A Spectacle of Fearsome Acts

Robotnik sat back in his second favorite chair. That rotten rodent bastard ruined my favorite chair, Robotnik thought. I still can't believe those assholes think I'm dead, I wonder if it ever occurred to their dumbasses that I had a nuclear fallout shelter built beneath my towering fortress. Oh, and we mustn't forget the emergency elevator that takes me directly down there, I'm not known as an evil genius for nothing.

"Did you say something, sir?" Snively asked

"What? No, I was busy thinking until you spoke up, you're breaking my fucking concentration."

"I'm sorry, sir…"

"Go make yourself useful and get me an umbrella drink," Robotnik said. He looked down and noticed that he already had one in his hand, "Not this one, a different drink."

"As you command, but a little exercise couldn't hurt you," Snively mumbled.

"Just what in the fuck was that?"

"Nothing, sir, I'm going to fetch that drink now." As Snively shuffled out of the room, Robotnik turned his attention toward the monitors in front of him. While he was staring at the monitors, his eye caught Sonic speeding past.

"Three day sale on a ten pack of douche bags, what is he doing here? No matter, let's just see what he's planning to do."

"What is the hedgehog doing here, sir?"

"You almost made me shit myself, Snively. Why are you sneaking up on me like that asshole?"

"Sorry sir, do you want to attempt to track him back to Knothole?"

"No, that really didn't work out so well last time, did it? We need something else, something personal, irreplaceable. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts, if I can ever get my hands on him. For being an evil genius I really can't come up with shit for plans on such short notice."

"Tell me about it," Snively said under his breath.

"I'm going to fucking end you if I even think I hear you say some of that smartass shit again. I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass, so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it? Now, what kind of devious plan can I come up with next? Shut…down…the…power? SHUT THE POWER DOWN, NOW SNIVELY!"

"What for sir? I'll have to set the clock on the microwave again."

"Never mind that, the hedgehog must have caught wind that Robotropolis was up and running again. If we cut the power that imbecile and all of his dumb as fuck companions will keep assuming we're dead. This can buy me the time I need, so I can come up with an inevitably ingenious plan."

"That is quite a brilliant idea, sir. I shall shut down the power immediately," Snively said as he made his way over to the breaker panel. He opened the panel and shut off all of the power in Robotropolis, with the flick of a switch. "How are we to know when the hedgehog is gone, without the monitors, sir?" Snively asked while he turned on battery operated lights.

"Fuck! Ass! The rodent is quite fast, so if you gave it a minimum of a half an hour, we should be fine."

"And the plan?"

"You know how I've stayed alive this long? A spectacle of fearsome acts, fear. Someone steals from me, I cut off their hand. If they offend me, I cut out their tongue. If they stand against me, I cut off their head, stick it on a pike, and lift it up for all to see. That's what maintains the order of things, fear. Now, let me meditate in peace, so I can make my plans accordingly."

"What do you propose we do with the salvaged metal, sir?"

"We are going to build something with it, Snively. What exactly, I haven't figured out just yet, but we can't let pure titanium go to waste, now can we? I'm going to work it all into the grand tapestry that I call my Master Fuck Plan."