Disclaimer -Characters belong to CBS. If either of us owned them Jorja fox would be back on the show and Sara would definitely not be in a relationship with Grissom.

Okay...so its my turn (Maggsie). When we agreed to do this I had never written a dark story before so this is my first go so be nice!

Hope you enjoy the second chapter as much as I enjoyed the first...


Catherine's POV

Why do I let myself feel this way? I only ever feel this way with Lindsay. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach running through the course of my veins; the feeling of guilt; the knowing that I had hurt another human being intentionally. I always like to keep that emotion as far away as possible because if people start to believe I'm feeling guilty they take advantage. Take advantage of the fact that I can feel like everyone else. Use it to get under my skin and hurt me when they're under it.

But I know there is something I should do.

Taking a seat at my desk, I look through the mass amounts of paperwork I have. I don't have the energy for it tonight as I've been drained of it. I stare out at the lab out of my window, watching the world go by, oblivious to my feelings.

A single tear drop rolls down my cheek. In the end it all comes down to two things; what can I do to make it right? And am I willing to try and make it right?

Flashbacks come back to me at full force; making me remember the words I have thrown; The words that could cut into any soul. I never praise on a good piece of work, all I have are the put downs. Now thinking back none of the harsh words were deserved; though I thought they were deserved at the time.

Why do I keep doing it though? For one, I sometimes like inflicting the pain; now all I feel is guilt and anguish. Putting my head in my hands I let the tears fall freely.

I know she hates me and I deserve that. She thinks I hate her but I don't. When Sara Sidle first started here I'll admit I was pissed off; angry that Grissom had brought in an outsider, angry that Sara was investigating Warrick. But I let the anger fester; I couldn't let it go.

She dropped everything as soon as Grissom called her. Well now they're in a relationship it doesn't surprise me. Two unsociable people gravitated towards each other. She could do better but why do I make her feel like she can't?

The emotion bubbling through me is telling me I'm jealous. Maybe I am, she's young, gorgeous, very intelligent and gels well with the rest of the nightshift. But why am I jealous? I look good for my age, I'm pretty smart and I get on with everyone so I shouldn't be jealous.

Our fights are legendary in the lab. When we work together we work well; we push each other to get the results. Tonight was different; tonight was all about who could inflict the most pain; who could get the last word. Tonight it got personal.

Flashback

'Sara can you cover for me for ten minutes?' I asked as I started to walk out of the evidence we were in. Sara and I were working on a 419 together which was very rare as Grissom hardly paired us together anymore.

'Need to phone the new boyfriend?' She sneered and my head immediately snapped back. I could feel the anger already rising in me, ready to blow. My hands were clenched at my sides. How dare she?

'How dare you!'

'Oops did I hit a nerve there?' She chuckled, she actually chuckled. I wanted to phone Lindsay but I wasn't going to tell her that.

'You have no right to criticise what I'm doing. What I do in my personal time is my business? And that said, at least I have a personal life.'

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?' She had now stood up from the table and had taken a step towards me.

'What are you stupid?' I noticed her flinch at those words. 'It means you spend all your time in here; and there was me thinking you wouldn't have to do as much sleeping with the boss and all.' This time it was me who took a step towards her.

'I am not sleeping with Grissom!' She spoke through clenched teeth,' and you would know that if you weren't so busy jumping on any guy you meet. What is it Catherine, does it make you feel worth something sleeping with men half your age.' If I looked down at my knuckles now they would be white. God, how could someone get under my skin so quickly?

'I do not sleep with guys half my age. I have dignity; unlike you who is sleeping with Grissom to get a promotion! What Sara, can't you stand me being your boss so you sleep with Grissom to make sure you get there first? If you want it that much you can have it.'

'How many times do I have to say it? I am not sleeping with Grissom! That's probably how you got your job. Did you notice his badge when you were dancing so you thought you'd give it a go?' We are now standing toe to toe and I am about ready to explode.

'How dare you! I worked hard for my job!'

'Yeah right,' she scoffed, 'anyway how is little Lindsay nowadays? It must be hard on her knowing her Mother is a cheap whore.' Before I could stop myself, my hand had risen and Sara was holding her hand on the side of her face. I looked down at my hand and realised that I had slapped her. I had slapped Sara Sidle. Before I could say anything, I saw tears in her eyes and she pushed past me out the door.

That was one of the worst fights we had ever had. We had never been physical before but something inside me exploded. It always does when someone mentions Lindsay. Why couldn't I of just walked away when she asked the first question? None of this would have happened, I wouldn't be feeling guilty.

Her face when I slapped her is clear in my mind. Her eyes were wide; shocked at what I had done. I never expected to see tears, not once had I ever seen the indestructible Sara Sidle cry and that's what is worrying me. She hasn't been herself lately, she doesn't flirt with Greg or Nick anymore, and she's at the lab even longer than she has been before. Why didn't I see it before?

Oh yeah, because I have been sleeping with random guys. It makes me feel wanted, makes me feel beautiful. It's a huge ego boost knowing you can have sex with a thirty something man. If I found the right guy I would settle down but Eddie destroyed too much of me to look too hard for it. If it comes, it comes. I'm not going to let myself be cheated on again.

There have been women on the way too. A woman's body is more beautiful than a man's, but none of them lasted either.

The guilt that had risen in me how now has changed to worry. I have never seen that look that was on her face when she walked out. It was a determined face. But what was she determined about? She'd finished her case.

Shoving the paperwork to the side I run a hand through my hair, wiping the tears away that have fallen. I need to make it right between us. I jump up and walked out my office signalling to Grissom on the way through that I am leaving. All I get is a nod back. Squinting as the harsh sunlight hit my eyes; I walk over to my car, and peel out of the car park. Not even knowing where she lives, I pull to the side of the road and ring Grissom to ask for directions.

I need to let her know I am sorry. Not sorry for what I said exactly as she had thrown some harsh words back but sorry for slapping her. I had never raised my hand to anyone before, but she just brought it out of me. What is it about her that made me react that way? What made her be that way with me?

When I reach her place, I jump out of the car and run to her door. I pounded on it, I am panicking. There is no answer so I pounded again. I double check that her car is there and it is; she is definitely in. I try peering through a window but I can't see anything.

I try the door again and to my surprise it opens. I slowly walk in not wanting to startle her just walking in. Beer bottles are scattered on the floor, pizza boxes and takeaway boxes are with them. I gasp as I take in the sight; part of me wants to be angry, for coming to work when she's obviously been drinking. Another part is panicking as I can't locate her in the family room or the kitchen.

I follow the hallway as I call out her name. Though I get no response. There are two doors ahead of me, the first one is a bathroom; the other must be her bedroom. I pause for a minute, contemplating what I'm going to say.

I slowly open the door and gasp at the sight. Sara is lying on her bed, blood oozing out of her wrists, the knife at her side. I rush over to her to check if there is a pulse. I have never been so relieved to find anything in all my life. Finding a faint pulse I pull out my cell and phone for an ambulance.

Her skin is so pale; she doesn't look like the vibrant person I know. After hearing the ambulance will be here in a few minutes I brush some hair from her face. She looks frail, and very weak. If I had known I would never of behaved the way I have towards her. Again guilt comes to the surface. I can't help but think this is all my fault. I made her do this; I made her think she wasn't worthy of living in this world.

The tears are streaming down my face as I take her cold hand in mine. I should have taken the time to get to know her like I have for the rest of the nightshift.

If she survives….I'm going to try and get to know Sara Sidle…..if she lives.


TBC...