February
I wrote more in February so I can tell you a bit better what happened then.
Oh, first thing I wanted to say is that this year is the Chinese Year of the Tiger. Last year I started learning more about my ethnic background, something I wanted to do for a while since I never related to it or thought much about being Chinese or Chinese-American or whatever. With it being the year of the tiger, we're supposed to see bravery, we're supposed to see friendliness and loving but also selfishness and short-temperedness. Tigers are impulsive, living dangerously which always leads to trouble.
Which is great, but mostly this year is starting out to be the year of suckwads.
First thing I remember from February is sitting with the Professor – we all were in serious need of therapy – and him suggesting that I look for one good thing that happened and write about it. Though I gotta say that the Professor himself sure looked like he needed to follow his own advice.
The only good thing I can think about in February is that life at the mansion started to get back to normal. As close to normal as could possibly be given the giant hole in our hearts. A new bad guy appeared with some crazy plot but the team hunted him down and got him. Well, minus Cyclops who as far as we could tell now lived inside his room. But I think everyone else couldn't wait for a battle. They were "overripe" for one, the word Beast used. I did my part and fought well, but that was the usual for me.
Even though it was the norm for me, after the battle I wanted Wolverine to tell me what a great job I did. He used to always do that, at least pat me on the back or something. He didn't say anything this time though, but I cut him slack. He still loved Jean – okay, a "duh" statement if there was one but there it is. So you can't expect him to act normal.
It was maybe a day or two after that battle that I realized that Wolverine was distant and not getting any less distant. I didn't expect him to be happy and light-hearted - none of us were – but I didn't think he'd stay so distant. I started to think that he wasn't going to act more like himself any time soon. I brushed that thought aside though since I didn't want to like dwell on it.
Something else happened that month. It had now been almost a year since Bobby Drake had returned to us – permanently, he'd said and it sure looked that way since he didn't seem like he wanted to go anywhere else. He and Hank were always hanging out and having fun. You didn't see a lot of smiles around the mansion lately but you could tell those guys were close friends, which was good since it would help keep Bobby here.
I always, always liked Bobby. I liked him when he returned to us for a few days those years ago, and I liked him more now.
Was it bad of me to be thinking about a guy so soon after Jean's death? But like I said, I always liked Bobby. I was as devastated as everyone else over Jean, which maybe meant a distraction would be even more needed.
But this wasn't just a distraction for me. I really liked him. For a second, I thought of asking Storm or Rogue for some tips here. But I didn't want Rogue teasing me and I never did approach Storm. The only other women here now are Psylocke who I gotta say I never have bonded with and Dark Star who I still didn't know that well, so I went about this by myself.
There were other young guys on the team, I know - Colossus and Cannonball, but I wasn't interested in either one.
I put more make-up on than usual. I bought some high heels. I found a time when Bobby was alone, on the back porch.
I remember everything that I said but I sure as hell ain't gonna write it out here. It was lame. No, lame doesn't even begin to cut it. He didn't realize I was asking him out on a date. When I first suggested going somewhere, he starts to get up and see if Hank wants to come. Then I sink even lower and nearly throw myself at him. I made even more of an ass of myself. The worst part was when I said, "I'm asking you on a date, you idiot!" Real smooth.
Bobby laughed.
Then he composed himself real quick, maybe he figured out fast that I hadn't been joking. He took my hands in his and said that I was a beautiful young woman, blah blah blah but he didn't feel that way about me. He said someday I'd make some lucky guy happy, blah blah blah. Then it gets worse when Gambit enters the porch, but fortunately he beats it when he figures out what's going on. Great. Now Rogue's going to know about my disgrace too.
The next few weeks it's really awkward whenever I'm in the same room with Bobby. Maybe Cyclops has the right idea, staying by himself all day.
TO BE CONTINUED - next month coming soon
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