eyes calmed him; the warm and welcoming and unvindictive aura Mikey gave off- he'd almost forgotten how fantastic he could feel. Perhaps those doubts had never existed outside of his own subconscious Maybe it was as easy as coming home and assimilating back into the clan. Things could be okay again, and no one truly resented him. Maybe really things could pick up where they left off.

"Leonardo."

Leo felt himself go rigid. His eyes dropped to the ground. Suddenly he realized how very disheveled he was. Dirt and grime mingled with several bruises in varying stages of healing. He felt ashamed. "Father," he said, barely a whisper. Under the gaze of his mentor, he approached; dropped to his knees.

"You've returned..."

"Yes... I admit that I was gone much too long. I have no excuse...I know I don't deserve it, but I hope you can find it within you to forgive me."

An agonizingly long stretch of silence filled the space between them. Leo's face burned with embarrassment. Eventually, Splinter motioned for him to stand, and like a puppet, he obeyed. He was cautious of the fury hand as it reached out to him, nearly flinching when it cupped his chin.

"I've missed you very much," Splinter said in a quivering voice. Leo thought he could see the rats chest heave beneath his robes.

"Welcome home, dude," Mikey grinned. "Good to have you back."

Leo felt the urge to reject his fathers obvious welcoming home, when he suddenly realized someone was missing from the reunion. He pulled back from Splinter's touch, eyes darting to the stairs. "Where's Raph? Is he here?"

Don sighed deeply. "Leo..."

An icy, foreboding numbness blossomed in Leo's skull. As the seconds ticked by, it lazily filled his arms, headed for his feet. "What is it? Is he in trouble?" he frowned. "Is he city side?"

"He's not up there," Mike said gently. "Not exactly."

"Your brother is gone," Splinter explained hollowly. Leo thought he saw him grip his cane just a little bit tighter.

Leo blinked several times. He swallowed thickly. He was shocked he could speak at all. "Gone? Gone-where?" His ears felt unusually full then, as though someone were holding him under a running stream. A high pitched ringing drowned out all the noise around him for what seemed like ages, until finally he heard Donatello say, "Raph's dead. He died four months ago."