You guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews! :D
Oh, forgot again; I don't own TF2 or any of the song lyrics I may or may not use :p
Chapter Two – Dealing With Dip and Other Misadventures
~DRIVING ON THE ROAD TO SOMEWHERE~
Sniper, evidently, had found a way of head bopping using his entire body. RV was blaring What Is Love? full blast as she drove down one of the city roads.
"Ain't this AWESOME, RV!?" Sniper yelled, probably rhetorically. But you can't always tell. "I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!"
RV had no idea what was going on with Sniper, but her sneaky oops-the-door-hit-you Spycheck proved it was him. She likely would be bothered by this had they not been going to get dip.
~RED BASE~
Prometheus sat quietly in one corner of Engy's workshop, thinking about everything. And nothing. The little Aperture Science turret usually chilled out over here with Teddy Roosebelt and exchanged science banter, but his bear bro had some business to attend to.
Hm. Prometheus figured he could think about that. The mercs were being, well, not themselves. Namely, they were different crazy. Surely though, if the turret put his mind to it-
Know what? Pro much preferred lemon trivia. He went back to that.
~KITCHEN~
Prepare your ass for the most average sentence ever.
Medic was busy baby proofing the kitchen.
Yeah. With his sudden and excessive concern for his teammates, the doctor realised how dangerous a place the RED base was. He constantly froze while bubble wrapping everything to listen out for anyone calling Medic.
Heavy watched on from the table, trying on assorted top hats while he sipped a cup of tea. Due to a slight complication, he'd managed to eat the monocle, so that was gone, but he looked kinda regal nonetheless.
"Doctor?"
"WHAT IS IT ARE YOU HURT!?" Medic dived onto and slid across the table, holding the medigun like a battering ram. Heavy blinked.
"Uh, no," he carefully shoved the doctor off the table, "I was thinking we should have tea party!"
The pros and cons immediately began war inside Medic's head. Okay so everyone would be together so he could keep an eye on them but what if they fought oh God deep breaths no wait what if the tea burned them oh dis is bad.
"…Ja, alright."
If you haven't noticed, a lot of things are being organised right now. I don't foresee this causing any problems.
~REC ROOM~
The Demoman had borrowed some of Pyro's crayons to draw up a nice, (grossly incorrectly spelled) intervention banner. Engy had taken to grumpily sitting on a chair with his arms folded, glaring as Demo put the sign up. Spy had tried to leave several times, but he tripped over everything and was currently trapped underneath a shoe.
Demo finished setting up and promptly executed the Backflip of Getting Down From Chairs. He grabbed the Spy and lobbed him onto the couch beside Engy, where his entire head just about vanished into the cushions.
"This," the Demoman started regardless, "is an intervention. Engy, Spy, lads, it's-"
"I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE!" Soldier bellowed full blast, blitzing through the room at an enthusiastic skip, "WOAH!" He performed a neat little split jump right in the middle of the intervention then frolicked his way outside to plant some flowers.
The sheer volume of this not only made the three present mercs blanch in horror; it also sent something of a shockwave through the walls. Said shockwave carried on upward, made the second floor physically move, and proceeded to make a bottle fall from a gap in the ceiling.
The currently-sober Demoman had a very short time to identify the bottle as scrumpy before it whacked him in the face.
~UP THEM STAIRS~
Scout was carefully making his way through the base, keeping close to the partially-red-with-paint-mostly-red-with-blood walls. Hopefully he could find a quiet wee area to just chill out-
Scout let out another terrified squeak as Pyro appeared out of nowhere, partially on fire. The pyromaniac skipped formalities and asked a question, which – though he had understood it – Scout was too shy answer. He awkwardly tried to shuffle away, only to be followed by an increasingly gesticulating Pyro.
Two laps of the corridor and a failed attempt at climbing the wall later, the timid Scout was cornered and Pyro was full-on headless-chicken flapping. It screamed the seemingly-important question one more time.
"Um." Scout mumbled quietly, "Th- the bathroom's over there… i-it's marked 'Gibus Room'…"
Pyro made a noise like 'FINALLY!' and kicked in the bathroom door. Only problem was it snapped back on its hinges and flung Pyro out the nearest window.
Scout wisely fled to his room.
~GARAGE~
Sniper and RV blasted back through the teleporter and into the garage in a pwetty shower of deadly burning sparks. Sniper flipped straight through the windshield and hit the floor alongside several pots of dip.
"Now it's a party!" the marksman announced, maybe a tad dizzily. Naturally Medic launched himself into the room not two seconds later and individually healed the merc, van and every flavour of dip. The doctor saluted then just as quickly vanished.
"…That was odd." Sniper observed, and RV partially Transformed in order to shrug. "Welp. PARTY TIME, MATE!"
Sniper did a one armed cartwheel, grabbing the dip with his other arm, and flew out the door. Oh, there was no way in Hell RV was missing this. She flipped caution a sweet goodbye and trundled into the base after him.
~KITCHEN~
The bubble wrap acting as a table cloth made a satisfying popping sound as gentleman Heavy set the final teacup down in its precise place. Medic had returned, checked everything was in order, and tensely hovered in a kind-of-sitting-down position as the 'guests' arrived.
Guests included Spy and Engy, who, upon entering the room, belligerently asked;
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Tea?" Heavy responded pleasantly, unabashed. Soldier sauntered into the kitchen at that moment, uniform covered in flowers and helmet replaced with both a crown of them and his tiara.
"Hello maggot friends," he said warmly, ballerina-leaping into a chair.
"Yeah whatever." Engy half-acknowledged grumpily. Spy blurted out a laugh as though this was hilarious and proceeded to fall off his chair.
He landed on the floor just in time for the speeding Sniper to trip right over him.
EPIC SLOW MOTION TIME
"HOOOOOLY DOOOOOLEY!"
Dip went flying.
"MEEEEEDIIIIIC!"
Spy went flying.
"MMMMRPH!"
Pyro whizzed past the window.
"WHAAAAT THE HEEEELL?"
The reader got confused.
LESS EPIC REAL TIME SPEED
Somehow, basically, the dip and tea formed a hybrid of questionable logic. Spy met the far wall and outside Pyro met the ground. Sniper landed in a chair just as RV appeared in the door and immediately reversed away for sanity purposes.
"You need healz?" Medic checked, dashing around and training his medigun on everyone remotely involved. Engy silently did a nope-dot-avi as the mercs straightened themselves out.
Pyro's head materialised at the window, the very 'bro srsly' expression reverberating through the gasmask. One fire-y punch later it clambered through to join the tea party, casually ignoring the broken glass now adorning its suit.
With that the seven of them settled down, screwed up personalities and all, to enjoy a little tea. With dip. Social Sniper dominated the conversation without seeming to realise he was still head bopping.
Anyone going for a wee walk out in the middle of nowhere might walk past the RED base and see this nice little scene; teammates gathered around a slightly undersized, largely beaten up wooden table, and maybe they'd mistake the old bloodstains all over the place for paint or ketchup. In general, it would be good to see, make them feel like things were truly splendid in there.
"Spah if ya fall off yer chair one more time Ah'm gonna kill ya."
"Peace friends!"
Pyro threw a flaming teacup at Soldier's face.
"YOU ARE RUINING MY GOOD TEA PARTY!"
"I'LL HEAL IT DON'T VORRY."
"I luv dip."
That random person would be very, hopelessly wrong.
~REC ROOM~
Somehow – and for the love of God, don't ask how – the Demoman had managed to drink at least half the scrumpy when the bottle fell on him. Also he was unconscious for a few seconds, but that was a minor detail.
The Scotsman realised he was on the floor and decided the best course of action would be to get off it. Huh. He felt kinda funny.
"Funny peculiar," he clarified aloud, as opposed to 'funny haha'. It felt like someone had taken his personality for a ride backward down a motorway on the Loch Ness monster then suddenly smooshed it back to normal.
A few moments of careful, in-depth, nearly sober deliberation later he figured that's exactly what had happened. But the alcohol had fixed it.
Ooh boy, now it was up to the drunk guy to save everybody else.
You just know it's gonna go well :p
Thanks for reading!
