Jess: Thanks for reviewing!

DanaKai: Their relationship reflects on mine and my brother's. I didn't like how far apart they are in the movie. I like closeness with siblings.

SECRETS IN THE ATTIC

CHAPTER 2: SOMEONE TO FALL BACK ON


Well, I'm just about plain stupid. Most other days, I'd be accusing of others being stupid, but today it's me. Me, me, me. You know why? I finally talked to Ricky today. And, like an idiot, I fell for his 'I just want to apologize face to face' excuse. I know he really only wants to suck me back in. He wants one thing and one thing only; sex. That's the only reason he ever got with me. Once I started sleeping with him, he was more interested in me. Then, when I told him I was pregnant, he used my 'horny due to pregnancy' symptom to get me in bed. That lasted until I was about six months pregnant with Nicki; I was huge by then and I didn't feel right, having sex while I was pregnant. During the early stages of my pregnancy, Ricky confessed to me that one of the reasons he was with me was because I was an easy lay. It was heartless and it hurt my feelings, but whatever. His loss.

So, right now, Ricky and I are sitting on the couch in the living room. Mom and Dad were out on a date and Tom was washing Hannah's hair. Nicki was laying in my arms, just gazing into my eyes as I stared at her. Ricky was 'pouring his heart out' and actually had tears running down his face, but I used that same thing on him when I was the one that wanted sex. I'd play a guilt trip and tell him I gave when he wanted, he could at least return the favor. I always won.

"…and I miss you and I don't want to live one more day without you," Ricky finished with a completely fake sob.

I sighed and broke my gaze from Nicki. She immediately started stirring when I turned my attention to Ricky. "Ricky, I'm not falling for your fake act. I invented that when I was five years old."

"Beth, please… I miss you."

"No you don't. You just don't want to pay child support."

"That's not true." It's true.

"Yes, it is. I'm not stupid, Ricky."

"Really? Why'd you name her so close to me?"

"I didn't. Nicki is short for Nicolette."

"It's still close."

"It is not. Tell me why you're really here and be truthful for I'll let Tom get that paintball gun after your nuts again."

Ricky looked at me for a few seconds, with a sort of fear in his expression. "Okay, okay… I came back because Tom told me he'd report me for statutory rape if I didn't step up and help you with Nicki. I'll be honest with you, I want nothing to do with this, but it's my responsibility."

Woo! He was honest! Oh yeah, oh ye—hey, wait a minute, did he just call my baby a 'this'?

"Our baby is not a 'this', Ricky! She's a baby! She's our daughter!" I said, standing up from the couch.

"Okay, whatever."

"Whatever nothing, Ricky. I can't stand you. I can't stand being around you. But you know what? You're gonna come around, because if you don't want to have to pay child support and you want a potential life with me, then you'll be smart and step up to take care of your child."

"I said I am!"

"Not because you want to! You're such an insensitive asshole, Richard; you care about nobody but yourself!" I snapped, walking towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?"

"Putting our daughter to bed."

"Let me do it."

I looked at Ricky. He stood up and walked toward me, holding his arms out a bit for Nicki. I reluctantly handed her over, and started upstairs, leading him to my bedroom. Since Nicki was born, Mom and Dad decided that since I'd have most of my stuff and Nicki's stuff and my room was almost too small as it was. Most of Nicki's clothes are in her nursery, but I still had some stuff that was either too small or still too big for her, so I left her clothes in my room.

I walked into my bathroom and took Nicki's baby bath out of the tub, putting it in the sink. I turned both knobs on at the same time and filled the baby bath with water before shutting the faucet off and turning it to the side. I'd given her so many baths I don't even need to adjust it, because I know exactly how far to turn it.

I turned to Ricky and took Nicki from him, laying her on the counter. I took her clothes and diaper off of her before laying her gently in the lukewarm water. I took a soft baby cloth from the towel rack and got the baby wash from the rim of the bath tub, setting the wash on the counter and the cloth in the water of Nicki's bath.

"Be gentle, don't let the water or soap get in her eyes, and call for me if you have any problems," I said, walking past him to go into my room.

"How do I... clean her?" Ricky asked, advancing toward the sink.

"Clean her?" I asked in confusion, turning to face him.

"Yeah… I mean, I don't wanna hurt her."

"What? Ricky, you're giving her a bath."

"Yeah, I know, but how do I clean her… lady parts?"

I laughed. "Okay, first of all, she's a baby; she's not old enough for a douche, so you don't have to worry about that for about eighteen years and she'll be able to do it on her own by then. Two, if you just wipe her very carefully a few times, before you put the soap on the rag, then that'll be fine. I'll look at her when you're done with her bath."

"Got it."

"I'm just in the other room. A simple 'Beth' will do the trick, I'll be in here in a flash," I said, walking into my bedroom.

I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. I couldn't help but think about Ricky. I mean, yeah, he's a complete jerk and a total idiot, but he's my daughter's father. He told me he's giving her a bath, he didn't ask me. That shows responsibility right there. In the little time he'd spent with her, he was falling for her and I could tell. He has that look in his eyes that he's really in love with her. Pretty soon, she'll be his pride and joy. In sixteen years, when she tells us she's lost her virginity to her tattooed, pierced, gothic boyfriend. When Ricky's strong wall crumbles, I'll be there for him. I'll be his someone to fall back on.

That's not what I'm hoping will happen, that's just something I can imagine happening. I mean, if she's anything like me, then she'll go for someone that doesn't really love her. She'll pick up some asshole and convince herself that she loves him, even though he's verbally and emotionally abusing her. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm only imagining this because I went through it with Ricky. Maybe it wasn't going to be that bad. Maybe he really did change.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud squeal. No, that was a laugh. My baby laughed. And I missed it. She never laughed like that for me. She never laughed for me at all. She grinned for me. Most people say it's just gas when they're this little, but I think they're secretly planning to run off with someone their parents protest against to get married and have crazy, psychotic babies. Oh, there I go again.

I got up from my bed and walked over to the bathroom door, leaning against the frame. I smiled, crossing my arms as I saw Ricky's smile and Nicki's feet kicking away. Her arms were moving rapidly and she was babbling up a storm, as if she were telling him a funny story. I grinned and walked over to my dresser, pulling out a digital camera. I turned it on and put it to recording mode, then pressed the shutter button to start the video.

I walked back over to the bathroom door and pointed it to Ricky and Nicki, letting out a small giggle. "What are you doing to her to make her freak like that?" I asked.

"I rang out the wash rag over her stomach," Ricky said.

"Did Daddy make you laugh, Nicki?"

Nicki's feet kicked and the water splashed everywhere, making both Ricky and I laugh. I turned the camera off and threw it to my bed before walking over to the sink. "Did you get her washed up?"

"Yeah, she's done."

I grabbed a towel and opened it, holding it against my body with my chin. I picked Nicki up carefully and wrapped her up a little, before returning to my room. I sat on the bed and laid her down, starting to dry her off. This is the part she hates. She gets curious about her 'girl parts' so I have to fight with her to keep her hands away. Her fingernails are sharp, so I only imagine that if she scratches herself accidentally it'll hurt her.

I put my hand on her belly and got a small bottle of baby powder out of my nightstand drawer. I sprinkled some of the powder on her belly and spread it around on her body, before putting a new diaper on her. I put a thick pink sleeper on her and I picked her up, kissing her cheek.

"Are you hungry, Monkey?" I asked, laying Nicki in my arms.

"Do you need me to get her a bottle?" Ricky asked.

I shook my head and lifted my shirt and bra up, letting Nicki begin eating. "I nurse her. I haven't tried bottles with her yet."

"How old does she have to be for a bottle?"

"Babies can go on the bottle the day they're born, I just chose to nurse her."

"Does she know who I am?"

I shook my head. "This is the first time you've ever been mentioned. Tom's always been Daddy.."

"…Oh."

I heard the disappointment in his voice, but it didn't bother me much. It was his fault; he's the one that left. He could have stayed. But he didn't.

It took about fifteen minutes before Nicki stopped eating, and once she did, I burped her and got her to sleep in a little over ten minutes. Ricky was still over by the time I usually went to sleep, but it didn't bother me. I wasn't tired.

"I should go, Bethany; I gotta be at work in the morning," Ricky said as we both stood up.

"Okay," I said, exchanging a hug with him.

"Can I come over after work?"

I nodded. "Sure."

"Hey, Beth?"

"Hm?"

"Even if this whole thing doesn't work out… I'm trying, really… But, if it doesn't work, just remember that even though I can be a real jerk, I'll be there for you."

"Ricky?"

"Yeah?"

"Sam here. I'll be someone for you to fall back on."

I watched him leave and I let out a sigh. I never expected Ricky to grow up so fast. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to rekindle.