Author's Note: For anyone that's still reading, first and foremost, I appreciate and salute you. I think it's important to know that I suffer from extreme writer's block at times and if I'm not writing content that I love, then chances are I'm not posting. Which explains my year-long absence. Lol. I'm also very busy, and tend to do this when my schedule allows, which isn't often. So bear with me. As for the general outline of this story and the time frame, it's all kind of escaped me. I think at this point I'm writing one-shots that connect, but don't really have a bigger picture right now or plot in mind, but that could evolve eventually. Like I said previously, I just wanted more behind the scenes Halstead and Lindsay stuff every week, so that's what I started writing. If you like it, keep reading please! :) If it's not for you, I won't take it personally. Lol. Also just want to really point out that Halstead and Lindsay, in my story, still AREN'T TOGETHER. Even though they do a lot of questionable things that could be perceived in that way, they aren't. Lol, still best friends. But hang in there, cause eventually they will be something more. The last scene in this story was heavily influenced by last week's episode, and as much as I loved the break room scene, this is how I really wish that whole exchange would've played out. Anyway please please read and review! I love the feedback! And most importantly, I hope this quenches your Linstead thirst for the week since lately things have been a little slow on that front. LOVE YOU ALL!
She's so tired that she can barely remember driving home from the station. The sun set mere hours ago, and the city is just beginning to come alive despite the chill in the air, but she's not interested in the cultural heartbeat or energetic night life that the city provides to most her age. All she's interested in is her warm, and cozy bed. In fact she's so interested in her bed that she doesn't even bother to remove her makeup, or even her clothing for that matter before she tumbles into it. The responsible, adult side of her brain knows that she should at least muster up the strength to remove her boots, but even that requires too much effort, and after the shift she's worked she thinks she's earned the right to one vice.
Erin's eyelids are on the verge of drooping shut permanently, and she's just about to enter the realm that turns her jumbled thoughts into dreams, when her phone sharply rings on the nightstand. She makes the split second decision to ignore it, but despite the pillow she smothers over her head, the device continues to keep her away from a blissful state. Angrily, she swipes up the object and checks the caller ID. Bae Halstead it reads. Her partner's cute attempt at editing his own contact information for her amusement. Hoping he'll get the message loud and clear she purposefully hits decline as her ringtone starts up again. She rolls over and throws the cell phone into a massive pile of clothes, while smiling to herself victoriously. Her victory is short lived though, because seconds later, her land line starts up.
"Do you have a death wish?" She growls into the device after yanking it from the base.
"I don't know. Do you have any manners?" Jay chirps in his charming and upbeat voice, and in that moment she's envious of his demeanor because he has managed to work the same shift as her and still maintains a sunny disposition.
"Not reserved for douchebags that are keeping me from sleep." She mutters while sinking back down into the solitude of the pillow fort she has crafted.
" Fair enough. I need your help." He pleads, and even though his tone is light, Erin is automatically consumed with anxiety.
"Why?! What's up, is it the bounty thing?" She asks while sitting up, fully awake and already reaching for her gun.
"Not entirely. I need you to rescue me." Jay says, and despite the background noise that usually signals safety, she worries.
"FROM?!" She pokes.
" A date." He says it in a small, meek voice because he knows that he's about to get reamed for making her think otherwise.
"HALSTEAD! YOU ASSHOLE. How many times have I told you? Only call me at night for life-threatening emergencies." She screams into his ear, and he has to literally hold the phone away to spare his eardrum.
" It is. I'm concerned about my safety. I think we have a stage-five clinger. " He says and Erin sighs deeply at what can only be an over-exaggeration of the truth.
"Jay, listen up and listen closely. I refuse to roll out of bed after a 72 hour case, where I didn't get more then five minute increments of sleep, just to put on my white hat and save you from yet another poor mistake. Rescue yourself! And stop thinking with your penis, and start using your brain!" She scolds. He scoffs at her insult, and she can practically picture the wounded pout he's giving her despite the distance that separates them. Sometimes it's freaky how well she knows him.
"You're mean on no sleep." He quips.
" And you're clueless on the daily." She counters. Erin settles deeper into the covers and tries to imagine Jay's voice as background noise as he rattles off excuses. Something she can tune out like a late night talk show, or a rerun of Seinfeld or George Lopez.
"I wouldn't ask unless it was urgent. But she's basically written my biography. She knows startling facts about placement of freckles on my body that even I wasn't aware of. " It sounds like Jay's whispering now and, she's pretty sure she's heard the distinct flush of a toilet, which tells her two things. One, he's hiding out in a restroom. And two, the date is going so poorly that he's actually okay about looking like the guy who disappears for more then two minutes to take a leek. Everybody knows that if your bathroom break is taking more then five minutes tops, then your either planning your escape or pooping. Neither of which, is remotely romantic and/or makes you desirable.
"Potato-shaped birthmark located directly underneath your left butt cheek?" Erin guesses, and Jay's so surprised by her quick response time that he almost lets her observation slide.
"Exactly. Wait..what? How do you know that?!" He basically shrieks, in a tone that even he would agree would challenge his masculinity. He clears his throat aggressively and glances around self-consciously.
"Ahem..army records. And definitely not because I may have glanced a time or two when you've dropped your towel." Erin trails off shamelessly.
"Pervy move Lindsay."
"I blame my libido okay?! This is what no sex life will do to a person." She huffs dramatically and props herself up on her elbows while switching on the light. She's wide awake now, and regardless of how much she wants it, she knows sleep will evade her long after she says goodbye.
"Honey if you're looking to change that you know I'm more then willing to lend you a hand..or other body parts if you know what I'm saying.." Jay never misses a window for a sexual innuendo and despite her irritated state, he delivers.
"Hanging up now." She threatens.
" NO! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE HELP." Jay desperately pleads, and Erin's sighs because she knows that no matter how much she wants to refuse, she can't deny a request from him. Even a completely ridiculous one at that.
"Give me one good reason." She rationally levels with him.
" She doesn't like dogs. She's drinking a pink martini. Her shoes are more then five inches high. She didn't bring a jacket and she's wearing a sleeveless dress. She doesn't put the "T' on ends of words like "smart" and "perfect". She openly admitted to being one of those girls that uses exclamation marks instead of periods when texting." Jay lists mechanically.
" I said one."
" Just giving you the full picture." He supplies and at this point Erin's already pulling on her leather jacket and grabbing her keys.
" You had me at dogs. What kind of monster is she?" Jay laughs obnoxiously. Erin glances longingly, one last time at her rumpled bed before switching off the light and starts moving quickly through her spacious apartment.
"She bought a puppy and then when it grew to be bigger then her purse, she gave it away." Jay dangles this information as bait for his partner, fully knowing that it's a subject she can't resist interfering with.
Glancing at the gun at her waist, she arches her eyebrows and says, " For her own protection, I should probably come unarmed." She places the offending object in her coat closet and firmly locks the door.
" That would be best."
" What's the address?" She asks and Jay has to keep from pumping his fist victoriously.
"You're my hero."
It was Monday morning at the precinct, and everyone seemed to be in high spirits. Erin attributed this fact to the upcoming holiday season and the vast drop in crime rate over the last couple of weeks that, statistically speaking, Chicago was experiencing. Voight was scheduled to arrive late due to a deposition he was giving on behalf of a rather nasty drug dealer that they were hoping would get put away for good. So naturally all of her coworkers were gathered around the break room table discussing their weekend endeavors.
" So at this point, I'm visibly fuming because I tripped in a puddle and am swimming in wet clothes that reach my knees. My wrist is throbbing from punching that guy in the face whose hands got a little too happy with my ass. And I'm pissed because as I'm approaching the restaurant I see Halstead through the window and his flawless date who looks like she just stepped out of a Victoria freaking Secret magazine. I'm two seconds away from walking in the door and really giving him a piece of my mind, when a stumbling drunk comes out and throws up all over me." Erin recounts the tale with vivid clarity and shudders at the memory. The guys all collectively "Ohhh" and "Ahh" around her and even in spite of her traumatized state at the time, she can't help but laugh now at the absurdity.
"She's not lying. I witnessed the whole thing." Jay supplies from his perch beside her. She shoves him half-halfheartedly and laughs when he rocks backwards slightly.
" I'm willing to bet that this only amplified your rage." Antonio speaks up from his station by the coffeepot.
" That it did my friend. Which is why half the women in Chicago now think I'm a sexual predator. Thanks partner!" Jay states in a sarcastic tone. Erin rolls her eyes and tells him to relax. That she's sure he'll eventually find another woman to destroy for the rest of eternity.
"What did she do? Write you a bad review on Plenty of Fish or what?" Ruzek asks discreetly while scratching the accumulating hair that's growing on his face.
" No she wiped that throw up off like a champ, marched into the restaurant and up to my table, and basically announced to a bunch of innocent civilians that I was needed down at the station for questioning. When I kindly asked what it was about, she in simple terms, said stalking and sexual assault. But in this twisted, joyful tone. It was literally like a Lifetime movie unfolding before me." Jay explains. Ruzek reaches over to high-five Erin and barely misses Halstead's fist to his forehead.
" Yeah you'd know all about those Halstead. Since you clearly have a vagina." Erin quickly quips and before she can stop him, Jay wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"I can assure you I don't. In fact, I'd be more then happy to prove it, if need be." He counters while the rest of his coworkers fight the urge to roll their eyes. They are no strangers to Halstead and Lindsay's obvious displays of flirtation, but they've been dancing dangerously close to the edge for months now, and everyone has grown tired of this endless routine.
"GET A ROOM!" Olinsky, whose been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time, screams from behind his newspaper. Jay and Erin both whip around and simultaneously flip him off, while everyone else cheers in agreement.
When the laughter subsides, and everyone goes back to their relaxed activities, Ruzek nudges Jay on the shoulder and asks quietly.. "All joking aside man, I got to know..why do you need rescuing from what appeared to be the next Heidi Klum?"
Jay lets the curtain fall for a brief moment as he glances over at Erin whose gesturing wildly to a freshly arrived Atwater who missed the story, and smiles almost whimsically. She catches him watching from the corner of her eye and winks playfully.
" She just wasn't the girl for me."
Despite the gloomy ramifications that the job usually entails, Jay can still manage to maintain a positive outlook in his every day life. It's never easy to stomach the violence he see's on the streets, or ignore the overwhelming pain he comes across in broken family members or innocent children but he's found a way to recognize it and shelve it so it doesn't cripple him emotionally. Cause the truth is, the weight of his job, would crush him if he let it. So he chooses to focus on the good. The people he saves, the lives he changes, the loved ones that matter. But when those loved ones are in jeopardy, that's when it's hard to see the silver lining. That's when it's hard to contain the anger at the unfair way the world operates. And even though it may not be completely rationale, that's when he let's it get the best of him.
He's completely silent as the paramedics check and seal her injuries. He protectively lingers beside her, always close, but emanating waves of heat. Erin's no expert, but well rehearsed in Halstead history. She knows he's really angry. She can see it in the hard set of his jaw, the indistinct clinch of his fist, the pattern of his breathing. So she doesn't bait him with her smart mouth, or quick wit. Not because she's afraid of an explosion, but because she respects him enough to admit her shortcomings. She knows she acted recklessly, but she also knows that if she could go back and change things, she wouldn't do anything differently. And that fact alone, is the root of the issue that Jay's currently having.
Brett clears her with a gentle smile and a reminder about changing the dressings on her shoulder fairly frequently, and Halstead helps her hop down from the back of the ambulance with a grim look on his face, and firm hands on her hips. Chili silently mouths "Good luck" to her before she's practically carted away by a rushing Jay. He quickly leads her to their vehicle, with a steady hand on her back and practiced, furtive glances over his shoulder. She doesn't even fight him when he opens the passenger door for her and she reluctantly holds up the keys as a peace offering. She slides into the comfort of a warm seat, that vaguely smells like Jay, and nestles deeper into the scent in hopes of wishing this day away. She thought with a little vocal break, Jay would eventually come around. But that notion is quickly squashed because after thirty minutes of nothing but silence, he continues to drive through the dark streets of Chicago with tense posture, and a permanent crease between his eyebrows.
And frankly it's really starting to piss her off.
She knows, firsthand, how scary it is to see someone you care about in dire danger. She's lived through that anxiety with Voight, and even though she knows he wouldn't escape without a firm scolding by yours truly, she'd only be slightly peeved temporarily. Because that is the job. And unfortunately those are the risks you take when you put on that badge. Jay knows that better then anybody. He lived through that code as a Ranger, and transitioned to a similar mindset after as a detective. So she doesn't understand why he's acting so irrationally.
The slamming of the door momentarily pauses her from dissecting his emotions, and before she can formulate her plan of attack, he's opening her door and ushering her quickly up her staircase. He unlocks her door with the key she gave him after too many late-night rock throwing sessions at her window, brought on by his extreme bout of insomnia, and her unmasked desire to never be alone. And now more then ever, she just wants him to say something. The tension is so thick, that it chokes the air around them with uncertainty, and Erin doesn't know why but she suddenly feels like crying. Jay is her best friend, and in her experience, people that walk away never tend to come back. She's so afraid of him walking away, and even though she knows a fresh start is probably all they need, she just doesn't want him to leave angry. So she does the one thing she knows will arouse a response. She opens her mouth and pulls at the string.
" As much as I'm loving the mature silent treatment that your giving me, don't you think we should at the very least have a conversation? Because no offense Jay, but your reaching scary Hannibal Lecter like territory." Erin jokes with only a small percent of gusto. She thinks at the very least, Jay will crack a smile, but he doesn't even acknowledge the fact that she's speaking as he shuffles to her bathroom. She follows closely behind as he navigates smoothly down her narrow hallway.
"Jay..come on." When he reaches over to open her medicine cabinet, Erin takes the opportunity and swoops in front of him, using her body to block his path between the wall and doorway. No escape. An irritated sigh is uttered on his behalf, and her fingers move on their own accord. Before she can stop herself, she's shutting the cabinet door aggressively with one hand, and forcing him to look at her with the other. He attempts to shy away but doesn't get far when she softly whispers.."please".
"Leave it alone Erin." Jay mutters angrily. And the air is so charged with his electricity, that she's finding it hard to breathe. Every inch of his body is coiled tightly and the thrill of igniting that fire, is so tempting. Sometimes people just need a release. And she can be that for him. She thinks that it's probably the least she can do, since she's responsible for causing this response in the first place. So despite the stormy look in his wild eyes, and against her better judgment, she pokes the beast.
" TALK TO ME. I don't understand why you're so angry." She states with sincerity. Jay glances down at her small frame with indignation, and grabs both of her hands so sharply that she barely has time to process what's happening. But her back is now pressed firmly against the sink, and his large frame is looming over her and he's so close that she can hear the hitch in his breathing.
"I'm angry because you ALMOST DIED TODAY ERIN." The volume of his voice is progressively getting louder, and she's sure that it's probably rattling the walls around them. But that doesn't even phase her.
" SO WHAT. That is the job Jay."And despite his dominant position, she doesn't back down. She's definitely surpassed any form of personal space, and she's using her hands for balance behind her as she cranes her neck dangerously close to his seething face, but he's not looking at her anymore. His gaze is directed at the ground, and she can hear him silently fuming. She's all too familiar with his anger management techniques, in fact she's been known to apply them herself after a particular nasty case, and she's guessing that he's counting to ten to contain it. The veins in his forearms are bulging, as he grips the counter in front of him, and Erin suddenly becomes aware about how carefully she should play this. She knows that Jay would never hurt her, and oddly enough this kind of reaction from him feels more exhilarating. Like the way your stomach drops on a roller coaster before you plummet to your doom, or how you feel when your almost discovered in a game of hide and seek.
"I'm an adult Jay. So do me a favor, and don't insult me by coddling me like a child. I DON'T NEED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF ME." She knows all the right words to say to push his buttons, and she smiles wickedly when he sharply inhales. His hands are suddenly on her hips, and it's a welcome intrusion, warm and delicious, as he throws her on her counter top. He parts her knees slightly and steps between, and that fire in his eyes never ceases. And Erin swears in this moment, that she could drown in those flames. His hands firmly trace their way down her face, and come to rest behind her neck. And he's staring at her so intensely, that she almost feels vulnerable in his gaze. Her hands are now resting on his forearms, and he's so close to her face that she's afraid to blink. She licks her lips out of habit, and Jay's left thumb traces the path it leaves behind. The gesture, despite his heated gaze, feels tender and Erin shivers involuntary. Jay sighs and before Erin can stop it, he turns away from her and punches the wall beside the doorway.
He turns back around, gingerly cradling his injured knuckles, and steps back in between her legs. The fire is now gone, relinquished through his one-sided altercation with the wall, and in it's place is an overwhelming sense of sadness. Erin grabs his hand and kisses it gently. Jay buries his face in her exposed shoulder, and breathes evenly. They stay that way for a long time, because it's exactly what each of them needs. When he can no longer breathe through her mess of tangled hair, and she feels to warm in his embrace, he lightly kisses her shoulder blade and then the side of her face.
Both of his large hands cup her cheeks, and he says softly, "Erin, look at me."
And despite her initial resistance, she does. And in that moment she's able to see all the pain she's caused him, and this hurts more then the fire. The fire she can tame, the pain she can't erode.
"I know that this is the job. And I never want you to change. That fire..that passion you have to save people, is exactly why I was drawn to you in the first place. I can't ask you to ever give up that instinct that you have to save, because it's what makes you a great detective. But sometimes my personal feelings just get in the way. I'm sorry for that. But I can ask you to promise me one thing.." Jay confesses, and when he doesn't immediately get a response from her, he pauses. She nods at him to continue.
"Promise me, that you'll never go in again without back-up." Erin smiles and shakes her head in agreement. She can concede to this one small demand. She owes him that much, because she knows if the roles were reversed, she'd feel similarly. And if it'll diminish the desolation in his eyes, she'll happily comply.
"Good, now that that's settled, feed me." Jay drops his hands from her face, and helps her down from the counter top chivalrously.
Erin rolls her eyes, and heads towards the kitchen, "Bite me Halstead."
"Don't tempt me". Jay yells suggestively before following her.
Later on, when their dishes have been cleared and clean, and she's dozed off on the couch with her head resting in his lap, he replays the day's climax in his head. And it's only then that he realizes just how much of her is tied to him inexplicably.
" You are my family". Jay whispers to her, as she dreams peacefully, and in that moment he knows that some day she really will be.
