Capsule 2: Drowsy Kong Country
Donkey Kong Island
"[Are you sure you'll be alright with this, little buddy?]" Donkey Kong asked, being the worrier that he was.
Diddy sighed. "[Relax, DK! It's been years since the kremlings stuffed me into that barrel. I've gotten waaay way stronger since then!]" He flexed his big, strong muscles for emphasis.
"[Well, okay! See ya later then, Diddy!]" And with that, Donkey Kong grabbed a vine and climbed up into the trees, ready to go and meet his fiancée, Candy Kong.
Diddy got into position at the entrance of the Banana Hoard and sat down. Finally, he was the thing's guard for today! He was starting to believe that DK would never let him live down that one incident from all those years ago. Stupid krusha...
Oh well, this was his first ever shift since that day, so he was sure as heck not gonna mess it up this time!
Suddenly, he heard a noise in the bushes. At first, Diddy ignored it, thinking it was probably some animal from the jungle, but the shaking didn't stop. In fact, it was getting louder!
Diddy took out his peanut popguns and aimed them at the bush. He put on his bravest face and performed some strategic shivering to intimidate the enemy. "[Wh-who's there? That better not be a k-k-krusha!]"
He took a step forwards, shaking even more to... apply pressure to the kremling spy. "[I-I'm warning you! I'm armed! I'M ARMED WITH PEANUTS!]"
Before he could step forwards again, the figure burst out of the shrubs and tackled him! Diddy initiated his war cry, which to some people might have sounded like girly screaming, but Diddy knew better.
Eventually, his assailant managed to pin him down though an extremely lucky coincidence. Diddy felt more terrified than he had ever been in his entire life! This was the end for him! He had used his last balloon! He- ...could smell a familiar banana-scented perfume.
"[...Hey, Dixie,]" Diddy grumbled.
The blond-ponytailed girl rolled on the floor laughing. "[Ahahaha! You shoulda seen the look on your face! Teeheehee!]"
"[Hmph, c'mon, Dix! That wasn't funny, it was mean...]"
Dixie wiped the tears from her eyes. "[Oh, don't be like that, Dids! You have to admit, it was pretty good.]"
"[Yeah, hilarious. You're such a goof, Dix!]"
Dixie giggled. "[Sooo, what'cha doin', anyway?]"
"[DK let me guard his banana hoard for the entire day. I think I'm doing pretty well!]" Diddy said, his voice filled with pride.
"[Hm, okay! Yeah, as long as no big, bad monkey girls show up to intimidate you, I'm sure you're perfect for the job!]" Dixie said, giggling to herself again.
"[Hmph! I thought you were a... a kruncha, or something. You know how bad those guys can be!]"
"[True enough... having to deal with them made fighting the krumples feel really easy, honestly.]"
"[...The heck's a krumple?]"
Dixie took out a smoothie cup from... somewhere and sipped on it. "[Ehh, nothing to worry about. So, why is DK making you guard his hoard?]"
"[So he could spend some time with Candy, I guess.]"
"[Huh... so Donkey has a sweet tooth, does he? We should swap gumballs sometime!]" She pulled a bag of gumballs out from, again, somewhere for emphasis.
"[What? No Dix, I mean Candy Kong. His girlfriend!]"
"[Ohh, ok then. Makes sense.]" Dixie suddenly got grumpy. "[Hey, how come you never take me on dates? Some gentleman you are!]" She crossed her arms.
"[Aww, c'mon, Dix, it ain't like that!]" Diddy said, flustered. "[Hmm... hey, how about we go to the beach tomorrow? I hear it'll be real sunny!]"
"[Hmm... okay!]" Dixie said, her mood perky once again. That was easy! "[I guess I'll just hang with you for a while, then.]"
"[Yeah, fine by me!]" Hearing that, Dixie smiled and sat down next to Diddy, wrapping an arm around him.
They sat like this for a long while, happy in each other's embrace. After a while, Dixie decided to strike up some conversation. "[So, why are you guarding the Banana Hoard, anyway? It's not often you or Donkey do anything like that unless you know the kremlings are coming.]"
"[This morning, DK found some suspicious pills here somewhere, apparently. He didn't wanna let Candy down, so he asked me to guard the hoard.]"
"[Huh, odd... Are you sure they weren't Cranky's?]"
Diddy shook his head. "[Nah. He won't take his pills anymore, since they stopped making them in 8-bits, so probably not.]"
"[Huh... that explains all that weird 'gaming' stuff he talks about, then.]"
Diddy was about to reply, but then he heard something. Listening carefully, it sounded like... the bushes again? Well, it certainly wasn't Dixie this time, so what could it be?
"[...Huh? What's wrong, Diddy?]" Dixie asked, giving him a worried look.
"[The bushes... they're rustling again!]" Diddy bravely sprang to his feet and brandished his peanut popguns again. "[D-Don't worry, Dix! I'll keep ya safe!]"
Dixie rolled her eyes. "[Pthh, puh-leese! First of all, it's probably just an animal, and second of all, you think you can protect me when you're shaking like some jelly?]"
Looking down at his guns, he realised that Dixie was right. He couldn't aim at the ground consistently, let alone forwards. "[...I'm in anticipation, th-that's all.]"
Sighing, Dixie stood up and walked towards Diddy. "[C'mon, Dids. There's nothing to fe-]"
Without warning, something white leapt out of the shrubbery! "WAHAAAA!"
Startled, both the Kongs clung to each other for dear life and yelled loudly. After a few seconds of not being assaulted, Diddy cautiously opened an eye to see that their attacker was none other than...
"[Oh hey, it's you! Phew, you had us going there.]" Diddy let go of Dixie and faced the person in front of him, though Dixie still kept her arms around him. "[Relax, Dix. Look who it is!]"
Dixie peeked around Diddy's shoulder and, realising who it was, let go of Diddy, blushing. "[Oh, hey there. Eheh...]"
"IT'S-A ME! YAHOO!"
Diddy scratched his head. "[Yeah, it's you alright.]" After that, everyone just awkwardly stood there in silence, save for the short dude in front of them.
After several seconds, their guest reached into his pocket and brought out two yellow things. In fact, they kind of looked like...
"[Oh, banana candy! That stuff's the best~! Got any to spare?]" Dixie asked, looking pretty excited. Diddy rolled his eyes in amusement. She always had a real big sweet tooth...
"BELLISSIMO!" their friend yelled, handing both of them to the attractive monkey couple.
Dixie squeed and popped her treat into her mouth almost immediately. "[Thanks, bro!]"
Diddy chuckled and joined in, eating his. "[Yeah, thanks man!]"
The couple chewed down happily. After a few bites, however, Diddy realised that his treat didn't exactly taste like bananas. It tasted icky and bitter! Looking to his side, he saw that Dixie wasn't enjoying her sweet either. She even spat hers out!
"[Ptooey! Hey, what gives!? That wasn't banana flavoured at all!]" Dixie yelled angrily. She did not like it when people messed with her treats.
"[Yeah, man! Giving people rotten candy isn't a cool prank- ...Oh my gosh, Dixie, what's wrong with your fur!?]" She was turning... yellow!? There was no denying it, she was looking less brown and more yellow by the second.
She hurriedly examined her arms. "[...Ack, you're right! Oh no, and you're turning yellow too!]" Diddy looked at his arms and realised in horror that she was right! And all of his fur was starting to fall off too, making him feel very smooth. Smooth like the skin of a...
...Like the skin of a banana.
Their out of control prankster punched the air triumphantly. "YAHOO!"
Diddy licked his fingers and was horrified to clarify that, yes, he tasted exactly like the fruit he was trying to protect! And that wasn't all either; he was shrinking and splitting into bunches! "[Dixie! It's happened! WE ARE THE BANANAS! I TOLD EVERYONE THIS WOULD HAPPEN!]"
Dixie screamed. The same thing was happening to her too, and it didn't look pretty... Unable to stay standing any longer, she rolled over on her bent backside to look at the mad doctor they once knew as a friend. "[What have you dooone!? That was the second worst candy of my life! Do something, man!]"
"FANTASTICO! WAHOO!"
It was hopeless. Both he and his girl were destined to be packed full of protein. Heck, they could even be held and stared at by Iwata.
Diddy sighed shakily. "[Dix...]" She rolled over to face him, "[I think... we're done for. So before we go, there's something I want to say. Something I've wanted to say for a long time...]"
"[Y-yes, Dids?]" Dixie said, with tears in her eyes as the clothes on her back turned into a banana skin. She was ready to hear it...
"...I'M DIDDY! HoOHa!"
"[...What the actual fuck, Diddy!? Our last moment together as a living couple and you decide to quote a racing game I wasn't even in for ten years! You could've said 'I love you' or something!]"
"[Well... I wanted a taste of Rareware one last time...]"
"[Well you won't get a taste of me one last time once we're in Monkey Heaven, that's for sure!]"
"[...Aw peanuts.]"
And with that, the transformation was complete. Diddy could feel his mind, body and soul becoming one with the bananas. It was over...
"DAWNKEY KAWNG!" yelled Dunkey Kongo as he jumped down from particularly high tree and slammed his hands fists into the ground. He wasn't sure why he started doing this ever since the Tiki Tribe invaded, but man, was it cool!?
However, while his cry was spot on, his slam was a bit weak today, and for good reason. "[Aww man, I can't believe it!] DK Kong said out loud to no one in particular, as he looked up at the orange, sunset-filled sky. "[I was this close to getting my Funky Kong on!]"
How was Dankey Kang to know that she wouldn't be turned on by him yelling 'EXPAND DONG'? Other ladies find that sexy as shit! Probably.
Oh well, there was always next time. It was getting late, so he had to let off his buddy before the chimp's little nuts froze and jammed his gun, or something. Nobody in the Kong family liked it when things freeze...
As he looked both inside and outside the cave, though, he couldn't help but notice that the little chimp was nowhere to be found. "[Diddyyy! Where are you!?]"
Donkey was all confused. That is, until he worked some thing out. After wards, he punched his floor. He couldn't believe it. His little buddy ditched his duties! What a twerp!
The only thing that stopped DeeKay from going ape was that his bananas was safe, at least. If they went missing, Donk Kong would totally shove Diddy's hat up his banana deposit.
Konkey Dong was about to go off in search of the little banana buggerer until he caught something on his foot.
It was... clothes?
Not whole clothes, though. It was just shredded bits of red and pink clothing, much like the kind Diddy and his girl, Dixie, would wear.
...Donkey Konk groaned and shake his head. Of course! Diddy deserted his post to... get it on like Donkey Kong, so to speak.
"[Darn it, Diddy! You could've waited until later! Jeez...]" That crazy kid. And when he couldn't get any himself, either!
Well, at least he left two exotic yellow, pink and red banana bunches behind, both hidden inside their torn clothes.
Monkey Kong licked his mouth lips. He knew exactly how to get back at those two for leaving his precious bananas in peril...
CHAPTER CLEAR
TRY NEXT
Speed: 12/10 (October)/2014
Virus Level: 1,953
The general surgeon warns: Dying is bad for your health, so don't do it.
Next up: Pills
