It's Easy Being Green
by Lodylodylody
author's note: This story diverges from the way things played out on the show…but you can say that about most fanfic. The first few paragraphs should make it clear what's different in this particular Suite Life Reality.
Connie loved Halloween.
This didn't come as a surprise to most people aboard the ship where she worked, as the bubbly redhead was known for showing an insane amount of enthusiasm for…well…most everything. Holidays were certainly not an exception.
Still, those that knew her best were aware that Halloween had a special meaning to Connie. For it was on that night, not too many Octobers ago, that the woman had found the love of her life…and come to an unexpected revelation about her sexual orientation in the process.
As surprising as developments had been though, nobody could say it hadn't worked out for the best. Connie and Emma Tutweiller (the main teacher at the shipboard Seven Seas High) had both gone through their adult lives having horrible luck with men, but now that they had one another things were wonderful.
It was for this reason that Connie loved Halloween. It was a day that she wanted everyone to be happy.
But this year, in the days leading up to the ship's big costume party, it was obvious that not all of the shipboard regulars were predisposed towards happiness.
"Zack?" Cody asked in a sympathetic tone. "Would you let me give you some brotherly advice?"
"No," he replied tersely. "But that's never stopped you before."
Ignoring that hostility, Cody continued. "I realize this is hard for you. But you've got to get over Maya. What you two had was great, and frankly I was happy to see you serious about a relationship for once…but now it's time for you to move on."
"But I didn't do anything wrong," Zack said bitterly.
"I know," his twin answered. "And she didn't either."
"So why should I bother trying to get serious about any girl if the whole thing can be taken away from me…even if neither of us did anything wrong?"
Cody opened his mouth to reply…but found he didn't really have an answer. When Maya's parents had decided to send her to another school last semester, it had ended the most stable relationship Cody had ever seen his brother in.
"Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore," Zack said. "Ever."
Cody could only sigh as his brother walked away. But then he heard someone approaching him from behind. He turned to face Connie.
"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop," she explained. "But voices sometimes carry out here on the Lido Deck."
The young man shrugged. "It's not like Zack's mood is a secret anyway."
"I hate to see him so down."
"Me too," Cody said. "You know, I liked Maya. She's great actually. But now, I think I'd be happy even if Zack reverted back to the wannabe womanizer he used to be. At least he was happy then"
"Maybe if we could get him to go out with someone new-" Connie began, only to be cut off.
"Of the girls onboard, everyone is either unavailable…or have been burned by Zack back when he was more of a player. Bailey and I have tried talking to everyone…but we can't even score him a pity date for the costume party."
Connie chatted with the young man a little while longer before he went off to a lunch date with Bailey. But even before he'd excused himself, the wheels in Connie's mind were turning. Her mission was clear…find a date for Zack.
"Your job description does not say Ship's Matchmaker," Emma chided.
"It doesn't NOT say it either," Connie retorted and then smiled with exaggerated innocence, causing her partner to roll her eyes.
"Don't get cute with me," the taller woman said.
"Can't help it…born that way."
Emma laughed and gave Connie a quick kiss on the cheek. "It's useless to argue with you sometimes. But I think you've bitten off more than you can chew here. I see enough of my students and hear enough of their gossip to know that there really aren't any dateable options for Zack right now. "
"Oh come on…there has to be someone," Connie said as she and Emma took some seats at the juice bar.
"No, actually I think most every girl onboard already has a date for the party."
As if on cue, a very angry London Tipton stormed over to the juice bar and demanded a smoothie with the works…oblivious to the fact that Connie and Emma were there first.
"What's the matter, London?" Connie asked.
"My date for the Halloween ball cancelled!" she exclaimed. "He's not even going to be onboard. Flying back home just because his aunt came out of a coma or something...he could have gone home November 1st instead."
"Yes…what mixed up priorities he must have," Emma deadpanned.
"Finally! Someone who agrees with me!" the young heiress responded…totally missing the sarcasm.
Connie couldn't help but seeing opportunity in the situation. She quickly suggested a replacement date.
"Zack?" London paused…then burst out laughing. "Come on…I can't date Zack."
"Why not? Don't you think he's a nice guy?"
"He's not a guy…he's Zack!" London responded.
"Okay, I know your biology grade isn't the best," Emma chimed in. "But you are aware that Zack is, in fact, a guy?"
London actually caught the sarcasm that time. "Oh, you know what I mean. He's just not someone I could ever date."
"Why not?" Connie asked.
"Well, like most guys, he's beneath me," the young woman stated matter-of-factly. "And also he's…he's…" She paused a moment as her thought took an uncharacteristically serious turn. "He's my friend."
"So as a friend, you care about him…don't you?" Connie asked.
"Well…yeah. But not like that." She paused again. "Though he made a fun husband back when we had to do that class project."
Emma nodded as she thought back to the marriage and family class where all her students had paired off in hypothetical marriages. Of all the pseudo-couples, Zack and London had shown the most compatibility.
"The truth is, Zack could really use a nice night out with a pretty girl right now…even if that girl is just a friend," Connie explained.
"He has been moping around a lot," London commented as she considered.
"Besides, if you go to the party together you might win the Best Couple category for the costume contest," Connie went on.
The heiress' face lit up. "Is there a trophy?"
Connie and Emma nodded in unison.
"Sold!" London exclaimed.
The night of the big party found Emma waiting in the ballroom for Connie to arrive. It seemed that her partner had been recruited to help London put the finishing touches on her costume…as the heiress wanted to make sure her outfit for the night went well with Zack's.
In the meantime, Emma played chaperone to the teens already there. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits…and some of their costumes were quite well done. Of course, Emma got a few compliments on her own disguise for the evening.
"Hey Ms. Tutweiller," Becky, captain of the wrestling team said as she approached. "Sticking with a classic, huh?"
Emma smiled. "What can I say? I've had good luck with this look." As usual, she was dressed as Jessica Rabbit…she loved how desirable she felt when dressed up as the cartoon bombshell. And besides, Connie loved it.
"Your costume looks great too," she told Becky as she looked at the girl's colorful tights and blonde wig. "Are you a super hero?"
"Nah, I'm Beth Phoenix…the pro wrestler."
Emma nodded. An appropriate costume indeed.
Another student, Holden, approached and said hello. Unlike Emma, he recognized Becky's costume and the two of them wandered off while discussing the spectacle of professional wrestling. Turning to see who else was about, Emma spotted Zack for the first time that evening.
"Hello there Captain," she told the teen with a smile. "You look great."
In fact, Zack did make a rather good facsimile of Captain James T. Kirk. Though the costume was inspired by the recent big screen remake, Zack's bearing seemed to evoke more of a young William Shatner.
Unfortunately, he didn't seem to be a very happy Shatner or Kirk at the moment.
"I don't know why I'm here," he said.
"Oh cheer up," she said encouragingly. "The night is young. And I know London is looking forward to entering the costume contest with you." She paused. "Who's she going as anyway?"
"I don't know. She just said it would match min…HOLY MOTHER OF...!" Zack's sudden exclamation died off as his entire vocabulary temporarily fled from his brain.
Emma quickly turned to see what had commanded his attention so…and her jaw dropped.
"London?"
The heiress was wearing some sparkling scraps of metallic fabric, strategically placed to preserve decency. At least that's how it appeared at first. On closer examination, Emma realized that the girl was actually covered up quite well…it was just that the cloth had been tailored to give the illusion of showing off more than it actually did. Part of the trick was that nobody could take their eyes of the skin that was exposed…seeing as how it was a brilliant shade of green.
Connie, dressed in a cute cheerleader outfit, walked up besides the heiress. "So what do you think? Does London make the best Orion Slave Girl of all time or what?"
It was a hard sentiment to argue with. And certainly the attention loving girl was enjoying all the admiring glances she was getting. But when Zack kept looking at her and struggling to speak, she felt a little different.
"Green looks good on you," he finally said.
She laughed. "I know…now I match my money."
The light-hearted banter didn't make her unfamiliar feelings go away however. While she was used to being admired…she was unprepared for Zack's reaction. They'd known each other for years, but now he was all but dumbstruck at the sight of her? It was so unexpected.
And oddly exciting.
"You look really…handsome," she said, feeling suddenly shy. She wondered if her blush would show through the green makeup covering her face.
Connie glanced towards Emma with a huge smile on her face, then she turned her attention back to the teens.
"Go on and enjoy the party you two," she told them. "And I think you've got the costume contest in the bag."
The pair walked off, their attention wrapped up in one another.
"So…I think I should add Ship's Matchmaker to my business card," Connie sad with a smirk.
"You are a hopeless romantic," Emma replied before leaning in and whispering, "and I love that about you."
"Care to dance?" Connie asked.
"I'd love to…but I need to pass for the moment."
"Why?"
"Remember, I'm supposed to be the chaperone here," she explained. "And after your little matchmaking success, I think I'd better keep an eye on Zack and London for a bit." She paused and smiled. "We're going to need to make sure his hands don't go where no man has gone before."
Connie groaned at the joke…but did agree to the sentiment.
In fact, it wasn't too long before they caught Zack green handed.
Still, after the teens promised to be on good behavior, they had quite a fun time at the party.
And while it was impossible to miss the green lipstick smudges decorating Zack's face later in evening, at least his hands were clean.
So, just like Connie had hoped…everyone was happy on Halloween…and for a long time afterwards as well.
The End.
