Chapter Two

Han decided he wasn't going to let it go after all.

He blew out a sigh and rose from his seat, placing his hand hesitantly on the control panel. To his relief, she hadn't locked the door already, and it slid open instantly at his touch.

She had hoisted her traveling bag onto the bed and was rifling through it. Her eyes flickered in his direction, but she didn't say a word.

He took a single step into the room, just far enough for the door to close automatically behind him, and then leaned back against it, arms folded across his chest. "You gonna tell me what happened, to put you in such a mood, or do I hafta guess?" She refused to meet his eyes.

"All right, then," he said pleasantly. "I'll guess." He strolled casually across the room until he stood directly opposite her, the bed and her bag between them. "You and Luke had another talk about Vader?"

She stiffened and he knew his guess was right. "I bet you told Luke about the visit you had this morning from your father." He'd carefully been avoiding the word all day, but now he tossed it at her like a challenge, and she flinched. "And I bet you didn't much like what Luke had to say about it," he finished.

"Don't call him that," she hissed, through tightly clenched teeth.

"It's still true," he said calmly, "even if you don't want to say it."

Her shoulders slumped, very suddenly, in resignation. "I know."

"Well, good," He was surprised at her conciliatory tone "That's progress, at least."

She turned away from him, scrubbing at her face with her hands for a moment. "Luke says," she began, and then took a long breath and blew it out. There was a long pause, before she tried again. She looked up at the ceiling as she spoke, like a child reciting a lesson. "Luke says that I need to let go of my fear and my anger. Because fear and anger are the path to the dark side."

Han could hear the bitterness and the hurt in her voice, and he wished he knew what to say. He understood what Luke was trying to tell her, but Luke was a lot further along the road to forgiveness than his sister was. Luke had been there when Anakin Skywalker killed Palpatine. Leia had watched Alderaan's destruction, had heard Vader give the order to freeze Han in carbonite. Was it any wonder she was still angry?

He wasn't about to admit it right now, but the truth was that Han wasn't quite sure he was ready to forgive Vader, either.

He came halfway around the bed and sat down on the corner closest to where she stood, and thought for a long beat before he spoke, choosing his words very carefully. "Look... the Force is Luke's department, not mine. So I don't know about the 'path to the dark side'... but what I do know is, you're angry right now, and you're scared. And, honestly? I think you're prob'ly entitled to both."

She started to say something, and he held up his hand. "No. This time, let me finish, please, before you start yellin'?" She closed her mouth, not sure she could recall the last time she'd heard him use the word "please".

"Look, sweetheart," he went on, "I'm not sayin' fear and anger are good things. And I'd much rather you were thinkin' about how lucky you are to have a great guy like me around." He paused, with a wink and a crooked grin, until she turned to look at him, and the corners of her mouth turned up.

"I just dunno how you can expect anyone to get through life without gettin' angry now and then." With a wry smile, he quoted Luke's oft-repeated mantra, "Maybe when you're a Jedi you can 'let go of your anger', just like that." He held out his fist, and then flung open his hand, as if he were tossing something aside. Shaking his head and sighing ruefully, he added, "You get him to teach you that one, you gotta let me in on the secret."

Her smile lasted a little longer this time. "Unfortunately, I think I'm supposed to find out for myself."

"That figures." It was good to see her laughing. "You know," he said, thoughtfully, "I've been angry a lot in my life, Leia. And the funny thing is, I didn't just, one day, decide to stop being angry. It's more like, I started to let people in - Chewie, Luke, Wedge..." - his eyes found hers - "...you." She bit her lip. "I didn't exactly let it go, Leia. I just… moved past it."

Her chin was suddenly quivering as she tried not to cry. She saw he was watching her, and put her hand over her mouth, turning away, embarrassed. "So, Luke wants me to let go of my anger, and you want me to get past it." Her voice was suddenly cold and bitter. "And you both want me to forgive Vader."

He refused to be drawn in. "Don't put words in my mouth, Leia. All I'm saying is, don't stay in one place. Move forward, move through the anger, let it take you where you need to go, and eventually you'll come out on the other side."

She nodded, slowly, digesting what he'd said. It actually made a lot of sense. "When did you get so smart?"

"Generals have to be smart. It's a rule." He grinned at her and she smiled back, briefly.

"So, have you got a magic prescription for getting rid of your fears?" She tried to keep her tone light and teasing, but didn't quite succeed.

"Only fools aren't afraid, Princess," he said simply. "You aren't a Jedi, and you don't have to let go of fear. You just don't let fear stop you from doing what needs to be done." He stood up and took a step toward her. Her shoulders tensed and he stopped still.

"You never used to let fear get the best of you, honey." She lifted her head to look at him, and her eyes were wet. "You are," he went on, "the strongest, most courageous woman I have ever known. But right now, you're too stubborn to admit you're scared, and you won't get past this if you won't admit it's in your way. You're so focused on being angry and the fear is eating you up inside." He sighed and shook his head. "We're trying to help you, all of us, even Luke. And you won't let us."

She turned away, choking back a sob, and he reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Shh. Don't do this to yourself. Let us in, sweetheart," he murmured softly, stroking her trembling shoulders. Clinging to him, she shook her head, refusing to let the tears come. His lips brushed her hair and his breath was warm against her ear as he added, "Leia, I love you. Please don't shut me out."

She stayed there in his embrace for a long while, and he held her tight, wishing with all his heart that he could do something to help her through this. At last he felt some of the tension begin to ease in her slim body, and her fingers loosened their death-grip on his shirt. She took a long, shaky breath, and lifted her head to look up at him.

She was so beautiful, it took his breath away.

"I'm sorry," she began hesitantly, but he put his finger on her lips.

"Shh. It's all right. Don't be sorry. Just 'cause you're strong and brave doesn't mean you can't fall apart once in a while if you want. I promise, I won't tell." She managed a watery smile at this. "Just don't forget, you don't have to do this alone, all right? I'm here, whenever you want a shoulder to cry on." His fingers brushed her cheek lightly, then caught her chin, turning her face back up to his. "Or anything else," he added, his tone changing from teasing to tender.

He bent his head and kissed her, very gently, on the lips. Rising up swiftly on tiptoe, her hands flat against his chest, she leaned into him, deepening the kiss. His hand caught the knot of hair at the base of her neck, and held her tight against him, taking a half step closer and fitting her automatically into the curve of his hips.

When their lips finally parted, she let out a very different sort of shaky breath, pressing her forehead against his collarbone. "I'm so glad you're here."

He kissed the top of her head. "'Course I'm here, sweetheart," he said, softly. "I always will be."

"Always?" Her voice was very small, against his chest.

"Always," he repeated, firmly. He took a step back from her, then caught both of her hands in his and brought them to his lips. His eyes were suddenly serious. "Always, Leia. You don't ever have to be alone, you know. Ever. I'm right here. All you have to do is ask."

She understood that he was offering her more than just his shoulder to cry on. She'd felt his obvious arousal when she'd been pressed tight against him, and she'd tasted it, in his kiss. She knew what he wanted; she wanted it, too.

But...

"I'm so confused right now, Han," she whispered. "About everything. I... I don't know what to say."

"Say yes," he suggested, softly.

Her chin quivered and she bit her lip.

Sensing that her mood was still very precarious and that he'd nearly spoiled it again, Han blew out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I'm sorry. I'm pushing, aren't I?"

With a wry smile, she held up a thumb and forefinger. "Maybe, just a little."

"All right." He took a step back, still holding her hands. "All right," he repeated. "I'm sorry. I promised, and I meant it. I won't push you, sweetheart." He leaned in and kissed her, very lightly, this time. "You know where I am, though, if you change your mind."

"I know."

"Good night, then," he said quietly, letting go of her hands.

And then, he was gone.