2) Tears

2) Tears

One would never have predicted a travesty such as the one the fell upon mankind. Through the longing of certain individuals to break free from their mortal shells and become one with each other, they took their strides in engineering the first un-organic human evolution. While one might think of this as being a just and noble cause, it seems no one truly understands the gravity of the act. No thoughts could be kept secret from anyone. Every organism within this binding field would know what you wish to keep buried.

Two young people peered briefly into the darkness of each other's hearts, and in the process they discovered things that no one should ever know. Fantasies of suicide, nightmares of desire, and visions of murder were but a few things exchanged between their souls. They were disgusted with what they had become.

By becoming one, humanity became everything but human. It became a never ending parade of lust, pleasure, and pain.

Shinji Ikari thrust his foot into the rock, watching it fly across the air, inevitably crashing into the blood red ocean stretching before him. He wished that melding with Asuka would have only helped to cement his deep felt fondness for her, but instead it just magnified everything he despised in people. In her cackled a deep felt hatred directed solely towards him. That was why he did it.

"I didn't want to kill her," Shinji uttered under his rapidly increasing breath. "I didn't. I didn't. I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to kill her."

There was no sunrise on this planet. No warm orange glow to envelop the earth. Only darkness prevailed.

"I thought I loved her," he continued to quietly rave. "I loved Ayanami. Then I loved her. Ayanami..."

The image of Rei's monstrously angelic form echoed through his mind.

"... just what the hell were you?!"

He screamed as another rock went flying into the ocean with a loud splat. He had journeyed far enough that Asuka couldn't behold his anguish. She didn't even bother to ask where he was going or what he was up to. Langley had failed to remove the death from her eyes. Ikari had come to grips with the reality of his pain. Asuka had just given up on living. She vowed that she would never feel again.

"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away." He turned hesitantly. "I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away."

Fear raced through his system like a virus. Chanting madly to himself, he had only a vague outline of what he was about to attempt. Ever since he piloted EVA Unit-01, the most magnificent creature mankind had ever tamed, his bravery was clogged by feelings of insecurity. The occasional victories that he did experience quickly fizzed away as another painful and belittling emotion caged him from his true potential. His whole life, he knew only one thing. He needed to change.

"Mustn't run away," he marched forward. "I must confront her. I must confront her. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away."

The black sand crunched forcefully with every step, as if to the beat of a sad melancholic song. For what felt like an eternity, Ikari marched, uncertain to the fate that lay before him.

Asuka Langley first appeared as a mere speck in his vision, but eventually she grew until she sat mere inches away from his feet. As was expected, she didn't even acknowledge his presence. The desire for death still coated her gaze. Yet, Ikari couldn't help but be swept away from the natural beauty that still radiated from the girl. She was practically glowing, just like the day he met her. Long light red hair glistening within the meek light of the stars, legs scrunched closely to her chest, and eyes that were hiding a fire that could melt a thousand hearts. He knew that Langley still lived inside her. He wanted to experience the obnoxiously energetic girl he once knew, not this beautiful corpse that sat lifeless on the beach. He had to change her.

"Asuka," he whispered softly. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. Please forgive me."

No reaction.

"Not that you would have any reason to," he sat himself next to her. "When you're young you look forward to growing up. You look forward to all of these different feelings that you're going to experience. You think to yourself that... that someday I'll become someone. Someone of great importance. It sounded so simple to me. But I didn't realize what that meant. When I first piloted the EVA... I can't even begin to describe how afraid I was. Here was my chance to become this magnificent human being, someone that everyone would look up to."

Shinji studied his hands nervously, pouring over every situation where he was forced to pull the trigger with them.

"... I didn't understand anything. In order to become a great individual, one must sacrifice. And one of things that they need to sacrifice is elements of themselves that don't meet the criteria of being that person. I kept telling myself this as I piloted Unit 01... but I kept failing. I could..."

Tears swelled up in his eyes, gracefully dripping down onto his soft cold hands.

"... and here am I whining about me when you're really the one in pain," he sobbed while shifting his gaze towards her. "Your own mother committed suicide! And worst of all... you... you had scum like me jacking off to you!"

His tears bulged forward the pain and loss he couldn't express in words. How could she ever understand how sorry he felt? How could he express it to her? Even within the confines of a singular humanity, did she ever feel the pain?

"I understand why you hate me," his voice ringing with understanding. "Asuka, if I could take back what I did that day, I would. Just come back to... to how you used to be. ... I don't want to be alone anymore."

His legs sprang forward as tears continued swelling out. He felt a great throbbing ache in his heart, one he knew would only be ailed if the girl sitting next to him acknowledged his existence. He laid himself back with a thud, wanting nothing more then to be accepted once more.

Her face hovered into his view, her long heavenly hair nearly tickling his nose.

"Baka," she yelped. "You think I don't know that." She revealed eyes no longer pure with the grime of depression. Instead, they were wet with emotion. "You think I didn't know?!"

Collapsing gently onto his chest, she made a desperate attempt of drying her tears with his shirt.

"S-Shinji," she blurted. "You're still a moron!"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I am."

"For Christ sakes, you could have just said something besides 'why am I stuck here with you, Asuka'."

"You were the one who said that we were in hell," Shinji defended, face still wet.

"I wasn't referring to you, moron!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

She was nearly suffocating in his shirt. "A-anyone with h-half a brain would have talked it out with me."

He shook his head in doubt. "I didn't realize it would be this easy."

She coughed out a laugh, while her face lifted up from his shirt and met directly into his eyes. "You really don't understand girls, do you?"

So it was that the two children made up, and for a brief moment, Shinji Ikari felt an emotion one could only describe as 'happiness'. Asuka was still alive. There was still a chance that they could find life in this wasteland. This was not the end.

This is the first 'real' chapter that I've written for this story, so I hope you guys like the direction this is going in. Any suggestions on how I can improve it are more then welcome. And remember... if you hate it with a fiery passion, just say so. Constructive criticism is welcome. Hell, you can bash this if you want. One of the ways an author improves his talents is my receiving feedback. So tell me what you think! bows Look forward to the next chapter!