So I woke up this morning and checked my profile expecting this story to have 3 or 4 reviews, maybe 5 if I'm lucky…
14 reviews? I was so excited and thrilled when I saw that. So I began typing this up first thing in the morning for you guys. Thanks so much for all the positive feedback!
This one is going to be a Bade cliché that I'm sure you're all familiar with:
OMGZ HOWBADEMET! OMGEEEEEZZZZZ!
Jade's POV
So I was sitting in Starbucks even though in this reality it is actually called 'Skybucks'. Copyright infringement is bad, m'kay?
I was drinking my coffee because coffee is all I ever drink.
At this point the author will recycle the joke about Jade referring to milk as 'cow juice'.
Just then the door opened and even though I didn't even give anyone else who walked in this place enough thought to look up from my coffee, I decided to look up this time.
These next 28 paragraphs will pretty much be a typical female author fangirling over Avan Jogia. Since I'm a guy, we'll skip that part.
Jade shall then be horribly OOC in a mental monologue. Read on if you dare…
OMG, he's, like so cute! I will do everything in my power to make him mine because the hottest guy in Hollywood definitely doesn't have any sort of lovelife.
As Beck is standing in line, Jade shall notice every single thing about him that only a stalker would notice.
OMG, he wears a ring around his neck! That's so HOT!
…
OMG, he looked so cool when he just took that step!
…
OMG, he ordered coffee! In Skybucks! We have so much in common!
Beck shall then turn around with his drink and, miraculously, the first person he will set his eyes on is Jade, who, conveniently, is the only person giving him any attention at all.
OMG, he is looking at me!
Beck came to sit at my table. Without acknowledging the fact that the author implied that I already knew his name before we even met, I smiled widely because that's what I always do when a stranger sits with me in the middle of Hollywood. Get with it.
"Hey." Beck shall greet Jade. Jade will continue smiling at Beck which will give Beck the COMPLETELY wrong idea about her personality, but the author doesn't take this into consideration due to all the OMG badefluff (OMG killmenow).
"Hey!" I said way too enthusiastically. If I were in character right now, I would have puked into my coffee from how peppy I was being.
I stared into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. You'd think he'd have walked away after I practically dismissed him and then didn't respond but the author doesn't see it that way.
I think I'm in love! Oh my god, I have to make him mine NOWPLZ.
It is important to note that the author will always make it vague whether the mental monologues are Jade's or her own.
"I'm Beck."
OMGZBECKISSUCHACUTENAME OMG!
"I'm Jade. Do you want to date me?" I asked because it's obvious that when a strange guy in the middle of Hollywood starts a conversation with you, they want to date you.
"Well I only met you 36 seconds ago but okay! You are hot and you look really pretty too!" Beck complimented me in a way he NEVER would in the actual show.
Don't hot and pretty practically mean the same thing?
Now, to increase the 'drama', Jade will then magically become in character and the author will refer to the only characteristic about Jade she can think of OTHER than her relationship with Beck:
"I hate compliments."
"You're SO my type." Beck shall say, staring deeply into her emerald green eyes.
Wouldn't it make more sense to refer to them as 'jade green'?
"Oh really?" Jade shall ask seductively. This is the only line in the whole story where Jade is truly in character.
I'm like 300 words overdue for a POV switch.
Beck's POV
Now we will read the EXACT same event from Beck's POV. Isn't this exciting?
I walked into Skybucks to order some coffee. What a shocking plot twist.
The author shall refer to Jade's earlier thoughts as an attempt to show continuity:
Wow this line is taking forever!
Yep, that's the attempt.
I finally got to the front of the line (Wow that line must have been so fucking long) and ordered my coffee.
At this point the author will research what Liz Gillies likes her coffee like, and will make Beck order the exact same thing. She will then pat herself on the back for being so 'creative and inventive'.
I turned around after taking my coffee that took about a microsecond for them to prepare and my eyes are attracted towards one particular girl sitting all by was just sitting there alone sipping her coffee with a death glare almost fixed upon her face, and she was smiling at me seductively.
Note the ridiculous contradiction in that last line: "a death glare almost fixed upon her face, and she was smiling at me seductively." The author didn't notice this, because she's just too blinded by all the OMGFLUFFINESS.
I went to sit down at her table, since her multiple piercings, deathly glares, pale skin and black clothing definitely made her seem like the friendly type.
"Hey." I said.
She smiled at me seductively.
"Hey!" she said enthusiastically to me.
She seems like a friendly enough girl, quite cheerful and happy. I bet she loves everything in the whole entire world based on her general attitude during the 10 seconds I've known her.
Normally, the author would completely recycle the previous conversation word-for-word except she'll be typing 'she said' instead of 'he said'. Aren't you just amazed at the creativity? Because I don't want to bore you, I'll skip ahead.
"Oh really?" she asked, once again, seductively, because the author doesn't know what a thesaurus is.
"Yeah, I think you and I are the perfect match, even though we met 58 seconds ago!" I told her.
"I think so too! Want to go make out?" Jade asked me flirtatiously. At this point you should give the author a round of applause for coming up with a new adjective.
"Umm, yeah!" Beck shall say (this climax would be even more terrible if he'd said no, am I right?). The two of them shall then link arms and run off into the sunset. And one of them may or may not grow angel wings and soar high above the clouds, free from all humanity other than each other.
Because you can totally make out with your boyfriend/girlfriend while flying 10,000 feet in the air at 200 mph. Health and safety regulations exist for a reason, you know.
Meh. I'm not entirely sure if I like this one. I'm still happy with how it turned out but compared to the first chapter, I think this may be lacking a bit in the comedy factor. Tell me what you think anyway. Leave any suggestions for future chapters you may have in your reviews and give any feedback you have! I appreciate it!
NOTE: If you have the time, could you please answer the poll on my profile regarding what I should focus my writing on?
Next chapter will be Tandré. See you tomorrow!
Well, I won't see you tomorrow, but I'll… umm… write to you tomorrow?
-Ailodierap
