A/N: I'm posting early because I'm simply too excited to wait for tomorrow. ;)
A/N: Chapter 3 should be ready to post on June 1.
Harry Potter was certain he was going to blow this. He hadn't let himself think about dating over the years of raising Teddy. When the relationship he had when his life fell apart had failed miserably, he decided that relationships were a bad idea. He couldn't blame the poor girl for dumping him like hot coals, not many twenty-year-old women want to become an instant parent when their boyfriend has just lost everything and everyone. He didn't hold it against her. It was for the best, really. Harry was dedicated to his godson. He was all Teddy had, and Teddy was all he had, and Harry was at peace with that. At least he thought he had been until he laid eyes on Ginny.
Harry tried to focus on Ginny and not let his mind linger on those fateful months: the night he'd offered to look after baby Teddy because Tonks was starting to "lose herself" as his mum had said; the drunk driver that hit the taxi his parents, the Lupins, and his own godparents had been riding inside, killing everyone; days after burying his family, Ted Tonks' heart attack took him next; and then the cancer diagnosis that would ultimately take Andromeda from them a year later, leaving Harry as the sole guardian of Teddy Lupin at the ripe age of 20.
But Teddy was an adult now, an adult who was getting married. When had that happened? When did Teddy grow up? When did Teddy become old enough to have everything transferred into his name? Remus and Tonks and Ted and Andromeda hadn't had much to leave Teddy, but Harry had the past 17 years to make it grow, and Teddy had enough that if he and Vic were smart they'd be able to study whatever they wanted and pursue what they wanted and live comfortably. It was the least Harry could give him, since Harry fully blamed himself for the death of both their parents and his own godparents. If he hadn't offered to watch Teddy that night, they never would have gone out, and it would be Tonks and Remus getting ready to marry off their son.
Harry tried to shake his melancholy as he put the finishing touches on dinner. He smiled, remembering raising Teddy here. He would need to move everything out soon. It had been an easy decision, to sell his childhood home and Sirius and Marlene's home and move into the Lupin's home. He wanted Teddy to grow up in the house his parents had bought to raise him in, and it had always been Harry's intent to give the home back to Teddy when he was ready for it. Harry still hadn't found a new place, but he'd been a bit distracted lately what with Teddy getting married and his wedding coordinator suddenly becoming Harry's new favorite distraction.
Harry was no fool, he knew his presence at all these meetings was about five steps past superfluous, but it was the only way he could think of to get to see the woman. He'd never seen such a woman. Sure he had met Bill and Fleur and Vic's sister and brother. He understood there were something like two dozen Weasleys, but he hadn't been prepared to lay eyes on Ginny, or for what that one moment would do to him. He was completely enraptured with her. She captivated his thoughts and awoke feelings in him that he had long ago decided were best buried. But now, well Teddy was living his life, he was getting married, and thinking about Ginny helped Harry to push away the feelings that he was very quickly going to become obsolete.
Especially when she made comments like he was more in her focus than the hypothetical photographer was.
But as Harry called everyone to the table, he couldn't help but worry he would ruin his chance. He had turned down every romantic advance that had come his way since he was 20 and now he was fast approaching 37 years old. Those seventeen years made him feel like he was seventeen when it came to trying to be around Ginny. He mostly just watched her. Watched how she would pull her bottom lip between her teeth. Watched the way her hair would fall in her face. Watched the way she would slump in her chair when she thought no one was watching, and he'd fight the urge to wrap her in his arms. He watched because he wasn't sure how to make this more than just watching.
Vic had told him a lot about Ginny, and he didn't think Vic or Teddy suspected Harry's growing interest in her since he had deliberately referred to Ginny as "the wedding coordinator" for the first few weeks. That had only served as a way to get Vic talking about her more. The sweet girl seemed to think the more he knew about Ginny the less likely he would be to forget her name. Harry was happy to play along. He wanted to know as much as he could about this red-headed beauty.
Dinner conversation revolved around the wedding, and Harry didn't mind. Talking about the wedding was a safe topic, and he didn't have to try and keep his foot out of his mouth. But then Ginny started to seep out of the wedding coordinator position and into the role of Vic's aunt and the topics switched rather quickly.
"Have you two found a place?" Ginny asked Vic.
"You're in it," Vic laughed as she gestured around the dining room.
Ginny furrowed her brow and looked at Harry who nodded.
"It's Teddy's house."
Teddy rolled his eyes, "This was my parents home. Harry kept it and sold his parents' home and godparents' home and made sure I'd get to hold onto it. We transferred the deed to my name the same day we met with you at your office for our first meeting."
"So, are you moving out?" Ginny turned back to him and Harry felt his heart rate increase.
"Yes, just need to find a place, but I'll be out before the wedding."
"You really don't have to, Harry." Vic looked at him like he was more than just Teddy's godfather. She looked at him like she should be looking at Remus, and Harry's heart twisted in his chest. "We'd love to have you stay."
Harry smiled at her but shook his head. "It's always been the plan to turn the house over to Teddy when he was ready for it, and that includes me getting a new place. But don't worry, I'll be around."
"Just call ahead, yeah?" Teddy winked at him and Harry laughed. There was so much of himself in Teddy, and so much of what he had been like just before their world fell apart.
After helping put dinner away, Ginny began collecting her things and Harry fought the urge to try and get her to stay. The last thing he wanted to do was push her away by moving too quickly. He settled on helping her to her car.
"Thanks for dinner," she grinned up at him and Harry couldn't stop the returning smile that grew on his face.
"It was my pleasure, thank you for the company."
Harry glanced at the house to make sure Teddy and Vic were otherwise occupied before stepping closer to Ginny.
"I was wondering if I could invite you to that café down the road from your office for lunch tomorrow?" He kept his voice low and wondered if how stiff Ginny had become was some sort of warning sign that he'd overstepped and was about to find out how his dad felt the day his mother, being fifteen at the time, had claimed she'd rather date a giant squid than James Potter. But that had turned out alright in the end, so maybe this would too?
Ginny's face, however, lit up like the lights they put out at Christmas time. "Would Friday work? I'm booked through till Friday with vendors "
"Sounds amazing," Harry grinned.
"Here," Ginny rummaged through her bag and pulled out a business card and a pen before writing on it, "this is my personal number."
Harry took the card out of her outstretched hand worried that it would disintegrate at his touch. Miraculously it didn't and Harry wondered if he should pull out his phone right there and call her, before realizing that his phone was still up in the house. He stared at her card feeling a bit lame before slipping it into his back pocket.
"I, er, I left my phone in the house, but I'll text you once I'm back inside."
"Good," Ginny smiled at him and Harry wondered what it would take to get her to smile at him like that all the time. "I guess, I guess that I'll see you Friday?"
Harry nodded, "Drive safe, yeah?"
Ginny chuckled and opened her car door. "Will do, now go make sure that godson of yours is treating my niece right."
Harry chuckled and shook his head as he watched Ginny drive to the corner and turn out of site.
"Everything alright?" Teddy asked as Harry came in and made a b-line for his phone.
"Hmm," Harry nodded, too preoccupied with sending Ginny a text message to realize that his godson was closing in on him.
"Is that Ginny's personal number?" Teddy pulled the business card out of Harry's hand.
Harry swallowed the rage that first hit him and took a deep breath. "Yes, Edward, it is, now hand it back."
Teddy did as told, but he smirked at Harry, "So you aren't an alien after all."
"An alien?"
"Come on, Harry, you have never shown any interest in anyone."
Harry shook his head, he wasn't ready for this conversation. "I think I'll go get the dishes done."
"Vic and I finished everything in the time it took for you to say goodbye to Ginny." Teddy stood in front of him, blocking his path to the kitchen.
Harry pushed a hand into his hair. "Then I think I'll give the two of you some time without a guardian around."
Teddy grabbed his arm, "Can you please stop shutting me out?"
Harry looked at Teddy, seeing him eye to eye. When had he grown tall enough to look him in the eye? When had he grown old enough to see to the heart of things?
"Teddy…"
"You don't have to tell me about Ginny," Teddy added hastily, "and if you don't want me to mention anything to Vic, I won't, but just stop shutting me out anytime I bring up something you're uncomfortable with, please?"
Harry sighed, "Please don't mention it to Vic, I don't want to do anything to throw off Vic's confidence in Ginny as her wedding coordinator."
"Done," Teddy nodded, "and you'll stop shutting me out?"
"Right," Harry nodded.
Teddy hesitated before loosening his from on Harry's arm. "So, what was behind you being an alien the whole time I was a kid?"
"You have to understand," Harry sighed and sat down on the sofa, "when, when everything happened, and when your grandmother, Teddy I promised her…" Harry swallowed hard, it still hurt like yesterday. He still felt this pain as keenly now as he did seventeen years earlier. "Teddy when your grandmother realized she was losing the battle, she made me promise that I wouldn't let anything happen to you, that I'd raise you like my own, that I would make sure you had everything you needed. Teddy I couldn't let her down. I owe you that and so much more. I," Harry pushed a hand into his hair, "I was never going to let anything happen to you or let anyone hurt you. It was easier to make sure that didn't happen if I never let anyone in to try and change things. If anything happened I wouldn't have been able to live with myself." Harry barely bit back the laugh at how he could barely live with himself as it was. "Do you understand? I couldn't let anyone in. I promised your grandmother I would put you first in everything. I had to make everything up to you - as much as I could."
"Harry," Teddy cut him off. "You aren't responsible for my parents dying, that fault lies with the drunk driver who hit the taxi."
Harry shook his head. One day he'd be brave enough to tell Teddy it was his fault. One day he'd be man enough to tell Teddy that it was his offering to look after him so their parents could go out for a night that put them out on that fateful night, but Harry wasn't sure when that would be. It would have to be when Harry was ready to be cut off, because he wouldn't blame Teddy if he told him to never contact him again.
Teddy put a hand on Harry's shoulder, "You have been the most amazing parent Harry, and I owe you everything, but you deserve to be happy too. If that's Ginny then I'm happy for you, and if it's someone else then I'll be happy then too. Just, just know that I want you to be happy."
Harry pulled Teddy into a hug. When did he grow up? When did he stop being the little baby that sat on his lap at so many funerals? When did he stop being the little boy that wanted to go to football games? When did the center of Harry's world grow up and move on from needing his godfather? That was the goal of parenting right? To make it so the child was ready to set out on their own? Harry felt he met that goal pretty well, so why did it feel like he was losing his right arm in this process?
"Thanks, Teddy," Harry managed to choke out. "All I want is for you to be happy too."
Harry wanted to text Ginny after she replied to his initial text giving her his number, he wanted to text her constantly, but he also didn't want to scare her off. So he settled for texting her Wednesday evening after he was pretty sure she'd be off work. That had resulted in a very late night. Talking to this woman was incredibly easy, especially over text. He felt bolder somehow. He didn't text her Thursday, but she didn't text him either. So he wasn't exactly sure where things stood when it came to lunch on Friday.
He arrived nearly 15 minutes early and got a quiet booth before texting Ginny to let her know where their table was. He was surprised to find her sliding into the booth just five minutes later.
"You're early," Harry grinned at her as she set her bag off to the side.
"So are you," Ginny laughed and Harry felt his heart take flight at the sound of it.
"Let's order, I want to capitalize on the time we have before a bride comes looking for you."
Ginny laughed, "What about you? What sort of work is likely to come hunt you down?"
Harry chuckled. "Probably someone on the dark web that I've blocked from getting at a client? My clients tend to not want to hear from me. It's usually bad news or expensive news."
"Wait," Ginny quirked her brow, "what exactly do you do?"
"I work cybersecurity. I help companies know where their weak points are and help them protect those weak points to keep people on the dark web from exploiting the company, or worse their clients"
"Okay then, so you're a genius," Ginny teased him with a bright smile. He could get used to seeing that smile.
Harry chuckled, "Not really, I needed something that would let me be home with Teddy, and this looked like it would be a good fit, so I made it work."
"How long has Ted been with you?" Ginny's eyes were softer somehow, and while Harry usually disliked these questions, he somehow trusted Ginny wasn't pitying him the way he felt everyone else was.
"Seventeen years."
"So, did you have to switch careers or were you still deciding what you wanted to do?"
Harry stopped. "What do you mean? I was twenty years old, of course, I was still figuring out what I wanted to do."
"You're thirty-seven?"
Harry wasn't sure why Ginny looked so surprised. He didn't look that old, did he? "I'll be thirty-seven in July."
"Oh," Ginny looked down at her menu.
"Is," Harry felt something akin to panic start to build in him, "is that a problem."
"No!" Ginny's voice was tight as she looked back up at him. "I just, I assumed you were older is all."
Harry was confused. Ginny was obviously uncomfortable based on how red her face was. She looked sort of cute that way. A bit more vulnerable than the cool confident vibe she exuded normally, and far less intimidating.
"Hey," he reached across and took her hand, pulling her eyes back up to his. "Is something wrong?"
Ginny smiled shyly and Harry thought she might just run away with his heart if she kept smiling at him like that.
"Everything is fine, I just, I thought you were a lot older than me, and you're only about a year older and I'm adjusting to the realization that you've been taking care of Teddy since you were twenty and I'm just trying to change everything around in my head."
Harry pushed a hand into his hair and hoped that she was still willing to give him a chance even though he wasn't a lot older than her. At the same time, he really didn't want to get into his past, at least not today. So he squeezed her hand and braced for her to pull away.
"I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and if you feel like you need answers now, I'll do my best, but I'd really rather save this story for another day."
Something about what he said, or the way he said it, or his squeezing her hand seemed to shake Ginny and she smiled before nodding. "Let's just enjoy today."
And that's exactly what they did. It turned out that Ginny didn't have anything pressing for the rest of the day, and Harry decided that he didn't have anything that couldn't wait till tomorrow. They went for a walk after their nearly three-hour lunch, then they picked up their cars and Ginny offered to make Harry dinner at hers, which led to a stop at the market near her flat. He managed to avoid any awkwardness about alcohol by simply keeping them away from the wines and maintaining a steady stream of conversation. A part of Harry wondered if she remembered his very first request of her. He wasn't sure he was ready to hope for that yet though, let alone explain the chaos in his brain surrounding alcohol.
When Harry followed Ginny into her flat, he was surprised to see they'd spent nearly six hours together. Had it really been that long?
He stepped up next to Ginny at the counter as she unloaded the bags. "Put me to work m'lady."
"Here," she handed him a bag as she laughed, "slice up these vegetables."
Harry took to the work gladly, but he kept getting distracted by watching Ginny as she cooked. She was enchanting and he couldn't bring himself to focus on anything else for more than a few minutes before he would be pulled back to her face, the small smile on her lips, the curve of her neck, the way it led his eyes directly down to her chest.
Okay, seventeen years without any romantic interactions at all may have been a mistake.
Miraculously, Harry managed to get through making and eating dinner with his dignity still intact, but he was quickly losing his self-control. The woman must need a license to be this gorgeous because the level of distraction she caused could make a train to derail.
"Are you alright?" Ginny pulled him from his thoughts and he grinned sheepishly.
"Er, yeah, I was just thinking is all," Harry reached out and took her hand; how could he not? This woman awoke feelings in him that he thought had died. Thoughts of the future seemed less bleak when he included Ginny in those thoughts. She made everything better. And he couldn't ignore this primal desire to kiss the living daylights out of her.
"Heavy stuff?" Ginny turned her hand in his and interlaced their fingers.
It felt right, to hold her hand, but it left him wanting more. He wanted to slide his fingers across her waist. He wanted to trace her curves up to her neck and into her long red hair. He wanted to pull her against him and meld their bodies together into one. He wanted to taste her, her lips, her neck, every inch of her.
"Harry?" Ginny's voice pulled him back again and Harry cursed himself.
"Sorry, I'm, er, distracted." Harry took a deep breath, willing himself to gain some control.
Ginny's brow furrowed and Harry mentally kicked himself. She probably saw right through him.
"I'm sorry," Ginny gave him a smile that didn't reach her eyes, "I've kept you all day. I'm sure you have something to get to."
Harry stared at her. Was she trying to get him to leave? Or worse, did she think he wanted to leave? Harry wondered if he'd inadvertently sent some signal that he hadn't meant to, having not dated in seventeen years he'd logically be a little it of touch. Maybe he should go, just in case she was trying to get him to leave?
No, this was ridiculous. He refused to act like he was seventeen, regardless how long it had been since he'd been in the game.
"Ginny, I'm distracted by you," Harry hated that his heart was beating a million miles an hour but he wasn't playing games, especially not with this woman. "I'm zoning out because my brain is acutely aware of how gorgeous you are and I apologize for being a prick while you're trying to hold a conversation. Give me a few more dates and I might be able to function around you like a normal human being."
Ginny's eyes went wide and just as quickly a smile found her face along with a bright red blush on her cheeks. She bit her lip and Harry wondered if she was trying to break him, it was working that was for sure.
"I, I would, I mean if you wanted to, I'm not opposed to the idea, er, you're, I mean we're…"
Harry wasn't an idiot; he stood from his chair and gave Ginny's hand a gentle tug to pull her up, her scattered words dying on her lips.
"I warn you," he stepped closer, "I haven't kissed anyone in seventeen years."
Ginny stared up at him and he thought he saw a fire in her eyes blazing back at him. "I haven't kissed anyone in nearly five years."
Harry brought his hand to her face, gently running his fingers down her cheek to her neck. Her eyes fluttered and Harry tentatively brought his other hand to her waist, pulling her closer. He was nervous, but his blood was on fire and he ignored his beating chest for the high of touching Ginny's skin.
"Harry," Ginny whispered as she pressed herself against him, "kiss me."
Harry allowed his lips to curve into a small smirk before leaning down and brushing his lips against hers. It was light, chaste even, but it awoke a dragon in Harry's chest and any thoughts of propriety disappeared in exchange for exploring Ginny's lips, mouth, tongue, neck, and letting his hands roam her body.
Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself flush with him as her fingers tangled in his hair. Harry thought he might explode as her fingers pulled his hair, reacting to each touch of his fingers, the swipe of his tongue, the graze of his teeth.
He was consumed.
Ginny replaced the blood in his veins. She shut his mind down to everything but her, the feel of her under his fingers, her kiss, her touch, the sound of her breath hitching when he kissed behind her ear, her moaning when he bit down on her neck. He wasn't even sure he was breathing anymore. How had he lived seventeen years without this, and where had Ginny been that whole time? Whatever those answers were, he was quickly realizing that he didn't want to experience life without Ginny.
So he pulled away.
"Gin," he rested his forehead against hers, panting from the adrenaline she'd pumped into him.
Ginny smiled up at him, a smile that looked thoroughly spellbound.
"I, I don't want to screw this up."
Her brow creased just slightly and Harry pressed forward. "I know this could have everything to do with me not having had any romantic entanglements since I started taking care of Teddy full time, but I don't really care. I'm not looking for a one night stand and especially not with you."
He let the statement hang in the air like the blade of a guillotine, waiting to see if Ginny would cut the rope.
"Harry," she sighed his name but the smile stayed on her lips, "I don't have a date for Vic's wedding, feel like hanging around long enough to come with me?"
Harry laughed and the booming of it startled even him, but he couldn't help it. The release that rolled through him was like an earthquake. He felt like he could breathe for the first time since he'd been left alone in this world with his godson. He felt like he could fly. Like a part of him had been chained for nearly two decades and it had finally been set free. And then Ginny was laughing too and the sound of it only spurred him on. They clung to each other, laughing and kissing and for the first time in ages, Harry could embrace his happiness without the weight of guilt that he had carried for so long. It was still there, he was sure of that, but with Gin's lips pressed against him, he couldn't feel it and the feeling was like drinking nectar with the gods. This was ecstasy and Harry never wanted to come down.
The next several weeks were heaven. As Autumn began to take hold and the leaves changed color, Harry felt himself changing too. He looked forward to waking up each day. He found himself optimistic about the future. He wasn't embarrassed when Gin told Vic about their relationship, rather he was quite proud of it. He was a great deal more willing to socialize as well, meeting Ginny's best friend and her partner had been something he looked forward to rather than agonizing about as he usually did when pushed into unfamiliar social settings. And more than anything else, Harry was happier than he'd ever been.
And how could he not be? He frequently brought lunch to Ginny's office and spent three or four evenings a week with her. Ginny loved texting him throughout the day as well, especially to tell him about her clients. Harry had dubbed one couple that was having a December wedding the "bother couple." Apparently, the bride kept choosing things that Ginny said were difficult to match together and Ginny was quite frustrated with how "hodgepodge" it was going to be. Harry took that to mean it would look more like a mishmashed party than a wedding, but he was sure Ginny would make it beautiful; she made everything more beautiful by just standing in the midst of it.
Yes, take the Mickey all you want, Harry was hopelessly gone for this woman. Which is probably why he hadn't yet gotten around to finding a place of his own. He knew he needed to, but having everyone gathered in the Lupin's home felt therapeutic. It was warm and inviting and there was so much laughter that Harry couldn't bring himself to break the magic. It felt like it did before everything fell apart - before they lost everyone.
"You should get a place with Aunt Ginny!" Vic exclaimed while she and Teddy helped him with the dishes.
Harry choked on air.
"It's not a bad idea, Harry." Teddy chuckled and patted him on the back.
"We've been seeing each other for a little more than three months," Harry shook his head. "I'm not sure either of us is ready for that."
"Really?" Teddy smirked, and Harry rolled his eyes. Why was there so much of his younger self in his godson? How many times had he looked up at Sirius or his dad or Remus with that exact same knowing smile?
"Be nice, Ted," Vic chuckled, "the poor man's been on his own for twenty years."
"Seventeen," Harry corrected as he handed her a pan to dry.
"That's my point," Teddy grinned. "He's got a lot of time to make up for."
"Teddy, I love you, but if you don't shut up I'm going to smack you upside the head with this spatula." Harry menacingly raised the soapy spatula and Teddy held up both hands in surrender as he laughed.
"Fine, fine, I'll lay off."
But the look in is eye told Harry that Teddy was just getting started.
The comments were sporadic and usually veiled within the topic of conversation, but Teddy began dropping hints around Ginny. He never said it outright, but he would make comments about how wonderfully domestic it was to have Ginny around at the house with them. How much happier Harry was now that she was there. If Harry hadn't known his godson's intentions he would have found the comments flattering. But Harry knew what Teddy was trying to do, and he hoped that Gin hadn't figured it out. He should have known better.
"So," Ginny curled up next to him on her sofa and he pulled her into him, "Ted seems to be invested in our relationship."
Harry chuckled nervously, "You could say that."
"It must have been hard," Ginny entwined her fingers with his, "growing up without his parents. You obviously did a great job though."
Harry sighed but didn't respond. He did his best, but he couldn't stop himself from wishing he'd never opened his stupid mouth that set the fateful ball in motion, the one that left them both orphans.
"Harry," Ginny turned to look at him, "that day, at the cafe, you told me that you'd tell me what happened."
Harry didn't meet her eyes, but he nodded.
"How did you end up with Ted?"
The question hung in the air like a suffocating gas. Harry had told her he'd tell her, but he reminded himself that he hadn't promised to tell her everything. No one knew everything except him. He hadn't even been able to tell Andromeda that it was his fault everyone went out that night. He sat with her as she died in a hospital bed, Teddy asleep on his lap, and he couldn't even bother to be honest with the woman. Harry didn't think he could be honest about this with Ginny either, and he hated himself for it.
"Harry?" Ginny put a small hand on his face and brought his eyes up to meet hers.
Harry saw nothing but love in her blazing brown eyes, and he knew couldn't risk losing it.
"I grew up with Teddy's parents. My parents and his parents and my godparents were all friends from A-Levels, well not his mum but she was amazing too." Harry swallowed down the threatening tears and forced himself to keep talking.
"Anyway, they all went out one night and I looked after Ted. They were taking a taxi home from their favorite pub, it was late and dark. The taxi driver didn't have a chance to swerve when the drunk driver swerved into their lane and hit them head-on going far to fast. Everyone died at the scene."
Ginny gasped and Harry looked away. If he kept looking at her he'd lose his tight grip on his emotions.
"Shortly after we... buried...everyone, Teddy's grandfather and the man he's named for suffered a heart attack and passed away. Then it was just Teddy's grandmother and I. Andromeda was his guardian and that seemed like the best plan, until," Harry pushed a hand into his hair, "she was diagnosed with cancer. She made me partial guardian then. But the cancer spread too fast. Nothing was helping, chemo, surgeries, it just couldn't keep it at bay. So she made me the sole guardian of Teddy, moved absolutely everything into my name, and passed soon after that. It's just been Ted and me since then."
Harry took a deep breath. It hurt. It hurt because he missed these people, gone for such a long time. It hurt because of everything Teddy missed out on not having his parents. It hurt because he didn't have anyone to turn to all those years as he tried to figure out how to be a single parent. It hurt because he hated how lonely it had been, and how guilty he felt for that emotion. But it hurt more because he hadn't told Gin everything, just like he hadn't told Andromeda, just like he had never told Teddy.
Ginny's arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close to her. He held on to her, willing the tears to remain unshed, willing himself to bury it all again, to bury the guilt, to hide what an awful person he really was from everyone - including himself.
Harry and Teddy had spent a portion of Christmas Eve with Vic and her immediate family the year prior. This year, however, they'd been invited to have Christmas dinner with the entire Weasley clan. And Harry was rather surprised to find he was excited.
He and Teddy followed the directions Ginny had scrawled for them as it led them through the winding countryside. A small dusting of snow covered the fields and Harry felt like he was driving through a film montage.
"Nervous?" Teddy asked, pulling Harry from his thoughts.
"Actually, I'm excited," Harry grinned.
"You're mental," Teddy chuckled, "the first time a bloke meets his girl's family he's supposed to be nervous."
"You know, when I was younger, I was nervous." Harry shook his head, that felt like a lifetime ago. He supposed it was.
"But you've grown prideful in your old age?"
"I'm not old," Harry shot back, "but I think age does have something to do with it. Gin and I are at a point in our lives that it's less of a novelty that she's bringing someone home."
"Lucky you," Teddy drawled, "And here I was looking forward to seeing you squirm the same way I did."
Harry smirked, "Sorry to disappoint."
It wasn't much longer before they found themselves pulling up to the Burrow, and he was rather pleased that Ginny came out to greet them before they made it completely out of the car.
"You were watching for us?" He smirked as he pressed his lips to her hairline.
"I was doing dishes and the kitchen window faces the front drive." Ginny rolled her eyes.
"So you were doing dishes so that you could watch for my car."
Ginny smacked his chest and Harry laughed as he pulled her closer. Vic met them at the door and pulled Teddy away with her. Her smile lit up her face and there was just a bit of mischief in her eyes. She reminded Harry of Tonks so much sometimes it hurt. She wasn't that much younger than Tonks had been when...
Harry shook himself. Today was not a day to let these memories haunt him.
Besides, Ginny was introducing him to everyone.
Harry was quickly enveloped in a bone-crushing hug from Molly Weasley. He hadn't been expecting her to hug him, and it took a great deal of force to make sure he didn't begin crying there on the spot. Being hugged like his mother had hugged him, as Andromeda had hugged him when she came after the constable had showed up at his door, it brought back memories that he had tried to block himself off to. It made him feel twenty years old again. And it threatened to break him.
Thankfully she pulled away so he could shake Arthur's hand. That felt less like it would break him. Harry had a face for this, shaking hands with colleagues. He could feel the walls rebuilding themselves. His breathing came easier. With each handshake from each brother, Harry felt more in control, more like the man he'd made himself become, more like his version of normal.
He was sure he had a grip on himself after that. Making it through dinner being able to laugh and enjoy getting to know everyone. He had a lot in common with Ron and his wife Hermione. Fred and George were hilarious. And Harry rather enjoyed making sure Teddy was roasted as much as Vic was by her family.
As they sat around the Christmas tree with gifts being passed around, Harry couldn't help but let his mind wander to the last Christmas his family had been alive. Sirius and Marlene had hosted, which meant it was extravagant. Everything Sirius did was extravagant, including Marlene. Teddy hadn't taken his first steps yet. Remus and Tonks fussing over their little baby. Harry's own parents asking when they'd get to meet the new girlfriend. His dad helping him sort through his options for the next semester. His mum trying to speak quietly as she told Marlene how much she hoped Harry would settle down and give her grandbabies. Marlene shouting over at him to get a move on.
And while Harry had once thought that Christmas would be the last like it, he realized that this one wasn't too different. The people were different, the type of crazy was different, but the love that permeated the evening was the same. That realization broke the grip he had over his emotions and Harry quickly set his new hand knitted jumper aside to slip out to the front garden. He needed some air, and a moment to collect himself.
It felt so wrong, to be so lucky that he was allowed to even be in the same room as this family, let alone on Christmas Day. And they accepted him immediately, Molly going so far as to knit him a bloody jumper before she'd even met him. He didn't deserve their kindness, let alone their love, after he caused his own family to perish. Teddy deserved these people; he deserved a proper family that would love him the way he deserved to be loved. Harry didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve anything. He'd led his family to their death and then hadn't ever owned up to it, letting Teddy believe there was nothing that could have been done, letting Andromeda die without the truth, and keeping Ginny in the dark to the kind of person he really was.
Harry gripped the back of the small bench near the front door and took a shuddering breath as he tried to bury this all again. He had to bury it. He couldn't function with it out in front of him like a neon sign. He needed the distance from it.
Harry realized that the problem he was having with the panic from his guilt resurfacing so frequently as of late was directly correlated to Ginny's presence in his life. But he wasn't willing to give it up. He needed her there, he needed the happiness she brought into his life, even if it came with moments of weakness, moments where he felt he might collapse under the weight of his secret, his guilt.
"Harry?"
And there she was, making his heart both soar and shrink with the sound of his name on her lips. He turned to find the gorgeous woman in question, the woman who deserved so much more, so much better than him.
"You alright?" She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Harry nodded but chose to look up at the night sky rather than down at her face. The view above was marginal in comparison, but it didn't threaten to force him into a downward spiral of angry tears and self-loathing for lying to such a beautiful creature.
"They're a bit much sometimes," Ginny chuckled and Harry was grateful for her misjudgment on his desire to leave. It gave him an easy way to sidestep the real reason he'd stepped out.
"Your family is wonderful, Gin, this is just the first time Christmas has been more than just Teddy and I. It's bringing back a lot of memories." He wasn't lying, Harry reasoned, he just wasn't telling her everything.
"You can go home if you need to," Ginny rested her head on his chest, "I'll make sure Ted gets home to you."
Harry forced a smile and shook his head. "Let's go back in, I just needed a moment to remember the last time I had a family Christmas like this."
Ginny smiled back up at him and pulled him down for a kiss. "I'd like to think you'll have a few to come as well."
Harry let her words push down the guilt with the excitement they elicited. "I definitely hope you're right. I think I'd like my future Christmases to involve your family."
Ginny led him back to the living room where if anyone noticed he was gone they didn't say anything. Teddy gave him an encouraging smile, but let it be at that.
Harry managed to get his guilt locked back away and enjoy the rest of the evening, but as he drove home late into the night, Teddy asleep in the passenger seat, Harry knew it wouldn't stay locked up forever, not with its kryptonite in his life. Ginny Weasley was going to break him, and he couldn't bring himself to stop her.
