Thanks for the great response to this new story.

This chapter is going to be a little darker in parts, but I do have plans to try and lighten it up in later chapters.

Please keep the reviews coming it makes all the difference when you get left something.

Chapter 2

Munch and Fin looked at each other as Olivia sighed and pushed herself up from the chair and walked into the small kitchen area of the motor home. She opened a cupboard looked inside then slammed it shut before looking at her watch again for about the fifth time in the last few minutes. She looked over at Fin and Munch.

"What!" she snapped.

"Oh nothing," said Munch smirking as she looked at her watch again before picking up the phone Cragen had left on the small table. She slammed it back down after looking at the screen.

"Where the hell is he?" she said to herself but loud enough for the others to here.

"Which one are we on about?" asked Munch. "Don has taken a fishing rod down to the lake so he can have a scout around without looking suspicious. However if you're on about your Partner, not got a clue there."

She gave him a filthy look before looking yet again at her watch.

"He should be here by now," she said walking back to the table and sitting down again. "We have been here for 6 hours now, it's almost dark….. Where the hell is he?"

"To be fair," said Fin. "I don't think he actually gave an exact time he would be here, just where to meet him."

The door opened and they all turned their heads as Cragen walked in.

"Anything?" Olivia asked him.

"Caught supper," he smiled, holding up two fish. "But as far as Elliot goes, nothing."

"Shit," said Olivia slumping back in her chair.

"Olivia there's no need to worry yet there could be many reasons why he isn't here yet," said Don. "He could be waiting for it to get dark."

"Or they could have found him," she said standing up.

"Where you going?" asked Munch, as she put her coat on.

"I can't sit here any longer, I need some fresh air, I'm going for a walk," she said not looking back at them as she opened the door and stormed out, slamming it behind her.

The three men looked at each.

"Anyone fancy gutting these?" asked Cragen throwing the fish in the sink.

"You really not that worried about why he hasn't shown up yet?" asked Fin

Cragen shook his head. "No I'm worried, he said he was on his way and wouldn't be far behind us, but I'm not stupid enough to tell Olivia that."

"Do you think we should call someone?" he asked.

"No," he said sitting in the chair Olivia had left. "We can't risk it. All we can do is wait, and hope he is okay."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia walked slowly around the small campsite. A few kids were playing down by the lake watched by their parents, whilst a few other people were sat by their motor homes or tents talking, eating and drinking beer, enjoying their vacation.

She walked towards the cabin Rollins and Amaro were in. She nodded and smiled as she walked past as they sat on the small balcony looking just like the young married couple they were playing.

"Evening," she said to them.

"Hey," said Amaro. "Lovely night isn't it," he said playing along.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah lovely and quiet, enjoy your night," she said as she carried on walking. She walked around the back of the cabin and headed up the pathway through the trees. She nodded and smiled as she passed a couple of families sitting around a BBQ as she walked through the woods. It began to get dark as the sun slowly set and she was glad to finally come out the trees and back beside the edge of the lake. She realised she had walked past their motor home. She stopped by the lake and picked up a flat stone and skimmed it across the water.

"Come on Elliot, where the hell are you," she said quietly to herself as she looked out across the lake as the last of the sun set.

She walked slowly back to the motor home along the edge of the lake praying that Elliot had turned up. She knew he hadn't when she rounded the bend and Cragen, Munch and Fin were sitting outside and had started a camp fire. Cragen was cooking the fish he caught over it.

"You okay," Fin asked her as she got close.

She shrugged. "I will feel a lot better once I know he is okay."

"We all will," said Munch.

She sat in the spare chair. "It's not your fault that he is in this mess."

"And it isn't yours," said Fin.

"Yeah it is," she told him. "He took this job because I was a bitch to him," she said taking a beer from Munch. "He was my Partner and I never had his back… I should have been there for him, after what happened."

"We all should have been there," said Munch. "We all just let him get on with it thinking he was okay."

"But I was his Partner, I let him down…. God I was such a bitch," she sighed taking a drink.

"Yeah….You were," said a voice raspy voice from behind them making them all jump up and spin around, just in time to see Elliot drop to the floor, the white cloth he had pressed to his stomach dropping beside him covered in blood.

"Elliot," gasped Olivia dropping her bottle and ran to him dropping to her knees beside him.

"Get him inside," said Cragen looking around to make sure nobody was watching them.

"He's…. He's bleeding," she said looking at them panic in her eyes.

"Get him inside," Cragen said again.

Fin pushed Olivia out the way and he and Munch picked him up and dragged him into the motor home followed by Cragen and Olivia.

Cragen shut the door and went to the window looking out as they dragged him to the small bedroom at the back and lay him on the bed.

"John, you and Fin get back outside, keep a watch and try to act normal, as though we are on vacation."

"But Cap," said Fin.

"Do it Fin, we need to know no-one followed him. We will take care of him."

"Come on," said Munch putting a hand on his shoulder. "Call if you need us," he told Cragen as Olivia knelt by the bed and looked at the stomach wound and they went outside.

"It's a knife wound," she told Cragen as he handed her a wet towel. "It's still bleeding," she said cleaning around the wound. Cragen got a dry towel and folded it handing it to her. She pressed it against the wound as Cragen checked his pulse and nodded at Olivia.

"It's still quite strong, let's get the wound cleaned and patched up," he said getting the first aid kit.

Olivia gently cleaned around the deep cut her eyes flickering up to his face. His hair was longer than she had ever seen before and his goatee beard was getting quite long. He had a cut lip and a bruised eye and cheek.

"Here let me," said Cragen kneeling beside the bed and putting a clean bandage over the wound as Olivia looked over the rest of his body. He had two pistols tattooed on either side of his chest, and his body was complete muscle not an ounce of fat on him. She also saw various scarring, some she knew how he got others a lot newer. "Any more wounds?" he asked her.

"I don't think so," she whispered "Not on his front anyway. His knuckles are bruised he has definitely been in a fight."

"Okay I will lift him up you check his back," he told her.

She nodded as Cragen gently lifted him.

"Jesus," she gasped as she looked at his back.

"More injuries?" he asked, but she shook her head.

"His tattoo," she told him. Cragen leant forward and looked at his back. A large tattoo of the Grim Reaper with large Angel wings across his back, with the words Grim Angels around them. "I guess he really got into his role," she said as Cragen lay him back down.

"Maybe it wasn't through choice he has been under for a while."

"Yeah," she said as Elliot mumbled.

"He probably just needs to rest, and we need to keep that wound clean. If it doesn't stop bleeding soon we will need to get him to a hospital and get it stitched up."

Olivia nodded but never took her eyes off Elliot.

"I will go and check in with Fin and Munch make sure everything is okay," he told her. "Then take a walk and try and let Rollins and Amaro know he has turned up. We will stay here tonight and give him time to rest up, before we get back on the road. We need to get away from this area and back to New York as soon as possible."

"I will stay here with him," she said sitting back on the floor, wiping his blood from her hands on the towel.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How's he doing?" asked Cragen as they all came in. They had been sitting outside for the last few hours to let Elliot rest.

"He has slept the full time, I had to change the dressing again," she said looking worried. "I think we are going to need to take him to hospital and get it stitched up," she said pushing herself up from the floor and stretching and walking towards Cragen.

"I'm not going to fucking hospital," Elliot groaned behind them. Olivia spun around and they all looked at him as he sat up holding a hand to his wound.

"Elliot, you need to….."

"I'm not going to hospital," he interrupted her as he stood up and staggered out the small bedroom into the kitchen area. They all watched him as he opened the fridge and then the cupboards. "I need a drink," he mumbled.

"Here," said Cragen handing him a bottle of water. Elliot ignored him and reached down into the cooler box and took out a beer. He twisted the cap of and drank the bottle down in one go.

"You not got anything stronger?" he asked wincing as he took another beer out the box and twisted the cap off and downing the second bottle before taking out another.

"Elliot, do you think that's a good idea?" Olivia asked him.

"Yeah I do," he snapped.

"We really need to get that knife wound seen to," said Munch.

"It could get infected Elliot," said Cragen. "And it won't stop bleeding."

Elliot pulled at the dressing tearing it off and looking down at it.

"Get my bag and I will do it myself," he told them.

"El you didn't have a bag with you and can t be serious, you can't do it yourself," said Olivia.

"It won't be the first time," he hissed in pain.

"Elliot you need to sit down, before you fall down and hurt yourself even more," said Olivia stepping towards him. Elliot turned to look at her and held up his hand.

"Now you act as though you care," he snapped.

"El….I….I do, of course I …"

Elliot turned his back on her. "My bag must be up in the trees, I hid up there to make sure none of the gang turned up before I came down to you," he said cutting Olivia off.

Olivia looked at Cragen as she stepped back and leant against the wall wrapping her arms around herself.

"I got stuff in my bag I can use to stitch this up."

"Where a bouts?" asked Fin opening a drawer and taking out a flashlight.

Elliot took another drink of beer before answering.

"Follow the track at the back of the motor home it goes up through the trees. You will come to a fork take the one on the right that goes a little higher. I was about twenty meters along that track I sat in front one of the large trees, my bag should be there."

Fin nodded and turned to leave.

"I will give you a hand," said Olivia stepping around Elliot and following Fin without even looking at Elliot.

Fin just nodded realising Olivia needed to get out.

Elliot threw the empty beer bottle into the sink and took another one from the cooler and sat down at the table and looked down at the wound pressing it lightly with his fingers.

"So what happened?" asked Munch. "I thought you were supposed to be lying low?"

"I was," chuckled Elliot. "Then some little prick decided to slap one of the barmaids across the face in the bar because she forgot one of the drinks. I had had a few drinks and just lost it. I got up and punched him before dragging him outside. His friends didn't like that and jumped me."

"How did you get away?" asked Cragen.

"Cops came, as soon as they heard the siren they all ran, including me. I didn't want to risk going back for my bike in case the cops were still there so I started to walk here."

"Jesus Elliot, do you know how dangerous that was with that wound bleeding like it was."

Elliot just shrugged.

"Didn't have much choice I couldn't trust the cops, the bike gangs have a lot of them in their back pockets, they are probably all on the lookout for me. I heard there is quite a bounty on my head."

"We all read the file the Feds put together you testimony is gonna put a lot of people away, people in high places as well as gang members," said Munch.

"Yeah I know, that's why I asked for you guys, right now I don't know who I can trust," he said taking a drink and putting his hand over the wound, he could feel it bleeding again. "Fuck this hurts," he said gritting his teeth, "I'd rather have been shot than this."

"So how do you think we should do this?" asked Cragen. "I mean about getting you back to New York, you know these people better than any of us."

"Well whatever plan and route the Feds gave you we ignore. I don't trust any of those fuckers. We should change this Motor home as soon…."

"What?" asked Cragen as Elliot stopped talking.

"Did you check this thing for tracking devices?" he asked looking worried.

"What? No. We just picked it up from the rental company…. You don't really think they put a tracker on it do you."

"Like I said, I don't trust anyone," he said standing. "We need to get out of here, leave this here and get something else."

"Elliot it's late, we are in the middle of nowhere, where the hell do you want us to go. Plus in case you forgot you have a knife wound," said Cragen.

"Yeah man," said Munch. "Plus we have been here for hours surely if someone was tracking us they would have been here for now. I mean you have been in here asleep for hours now. If they wanted you dead and had followed a tracker here, you would be dead now. And we have walked every inch of this place, the only people here are people on vacation, mainly families."

"Just calm down and relax," said Cragen putting a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "Nobody has followed us."

Elliot nodded and took a deep breath. "Guess I'm just a little paranoid," he said.

"Can't say I blame you," said Munch sitting down opposite him and smiling."So what's with the hair, beard and tattoos?" he asked Elliot. "Are the tattoos real?"

"Yeah there real. When they came to me and asked me to go under as a bike gang member I thought they were crazy, but then they showed me a photo of the guy. Same height, same build, same colour eyes, I was almost a dead ringer.

He had been in a bike gang based just outside Washington. His cousin was their head man, however he cut a deal with the Feds to avoid been sent down for drugs and gun trafficking. He agreed to set his cousin up with the Grim Angels. He told them it was too dangerous to keep his cousin in Washington as it would bring heat from the cops and feds. The Grims said they would take him on probation for 6 months before deciding if he could stay full time.

His cousin was still in Rikers so the feds made up a cover story and put the word out he was being released. Instead of being released he was taken to a safe house. I spent a month living there with him, becoming him and getting a copy of everyone of his tattoos, and letting my hair and beard grow. I then jumped on the bike they supplied me and spent the next two weeks riding to just outside Barstow and getting into character," he said slumping back and finishing the beer.

"And they believed you when you turned up?" asked Cragen.

"Yeah, they treat me like shit at first, I had to prove myself you know. Got all the shitty jobs had to obey them, be humiliated by them, but after a few bar fights, and doing a few gun runs and not to mention taking a bullet for their chairmen, they settled down and accepted me. It was then I got my Grim patch and the back tattoo. I didn't want the tattoo but I had no choice if I didn't want to blow my cover."

"Jesus," said Cragen. "After taking the bullet why not just get out of there, and come home, you could have been killed."

"What was the point?" he asked as Olivia and Fin walked back in the door. "I had nothing to go home to," he said looking over Munches shoulder straight at Olivia. "My wife had left, my kids were all at University or had their own lives to live… And I had no job anymore, there was nothing for me in New York, I had lost everything."

He saw the hurt in Olivia's face as everyone else looked between them in silence not knowing what to say.

"We…We found your bag," she said quietly holding up the back pack towards him.

Elliot stood and walked towards her snatching the bag from her on the way past to the living area.

Fin put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Just give him time," he whispered. She nodded and sat down at the table facing Elliot as she watched him opening the bag.

"Munch, why don't you give this thing the once over, just to make sure there aren't any tracking devices on it. We should make sure just in case." Munch nodded. "Fin you take another walk around take a fishing rod as though you're going night fishing."

"Sure Cap," he said looking at Elliot as he took a bottle of vodka from his bag and took a drink. Olivia hadn't taken her eyes from him.

"I'm going to pay Amaro and Rollins a visit let them know we will be heading out in the morning.

"Who the hell are they?" asked Elliot as he opened a small box.

"The new guys we got in when you left," Cragen told him. "They are booked into a lodge as a married couple."

Elliot began to laugh and Olivia was sure the alcohol was starting to take effect on him.

"You mean the two that turned up in the convertible," he chuckled.

"Yeah them."

"Fuck me, they looked like Barbie and friggin Ken… Your telling me they are cops."

"Yes, and they are here to help you, just remember that."

"Yeah well I didn't ask for them, I asked for you Fin and Munch," he snapped. Olivia's eyes went wide when he didn't mention her name.

"Well you got all of us, were a team, we stick together," he said heading to the door as Munch and Fin walked out.

"Yeah right," growled Elliot. "Until one of you shoots a little girl, then the bond is broken and nobody wants to know you," he said picking up the bottle and taking a large drink.

Cragen looked back at him and then Olivia. "Will you be okay?" he asked her and ignoring Elliot's outburst.

"Yeah," she nodded giving him a sad smile.

"I won't be long," he said walking out and closing the door behind him leaving the two of them alone.

"You didn't ask for me?" she asked him quietly. "When you asked for a protection detail, you didn't ask for me as well?"

"No… I didn't," he told her before taking another drink.

Olivia stood up and turned her back to him as she rested her hands on the bench and held back the tears that were threatening to fall.

Elliot watched her as she stood up and turned her back on him. He knew he was being a prick to her but he couldn't stop himself.

"Why?" she asked taking a deep breath and turning back around resting against the counter.

"Why, what?" he asked threading the needle he had taken out of a first aid kit. Once threaded, he poured some vodka into a glass and put the needle and thread in.

"Why didn't you ask for me?"

Elliot reached over and grabbed hold of a towel and held it against the cut dabbing at the blood.

"I needed people I could rely on," he told her, his voice hard and blunt.

His words hurt her as she watched him pulling the towel away and took the needle and threat from the glass before picking up the bottle of vodka and pouring it over the wound.

"Fuck!" he cursed as it hit the wound and he used the towel to help wipe the wound and clean it.

"And you couldn't rely on me?"

He huffed out a laugh as he looked at the wound. "What the hell do you think?"

Olivia watched as he pushed the needle through his skin jumping and hissing as he did taking a deep breath before he continued. He lifted the bottle to his mouth his hand shaking as he took a large drink trying to numb the pain.

"I think we all made mistakes but I am the one you are punishing."

Elliot looked up glaring at her.

"You think I'm punishing you," he laughed as he continued to stitch himself up.

"Yes, I wasn't the only one who fucked up and didn't call. Munch, Fin, Cragen none of them did either. Yet it's me who is getting the cold shoulder, it's me you won't look at," she said raising her voice. "And unless I'm mistaking you didn't call me either. So don't sit there acting hard done by….."

"Are you fucking kidding me!" he yelled making her jump as he dropped the needle and stood up. "I shot a kid! A young woman who needed our help…"

"I know…"

"And then I held her as she died in my arms, as she took her last breath," he said stepping towards her. Olivia stepped away from the counter and moved back slightly away from him.

"I was there as well!" she yelled back. "You weren't the only one in squad room that day, I held Sister Peg…."

"Jenna was the same age as Dickie and Elizabeth and I took that shot without even thinking, so that…so that…"

"So that what!" she asked.

"So that you weren't next!" he yelled in her face. "So that it wasn't you I was holding as you took your last breath. I killed a young girl so you wouldn't be hurt."

They were both breathing heavy as they stared at each other.

"And then I went out and got drunk, to try and numb the pain for what I had done," he said a bit quieter. "And while my life as a cop was coming to an end, so was my marriage and my family.."

He turned away from her and rested against the table for support. Olivia took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I tried to call you, you didn't pick up. I text you, left voice messages…"

Elliot laughed quietly. "Almost 13 years as Partners and you couldn't get in a car and come and find me."

"I thought you wanted time alone. I thought you were at home with your family and you just needed time alone."

Elliot took another drink and stepped towards her staggering a little from the effects of the alcohol.

"How many times in our partnership did you tell me you were fine?" he asked her, his voice a little slurred. "How many times did I ignore you and go to your apartment to check on you, or go to the station and take you home. How many times did I stand by your side no matter what you had done. I always defended you, I was always there…Hell I re-mortgaged my house for you and stood by you with all that shit with your Brother "

He took another drink.

"I was always there because…Because you were my Partner, and you stand by your Partner no matter what bullshit they are going through, and no matter how many times they say they are okay….You always check on them."

"El…"

"You don't…." he staggered back and steadied himself on the back of the chair. "You don't send a few text messages and….and just give up on them," he said taking another large drink before he turned around and staggered towards the couch and flopped onto it groaning in pain.

"I didn't think you needed me," she tried to explain as he took another drink.

Elliot laughed and looked at her through half closed eyes and she knew he was close to passing out from the drink.

"You were my Partner, I always needed you Liv," he slurred as his eyes closed then opened again quickly as he tried to focus on her. "I needed you after Gitano and, and you left me….. I needed you after I shot Jenna," he took another drink. "I need you when…..when Kathy left."

He took a deep breath as he dropped the almost empty bottle of vodka and laid his head back.

"I needed you when I found out Eli wasn't mine." Her eyes blurred with unshed tears when she saw the tears running down his face.

The door to the motor home opened and Cragen and Munch stood in the doorway.

"But do you know when…when I…..When I really needed you and you weren't there?" he asked as he closed his eyes not realising Munch and Cragen were stood there. "I really needed you as I …sat on the beach, and put a gun to my head …..That's…..That's when I really….."

He never finished the sentence as he passed out, his head flopping to the side.

Olivia slid down the wall as the tears spilled from her eyes and her body shook as she cried. She heard the door close as Cragen and Munch came in.

"Let's get him back in the bedroom," said Cragen. She watched through blurry eyes as they carefully moved him past her and into the room and laid him on the bed.

Cragen came out and crouched by Olivia as she sniffed and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve.

"Did you know?" she asked him referring to the part about the gun.

"No," he said shaking his head.

"I really let him down," she said quietly.

"We all did," said Munch. "None of us went to check on him."

"But I was his Partner. If the roles were reversed he would never have just given up. He would have hounded me till I opened up, he would have been there for me."

"So be there for him now. He needs us now just as much as he did then. Have his back just like you used to," said Cragen squeezing her shoulder gently.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes again before standing up. She walked over to where he had been sitting and picked up the first aid kit and took it with her into the bedroom and sat on the bed beside him. She opened the small kit and took out the wipes and began to clean the knife wound. She looked over at Cragen who nodded and closed the door.

He followed Munch to the couch and they both sat down in silence, Elliot words spinning in their heads.

"We all really fucked up," said Munch.

"Yeah we did," sighed Cragen looking towards the bedroom door quietly praying they didn't screw up again, and would get Elliot back to New York alive.