Nothing But Mush

Tony knew he was fucked. If Pepper found out about the latest fiasco in his lab, the twelve percent jokes were going to be the least of his worries.

And it didn't help that Darcy was such a good looking PA. And really, Tony could ignore it. He would snark his way and flirt with the girl, sure, and Pepper was okay with that. But it was a whole other story when he found himself getting hard because his assistant was calling him daddy.

Tony knew he could be kinky. He enjoyed sex as much as the next guy. But he could admit in all his forty-three years of living, not once had he ever been called daddy and liked it.

Yet, when Darcy called him daddy, and hugged him close. It went straight to his cock. He was lucky that Bruce decided to sleep. Tony knew that his science bro wouldn't have if he was aware of the latest project Tony was working on, but he was Tony Stark, and he always got first look.

A recent SHIELD raid of a HYDRA facility had them coming back with some sort of machinery that no one knew what to make of. Tony, being the genius mechanic that he is, was reluctantly asked to take a look.

And he was looking. He had removed the hard shell encasing of the device and was using some tweezers to remove what appeared to be the microchip controlling the thing. Then his PA walked into his workshop in her usual loud fashion, causing him to drop the damn thing.

Then things went boom.

He was surprised that no one was coming to check in on him. It was pretty late, so he figured most everyone was asleep and the boom wasn't a fire sort of explosion, just a spray of sorts, that Darcy happened to breathe in.

Her eyes had glazed over and then a few moments later her plump lips wobbled. The girl looked like she was about to cry and Tony hated crying women. Even more when it was in his lab.

Worst still, was when she had started to pull his shirt off him. He was still in shock and hadn't realized what was happening. She had stripped to just her underwear and pulled the shirt on.

He had just seen Darcy Lewis' ample breasts.

If that got out, Tony knew he was a dead man. Clenching his eyes shut, he tried to wipe the image from his mind.

It wasn't working.

Especially when he felt her pressed up against him again. She was tapping at his arc reactor, smiling up at him.

"Darcy?"

"Mhmm?"

"What's today's date?"

She shrugged, trailing her fingers around the edge of the reactor. Holding back the shudder, he tried to think what could have happened.

"Do you know what today is?"

"Sunday funday!" She clapped, making her tits bounce. And that was another image he would have to bleach out of his head.

"Okay, that's right? JARVIS, is that right?"

"Yes, sir, she is indeed correct." The AI responded. "I wouldn't know about it being a fun day though."

"True. Pepper already left for DC?"

"Yes, sir."

Well wasn't that a relief. He had a week of being Pepper free. Hopefully this would all blow over and no one would have to be the wiser.

"Why don't we go upstairs?"

Darcy pouted but grabbed his hand anyway. Wanting to let it go, Tony tried to pry her fingers loose. She only gripped him hard. He absolutely did not think about her hand holding something else. No he didn't.

"Fine," he sighed, pulling her after him.

When they arrived to the communal kitchen, Tony started fixing himself some coffee. Darcy hopped up on the counter and Tony tried to keep his back to her, less he stop and stare. Seriously, the girl was good looking, and interesting, how was it she was single? He vowed to fix that once she was fixed. Because if she was taken, and he was taken, he wouldn't be have any of these explicit thoughts.

Like stepping between her thighs.

Pepper. Pepper. Pepper.

"Milk?" Darcy squeaked. She was using a little girl voice, and Tony was slowly starting to get an idea of what the device was meant to do. Mental regression? An interesting weapon. Could be fatal. Especially when used against insusceptible women. The men around them wouldn't know what hit them.

Darcy was always a flirt, but it was with her words and sly looks. What she had been doing, that wasn't flirting. And it made Tony feel like a lecherous old man. A feeling he had never felt before.

Fury owed him big.

Especially if Pepper ever found out about it.

And when the three men he had wished to have not ran into at a time like this showed up into the kitchen, Tony got out of there as quickly as possible. He knew how each of them felt, and hey, maybe this would be the catalyst to push them? He'd enjoy the show, longest they started the competition after Darcy was right in the mind.

With that thought, Tony rushed back to his lab and began tinkering. He had to come up with a way to undo the damage. An antidote of sorts would suffice. Luckily there was some residue on the floor.

"JARVIS, begin analysis"

Grabbing a syringe, he began building a casing around it, making it look like the Doctor's sonic screwdriver, something Tony knew Darcy would appreciate when she was in the right state of mind. Something he hoped would make her happy enough to keep this their little secret.

He was going to think later on how to keep the three men upstairs from mentioning this fiasco. He figured, based on their reaction, some blackmail would be in order. They'd throw it back in his face, but he could simply say that at least he didn't have any nasty thoughts about the poor girl.

None that they knew about, anyway.

So, nuclear deterrent, and all that jazz. He didn't like comparing his strategy to one of Fury's, but whatever, if it worked and kept him out of the doghouse and in Pepper's bed, then by all means. Fury away.

"A compound that should negate the effects has been found," JARVIS said, drawing Tony from his thoughts.

Eyeing the nearest holoscreen, he figured he could get the needed chemicals from Bruce's lab, mix it up, and make Darcy normal. Maybe she wouldn't remember and then he'd only have to worry about Bruce, Clint, and Steve.

Bruce would be easy to deal with, Tony already knew that the man thought he was all sorts of wrong for the young girl. Too old, the other guy, not muscular enough. Any other time, Tony would be all for convincing him otherwise, but he played to win, and while he wanted his science bro to be happy. Tony wouldn't be able to make Bruce happy if Tony wasn't happy.

Clint had a similar hangup. Too old. Too much blood on his hands. Not nice enough. Tony could probably mention something to Natasha or Hill about him being antsy, and he'd be sent on a mission. Hopefully it'd be long enough to repress that morning.

With Steve, Tony wasn't really sure why the man hadn't made a move yet. Sure, he could use age as a reason, but if you didn't count the time on the ice, he was the closest in age to the young woman. The man was definitely nice enough. Maybe too nice? Tony didn't know.

He did have one thing up his sleeve though. Well, he had plenty up his sleeves, but when it came to the love life of Darcy Lewis and his three teammates, Tony had intel that the men would have died for.

It wasn't eavesdropping when JARVIS was simply playing the footage that all parties knew was being recorded. One particular girls' night, Darcy had admitted to finding all three men attractive and interested in each for various reasons. When pushed to make a choice, she couldn't. And established that with none of them showing interest, there was no reason for her to choose, anyway.

With the antidote inside his sonic screwdriver, Tony went to retrieve the victim and based on how all three men were ready to fight to death, it looked like Darcy might be forced to make that choice. Shooting her up with the compound, he pulled her out the room after giving a parting shot to his teammates.

"Yeah, Darcy Lewis," he mumbled, "you're love life is probably going to get a whole lot interesting."