(Back again and I hope this chapter makes you feel slightly uncomfortable after you're done reading it. Hey we're all freaky in our own ways so lets get this over with)
The Fakeicorn
Chapter 2
Questions and more Questions
"You've got to be kidding me." I groan and as of right now I'm pouting like a child, something a twenty-eight year old shouldn't be doing but I honestly lost all fucks to give. I know the difference between a regular pony and an Alicorn and dammit why me? I'm nothing special at all. All I do is repair medical equipment, play video games, and masturbate. Nothing special."I understand this must be even more confusing and stressful for you Kyra." Celestia is trying to not be too sympathetic but still wanting to help.
"You have no idea..." I grumble and then the doctor steps in between us."Alright I'm going to transfer you to a wheelchair till your able to walk. Now I'm to move you, feel free to us me for support if you need to." With that the doctor starts to slide me off the bed and my back hooves touch the tile floor for the first time...and my legs immediately buckle like Lincoln logs."I've got you, I've got you." The Doctor repeats over and over. He's a pretty buff Earth Pony and able to hold my ragdoll ass up. Princess Celestia helps out by bringing over a wheelchair closer to us. I'm sat down in the wheelchair and it's just like the ones used back home."Any reason why I'm being put into a wheelchair instead of being in bed resting?"
"Well you are healthy enough to be put on bed-rest in a private room instead of being wired to a hospital bed." the Doctor said while he skims through a clipboard."Nurse Poppy Seed, can you come in here?" The door opens and a unicorn mare dressed as a nurse walks in. Her coat is a sunny orange and her mane is a seedy yellow, is seedy a word?"Yes what is it?" Her voice has an accent, I can't tell if its country or like British or something. I dunno I was born in the city, so accents are kinda eh to me.
"You're being assigned to Kyra as his aid for now till he's fully recovered." Straight to the point."Are you okay with this?" She nods vigorously, obviously excited."Oh of course, of course! I can take from here if want." The doctor nods and she trots right behind me and looks up at Celestia."Where are we taking him?"
"Follow me please Miss Seed. I figure he's quite hungry." She smiles down at me. Celestia walks out the door and Poppy Seed pushes me out behind her. Don't stare directly into the ass, don't stare. The hallway is decorated very regally and divine."I was hoping to discuss your world with you during breakfast." Celestia states rather casually."And Luna informed me that you have some knowledge about our world as well?"
"That is true. But I'll explain everything if you do about my world."
"But of course. Now I also need to apologize about last night and the incident involving Angelic Shield, that was uncalled for." I nod and clear my throat a bit, realizing it was dry."It's fine Princess Celestia. Though what caught my ear last night was that she said 'My Stuff'. What else came through with me? And how long was I unconscious?" Before she can answer we enter a very large dining hall. Lavish is an understatement here and its WAY too lavish for my tastes. Hell my very first apartment and current house was cockroach infested and I lived just fine. I'm wheeled to an empty space and Poppy Seed sits down right next to me. She hasn't spoke since I met her, quiet type maybe? Princess Celestia takes a seat at the head of the table."So what would you like for breakfast?"
"Uhh just some bacon eggs and some toast please, oh and a glass of orange juice if its alright." I can be polite when I want too. But I just realized that there is no bacon here, herbivores and all."Oh...just remembered that bacon is kinda outlawed here." That causes Celestia to giggle, why?
"Don't worry. We do keep a small supply of meat for the Griffons when they visit." I also just realized that there were two waiter like ponies as well as three guards. Man my mind is screwed. The waiters write down our orders and disappears. Now its completely quiet in here and while I do prefer silence when I'm working, I still like to talk some."Six days." Huh?
"Huh? Sorry wasn't paying attention." I rub my head with a hoof, its an odd feeling defiantly."It's quite alright. You asked about how long you were in a coma and it was six and a half days. Your mind started to awaken yesterday so I had my sister Luna investigate your mind and subconscious. Now could I ask you a few questions then?"
"Sure why not," I look down at the wheelchair,"Not like I'm going anywhere." Poppy Seed giggles at that.
"I must ask about how you know about Equestria before anything else. It's..slightly concerning to say the least." Okay lie just a bit, you've been around the internet and have seen some of the brony fandom's more creepy side."It's a bit awkward to say this but in my world, you guys are nothing but a cartoon. It's hard to explain to be honest but I've watched the show before and I enjoyed it. I just remember some things from the show. I understand if its creepy." Not lying about that honestly, I'd find it creepy too if I was a TV show too. Celestia scratches her chin a bit.
"I'll admit its very odd but not unheard of in the sense of dealing with multiple realities." Oh great the whole multiverse thing."But I must ask...erm how accurate is it?"
"Well there's been 7 season so far and lots of things have transpired. Nightmare Moon returning, Discord being thawed out and reformed, Changelings attacking, Twilight becoming an Alicorn, just to name a few major events. And after seeing Twilight yesterday, and her being an Alicorn, its accurate with that at least." That seemed to have shocked Celestia a bit, and Poppy too. Celestia regains her composure."Well...I'm amazed to say the least. Its eerie to hear that these same things have happened." I nod and my glass of orange juice is brought out. Poppy floats my drink over to me and it has a straw in it, the little kid in me is excited, if only I had the straw wrapper with it so I can shoot someone with it"Can you keep what I said a secret? It would cause less stress if you could." Celestia nods."Of course I can. Your secret is safe with Luna and I" I thank her before my own questions come to mind.
"So now I have to ask, why do you human technology? I saw Pinkie Pie with a smartphone yesterday, which started an argument with her and Applejack."
"Ah yes. I'll be blunt, you aren't the first human to show up on our doorstep. Though you are the first one to crash land in Canterlot. It's very hard to explain but magic has complicated and strange, even to us. But pieces of your world's technology has passed through, as well as some of your people. So we started using it and...oh what's the word?" She stops for a moment thinking."We reversed engineered it to fit our needs. That started over 50 years ago. Now we're almost as advanced as humans in the terms of technology and entertainment, though with some restrictions. But enough about that. Tell me about yourself Kyra." Well that was odd as shit and we have come to that portion of my introduction.
"Well to put it simply, I'm not a special person, like I have no power so I have no reason why I was turned into an Alicorn at all. But before all of that, I repaired medical equipment for a living. Went to college for that, still in mounds of debt. I'm honestly pretty boring for the most part. I like to drink and lay video games to tell you the truth.I hang out with my friends, get into trouble, and have fun when I can." I shrug. Our meals arrive and yes I have bacon! Now I just hope and pray that my stomach does not betray me and cause me to get sick from it. Celestia ordered pancakes which do look good. We start eating, well Poppy kinda feeds me as my hooves are useless as of right now. I feel useless.
"So I have to ask, what came through with me? I don't think my entire house came with." I ask after swallowing a bite of toast. Celestia finishes swallowing her own bite of food."Yes several of your items were recovered and I was going to show you what we found in your assigned room."
"Room, huh? So I take it I'll be staying here then?" She nods
"Yes of course. You are going to need to regain your ability to walk and you'll need to learn how to be a pony. I hope that's alright."
"I guess. But what about a way home?" Celestia lets out a sigh."Unfortunately we can't find the device you described. And without that we can't find a way home for you, I'm sorry." Yep saw that coming from a mile away. We continue to eat in silence and I'm going to have to face that eventually. Something else comes to mind and is immediately slatted when the doors open and everyone else from yesterday, this is gonna be fun."Ah Good Morning everypony." Celestia greets."I hope everypony slept well." Everyone greets her with warm thank yous and saying that they slept good and everything. But then everyone sees me."Oh good morning Kyra! I'm surprised you're up and out of the hospital!" Twilight immediately greets me with such vigor, ugh people and mornings."Morning." I wave and take a sip of my juice. Everyone takes a seat and order some breakfast. Then the eyes fall on me, fuck. I dunno if Celestia told them about my...new form or not.
"Well this is unexpected! You're an alicorn!" Rarity gushes, I don't like this.
"I like the new look! Pretty soon he'll be a pretty pretty Princess like you Twilight!" Pinkie Pie you need to stop before you get started."I highly doubt that." I grumble. applejack glares at me."Well seems like ya in a 'good' mood." She puts emphasis on 'good', sarcasm, I can work with that.
"Well if you haven't noticed, I'm kinda in a wheelchair." I roll my eyes.
"So we never got to properly introduce ourselves yesterday," Twilight clears her throat."Well I'm Twilight Sparkle and to my left is Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack. To my right after Princess Celestia is Rarity, Fluttershy, and Starlight Glimmer." I nod my head, I would have bowed if I was standing up."Pleasure to meet you all. I'm Kyra, and my head hurts." I state matter-o-factually. Rarity looks at me kinda funny."Kyra? Such an odd name." I chuckle and roll my eyes. I hate full name, fuck my dad honestly. I chuckle."Well its not my actual name honestly."
"Well why's that?" Applejack asks raising an eyebrow."My full name is stupid and I blame my dad for it. He was probably strung out something at the time."
"I wanna hear what it is.' Rainbow Dash smirks at me. She's gonna be a handfull soon. I let a sigh, gonna get laughed at for this."My full name is Zamma Ray Kyra. The worst part is that both Zamma and Kyra are mainly girl names." Silence then Rainbow Dash starts laughing, like really loudly."AHAHAHAHAH you...you kidding me, HAHAHAHAH!" She slams her hoof on the table. I simply cross my arms, er forelegs, arms, whatever."You done?" She starts to stop laughing."Yeah I am but seriously that was funny." I groan.
Their breakfast comes pretty soon afterwards and they start eating. I've already finished and I kind of wish I had my phone with me. Fuck Rainbow Dash though, she's sexy and all but man she's a dick. Wait...did I just call her sexy? Fuck me brain leave me alone."So tell me Kyra, how old are you?" Twilight asks out of the blue.
"Twenty-Eight." Everyone including Starlight looks at me."You're Twenty-Eight? You don't look Twenty-Eight." Starlight, don't start with that shit. I simply shrug and watch them continue to watch them eat. Pretty soon everyone finishes eating and Princess Celestia stands up and addresses us all."Now that everypony is awake and feed now, if he would allow me to, I'd like to formally welcome Kyra to Equestria." Pinkie immediately jumps up and onto the table."OoH OoH! I can throw him a super awesome 'Welcome to Equestria AND a Welcome to Ponyville' party!" Well my eardrums ring a bit now. I chuckle a bit."If that party is anything like my college welcoming party, you'd might as well leave me in this wheelchair for two weeks then."
"I like you already." Dash nudges me with her elbow.
-A Little While Later-
After about 10 minutes of everyone saying their welcomes and everything, Celestia and everyone finally take me to my room that I've been assigned too. The hallway leading up to it is long and winds to the right slightly, if you're facing that way. Doors line up on the right side also."And here we are. I hope it's not to clustered for you." Celestia looks back at me and I shrug."I grew up in a not so great city so anything that ain't got roaches crawling around is great." Everyone kinda look at me funny."What it's true!?"
"You lived in a house with cockroaches in it!?" Rarity gasps and I nod. Struggle was real for a long time, and it still is honestly, till now. The door opens and holy shit this is WAY more than I expected. The room is huge, easily bigger than both my living room and kitchen combined. There's a huge bed, bathroom, fucking large flat screen TV. and all my fucking important shit is in here! Xbox One, PS4, my laptop, ecetra ecreta."Holy Shit..." I'm wheeled in, thanks to Poppy and I'm just in aww."Too little?" Celestia asks with the very most hint of smartassness in her voice.
"Too little? This is bigger than my living room and my kitchen combined!" I exclaim and then immediately go poker face when I see what's laying on the bed in a nice pile is my...well more embarrassing stuff. I had no shame then but some are shaped like pony dicks and shit like that, maybe some shame here. Even Celestia seems stunned by this, probably more so because of what I told her earlier. Everyone is looking at me, fuck."I'll give you all twenty bucks each, if you forget everything." Rainbow Dash losses it.
"Oh my gosh it keeps getting better!" She grabs her sides and rolls around laughing. Honestly that was the same reaction most of my friends had when I told and showed them, mainly Randy and Jammie, those idiots. Oh fuck me Pinkie is looking at them."You and I are going to need another talk later." Celestia looks at me and I can't tell if she's joking or not. I facehoof.
"Out of all the things that could have survived...these had to be it. Ugh look I'll hide them or whatever but can we please just move on?"
"Really putting those mare names to good use huh, Kyra?" Dash jabs me with her elbow and I give her a death glare."You wanna be in this wheelchair?" I may not sound too threatening but I'll still fight you."Um anyway here is your new phone." Twilight says, trying to change the subject. She floats over a smartphone that resembles a Galaxy S5.
"Um what happened to my phone?"
"The screen was cracked and couldn't be replaced. Oh but don't worry! We were able to save everything from your old phone! So its good as new!" Well that was nice of them to do. But our moment of normality is stopped when I see Pinkie and Rarity looking over my..stuff, ugh. Rarity is looking at two of the dragon dildos while Pinkie is holding one pony sized dildos up on her head, balls on the forehead, these aren't my glasses, and pretending to be a unicorn. EVEN FLUTTERSHY IS LOOKING AT THEM! Fluttershy picks up one of the bottles of lube, fuck whoever actually gathered everything and brought them here, and mutters "Oh my". I close my eyes and find every ounce of willpower to jump out of the wheelchair and bash my own head into the ground till I'm not moving anymore.
After about 10 minutes of utter awkwardness I'm finally left alone with Poppy Seed, my personal nurse. I'm able to wheel myself around in the..well I guess MY room while Poppy Seed prepared..something for me, so I decided to put away my... things in an empty drawer. Ugh why me, why did that shit survive, and why bring that shit in here!? I let out a sigh and look back at my silent nurse, who hasn't said a word since this morning."I take it you're not much of a talker huh?" Just trying some conversation. Poppy looks up and speaks for the first time."Well I'm not paid to talk honestly. I take my job very formally. But now that we are alone, I have to say this. You are fucked up." I chuckle at that.
"You're not wrong about that! I'm just surprised that...what happened 10 minutes ago, even happened. Why was that, just sitting there!? More importantly why were they even brought in here in the first place!?" Poppy busts out laughing, and her laugh is low key cute.
"Okay I have to ask, are they yours?" Not shame now.
"Not gonna lie, they are. I'm a freaky shit okay? I had little to no shame back home but here, I might have some shame because of what Celestia knows about my world. So I'm probably gonna get deported real quick." I rub the back of my head. Poppy giggles."I'm not here to judge. I'm just surprised is all. But in all honesty, you do seem like a freaky buck, both sexually and in general." She walks over to the wheelchair, this better not be leading to sex, not now at least."Okay I'm going to get you up and out of your wheelchair. Gonna start you walking." She takes my hoof in hers and then starts getting me out of the chair. My hooves hit the tile floor and I immediately almost fall but for a unicorn, Poppy is pretty strong.
She holds me up straight and we start to slowly trot around the room. Walking on four legs is strangely odd yet it slightly feels right. But me slipping is pretty funny to both me and Poppy. I'm like a fucking slip'n'slide!"You're doing good! We'll try again in a few hours. I'll start a bath for you, you're fur still has some of the heart monitor glue on it." She helps me onto the bed and then disappears into the bathroom. A private nurse giving me a bath...fuck off thoughts. I hear the water start running and I let out a sigh. God is giving me the biggest L ever, even bigger than my fucked up name!
"Your bath is ready Mr. Kyra. I'll help you to the bathroom." Poppy walks back over to the bed and walks me to the bathroom. Its very lavish, which is to be expected now since I'm living with royalty. The bathtub is really big, big enough for at least Luna to use comfortably. I slowly climb into the tub and damn is it warm! I let out a small moan because its been forever since I've had a nice bath. Poppy giggles."Already relaxing then?"
"Hey its been a long time since I've had a nice bath. So I have to ask, where are you from? Your accent is..different." I at least can scrub some parts of myself while Poppy mainly gets my back and wings. My wings are still stiff and I'm assuming will become more sensitive as time comes."Well I'm from Trottingham originally," So she is British!"But I moved to Manehatten with my parents when I was seven." She hits a sensitive spot on my wings causing me to fling a bit."Oops. She what about you then? Even if I don't know the place still I'd like to know."
"Well I'm from Chicago originally. I actually stayed there till I went to a community college near Minnesota. 3 years later I have a degree. Then I get a call saying my grandma past away and left me her shitty run down house in Celi, Minnesota. Real piece of shit city, the literal definition of ghetto. Real run down but a free house nowadays so I moved there. Actually found some odd jobs till I started working at the local hospital. Now I'm here getting bathed by a British pony." That earns a light pap on my head from her.
"Cute, very cute."
"Well I have to try sometimes. So I'm assuming that my new body will come with some perks and drawbacks then? At least I'm asking a nurse." I shrug. I'm handed, well technically hoofed but whatever, of shampoo. I put some on the squeegee thing I was given to bath with and start washing my mane."Well I don't know anything about humans nor your own personal health at all so I can't make a personal judgment. But I can say that most stallions are about as sexually active as you seem. So enjoy that. But it would take a very through medical exam to really determine how healthy you are." I become slightly curious about what everything looks like down there, the curiosity of humanity is still alive in this one!
With a quick glance down south I can see a sheath and my balls, which are black, eh. My balls are defiantly bigger than before. I hear a giggle and realize that Poppy is still in the room."Curious are we?"
"Oops sorry. No offense but you get so quiet I kinda forgot." I get water splashed on me. I think bath time is almost done.
"Don't worry about it. So now I have to ask this. What are you gonna do now that you're here in Equestria, semi permanent?" I start to climb myself out of the tub and raise a hoof up in the air."I'm gonna get drunk and find a job!"
And I immediately slip out of the tub and fall on my face while Poppy Seed giggles like crazy.
Oh this is gonna be fun for me...
(Eyy I actually got through this. Sorry if those is too cringy and shit but I'm actually trying to make him seem awkward yet smart and resourceful. Now I will admit that there will more sexually suggestive stuff later and some smut, I know ya'll still pissed about the never released smut for Of Wubs and Rainbows but I promise that if this does well enough to become an actual story, I'll write some. It won't be good but it'll be something. Also the city of Celi(Pronounced Kelly) isn't real so just keep that in mind. So if you guys like this story, please support it and leave comments and tips to help me out. So till next time peace-AJ)
