The reservation was always welcoming and I was relieved when I started to enter the outskirts of the town. Jake's little red house didn't stick out like a sore thumb but instead complemented the rest. I cautiously pulled in the driveway unsure of myself. I examined myself in the mirror and began to find every little thing wrong with me. I could have done more with myself, taken a few minutes to brush out my hair better and put a little eye liner on but I wanted badly to get here. I glanced up and noticed Jake standing on the porch watching me. Blushing I got out of the truck and walked towards him. It felt like I was being drawn to him but I could feel my feet underneath me very unsteady.
"Hey Bella!" Jake smiled as he pulled me into one of his famous hugs. Here was where I wanted to stay for the rest of my life. There were no doubts in my mind about that. He smelled so good and it was nice to feel his warm and strong embrace around me…. Lost…..I was getting lost again in him and there was no way for me to turn around, not like I wanted to. I knew it was bad for me just like eating too much candy. It always feels good to indulge in the beginning and you feel like you always need more but in the end you are sick to your stomach and regretting everything.
"Hi." Was all I could mutter into his shoulder as he squeezed me tighter. Was I reading into this too much? Did he not want to let me go or was he just being friendly? I was hoping it was the first idea and not the second. I wanted it to be the first, needed it to be. I was secretly in love with my best friend and all I could do was hope he felt the same way about me.
Jake and I had been friends ever since I was little. Charlie had been friends with Billy he seemed to be Charlie's one true friend and in return I found a friend in his son Jacob. I only saw Jake once every summer when I had to come visit Charlie….I didn't always want to. I was not a fan of my summer visits but it made things better when I knew I would be seeing Jake. I had never felt for Jake that way in the past when we were younger.
Yeah even when I was younger I thought he was cute but he was Jake one of my best friends and a boy first and foremost…it was outlawed to like a boy who was also your friend like that. Every summer when we parted we always promised to keep in touch and we did. Every Wednesday we had our weekly calls that lasted almost all night. Anything and everything we discussed even Jake's girl problems. We even wrote letters back and forth sending pictures of our latest adventures. When I moved back this year for good and ran into Jake it was like I was hit upside the back of the head and love struck. He was gorgeous and not at all what I remembered. He had developmentally grown out of his lankly awkward stage and now was a tall muscular man.
I hadn't noticed that we had shifted from the porch to now inside the little dwelling and were sitting next to each other on the couch. He turned to face me and smiled.
"I'm so glad you came over it seems like I haven't seen you in forever."
"Yeah I feel the same way....." I knew I had to be blushing.
"It was boring without you at the fire last night but like I said nothing good really happened. Geez how much longer until you're out of school for the summer?"
"Three more days; it sure doesn't seem that way though...." I wandered off in thought. What was I going to do with myself this whole summer? Hopefully I would be here on the reservation, lounging on the beach in La Push.
"Good…good cause there's gonna be another beach party this weekend Sam said and I wanted to know if you would come."
"Yeah I'd like that." The beach parties I'd been to were always fun even if some nights all we did was sit around. Usually there was music from someone's car and a couple drinks. Once or twice I had overindulged myself a little too much last summer and didn't remember how I even got home. Jake didn't even remember the entire night but Charlie knew nothing about it or the massive hangover I had.
Who would have guessed that the way Jake talked about tonight wouldn't happen. I had full intentions of coming over to watch a movie but that wasn't the case at all. All we actually did was talk and it was rather nice. My shyness went away after an hour or so and we just talked like to school girls about everything under the sun from Jake's dirt bike to me finishing my junior year of school. He prodded me a little about where I wanted to go to college and what for but I was still undecided. I asked him what it was like being out of school for the last week and all he could say was ' Perfect '. I knew what that meant he was able to sleep in till whenever and drink as much as he wanted.
"So....there's this girl.....I was hoping to introduce you to her she's gonna be at the party on Saturday." And there it was the usual punch in my chest. 'Why must you do this to yourself...your just friends....get that through your head.'
"Who is she? Is she new in town?" I played it dumb. If I acted off key Jake would know something up. I couldn't act totally dumb or he would really suspect something but as long as I played it off enough he would just think I was not paying attention although I was all ears on this one.
"Her name is Missy. We go to school together. I don't know though Bella....she never caught my eye before but now....wow....she just bloomed and she is gorgeous....just gorgeous." Every word Jake put emphasis on and I could tell he was picturing her at that very moment. I felt like someone was throwing bricks at me for fun and each one hit just a little harder. I had honestly never thought of another guy when Jake was around me….well I never had the option of thinking of another guy because no one caught my eye but Jake…he was perfect for me. We'd been through this with other girls before but it never mattered to me like it did now. Jake and I have always been such good friends; he can talk to me about anything. So what was so perfect about Missy? Why couldn't Jake like me like this?
"So for sure she's coming to the party?" I knew the answer was gonna be yes who wouldn't follow Jake around...I might just have to make up an excuse not to come.
"Yeah....I really think you're going to get along with her, not like Katie." he laughed so hard I thought he was going to start crying...I wish I could cry right now. I could feel the stress building inside of me and it never failed the only thing I could do was cry.
"If you were to date another girl like Katie I swear Jake I will drag you behind my truck....she was such a user and a spoiled bitch." Even I could hear the hatred I had for her in my voice. Katie was Jake's summer romance last year. Jake was so bad that I called my Mom and begged to stay for another month because of what happened. Katie used Jake for anything she could...he waited on her hand and foot, spent what little money he had on her. He gave her everything and she cheated on him, but who picked up the pieces after Jake found out and got stumbling drunk? ME! I wanted to shake Jake and scream ' Forget Missy! Look at what you have in front of you! Pick me!!!'
"Bells I promise Missy is nothing like Katie you have my word." He reached over and pulled me into him. Here I sat in Jake's arms sprawled out across him on the couch and he was planning to date another girl. He started to rub my back and I relaxed deeper into his embrace. I cursed at myself and thought of every possible reason to get out of this house and never come back. It was useless. Instead I focused all my anger at Jake even though I wasn't going to tell him just how I felt. I started at the beginning of the alphabet and thought of every harsh word to call him. 'Asshole….bastard…..creep….damn idiot…..egotistical…..fucking moron…..gosh darn fool…..ok so not all of them were not so harsh and there were some I had to improvise with.' I was on a roll and getting good when Jake interrupted me.
"Bella......let's make a deal with each other."
"What's that?"
"If we are both not in a serious relationship by the time we are both done with college...or at 25...we get together."
The look on my face must have scared Jake because he stared at me for a long moment and then stopped breathing. I sat up and forced myself to go back into my corner of the couch.
"What do you mean? Like date?"
"Yeah I was thinking....well we both love each other.....I mean you are my best friend....wouldn't it make sense?" He was stretching and reaching for something.....was it just coming down to the fact he didn't want to be alone? I shrugged and contemplated what he was saying…..wait….did he just say we both love each other?
"But why wait till we are 25?" I didn't want to wait that long. I really did love Jake more than he would ever know or comprehend. I wanted to be with him now. If I had to wait forever I would but what for if he just said he would date me….if he loved me?
"I don't want to settle down now. I want to see the world per say...party....meet other girls first. Get all my experiences done and then lock myself away."
I was pissed now. Disgusted was another good word. I was trying to sort out all of this. I was good enough to be his best friend....good enough to eventually settle down with....but not date? What did he mean by lock himself away?.....
"I don't know about this Jake...." I was very hesitant this really didn't sound like a good way to spend forever with Jake the way I wanted. Love didn't have so many restrictions on it like this did.
"It seems perfect to me. We both go out and live the way we want to. Meet others, party, have sex like crazy and then if we are not in relationships get together."
Even my heart agreed with my head this time...usually they battled each other in my decisions with Jake but this time they must have called truths to work together. 'yeah that would make perfect sense Jake....lately all that matters to you is your next screw so why the hell not. I haven't even kissed a guy yet and you've had sex with 8 different girls already.'
"I'm not going to be having sex when I'm out there quote ' living'." I even used my hands to add the quotations as needed. His logic has just flown completely out the window. If looks could kill I would be seeing my best friend dead on his couch but instead he was laughing so violently he was shaking.
"Bella your gonna have to…..if we get together I can't be the one to take your v-card."
I was an absolute fool. I was an idiot.
"Yeah what sense would that make." Not only was I pissed and disgusted I was embarrassed and hurt.
