Derek
So tonight I have a date with Rose. It's our first official date-as a couple but yet something doesn't feel right. It has been near a week since I told Meredith that I kissed Rose. A week since she told me that she's afraid of loosing me. A week since I broke her heart-again.
I'm an optimistic person and I believe in the greater good but when it came to Meredith I just gave up, just like she did in the water. Oh god, the water. Ever since that horrid day, I haven't been able to look at the bay the same way again knowing that only a short time ago I had to pull her out of it. She was so cold, so lifeless, so… so… dead! It left a shadow where my heart usually lies. I lost hope. I lost my optimism. I was just lost because Meredith is like my compass. She guides me to the place where I need to be. The place that I've hoped for so long would lead me to her heart. So why did she give up? It's only now that I've realised that I didn't make her sit down and tell me all about it. Tell me how she felt and most of all tell her how I felt.
But that's all in the past because now, I'm with Rose. The ever so perfect Meredith- crap I mean Rose. Tonight I'm suppose to be happy about my date, I'm suppose to be excited about opening a new chapter to my life, tonight I just feel lost. Lost in the sweet thoughts of Meredith.
"Derek, are you alright?" Rose asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about work. Sorry, so you were saying…?"
"Yeah so I was thinking about the staff party that's coming up. I was wondering if you want to go with me?"
Oh ok I hadn't even considered the party. Maybe this is the way I need to move on!
"Yeah I'd love to"
I wonder who Meredith is going with. Oh I hope she doesn't wear that black dress she wore to prom. She looked so amazing in it. No wonder we had sex in an exam room. She looked so hot in that dress that I couldn't keep my eyes off her. How it hugged her body's every curve, showed just the amount of cleavage and how it looked on the exam room floor too. Ok I gotta get her out of my head. Before the growing arousal in my pants gets worse.
Later at the Trailer:
"So, do we get to revisit our moment from the scrub room again?" she asked me.
"Oh. Yeah. Ok. If you want to!"
She smiled at me as she started to close the gap between us. She pressed her lips against mine. Her hands moved up around my neck and started to move through my hair, just like how Meredith would kiss me.
Oh god Meredith.
I wish these were her lips. I wish it was her hands running through my hair. I just wish it was her standing in my trailer. My mind began to wonder to the last time she was here with me. She smelt like she always did-lavender mixed with some sort of perfume. Her hair fell loosely on her shoulders but she wasn't dressed in her usual jeans and fitted top. No she was wearing that ratty Dartmouth T-shirt and sweatpants and she looked amazing. She closed the gap between us with a slight smirk on her face and she kissed me. A kiss that had so much electricity in it that it would light the entire trailer. We spent most of the night in bed together until she decided it was time to leave. I never want her to leave. I want to stay with me because with Meredith in my arms is the only time I can get some sleep.
I need to stop day dreaming and live in this moment with…. and then it hit me, I'm getting excited and aroused about Meredith but it's not that's kissing me. It's not her that is straddling me. Oh. Crap.
I open my eyes and realise that this is not what I want and from the look on her face I think she's realised it to.
"Derek, what's wrong? I thought you wanted to, you know?"
"Rose, I'm sorry I can't do this. It's not right. I just can't"
"Oh God! Where you thinking of her? Because judging by your face it looked like you opened your eyes and realised I was someone else?" She asked as she stood up.
The look of rejection on her face was terrible but I can't do this anymore.
"Eh….Well….I…."
"Oh God you were. I gotta get out of here. I feel so embarrassed and…. and…. I just gotta go. Bye."
As she ran out of the trailer I knew exactly what I had to do but I think it might be too late.
