A/N- I am so so so so sorry for not getting this done sooner. I would come up with an excuse but the truth is I just kept forgetting to write. Hope you enjoy the chapter. Feel free to suggest any ideas for what you would like to happen :)
Warning: mentions self-harm
"Summer lovin', had me a blaaaaast.." Mercedes began to sing, grinning at her best friend and nudging him playfully.
"Ugh, shut up 'Cedes. There was no 'lovin'. It was a kiss. And he ran off as soon as it happened. Hardly a holiday romance" Kurt said, rolling his eyes as he linked arms with Mercedes and walked into the choir room, where the rest of the Glee Club were sitting.
They took their seats and waited for Mr Schue to arrive. It was the first Glee Club meeting after the Summer Break, and everyone was excited about the year. Some of the club, including Kurt, were in their last year at McKinley and wanted to make it a great one. Kurt looked around the room at everyone. Rachel and Finn were all over each other. So were Tina and Mike. And Brittany and Santana. Shaking his head, he looked at Mercedes, who was staring at Sam with a loving look. Kurt sighed. Everyone seemed to have someone, even if the relationship was purely platonic like Quinn and Puck. The only other person who was alone like him was Artie, but he was staring at his phone, laughing stupidly at whatever someone had sent him. Kurt was all alone. He crossed his arms and sunk back into his seat. Being the only out guy at school was horrible. His senior year was going to drag on. Especially as all the couples meant lots of drama to come during the course of the year. Just then, Mr Schue strode into the room, gaining a round of applause from the group.
"Hey guys!" Mr Schue laughed "Hope everyone had a great Summer. Now we're going to have to work our butts off this year because as you all know, this is the last year that it will be just you 12 and me. Some of you will be going off to college and heading out into the big, wide world. So let's make it count!"
Applause erupted from everyone, along with some cheering. Kurt clapped, but he knew that he wasn't going to have a great year. He'd already been slammed into his locker more than 3 times and his left shoulder was still hurting a lot. Kurt didn't know how much longer he could take it. Mr Schue shushed the group before staring up another speech.
"Right, so as you know, sectionals are coming early this year, so we have about 5 weeks to prepare. I've arranged for a meet-up with one of our competitors, Dalton Academy , which is an all boys school over in Westerville. They'll be coming over on Friday after school just for a few songs so we can see what we're up against. From what I've been told, they're an a capella group, so totally different from us. You guys all pumped? Yeah? Well, let's get started" Mr Schue announced, and everyone jumped up to do vocal exercises and practice new dance moves.
"Maybe we'll find you a hot piece of ass, Hummel. An all boy school? Gotta be crawling with guys on your team" Puck teased, bumping his shoulder as he walked by.
Kurt felt the anger rise up inside of him. He was tired of being the one who was known just for being gay and nothing else. Although he knew Puck was joking, what he said still made him want to go and punch the mohawked teen in the nose. Kurt sat on his seat for the rest of practice, ignoring the worried looks from his friends and teacher. The only reason he stayed there and didn't storm out was because a) he wasn't Rachel and b) he needed to know what was happening, because his future depended on Glee Club. Being a part of a winning show choir was bound to get him into top colleges. Kurt watched all the happy and laughing faces of his teammates and felt undeniably jealous. Why wasn't he allowed to be happy? Why wasn't he allowed to walk down the halfway without being tormented? When Mr Schue dismissed the class, Kurt stormed past everyone, even Mercedes who tried to put a hand on his arm. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He couldn't. He jumped into the driver's seat of his Navigator and drove home, ignoring speed limits. He pulled into his drive and sped into his house. Luckily, he didn't have to drive Finn home after Glee, because he was going to Rachel's for the night. That left just 2 more people he had to avoid: his dad and Carole. He knew when he looked at his watch that it was around dinner time, and they would be sat at the table, which happened to be in full view of the front door. He took a deep breath before putting on a fake smile, that he was used to doing. Years of hiding being bullied made him an expert at faking happiness. He opened the door and smiled at his parents, shutting the door behind him and heading straight for the stairs.
"Son, aren't you going to grab something to eat?" Burt called, his eyes on Kurt, looking suspicious.
"I've got loads of homework to do. I'll come down after I've done if I'm hungry. I didn't think we'd get this much work seen as we've just come back" Kurt laughed quietly, hoping that the laughter wouldn't turn into a strangled sob.
Burt and Carole seemed appeased and let Kurt go to his room, carrying on with the conversation they were having. Kurt ran to his room and locked his bedroom door behind him. He yanked off his shoes, coat and schoolbag before curling up into a ball under his sheets. As he lay down on his bad shoulder, he yelped in pain, but didn't move. He deserved the pain. He was such a failure of a person that he deserved every ounce of pain he had ever had; probably even more. Reaching into his drawer, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Mercedes was trying to call him. Kurt hit ignore and rummaged around in his drawer until he found what he was looking for: scissors. He twirled them around in his hands for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to hurt himself. He really did, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to straight away. He knew that if he did it, he'd regret it. Kurt felt his hands shaking and his palms began to get sweaty as he pressed the blade to the skin on his arm. Suddenly there was a knock on his bedroom door and Kurt threw the scissors under the bed as his dad walked into his room.
"Hey, bud" Burt said quietly, moving to sit on the edge of Kurt's bed. "Are you ok? I mean really ok. You haven't seemed like yourself today"
Kurt looked up at his dad and his eyes started to tear up.
"No." was all Kurt could say before the tears that threatened to fall, did fall.
"Hey hey hey. Come here" Burt whispered, wrapping his arms around his son, pulling him close. He had never seen Kurt cry since his mother died.
"I'm s-sorry, d-dad" Kurt whimpered into his dad's shoulder.
"Kurt, you have nothing to apologize for."
"I-I do." Kurt said, pulling back to look in his father's eyes. "If I wasn't g-g-gay, then you wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I'm sorry for not being able to be the son you deserve"
"Kurt" Burt nearly shouted "You never have to apologize for who you are. I don't care how many people tell you otherwise, you are you and nobody can change that. I love you, Kurt, and so do Carole, Finn and all of your friends. That's all that matters. You matter, Kurt."
"Thanks, dad." Kurt replied, not being able to say much more as he was completely stunned. His dad had never said anything like that to him before. Burt wasn't really one for getting in touch with how he felt.
Burt stood up and gave Kurt's shoulder one last squeeze before walking out of Kurt's room, shutting the door behind him. Thinking about everything his dad had said, Kurt realised that everything he said was true. Even though a lot of people hated him, he did have people who cared, and surely that was enough to make him keep going. However, he couldn't get the thought out of his head that maybe the world would be better if he wasn't alive. Kurt snuggled down into his covers and waited until sleep eventually overcame him.
The rest of Kurt's week was somewhat robotic. He woke up, went to school, got thrown in a dumpster, went home, ate and went to bed. Kurt tried not to think about anything and shut himself off from emotion, because at least if he felt nothing, he wouldn't have to feel like he was totally worthless. People seemed concerned, especially Burt. He noticed how his son wasn't singing around the house like he usually did, which was a definite cause for worry.
When Friday came, Kurt wasn't really bothered about seeing this all-boys school choir, despite the fact that Puck wouldn't shut up about finding Kurt a "hot piece of ass". When the bell went to signal the end of the school day, Kurt made his way to the auditorium, where the rest of the Glee Club were already seated. They smiled and waved Kurt over to sit with them. Kurt obliged, but really he just wanted to go home and sit in his room. He was considering just quitting Glee Club, because he wasn't into it as much as he used to be, and it was just annoying him. But then he had the dilemma of if he quit, then his future plans were ruined.
"Hey Kurt" Mercedes whispered, smiling sadly at the brown haired boy next to her.
Kurt automatically felt a pang of guilt. He'd been avoiding everyone that week, including Mercedes. He knew that she could tell something was up, but she didn't say anything.
"Hey" Kurt said, smiling weakly back at her.
Kurt turned to face the stage, where a group of boys in blazers were huddled, talking about something. After a few minutes, one of the boys, with a blonde fringe, stepped forward to the front of the stage.
"Um, I'm sorry for the wait. We're just waiting for our lead singer to come back from the bus" The blonde said, turning around awkwardly and jogging back to the group.
Mr Schue stood up and addressed the Glee Club quietly.
"Ok, guys. Remember to be nice. Even if they aren't good, be respectful. They are our visitors" he said, making Kurt roll his eyes. Mr Schue always assumed that everyone wasn't as good as them and then it meant that they were even more depressed when they were amazing.
Suddenly the door to the auditorium flew open and a short boy with gelled hair ran onto the stage into the huddle. There was a few moments of quiet discussion and then everyone shuffled into their places. Kurt was staring at his hands, just wanting it to be over so he could go home. It was the weekend, so he'd have a few days to stay in his room and really think things over. The was a tapping on the microphone and the whole of the New Directions stopped chatting and looked up at the stage, except for Kurt, who continued to stare at his hands.
"Hey. We're the Dalton Academy Warblers. Thanks for inviting us" a voice said, before the song began.
Kurt's entire body froze. He knew that voice. It had been the voice that had been in his head since the plane ride home during the holidays.
