Here we go again. Sorry about the delay, but at least it isn't later. If you enjoy reading this attempt at humor, than let me know and I may be able to drag it o-ut another few chapters, otherwise I plan on one more chapter to wrap it up. Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it, and Happy Thursday to those who don't.
Note on Content: While I originally planned for this to take place in the trio's third year, I moved it up to second year because I wanted to have Lockhart for this chapter. It probably isn't important to the story line, but that is how it goes. Information on Hogworts staff I retrieved from various locations on the Internets, so it is all absolutely true.
Sorry if you tried to read this earlier and it was crazy. I'm not sure what happened, but I hope I fixed it. If not let me know.
The next Saturday night Minerva found herself transfiguring needles back into matches. After years and years of the same lessons and tasks, she was quite bored. She was also trying to keep herself busy so that she wouldn't be expected at their "Girls Night" again.
To keep things interesting, she laid out several needles on the desks in the transfiguration classroom. Then she put a shield charm on the blackboard. Walking over to the side of the classroom, she sat on one of the desks and commenced bouncing reversal spells off of the blackboard.
It took her a little while to get the hang of it and by the time she had half matches, she was a pro at trick shots. To raise the stakes, she sent the remaining needles to flying around the back of the classroom. Even with them going slow, it was hard to hit those tiny needles while they were flying.
Shooting spell after spell she didn't even notice when the door opened and Albus Dumbledore stepped through.
She jumped a tiny bit when she heard him gasp as one of her spells rebounded off the blackboard and hit him square in the chest.
The needles that were flying around sped up to an alarming speed as she lost concentration.
With a wave of his hand, he stopped all of the needles and neatly set them back on a desk. He smiled as he commented, "If I didn't know better Professor, I would think you were trying to off me."
"If I were," she smarted with a mischievous grin, "I could find an easier way to do it. You have no idea how difficult it is to bank spell off of a blackboard."
"Care to teach me?" he said as he walked over to sit beside the Transfiguration Professor.
As he approached she noticed something peculiar about his robes. "Um, Albus," she paused searching for an appropriate way to handle the situation, "I don't think it is appropriate for you to wander around the castle like that before curfew."
Scratching his beard, he asked with a confused look, "What?"
Unable to hold back her laughter any more she managed to say, "Nice Pajamas, but I don't think they go with your hat."
Doubled over laughing, she almost missed the confounded look on his face when he glanced down and saw that he was wearing pajamas.
"I have to agree with you Minerva," Dumbledore admitted good naturedly, "The hat has to go."
As he said that his hat changed into a night cap that matched his blue and yellow pajamas. They both had a good laugh at that.
After a bit, Albus finally asked, "Tell me my dear, how did my robes turn into pajamas? I distinctly remember wearing robes about ten minutes ago."
"Well," she explained, still snickering, "I was using a reversing spell and it must have reversed your clothing back to the original. So do you just have this one set of pajamas that you wear every day?"
"Do promise not to reveal all of my secrets."
"I won't if you won't," she said indicating the matchsticks and needles strewn across the room.
"It's a deal," Albus confirmed. "It wouldn't do to have the students know that their strict Transfiguration Professor likes to have a little fun now and then. Speaking of which, why are you here rather than in the staff room with the other ladies?"
Albus knew he had said the wrong thing when her smile disappeared, replaced with that stern glare she used on the students. Getting off of the desk, she used her wand to gather the rest of the matches and needles before walking to her teacher's desk and riffling through her papers looking for nothing. "What is it that you wanted Albus? You obviously came here for a reason."
"I thought you enjoyed sharing gossip and drinking with your friends."
Minerva glared over her shoulder at him before she slowly annunciated each word, "I don't want to talk about it right now, so I would appreciate it if you would tell me why you are here in the first place."
He just leaned up against a desk tapping his chin as he pondered her recent change of mind. "Hmm, you didn't…" he trailed off already counting that out.
Minerva went back to looking in her desk and trying to find something to do, or at least look busy.
After five minutes, Albus Dumbledore was still standing there making occasional thinking noises and being altogether annoying.
Eventually she cracked. "If you absolutely have to know then fine, but it is none of your business." Rolling her eyes at the pleased look on his face, she continued, "Last week Madame Hooch and Professor Sprout implied that I was engaged in inappropriate activities with another member of staff. I then refused to participate in their ridicules fairytales. Happy?"
Again looking rather curious, Albus asked, "Lockhart?'
She just glared at him
"Flitwick?"
Glare
"Binns?" He asked raising an eyebrow
"No."
"Hagrid?"
No response
"Filch?"
"Yes." She paused to let that sink in, before saying "No. You are not going to guess so just stop trying."
"I must say I am a bit relieved," Dumbledore sighed. "Is it Snape?
Sighing, she went back to her papers, hoping he would give up.
"Hagrid?"
No Response
"Sir Nicholas?"
Looking up at his she just shook her head and went back to doodling.
"Is this someone male or female?"
"I am not in the mood for twenty questions right now. I suggest you mind your own business and leave me to finish this."
"I guess it probably wasn't a person who was at your little "Girls Night" so that leaves Burbage, or Babbling, or Pince."
"No, No, No, and No to everyone else you guess. You are a terrible gossip Albus."
Thinking out loud, Dumbledore mumbled, "If you don't want me to find out so badly then it must be at least partly true."
"It is not." Minerva spat, trying not to stomp her foot like a child.
"Definitely true," Dumbledore stated, "You must have a broader idea of staff than I do unless you are referring to a house elf. I guessed every other person."
"Yes, its Dobby," She confessed dramatically, "You caught me. You win."
Dumbledore returned, "I do understand sarcasm; I'm just not very good at speaking it. I think it's the accent."
Minerva brought her hands up to cover her face as she desperately tried to contain her laughter. This conversation was just too ridicules.
Albus seemed unaffected as he asked again, "Is it a current staff member?"
Throwing her hands up in the air, she shouted, "You want to know so damn bad, then fine, I'll tell you." Standing up, she walked around until she was standing right in front of him before she continued. "They seemed to think that I might have some advice when it comes to kissing Aberforth because they are under the impression that I DO have experience kissing another wizard who also has a rather sizable beard. Who the hell do you think that is? Well I'll tell you since you can't seem to figure it out on your own. They were talking about YOU!"
Quite out of breath, Minerva waited for a response. When a dumbfounded look was all she got, Minerva stormed out of the classroom slamming the door behind her.
She passed one very unfortunate soul on the way to her quarters. Let's just say that Professor Snape probably will not be seen in public for the next two days.
Hope you enjoyed it. I am a very big supporter of positive reinforcement (i.e. I write stuff, and you say "Good Job" and give me reviews, favs, or follows). Thanks Again.
