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I fingered the letter in my hand. It had arrived last night and, although it did not make me change my mind, pain still shot through me, every time I set eyes on it.

Sweet Lily,

I cannot tell you how sorry I was when I heard you were marrying that arsehole.
Now the day has actually arrived and I can't believe you are actually going to go through with it.
Why? All he did was make your time at school a misery. Don't you remember? I do, clearly.

That day at the lake meant nothing, and that is the truth. I wasn't thinking and I wish the
words had never escaped my mouth, because I regret them with everything I have. I often wonder,
if I hadn't had said it, would we still be friends? Would Potter be the one writing a sorrowful letter
to you on
our wedding day? Probably not. He would have forgotten you by now, Lily, so why do you
think he will stay with you for the rest of you life?

I am so in love with you Lily, and it breaks my heart to see this happening to you.

I am forever yours, Lily

Severus.

I had to admit to myself, I often wondered the same thing. I didn't come up with the same conclusion though...

The day at the lake

I sat on the waters edge, swinging my legs through the cool water, wearing just shorts and a bikini top. It was so hot and I had immediately changed into cooler clothes straight after the exam. Becky sat next to me, while Kerry and Cher were a few feet away sunbathing on their layed out towels, chatting about Sirius and if he was cheating on Cher. They decided he was.

'How did you find the exam?' Becky asked me.

'Easy. Piece of cake. You?'

She grimaced. 'Horrible. Piece of...oh fuck, something that's disgusting, i dunno...' We laughed. 'I think I might just train as a beautician and be done with it, it's the only thing I'm good at.'

'That's not true!' I protested. 'You're crap!'

She laughed and punched me in the arm.

Suddenly, there was a gaging and choking noise, and we turned around to see two figures standing over someone; two figures who seemed to resemble James Potter and Sirius Black. I knew at once who the person on the ground was.

I sighed and took my feet, regretfully, out of the refreshing water and stalked over to the group, pushing past the onlookers, to find Severus choking on...soap.

Bloody Hell.

'Leave him ALONE!' I shouted.

James and Sirius turned and, though I hated to admit it, James did look pretty fine. His eyes immediately jumped to my boobs which were covered by just a thin bit of material.

He messed up his hair again and he looked even more sexy; though I knew it was for my benefit, I should have been annoyed but damn did it work on me.

He was only a looker though. Other than that he was just plain annoying.

Yeah.

'Alright Evans?' he smirked a sexy smirk.

'Leave him alone,' I repeated but less angrier, thrown off by his smile. No! I couldn't let that happen. 'What's he done to you?'

'Well...it's more the fact that he exists if you know what I mean...' and at once my attraction for him was gone. That was horrible of him and I felt for Severus. Then.
Everyone laughed and James looked around cockily, soaking it all up.

'You think you're funny,' I spat, properly angry now. 'But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.'

But James, oh he knew how to play. 'I will if you go out with me Evans. Go on...go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old snivelly again.' I suddenly considered his offer, and imagined being the girlfriend of James Potter...but I glimpsed Severus out the corner of my eye and that was enough. He was crawling, inch by inch, towards his wand, clearly in pain and humiliated.

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.'

'Bad luck, Prongs,' said Sirius, like he was saying, good try again, maybe next time. Which he was. 'OI!'

Severus had found his wand and directed it and James; a gash appeared on the side of his face.

For some reason I instantly felt protective over James and angry at Snape; there was no need for that. I wanted to comfort him and clean his wound but -

James already had Snape in the air, revealing him in a way that no-one had ever seen him like before. My heart leapt as I saw James fighting back and thought, without realising it, Snape deserved that. I couldn't help but let go of control of my expression and my mouth pulled up at one corner a fraction.

Then I realised what I was doing here and said, 'Let him down!'

James seemed to like that idea. 'Certainly,' he said and Severus fell on top of himself. I couldn't understand what had just happened. Did I just defend Potter? (Even if it was inside my own head?)

As soon as Sev was up on his feet again, Sirius shouted, 'Petrificus totalus!' And he kneeled over again. Anger surged through me at Sirius.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' I pulled my wand out and James glanced at it. He wasn't the only one top of the year.

'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you,' he said, though I knew he never would.

'Take the curse of him then!'

Snape got to his feet. 'There you go,' James said. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-'

'I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!'

It hurt more than if he had punched me in my gut. All I had done was defend him and this was what he said? It didn't make sense. I blinked, trying to clear my head, to compose myself so no-one would see how much it had hurt.

'Fine then. I won't bother in future. And,' remembering my earlier thoughts. 'I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.'

'Apologise to Evans!' James shouted at him. My hurt at Snape couldn't stay in any longer and I needed someone to shout at.

'I don't want you to make him apologise! You're just as bad as he is!'

'What? I would NEVER call you a - you-know-what!' James looked genuinly serious, and I knew he was telling the truth. My hurt at Snape incresed but I hurled it all at James. It felt wrong but I carried on anyway, needing to get it out of my system.

'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it! You make me SICK!'

I turned around and stalked off unable to look at James's face any longer and not wanting people to see the expression on my face that I couldn't control. I was so mad at Snape. I had been his friend since before Hogwarts and stuck up for him in front of my friends and he calls me a...mudblood. Fine. Well I didn't need him any more anyway.

End flashback

And I didn't after that. I had barely spoken to him, though he had begged me to be friends, but I couldn't take another betrayal like that again, it had hurt too much and I wasn't sure if I would be able to take it.

Bex burst through the door, tearing me away from my thoughts. I quickly stuffed the letter out of sight; if anyone saw it there would be no wedding at all.

'Come on, the Limo's here!' Her excitement was infectious and I jumped to my feet as a sudden surge of adrenalin rushed through me. This was it. I was finally marrying James and it felt like all my dreams were about to fall into place.

It was a bit squashed in the limo but it was a short journey and when it pulled up outside the church, I felt my nerves start to creep back to me. Becky, Kerry and Cher chivvied me out and we met Remus outside the doors.

'Hi,' he said, smiling warmly at me. 'You ready?'

'As ready as I'll ever be,' I answered, and took a deep breath to steady myself.

The double doors swung open to reveal about 100 awed faces in rows staring back at me. The guests.

Because of my being muggleborn and wanting to invite a few friends and family who didn't know about Hogwarts, magic, etc, it had to be a non-magical wedding. James was a bit put out at the beginning, but he got over it when I asked him to 'go along with it for me'. I loved James and he loved me so much that he would do anything for me. Even though it was more than three years ago, I still remember the day he proposed to me, clear as day...

The proposal

We were in the last year of Hogwarts and James and I had been going out for a year and four months. Dumbledore had raised the subject of the christmas eve ball and, as James was already taken by me, there was no question of who we were going to go with. People didn't not try though.

It happened about three or four times a day in the two months leading up to the ball. Students would pop out of nowhere and ask James the magic question. At first it bugged me that people (and I say 'people' - it wasn't just girls) would even think there would be the slightest oppotunity that my perfect boyfriend would be unfaithful to me - however my girfriends reminded me that it wouldn't be the first time if he did when I brought the subject up with them. I got used to it, and it wasn't a normal day if he only got one or two requests.

The day of the ball, most people had given up and I was sure by then that James wasn't going to say yes to one of these girls. I had a worry-free day with Bex, Kerry and Cher, trying on our dresses and doing make-up and hair and talking about guys. Every so often they would look at me strangely and start to giggle excitedly and I couldn't work out what was going on.

I met James in the Common room. He was looking extremely handsome in his tux, next to Sirius who looked a bit uncomfortable in such clothes, but good-looking all the same as usual.

As I walked over to James, he took in my appearance, my hair, my dress, and smiled in satisfaction, like the cat that got the cream. My dress was a hot pink, halter-neck cocktail dress that came in at the waist and swished elegantly to my knees, with a bow on the front. I had bought the dress at Madame Malkins where, I'm sure, most people got their dresses and tuxes. She had mentioned it was her busiest time of year, when nearly the whole of Hogwarts wanted at least one piece of clothing.

'Hi,' he said softly, kissing me lightly on the lips, though just that small gesture made my whole body tingle.

'Hi,' I replied, smiling up at him.

'You look a million dollors tonight, babe,' he said proudly, looking me up and down and I knew it wasn't in a disrespectful way.

I smirked. 'You don't look too bad yourself,' I said, and we fell into step with eachother, hand-in-hand as we walked down to the Great Hall where people were searching for partners in different houses or chatting, or getting drinks. There was a huge stage at the far end of the Hall where a band was set up, just without the musicians and where, I presumed, Dumbledore would introduce the Ball.

We met up with our friends; Cher was with Sirius, even though they were broken up, but they thought what the hell? Bex was with Remus which was a surprise (mostly for him) because she was a glamorous, gorgeous girl, while he was a...well, a bookworm. However they seemed to match up and it was nice. Kerry was with a guy called Arthur, who was in Gryffindoor and in our year. Arthur had been going out with Molly, a sixth year, but they had recently broken up, and Kerry had grabbed him as soon as she heard. Apparently she had liked him for ages, but she never told us who she liked; she was quite a private person.

We gathered in a circle, chatting aimlessly. I wasn't sure if I was the only one who noticed but Arthur kept glancing guiltilly over his shoulder, not really engaged in the conversation. I looked in the general direction that he was sneaking glances at, and I saw Molly standing with some of her friends. I wondered how long Kerry and Arthur were going to last tonight.

I tried to get back into the conversation they were talking about but I had missed the first bit and had no idea what was going on. Instead, I scanned the Great Hall, mostly people watching but every now and then admiring the amazing decorations which were in place. Suddenly, my eyes fell on a pair of cold, black, hollow eyes; ones I recognised immediately.

Severus Snape. Or 'Snivellus', as I often referred to him now, since the day at the lake. However, through the hardness and lifelessness I saw pain. Pain that only I could detect from Snape since I knew him so well. His eyes flashed to mine and James' entwined hands and he flinched as if he had been stung. He glanced up and held my gaze for a moment longer, then reluctantly turned back to his crowd of fellow, evil slytherins/future deatheaters. I watched his back for a bit, then turned my head to the stage as Dumbledore started speaking.

'Good evening, Hogwarts,' he said in his magically magnified voice and the sea of colour clapped and wooped. 'I would like to start off by saying Merry Christmas to you all and I hope you have a wonderful evening tonight and a good christmas tomorrow. I, personally, am looking forward to my favourite pair of odd socks I recieve from Mr Black and Mr Potter every year!' The crowd laughed and Sirius shrugged his shoulders and wore an expression that said, I know, I am so wonderful.

Dumbledore continued. 'And speaking of Mr Potter, I believe that he would like to say something before we start.' I suddenly looked around me and realised that James was, in fact, gone. I felt bad that I hadn't realised. Sirius, Remus and Kerry, Bex and Cher all caught my eye, then grinned at eachother. Like what had happened in the dormitory before. I started to get the feeling I was the only one missing out on something.

I turned back to the stage and was surprised to see James standing where Dumbledore had been a few seconds ago. I wondered what he had to say.

He started well.

'Erm...hi,' he said and I was surprised to see that he was nervous. Since when does James Potter get nervous?

'Er...as you all probably know, I have been dating the beautiful Lily Evans, who is...just down there...' he gestured towards us generally. I suddenly felt self-conscious as everyone looked at me. There were a few wolf-wistles at the word 'beautiful' and I rolled my eyes; I was secretly flattered, however.

'I love her. I love her so much that words can't even describe it.' He jumped down from the stage and started making his way towards me. My heart started thumping. 'I know she knows this, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to show her how much I love her.

'Then I got this idea. I talked to my friends, her friends, for advice on it. Yeah, I was scared shitless at first-' a few people laughed -'but it feels so right to be doing this.' He finally reached me and stopped, about a foot away. I looked up at him, nervously.

'Lily Alice Evans I want to spend the rest of my life with you.' James pulled out a small black box and my heart stopped beating all-together. He lowered himself onto one knee. I distinctly heard a few gasps but I was too wrapped up in watching James, listening with all my heart to see what his next words would be.

'Will you marry me?'


It had taken me a full two minutes and 39 seconds to answer, I was crying so bad. I finally managed a small 'yes' and my world turned upside down but for all the right reasons. The ring was a princess cut diamond on a silver band. James started crying as well, though he had tried to hide it. It was the happiest I had ever felt in my life.

We danced all night, just the two of us, interrupted only by students and teachers coming to congratulate us.

I had briefly seen Snape's face, over James' shoulder, contorted in disbelief, probably that I would ever say yes. I looked at him, a small apology beginning to form on my face but then I thought he doesn't deserve it. By that time we had spun away to the other side of the dance floor so I could see him no more. I couldn't work out whether I was sad or happy about that, but then James planted a strong passionate kiss on my lips and I couldn't really think about it again.

End flashback

That was the happiest I had felt in my life and remembering that night and the feelings I had made the nervousness go away, to be placed with pure happiness.


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