Edited chapter 2.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much.
Please enjoy the new chapter. :3
- - - - means lyrics
-- means P.O.V. switch
Past is Present
- - - -
Message on voicemail: Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night. It made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care, honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye, bye!
- - - -
The silver haired stranger watched as the young girl slept beside the fire. That girl had a lot of fire inside her and used it when she needed to. This black haired girl was looking for someone; just as he was. He was waiting while she was walking forward to find that person.
"Nina," he whispered her name to himself.
This young girl was indeed his childhood friend. Her happy personality was only slightly dimmed, and he anger had grown considerably. There was no denying it now. This girl was his Nina. He couldn't tell her. She would have to figure it out for herself, or at least most of it. He had finally found her and he was not about to let her go.
--
Opening my eyes, I saw the light of the sun rising. 'How very uneventful…' I thought dully as I rubbed my face to wake myself up. Sitting up, I saw the silver haired stranger sitting against a tree trunk with his eyes closed. With them closed, I had to admit that he truly did look serene. 'I wonder what he looks like now. I bet his silver hair is really long now… longer than mine.' I smiled at the thought before banishing it to the back of my mind. Those thoughts were for yesterday and that day only. 'It must be this guy… That familiarity about him brings back the image of his face on the day he left…'
"Stupid cold bastard," I growled to myself.
The night before had been uneventful. After I had explained my purpose, we sat in silence as he seemed to ponder something. I didn't ask what his purpose was, but I assumed that he was too busy thinking to himself. A few hours passed before sleep over took me once again. I didn't know what happened after that, but he had moved from his original place beside the fire to the tree.
"Probably got bored," I murmured, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.
"Do you enjoy talking to yourself?" his voice asked me almost coldly, but curiosity was hinted in his voice.
"Do you?" I asked back with slight agitation.
He wasn't supposed to be listening. 'So much for sleeping…'
"Might I ask why you talk to yourself?"
"Beats talking to jackasses with nothing better to do," I stated simply, finding I had a comeback for everything.
'I always used to turn his sentences around too. He used to get so annoyed sometimes.' I smiled slightly at the thought.
"You're not the only one searching," the silver haired stranger stated quietly as he rose to his feet.
'Not the only one searching?' I watched as he turned to walk away into the forest.
"W-wait!" I called after him, taking off to catch up.
When I reached him, he turned back to look at me with a perfectly cocked eyebrow.
"Is this not where we go our separate ways?" he asked me calmly.
"Why leave so soon?" I asked, grinning slightly.
Maybe the familiarity wasn't as bad as I thought it was. It was almost… strangely comforting. Or maybe it was the difference between being alone and with another person. I was hoping it was the latter.
- - - -
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
- - - -
'Maybe this is finally my chance to move on… To get to know someone else for a change.' The thought was almost too tempting. I wanted to really believe that… but knew that I could never truly let him go.
"So what's your name, anyway?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.
"I thought you didn't want to get close to anyone," the stranger said with a slight smirk formed on his lips.
"I don't get close to people," I reassured him, "But that doesn't' mean I can't know who they are."
After a few moments of waiting, he finally did something.
"You can call me 'my lord'," the stranger stated calmly.
'Great, another person to think I'm only a peasant…' I thought dully, making a face with slightly furrowed eyebrows. That was just great. Even my new 'friend' would see me as not worthy as well. To me… that meant that he would leave me behind as well.
"That's your name?" I asked, almost laughing with doubtfulness.
Again that slight smirk graced his lips. What was so amusing?
"No, but that is how you shall refer to me," he stated.
He continued to walk easily in a steady pace as I almost struggled to keep up.
"How fun," I said sarcastically, extremely not enthused.
There was nothing fun about acting like someone was better than you. I couldn't see the benefit… but I didn't want to be left alone yet. I wasn't ready, not now since I had someone to talk to.
--
He walked ahead of her slightly as she followed him. He was amused when she asked for his name. She already knew it, but he wasn't going to tell her that. After all, his inheritance from his parents caused him to become the lord since he was the eldest of two boys. Him and the unmentionable half bred brother were what remained of their father.
"Fun, fun, fun," he heard her murmur to herself quietly.
They were walking away from the sea, journeying more to land than open water. Now that he had found her, he didn't need her throwing herself off cliffs again. She was going to live whether she wanted to or not… Even if the sea was a sight on its own.
From what he could remember, her hair was the same colour, only possibly darker and longer than what it had been. What made him question his own instincts was the colour of her eyes. When they were younger and had played together, her eyes had been a vibrant blue. Now… now they were a shade of blood. They were a bright red and he wondered if she had done something to gain that colour.
Red suited the girl well. He assumed that if they were still blue, she would have loathed the sight of how innocent she looked. What had caused her to change over the nine years? Was this truly his girl? The only way for him to find out would be to say her name… or ask for it.
"So where are we going?" she asked with slight boredom.
He forgot that she needed to be kept entertained before something bad happened to something. Bored equaled disaster when it came to her.
"Inland," he stated simply, "We can return to the ocean again."
That was only half truth. He wouldn't let her return until she knew it was him that she sought… Or at least got the answers she deserved.
"Are you sure that's such a great idea?" she asked sarcastically, "I might try to commit suicide again."
His step faltered with those words. Sure she was being sarcastic, but would she choose to throw her life away? Was that really what she thought when she jumped off that cliff into the frozen sea water?
"I highly doubt that you will," he said with a rather threatening growl.
"That's why it's called 'sarcasm'," he heard her murmur to herself.
Of course, she would never take the coward's way out.
--
- - - -
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
- - - -
'I liked it in the water… sinking like that felt a lot like my life.' With a sigh, I glared to the side. This lord had threatened me to stay alive. What could he do to me if my life was already in danger? Kill me and save me the trouble? Somehow… I doubted it.
"What does it matter to you anyway?" I asked with slightly furrowed eyebrows, "You're the one who just wanted to part ways."
It was true. He had just told me he thought it was the part they went different ways. He couldn't deny that, and I knew he couldn't.
"That doesn't mean I wish for you to drown yourself," the lord stated almost quietly.
"Whatever," I scoffed, glaring to the side.
'He couldn't understand that aching pain that's been endured for nine years… I don't think anyone could.' The thought made my pupils thinner and my jaw tightened.
"It's not like you could ever understand," I nearly spat, turning my red eyed glare to him, "Someone like you… of course you wouldn't understand."
I began to hate the feeling about trying to replace him. How dare I?
"Someone like me?" he questioned me with a cocked eyebrow.
It took me a few moments to come up with an answer as he turned and stared at me with golden eyes.
"You're a lord. You get everything you ask for when you ask for it," I stated almost hatefully – seething - at him, "I bet you've never suffered a day in your life."
The height difference weighed no factor in my glare. I wasn't afraid of this man, not even if it wasn't him I was mad at. I had no one else to be mad at but myself.
"Don't say anything," I stated, clenching my fists, "Just… just never mind. Forget I said anything."
- - - -
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
- - - -
'There's no one else to blame except your self…' My claws began to dig into my palms, causing blood to come as the skin was pierced. I couldn't keep my anger hidden. I felt like I was betraying him. Even though I had been abandoned by him – betrayed – I couldn't do the same to him.
"Why are you angry at yourself?" the lord questioned me.
'Why… why isn't he angry?'
"It's none of your business," I growled, turning my glare away from him and to a random tree.
I could see him narrow his eyes slightly before turning to walk on. 'I can't believe that I lost control like that…'
Why had I got so mad at something so simple? I knew that I was mad at myself, but why had I snapped at him? Just because he could never understand? If I really thought about it… it was stupid.
"You can stop squeezing your palms now," his voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
My red eyes looked down as I raised my closed hands to look at them. Opening them, I saw the damage dealt. Blood was coming out of four slits on each palm.
"Sorry," I murmured, licking the trickling blood on my right palm, "For… getting mad I mean."
"Your choice," was his simple reply as he continued to lead the way.
Ten years ago…
I sat on a log, kicking my feet as I waited. I had met a new friend the other day, and we had agreed to meet again. I was happy to finally have someone else to play with instead of sitting around on my own. 'I can't wait. He should be here soon.'
"Have you been waiting long?" his voice grabbed my attention.
I looked back and saw him standing there. My grin was large when I saw him in his white hoari.
"Sesshoumaru," I said happily, jumping to my feet to greet him.
'He came. I can't believe it; I made a friend.' I was so content with that thought… an actual friend.
"Are you ready Nina?" he asked me, a pleasant smile on his face.
He was quiet and I liked that even though I was still just a kid. Sure, he was older, but that didn't matter; we still got along.
"Yes," I grinned, my dark brown hair blowing in the gentle breeze.
"Good," he said with a nod, holding out his hand to me.
I took it eagerly, not caring where we were going. Friends didn't lead each other into danger… At least that was what I believed.
As he led the way, Sesshoumaru pulled me behind him to wherever we were going. After about ten minutes, a rat demon appeared with blood red eyes. He stopped and stood in front of me protectively, still holding onto my hand.
"Don't move," he whispered to me, not taking his eyes off the large rat.
"Small children," the rat hissed, claws digging into the soft soil on the ground.
"One of us is not so small," Sesshoumaru stated, releasing my hand.
While he wasn't paying attention, I snuck to the side and lunged at the creature.
"Nina!" Sesshoumaru's voice called after me.
I was on the rat's back and dug my small claws into its ribs as well as my fangs into its back. 'This creature is so stupid!' I growled in my throat as I pulled on the rat's flesh. The animal demon thrashed, beating its back against a tree to get me off.
"Nina, let go!" he demanded in the background.
My grip on the rat tightened at his words. I wasn't about to let go. My claws grabbed onto a rib and began to pull against it. The rib broke and then I was slammed against a tree again, which caused me to let go completely.
Blood was all over as the rat fell motionless to the ground not too far away from me. 'I doubt it's really dead…' Throwing the broken bones to the side, I wiped the blood from my mouth onto my sleeve.
"Have you lost your mind?" Sesshoumaru asked me with stern eyes.
"A-apparently," I coughed, swallowing whatever blood was in my mouth.
'It's nothing new to what happens all the time… Stupid things like that always happen.' I winced as pain coursed through my back. There would be a bruise there tomorrow… a big one.
"Remind me to not let go of you next time," he told me, patting my head.
"Yeah, bad idea," I laughed nervously, catching my breath.
Sesshoumaru sat down beside me and we laughed slightly.
We hung out together once every seven days, then three times to every other day. That was at least until his parents began to expect more of him.
Present
Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but the stars above and the dimming light of the fire. 'Damn… why can't the past just leave me alone?' My palms were placed on my forehead as I tried to shake the thoughts away. It was night again, and the lord had barely said a word to me after our – my – argument.
"That was my fault," I murmured, furrowing my eyebrows under my palms.
Deep down, I hated myself for trying to move on – to make another friend. I couldn't help being angry at the thought. 'I guess I'm just confused with everything…'
- - - -
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling"Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
- - - -
Sleep did nothing but bring up the past anymore. 'He walks just like Sesshoumaru used to… always in the front.' The thought made me smile slightly. I always did enjoy watching him from behind.
"I'm such an idiot," I laughed, removing my palms and staring at the sky with my red eyes.
Closing them, I tried to fall back into a dreamless sleep.
--
He watched her as she slept; seeing her twitch slightly in her dreams. When she woke up and covered her face with her palms, he began to wonder what she had dreamt. The mind was curious when asleep because things were always unpredictable. It wasn't very often that someone could control what happened in their dreams.
She began to stir slightly before curling up on her side. He didn't blame her for being angry before; it would have been her reaction at all times. His Nina was still there, she was just buried slightly under a betrayal that hadn't been her fault. Why hadn't he just explained it to her on that day? Everything she deserved to know? What had caused him to change his mind like that? Was it really to protect her? Or was it all just for his own selfish reasons?
"I don't… fully understand," he whispered to himself, closing his golden orbs.
There had been many reasons to his actions… at least he believed they were reasons.
- - - -
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you
- - - -
Clenching his fist slightly, he tried to push the thought away. The only downfall to seeing her again was the amount of human emotions that seemed to run through him. That was the only downfall.
"I can tell her… once the subject arises again," he convinced himself, leaning back against a tree trunk, "She deserves that much…"
--
Before the sun rose, my eyes were open. The lord was still asleep against the tree and the fire had gone out. There wasn't even the sound of birds to make a sound. Nothing but the sound of the ocean left behind. 'I want to go back to the ocean… I want to watch the sun rise over the waves again… I want to have the chance to look at it properly.' I sat up silently and got to my feet slowly. I wasn't about to wake him up.
My feet were silent across the ground as they moved toward the way we had come from the previous day.
"Sorry," I mouthed the word before quietly taking off into the trees.
The ocean seemed to be the best place to be… even in a time like this. That washing pressure and current had felt nice, but I knew it would be best to just imagine it this time around. 'One near death experience is good for two days.' I told myself as I ran. I knew it would take a while, but I would get back to the ocean without being caught.
--
He slowly opened his eyes to the slowly rising sun. His golden orbs caught sight of nothing except the night's fire. She was nowhere in sight; she was gone.
"Where could she have-"
His thoughts were cut off by another thought. It wasn't where could she have gone, it was where she went back to.
"The ocean," he whispered to himself as he rose to his feet.
How could have slept so deeply as to miss her retreating footsteps? It was something he didn't understand. What he did understand was that he would find her again, and she would most definitely be alive. Even his near emotionless heart wouldn't be able to withstand the pain of losing his once best friend.
--
I broke through the trees to the cliff side by the time it was near sunset. The sun was three quarters through its cycle in the sky, which lit up the slow moving waves with the colour of light orange.
"That's better," I mused, flopping down a few feet away from the cliff's edge.
'I would wait forever if I had to…' Leaning back, I propped myself up with my elbows and bent one leg while straightening the other.
My long black hair hung onto the ground behind me as I began to wait. I decided that possibly waiting here would be best… even if it meant waiting for a long time.
"I'm such an idiot for doing this," I laughed slightly, shaking my head.
"You are," a voice stated behind me.
My back went rigid as I heard his voice. The lord wasn't supposed to follow me.
"Why didn't you just keep going?" I asked rather quietly, an emotionless tone.
'He wasn't supposed to follow…'
"I have something that you should have… knowledge meant to be shared from the past," he started to explain, his footsteps coming closer.
"Why share something with me?" I asked almost sarcastically.
He turned my attitude away, "This knowledge is for your ears only."
End of Chapter 2
I hope that this is getting exciting for you all.
Thanks again for reading. Please R&R.
halfdemon-kai
