Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they are the property of their creators, nor am I seeking to make a profit from this. I do not own Cough Syrup by Young the Giant, either. I just love it to pieces.


Part 2 of 4


Chapter 2

Sure enough, the next morning Kili was awake before his brother, and making a racket.

Fili cracked his eyes open, frowning in confusion. Is that the blow dryer? he thought, confusion permeating his mind. He sat up a little and squinted through the room, and sure enough Kili was sitting on the floor across the room, next to the plug, with a blow dryer – Fili's blow dryer - in his hand. "What the hell are you doing?" Fili asked, his voice scratchy.

Kili looked over and turned it off. "What?"

"I said what the bloody hell are you doing?" Fili sat up all the way, resigning himself to being awake for the day. He checked his phone that was charging on the floor next to the bed – it was nine in the morning. He groaned. "It's vacation, I'm supposed to be able to sleep until noon."

"Sorry Fili," he said. He didn't sound sorry at all. "I have to or my hair does extremely weird things as it dries."

"Cut it off!" Fili flopped back down on the bed, and groaned again, rolling over and pressing his face into the pillow as Kili turned the dryer back on.

An hour later Fili was up, showered, and dressed with his dreads wrapped in a towel. He headed downstairs, where a few people were awake and sitting at the table. Gloin was there – he guessed that baby Gimli must have woken him up early – as were Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, Oin and Kili. There were two boxes of doughnuts on the table, and Fili grabbed a twisted glazed one and sat down next to Kili.

"Everyone else still asleep?" he asked before taking a big bite.

"Apparently," Kili said, and Fili looked over and smiled when he saw a glazed doughnut that was missing a bite in his brother's hand.

"Fili, what the hell is on your head?"

"It's a towel, Dwalin!" he said slowly, and laughed when Dwalin wadded up his napkin and threw it at him.

"Everyone's throwing things at Fili!" he said, picking the napkin up off his lap and putting it on the table.

"It's because you wear towels on your head like a girl."

"Well would you rather my head start smelling because I've got mildew in my dreads?"

"No, I'd rather you shaved your head."

"Not going to happen."

"It will if we hold you down," Dwalin muttered, taking another bite out of his doughnut. Fili felt mild concern go through him – he honestly wouldn't put it against his uncles to hold him down and shave his head. Kili's laugh rang out into the room, and soon enough Fili and the others joined in.

"So what are we going to do today!" he asked, changing the subject before Dwalin got it too in his head to shave Fili's.

"I was thinking we could take the boat out," Balin said. "You youngsters can get out the tube."

"Oh yeah, that'll be fun!" Kili said, leaning forward. Fili was more excited to see his brother actually engaging for once, but he was also looking forward to riding the inner tube behind Balin's boat. He had been doing it since he was a child, and some of his fondest memories were with his great-uncle Balin on his boat, and his uncle Thorin, and his younger brother. One of his favorite memories was Kili and Thorin both riding the tube when Kili was about ten, and Balin had turned suddenly and they both had flown off as the tube hit the boat's wake. Fili grabbed another two doughnuts, and handed one to Kili as he leaned back. He gave him a meaningful look and Kili took it, slightly narrowing his eyes. Kili viciously tore into it and ate it quickly.

"Slow down," Thorin chastised from Kili's left. Kili got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and Fili ate his own doughnut.

Since when has Kili ever reluctantly eaten doughnuts? He used to beg for them. . . Fili chuckled, despite himself. Like he ever needed the sugar.


Kili needed Fili to get off his back, more than anything. More than anything, except one thing. He couldn't stop thinking about the small amount of smack in his bag upstairs. He promised himself that he wouldn't use it, but he could feel that his body really wanted it.

He really wanted it.

He gulped down an entire glass of water, and then refilled it. He drank the second one slower and leant against the island counter. If he really thought about it, he was excited to go on Balin's boat, just. . . less excited than usual. He felt everything less than usual. He thought it should alarm him, but he didn't really feel he could be alarmed anymore. Except by the prospect of his family finding out about his habit. That had him positively jittery.

Or was he jittery for another reason?

His mind once again went to his duffel bag. I need a distraction. . . He finished his water, put the glass in the sink, and went back to the table.

"So when are we going to go?" he asked, leaning his elbows on the back of his chair.

"Well, I don't think many of the others would want to go out, so whenever you want laddie!" Balin said with a smile. Kili found himself smiling as well – Balin had always been one of his favorite uncles. It wasn't that he didn't love all his uncles – and cousins too – but he just didn't know most of them very well. They grew up together, all being close in age, and he grew up with Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, and most importantly Fili. His brother had always been his best friend, his partner in crime. He frowned slightly.

"Why don't you two go get your swimsuits on – you're the only ones crazy enough to get in the water in April – and then we can go!" Kili forced a smile back on his face, and stood up straight again. He grabbed the towel that was still on Fili's head and ran as Fili's dreads flopped down on his face.


"Shit!" Kili yelled. Fili turned around at the sudden exclamation. "I forgot my trunks!" Kili turned and looked at his brother, his face irritated.

"Well don't worry, I have two pairs." Fili grabbed both out of his duffel and held them up. Kili grabbed the brown ones and turned back around. Both stripped down to change. Fili turned back around as he pulled his (mostly dry) dreads back and twisted them around into a bun, and his eyes went wide. He could briefly see Kili's ribs and how just plain small he looked. But he quickly pulled his long-sleeved shirt back on and stooped down to grab his flip-flops.

"Let's go!" Kili said, smiling, and Fili quickly put his own shirt back on, grabbed his flip-flops and followed his brother back downstairs. They stopped in the second floor hallway to grab towels, and went down to the kitchen. Thorin was standing on the back porch with Dwalin. Both looked up when the boys opened the door and stepped out.

"You two are crazy," Dwalin said.

"Your mother is going to kill me." Thorin crossed his arms.

"No she won't!" Fili said clapping his uncle on the shoulder.

"Come on boys!" Balin said, rolling by them on his ATV. Dwalin scoffed, muttered something about the old man still being able to walk, and the four of them followed the oldest of their family to the lake.

When they reached the lake Balin was already there waiting for them.

"What took you so long?" He asked, a grin on his face. "Come on, let's go!"

"Can I drive?" Kili asked, hopefully.

"If I wanted my boat at the bottom of the lake then yes, but alas my boy I rather like my boat."

"I wouldn't crash it..." He said, looking at Fili, who was suppressing his laughter. "Oh you wouldn't!" Kili hissed at Fili when he realized the source of his laughter.

"Funny you should say that Balin," Fili started through his laughter.

"Don't listen to him Uncle, he's out of his mind."

"Is this the story I think it is?" Thorin said, a small grin creeping up. Fili nodded, mouthing "oh yeah!"

"Balin you're my favorite uncle," Kili said, knowing that Fili would tell the story.

"I'm not your uncle, I'm your great-uncle, tell the story Fili!"

"When we were fourteen and ten we snuck out here while you were all drinking after dinner and were playing on the dock. Well, young Kili here decided he was going to get in the boat. He didn't have the keys, but he was playing like he was driving it and in his enthusiasm he rocked the boat a bit too much, and gave himself a touch of seasickness."

"So you threw up in my boat!" Balin yelled. "And you let me blame it on poor Ori!" Ori had been seventeen at the time, but still as timid as ever, and had taken the fall for Kili.

"I hate you," Kili said to his brother. "You said you'd never tell."

"I'm only sorry that I'm not sorry brother."

"Now you definitely cannot drive my boat! Ever!"

Fili smiled and ruffled Kili's hair, putting his arm around his shoulders. "At least he's not that mad," he said quietly, leaning in.

"I was nine! I didn't know any better!"

"No but I'm sure given the opportunity you'd do the same now."

Kili twisted out of Fili's grip and hopped over the side of the boat, making his way to sit on the very back of the mid-sized boat. Fili went and sat on the bench in front of him, Kili's knees braced against his shoulders. Kili started drumming on his head and Fili knew that he wasn't mad. Balin started the boat and zoomed forward suddenly and Kili grabbed Fili's face in order to not fly off into the lake. They circled around the enormous lake at high speeds for a while until Balin slowed down, and turned his head to the back.

"You guys ready for some inner tubing?"

"Hell yeah!" They said simultaneously, and Fili stood and moved over so that Kili could stand and jump down to the floor. Thorin stood and hefted the huge tube to the back. He attached the cord to the boat and threw the tube over.

"Who's first?"

"Youngest," Fili said pushing Kili forward. Thorin grabbed Kili's shoulder and leaned forward; Fili could just hear him say, "If you get pneumonia from this water let's blame it on your brother." Kili laughed, and took off his flip-flops and shirt. He wadded it up and tossed it to Fili, who put it on the bench and put his knee down on top of it to keep it from flying away when they started going again.

As Kili climbed over the edge and into the inner tube - yelping when some of the water touched him sending jolts of cold through his system - Fili glanced at Thorin. His uncle had the same wide-eyed look of concern and confusion on his face. He looked back at Kili and didn't fail to notice that his brother kept his left arm crooked against his body.

Once Kili was settled down into the tube, his right hand clenched in one of the handles Balin started the boat forward.

"Two hands, Kili!" Fili yelled as the tube stretched farther and farther away from the boat. Kili just glared at him, and slowly extended his arm out to grasp the other handle. Fili couldn't be sure but he thought he saw a bruise on the crook of his arm – he shook his head and the tube was fully extended. Balin gunned it, and Fili laughed at the look of surprise on Kili's face and then the subsequent exhilarated smile.

They whipped around the lake, Kili laughing and whooping the whole time. "Balin," Dwalin said conspiratorially.

"I already know what you're thinking, brother!" Balin sped up faster and suddenly jerked the boat to the left. It jolted Kili when the tube hit the boat's wake, and he flew off the inner tube squawking as he bounced off the water. Once he surfaced he yelled in horror at the temperature. Balin slowed down and circled back around and slowed near him. Kili immediately started swimming towards the boat.

"That's what you get for puking in my boat! Fili, grab him before he gets hypothermia." Fili leaned over the edge and grabbed Kili's biceps, pulling him up onto the boat. He probably weighed a hundred pounds, and that's soaking wet. Kili immediately went for his towel, wrapping it tightly around his shoulders.

"Damn that's cold!" he yelled. "Fili, your turn!"

"At least Balin won't throw me, I didn't puke in his boat," Fili laughed, but it turned into a yell as Kili jumped on his back. "Holy shit you're cold!" Fili managed to get him off and stripped off his own shirt and flip-flops and climbed down into the tube after Thorin pulled it back.

Balin immediately gunned it, and he yelled with abandon as he flew across the water, and for a moment he forgot everything – his work, the world, his worries. . . especially those about Kili. For a second he was a child again.

He was so absorbed that he didn't see Kili leaning against Balin's chair, until suddenly the boat took a sharp turn and Fili flew off the tube as it hit the wake, just as his brother had. He bounced off the water and was surprised at how much it hurt.

I should have seen that coming, he thought as he flipped himself around under the water and resurfaced sputtering and gasping. "Fuck!"

"Not fun is it!" Kili called, laughing.

"You kidding? This is exactly where I want to be!" Balin turned the boat and came back around, stopping next to where Fili floated. Dwalin reached over and hauled him back into the boat.

"You little shit," Fili said when he saw Kili's shit-eating grin as he shivered on the bench. He wanted to retaliate, but he figured Kili also felt how damn cold that water was and that was punishment enough. He sat down on the bench and wrung out his dreads, laughing at Thorin's low whistle at just how much water he could squeeze out.

"You boys want to go again?" Balin asked, starting the boat forward again.

"I'm up for it, Kili?" Fili asked, looking over to his brother but noticed he was shivering violently. "You okay? Kili." Kili jerked up and looked at Fili.

"What?"

"Do you want to go again?" he asked doubtfully. Kili shook his head. "Thought not," Fili said. "Can we just head back?"

"Of course, laddies." Fili sat next to Kili after he put his shirt back on. He leaned over the edge and continued to squeeze water from his dreads.

When they all got back to the house it looked like everyone was finally awake. A few of them had put on a soccer game and Fili smiled when he saw that it was his team. And a rebroadcast.

"The Elks lose," he said as he passed through. A loud groan went through the group, and several of them threw couch pillows at him.


Kili went straight to the stairs and went up to his room. He still had his towel wrapped around his shoulders and he was shivering violently. But he wasn't really cold anymore. He sat on his bed and watched his hands shake. I need it. . . he thought, over and over again. Suddenly his stomach started hurting. He stood, took the towel off and changed into sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt and a sweatshirt – he'd take another shower later – and wrapped his arms around himself. He could still feel himself shaking.

He heard Fili start to ascend the stairs and all he could think was, I don't want to talk to him. He went down the wooden attic stairs and dashed into one of the second floor bathrooms – thankful it was unoccupied. He sat down on the edge of the tub, his arms still wrapped around his middle. He winced as his stomachache got worse and a light wave of nausea washed over him. He closed his eyes, trying to will himself to feel better. This is not how he wanted to spend this week – but at the same time he was finding it hard to care any more. It was all he could do to not lurch upstairs, dive over the edge of his bed, grab his duffel bag and dump everything out until he could get his stash, and shoot up right there on the bed. To lie down and curl up and forget the world. Forget everything - his loneliness, his anxiety, his problems. He couldn't concentrate on anything, ever, no matter what he was on, be it Ritalin or heroin, and he was so tired of constantly going. His brain never shut up, constantly moving from thought to thought to thought only stopping when he slept, and he often had trouble doing even that.

Kili slumped over and wrapped his arms around his thighs, pressing his face between his knees. It hurt. It hurt to resist. It hurt that he was seriously considering shooting up at his family reunion.

But I could do it. . . he couldn't help thinking. I could do it tonight while everyone sleeps, and no one would know. . . He let out a quiet sob. I am in control. I do not need it. I do not need it. . . He sat up and stared up at the ceiling. I don't. . . He stood up and staggered out of the bathroom.


Fili finished drying his dreads as best as he could and pulled them back into a loose low ponytail. He put on jeans and a t-shirt and headed back downstairs. He vaguely wondered where Kili was, but figured he was already down there.

It was lunchtime, but they were more of a dinner family, and everyone was usually on their own for lunch. He started for the kitchen, asking if anyone wanted a turkey and cheese sandwich while he was going to make some when something caught his eye in the backyard.

Kili was standing with his bow and arrow aimed at an old target he'd had for a long time. He saw him take a deep breath and release the arrow, and Fili smiled proudly as it hit the bulls-eye. He'd thought archery was a strange pastime for a ten year old, but he had insisted he wanted to learn until his mother let him take lessons at Erebor's Community Center. Kili had had natural talent, and excelled. He could actually channel his concentration into it, and it was for that reason that their mother kept him in lessons until he reached the last level, and then enthusiastically agreed when he wanted to join the archery club and compete. He even won – quite a few times.

Fili made a stack of sandwiches for everyone, and then grabbed two of them. He headed out the back door and started towards Kili, noticing that while he was in a t-shirt Kili was in an overlarge red MU sweatshirt – one that probably fit at one point – and black sweat pants and boots.

"Hey, Kil', want a sammich?" he asked, stopping a few feet from him as Kili drew another arrow.

"No thanks," he said and let it go. It hit one of the outer rings. "Dammit."

"You sure, I made it myself," he said, trying to make it sound tempting.

"Yes, I'm sure, now leave me alone I'm trying to practice," Kili said, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth tight. Then his face relaxed and his eyes widened slightly, as if he hadn't meant to sound so harsh. Fili watched as a slightly confused look came over his brother's face and he went back to his shooting.

"Okay. Well it'll be inside when you get done. Though I can't guarantee someone won't eat it by then."

"Look, I don't want your stupid sandwich okay!" Kili yelled. He stared at Fili, wide-eyed, until he shook his head and walked away.


"Uncle," Fili said, standing behind the couch where Thorin and a few others were sitting and watching a show that Fili had never seen before. Thorin looked up and cocked an eyebrow. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course," Thorin replied, standing and following Fili into the kitchen. "What's wrong?" Fili leaned against the island and looked down at his hands. "Come on now, tell me what's wrong," he asked, his voice softer, trying to coax Fili into talking.

Fili glanced up and met Thorin's eyes. His uncle's face softened when he saw the slight glimmer in his nephew's eyes. "I think there's something wrong with Kili," Fili said quietly.

"I think you're right," Thorin said a moment later.

"He's lost so much weight, he's irritable, he's fidgety. . . I mean, he's always kind of been like that because of his ADHD, but I don't know. . . He went to bed early last night, and he's always cold. He yelled at me last night. And then he yelled at me again a little while ago, when I offered him a sandwich. He never yells at me. Sure we've fought a few times over the years, but usually he talks to me if he has a problem. . . Do you think he could be sick?"

"I don't know Fili," Thorin said. "He was the same when he was home for Christmas." Thorin took a deep breath. "I think he's just very stressed at school. He's having a hard time being on his own, and he's taking it out on you because you're closest to him, and you're not there with him."

"Do you think he thinks I abandoned him when I moved to Rivendell?"

"I think you abandoned all of us when you moved there. But. . . you needed to, that job is good for you. My nephew, the doctor." Thorin gave a small smile, and squeezed Fili's shoulder as Fili laughed softly, muttering "not quite yet" under his breath. "I think Kili will be alright, he just needs to adjust."

Fili looked back down to his hands, and took a deep breath. "I hope you're right. . ."


"Hey mum," Fili answered after he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He couldn't help the smile that broke out across his face at the sound of his mother's voice. He had been worrying about Kili all afternoon.

"Hello Fili," his mother replied fondly. "How are you and your brother?" He stood from his spot on the couch. He, Dori, Ori, Dwalin, and Kili were watching The Dark Knight. He glanced back down at Kili, who hadn't reacted when he mentioned their mum. He squelched the emotion that welled up in his throat. He walked over to the kitchen and sat on the barstool.

"We're good! We're good."

"I can't wait to see you, I'll be there in about an hour."

"Great! I can't wait to see you either, I've missed you so much."

"Yes, well – my son the doctor! Must be a busy job!"

"Thorin said the same thing."

"We're both so proud of you. Everyone is."

"Thank you."

"Is that your mum?" Fili turned around and saw Balin behind him. He nodded. "May I speak to her?"

"Hey mum, Balin wants to talk to you."

"Alright love, I'll see you tonight. Love you."

"Love you too," he said and he handed his phone to Balin.

"Hello, Dis," Balin said, smiling warmly. Fili could hear the buzz of his mother's voice on the other end. "Yes, the party hasn't been the same without you!" Balin laughed. "Actually, we were planning on going out for dinner tonight, so do you want to meet us at Bombur and Bifur's restaurant?" He laughed again, and said, "Yes, well it's really the only place that'll accommodate all of us, isn't it! Alright dearie, I'll see you in an hour or so." Balin gave Fili back his phone and he hit the end call button.

"I'll never understand those touch-screen phones. . ." He said, shaking his head as he walked back to the kitchen table to sit back down and rejoin the card game as he muttered about kids these days having something against buttons. Fili went to the couch and sat back down next to Kili.

"Mum'll be here soon. Apparently we're going to Bombur and Bifur's for dinner." Kili grunted in return, and Fili looked closely at him. He was pale and he was chewing on his lip, picking at his fingernails – and when Fili looked at those they were all ripped up.

"Take a picture it'll last longer," Kili said under his breath. Fili's face fell, and he frowned.

"What's the matter with you?" Fili could slowly feel himself moving past worry and into irritation.

"Nothing," Kili said, but his voice told Fili the exact opposite. And when he stood and left the living room, pushing through the swinging doors to the stairs with more force than necessary Fili stood to follow him. He glanced to the dining table as he passed and caught eyes with Thorin.

Fili followed Kili up the stairs and sprinted to catch up to him as he took the steps to their room. Fili strode into their room after Kili and shut the door once he was through. He turned and looked at Kili, who had started pacing. "Why won't you leave me alone?" Kili yelled as he suddenly stopped and faced his brother. His eyes were red rimmed and he was shaking.

"Why the fuck do you want me to? Why won't you talk to me?" Fili replied, feeling the edge of desperation color his tone. "We always talk, we're always there for each other, why is now any different? I know you Kili, I know something's wrong!"

"You don't know me though! You haven't known me for four and a half years! Not since you left," Kili said, his voice cracking at the last word. He started pacing again. "You were my best friend, and then you left me alone."

"I went to college! It's not like I abandoned you!"

"But you did!" Kili screamed. "I had no friends – no real friends. I had people that I sat with at lunch, but no one could handle me! I was too much of a spas, or too weird, or I wouldn't shut up. I was the class clown, but I had nobody to talk to – because you were too busy living your new life at college."

"And you don't think it was hard for me too?" Fili said, the desperation now fully fledged and straining his voice. "You're my best friend and my favorite person in the world, the hardest thing I ever did was leave you behind! You're my baby brother," Fili said, his voice pleading; he didn't even know what for. "I thought you would have no problem making friends."

Kili laughed, but didn't say anything. He slumped down on his bed and wrapped his arms around himself – something Fili noticed that he'd been doing a lot of lately. Probably a safety mechanism, he thought. Kili sniffed and Fili could tell that he was trying to hold back tears. He always sniffed in the same way when he didn't want to cry but knew it was inevitable. Fili went and sat next to Kili, putting his arm around his brother's bony shoulders and pulled him into his side. Kili let out a sob and threw his arms around Fili's middle. Fili wrapped his own around Kili and pulled him in tight, resting his chin on his brother's head.

"I've missed you so much. . ." Kili whispered between sobs.

"I've missed you too, baby brother." Fili looked up when he saw their door open slightly, and Thorin stood in the gap, concern in his eyes. Fili nodded his head slightly, and smiled wanly.

As Kili cried Fili started to get the sense of just how much weight his brother had been carrying. It wasn't just Fili that he was crying about – but Fili had no idea what else it was. He desperately wanted to know, but at the same time he knew that if Kili wanted him to know he would tell him. He just had to wait for his brother to come to him – he always did. A few minutes later he stopped and they sat there for a few more moments, breathing together and silently reconnecting after years of disconnect. Neither had really noticed it, but slowly as the space and time between them grew they grew more and more separate. No longer was it "Fili and Kili", it had slowly and silently turned into "Fili" and "Kili", and when Fili thought about it, it broke his heart. Kili needed him, and he had left.

He could have gone the more traditional route, and started his residency at Erebor General Hospital, but he had decided to focus on sports medicine, and take that internship in Rivendell, when he knew that it would take him hours away from his hometown and his family – and even further away from Kili. Kili had been so excited to go off to college – the same place as his big brother had gone, and Fili knew that he hadn't really thought about the implications. That he would be leaving his mum, his uncle, the rest of his family, the few friends he had from high school, and he would be even further from his big brother. Rivendell was three hours from Erebor, and Mirkwood was five hours the other direction.

Fili tightened his grip, kissing the top of Kili's head. "You okay?" he whispered. Kili took a shaky breath, and started to pull away. He used the sleeves of his sweatshirt to wipe his eyes and he sniffed again.

"I'm okay," he whispered back.

"I love you."

Kili looked pained, and he nodded; he didn't reply.


They left thirty minutes later, piling into four cars. Fili drove his own with Kili in the passenger's seat, and Bofur and Ori sitting on either side of Gimli's car seat.

"I can't believe how ginger he already is," Bofur said messing with his curly red hair. He was only eight months old but he already had extremely thick red hair on his head.

"Yeah, just like his dad," Ori replied.

"And his mum, she's got fiery red hair!"

"That she does; everything about her screams firecracker. Gloin's lucky he snatched her up when he did."

Fili smiled as he listened to his cousins talk in the back. He glanced over at Kili. He was slumped down in his seat, looking out the window. His hair was pulled back and he had changed into jeans, but he was still wearing the sweatshirt. Fili guessed that crying had taken a lot out of him emotionally, and he could see how tired he was.

"I'm glad mum's going to be here," he heard Kili say quietly. "I miss her."

"She's really excited to see us, she said." Fili glanced over at Kili to see him nodding. Bofur and Ori still chattered in the back.

"I'm so excited to go to Bombur's place," Bofur said, addressing Fili.

"Don't you go there all the time?"

"Yes, but every time I go I'm just so proud at what he's accomplished! To be completely honest we didn't think he'd turn out to be much at all, but when I see what he and Bifur have done I'm so happy I was wrong." Bombur and Bofur were twins, and Bofur had his music that was always his thing, from when he was very young. Bombur, however, didn't do very much of anything until he realized in high school that he really loved to cook – sure he'd always loved to eat but he didn't really know that he could cook.

Then he'd been talking to their cousin Bifur and had realized that he also loved to cook – and so they had both gone to culinary school together, and when they were out they enlisted Thorin and his business know-how and opened their restaurant/bakery. That was seven years ago, and now their place was the best place to get dinner in all of Erebor.

"Yeah, it is a pretty awesome place."

They arrived a few minutes later, and parked in the large parking lot on the side of the building. They all filed out, and headed towards the front door. They were the last to arrive; everyone was already at a table in the back – well more like five tables pushed together. There was a loud chorus of hellos as they approached. Ori handed Gimli to Gloin and sat down next to Dori and Oin. Bofur sat next to Bombur, and Fili and Kili walked up to their mum, who had her back turned to them.

They leaned around on either side of her and kissed both her cheeks. "Hey mum," they said together.

"My boys!" Dis said, and she wrapped her arms around their necks to nuzzle them both. "Oh, I've missed you!"

"Missed you too, mum," Kili said quietly, just to her.

"It's been way too long," Fili said, pressing his face into the crook of her neck.

"And whose fault was that?"

"Mine. . ." he mumbled.

"Yes, it is. Now sit down, I saved you seats." They stood up and sat down next to her – Fili between Dis and Thorin, and Kili on her other side next to Balin.


Kili squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at one of them. They itched, and his left one kept twitching every now and then. His legs were tensed, trying to keep them from spasming, but every now and then he would lose control and kick the table's leg in the center, causing the whole table to shake.

"Kili, sweetie stop kicking the table," his mother said the last time it happened. "You nearly knocked over my beer."

"Sorry mum," he mumbled.

"Now speak up," she said, turning to look at her youngest son. "You've been mumbling all night, where's the loud-mouth son I love?" He looked up at her and took a deep breath. He pushed his hands between his thighs under the table so Dis wouldn't see them shaking. Her face was concerned, and she pushed his bangs off his forehead. "Are you alright, honey?"

"I'm fine mum, I'm just tired. Last week was really long with finals and everything, and I still haven't caught up on my sleep yet." It was a lie. A complete lie. Sure, he had taken his finals, ending his winter term with two C's, a D, and an F, but that wasn't the reason he hadn't slept all week. His two final papers had been due the week before finals week, then he had had two final exams on Monday – he spent the rest of the week high. Celebrating with his "friends" – really just people he got high with, he didn't even remember their names most of the time - and mooching off of their stash. He had even stolen some, and that was what was in his bag at Balin's.

Oh god. . . he moaned in his head. Don't think about that. . . But he couldn't help it. Every time he tried to pull his thoughts away they were just ripped right back. He tried to pay attention to the lively conversation around him but it was all just noise – a buzzing that went in one ear and out the other.

"So tell me about school! How was your winter term, you never call home so I never know what you're up to!" Dis asked, and suddenly half of their group's attention was fixed on Kili. His eyes went wide, and he blinked several times in surprise.

"What?"

"Tell us about school, how was your winter term? It snows a lot in Mirkwood, right?"

Kili tried to comprehend his mother's question, but all he could think was oh god I need to be high right now I need it I need it I need it I need my heroin!

SNAP OUT OF IT!

He swallowed.

"Not- not much more than it does here."

"It actually rains a lot more there," Fili said, noticing how much trouble his brother was having. "But that just means that the forest is greener, so it's quite beautiful year round." Kili was too relieved to have some of the attention off of him to feel embarrassed or irritated.

"What classes did you take this term, laddie?" Balin asked from Kili's other side.

He desperately tried to remember. He blinked a few times. He hadn't actually gone that often. "Anthropology, English, biology. . . and French." French? That was the class he skipped the most often. He could barely focus on English, how was he supposed to be able to speak a completely different language. "They weren't bad," he said, trying to beat anyone to any more questions they may decide to ask.

I can't do much more of this.


Fili was in the middle of telling Dwalin and Thorin a story about the time that Elrond had inadvertently made Thranduil look like a fool in front of the team – Dwalin and Thorin had both gone to school with Thranduil, and didn't like him much – when he noticed Kili excused himself to go to the restroom.

"Fili," he stopped speaking at his mother's tone, and turned to look at her. "Has Kili been like that since you picked him up yesterday?" Fili's heart sank at the sadness that permeated his mother's voice. He nodded, and she closed her eyes for a moment. "He was like that at Christmas too. I figured he was just having a tough time at school, but that he would get over it. Maybe I should go talk to him." She sighed, visibly agitated.

"Dis, calm down," Thorin said from her other side. "He needs to learn to be on his own without shutting down, if you baby him he will never learn."

"Mum, I think it may be more than just school that's getting to Kili. The way he's acting, I don't think his ADHD meds are working anymore."

"How can that be? They've worked just fine for fourteen years!"

"Yeah, and I think his body has built up a resistance to it. I think you need to talk to his doctor about changing to something else."

"Or maybe he shouldn't be on anything, and he's just fine without it. He's been on it for so long, maybe that's what's messing with his brain!" Thorin said, trying to keep his voice down. "Perhaps he was just a rambunctious child, and you were too quick to label it." Fili looked down to focus on his plate of half-finished food. He had heard this argument many times, and when he was younger, he hadn't known whom he sided with – because it seemed that they both made valid points. But after college – and even though he hadn't gone to medical school yet – he knew a bit more about ADHD to know that Kili had it, and had it bad. But he wouldn't be able to talk to Thorin about it. . . he wouldn't listen. When he gets something into his head he won't listen to anyone else's opinion, even if they are right and he knows it. His mother and uncle were still arguing a moment later and Fili was getting angry.

"Can we not do this now?" he hissed. Both Thorin and Dis stopped talking and looked at him, but Fili's eyes were still focused on the table. Slowly the conversation picked back up as those who had been listening to their almost-argument went back to other topics.

Kili came back a few minutes later, looking visibly more perked up, but when Fili looked into his eyes he could see something in them that scared him.


I can't do it.


Please review! I love to hear how you guys like it - or didn't like it. And as always, if you have any questions please feel free to ask them in a (signed) review or in a PM! As of now this story is complete, so the next chapter will be up in a few days.