*Disclaimer: I have no rights to Torchwood, their characters or Jason Mraz's If It Kills Me.
*Note: Again, ducks, if there's something wrong, let me know. I'll fix it.
*Warnings: Dark thoughts (duh, this is Angst.) Eventual Janto, which means it's slash/yaoi/man-man love, whatever you want to call it. You don't like, you don't read. Simple.
*Further note: Okay, I just thought that this needs to be explained
before we get to it and people freak. Yeah Ianto's not doing too terribly well emotional-wise. And Yes that is Owen offering to be his friend. Yeah Ianto and Owen friendship, get over it. I know Owen seems a bit OOC, but he can be a nice person. Now On with the piece!

Coming into work the next day, Ianto dreaded going down to the hub. How long would it take before someone noticed that he wasn't quiet himself today? Here, at Torchwood, probably never, but a man could dream right?

Stopping off in the Tourists office Ianto moved to his little back office, separated from the rest of the area by a bead curtain. Looking at his desk, he frowned and picked up the little Dragon paper weight that sat there. Last year's Christmas present from Jack. A paper weight, a god damned paper weight.

Owen was right, all he was was a part time shag.

Frustrated by the lack of anything he could call a relationship, the tears that suddenly filled his eyes and just the fact that all anyone saw him as was "Tea boy", Ianto threw the paper weight against the wall, but missed. The weight flew out of the office door and shattered against the far wall, which seconds later opened and out stepped Owen Harper.

"Bloody hell Tea Boy! What the hell was that!?" He cried, having heard the crash from the other side, and saw the broken glass. Stepping over it carefully, Owen bent over to pick up what looked like a little glass dragon head. Ianto's paperweight?

"Ianto!?" he called, hand reaching for the gun on his belt. Was Ianto under attack? No the alarm would have gone off, right?

"Ianto?"

There was a shuffling in Ianto's office and carefully looking in Owen saw what appeared to be Ianto's foot sticking out from the other side of the desk. "Ianto, you mind if I come in mate?"

"Go ahead. I'm not stopping you.."

Uh-oh, tea boy sounded upset.

Walking around Owen looked down on the younger man worriedly at the defeated look on his face. Kneeling down he cocked his head to the side trying to get the young man to look at him. Owen had gone into doctor mode, a nice mode but sometimes it wasn't all that great.

Ianto met Owen's gaze after a few minutes of trying and the older man tried not to sigh at the blood shot eyes. "Yan what's up?"

"Nothing Owen. I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Yeah and that's why you decided that should get to meet . C'mon Yanto what's up?"

"You were right. I'm nothing but a part time shag." Ianto laughed bitterly, and dragged both his hands over his face. God he had to stop acting like a girl. He had to stop crying. Grown men do not cry!

"Yan-"

"No, Owen, you were right. I'm just one of Jack's play things. I see that now, but.."

Owen moved to sit next to Ianto and nudged him. "But what?"

"I can't leave him..I can't leave him Owen, it'd kill me..And I can't stop hurting so bad, or crying and I'm just such a bloody baby.." he choked, trying in vain to stop the tears rolling down his face.

Sighing heavily Owen pulled Ianto over to him and held on while the other man sobbed his eyes out. Odd for Owen, but as much as he teased Ianto, and as much crap as he gave him on a daily basis, Ianto Jones was still a close friend of his and Owen would be damned if he let him suffer. The good Doctor was going to have a little chat with Captain Jack Harkness later.

"It's all right Yanto..don't worry Mate.." Owen muttered, wondering how exactly he found himself in this position. He was no good at the comforting thing! Shagging yes, snogging yes, comforting not so much. God where was Tosh when you needed her? Or even Gwen..no, Owen took that back, not Gwen. She would only want to know why Ianto was upset and push him and the man would just clam up.

"Hey, how about I go get Tosh? She's better to talk to than me.." Owen offered and the other man stiffened slightly.

"I'm sorry Owen." Ianto pulled away and got up, wiping his eyes with his handkerchief, replacing it back in his back pocket. "You were headed out. I need to go check in with Jack.."

"Hey, no..Ianto." Owen grabbed his arm to stop his leaving. "I'm not saying I want to leave mate, just saying that Tosh is better at this sort of stuff than I am. I'll listen Ianto, but I don't know how much help I can be."

Ianto smiled and shook his head. "It's fine Owen. Thank you. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything about this to the others. Especially Gwen. She doesn't know when to back off. I think she's worse than Jack is.."

Owen had to laugh at that and Ianto smiled a little.

"You sure mate?"

"Yes Owen. Now I should get down there before Jack attempts to make coffee for himself again. Actually you might want to come with. He's such a baby about a little food poisoning. It's not like he won't heal.." Yan rolled his eyes and Owen laughed again.

"Sure Tea boy."

Nodding Ianto pressed the button to open the door and with Owen headed down to the hub.

#

After making coffee for everyone and checking to make sure there was no rift activity, Ianto headed down to the archives to keep working on his attempts to organize it. He had reached the 60s, and found no method what-so-ever to their filing system.

After checking to make sure that no one was headed that way to bug him for more coffee or something else that they needed him to do, Ianto fished out his iPod and hit play.

"Hello
Tell me you know
yeah you figured me out
something gave it away
it would be such a beautiful moment
to see the look on your face
to know that I know that you know now

"And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
you know nothing."

Oh boy, more Jason Mraz. This was getting a little weird. Oh well, he liked all the songs on the music player and started to hum as he separated out the different files on his long table.

"well you and I
why we go caring on for hours on end
we get along much better than you and your boyfriend

"Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
but I still can't say it after all we've been through

"And all I really want from you is to feel me
as the feeling inside keeps building
and I will find a way to you if it kills me
if it kills me.."

Ianto sang along subconsciously, focusing more on his filing than anything else. Not even the foot steps that echoed down the hall. Everyone should know better than to enter the Archives, it was Ianto's place. It was the one place where he could retreat to, it was something they all had silently agreed on. The man did so much for them, the least they could do was give him a sanctuary, though it was dusty and musty smelling. So the fact that someone was coming down there meant they either needed him up in the Hub, or they wanted him for something else.

"how long can I go on like this?
wishing to kiss you
before I rightly explode
Well this double life I Lead isn't healthy for me
in fact it makes me nervous
if I get caught I could be risking it all

"cuz maybe there's a lot that I missed
in case I'm wrong

"all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
but still can't say it after all we've been through

"And all really want from you is to feel me
as the feeling inside keeps building
and I will find a way to you if it kills me
if it kills me..
If it kills me.."

Ianto had stopped his sorting and was again getting into his singing. Boy these songs were just soundtracks to his life weren't they? Up beat tune with sad lyrics. Definately his life.

"If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
I'd tell you from the start about how I long to be your man
but I never said a word
I guess I've gone and missed my chance again.."

Ianto leaned against the table, head down still singing. God, if Jack were to catch him, he'd..probably say 'nice song what's it called'? For an immortal like him who's seen it all, it was amazing that Jack just could not see how Ianto felt for him. And he was getting fed up with it. It hurt him so bad to see Jack when he flirted with people, especially Gwen. Yan wasn't good enough for the Great Captain Jack Harkness apparently. But just good enough to be his little sex toy, his little secret on the side. His lover-not-lover on the Down low.

"Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind Much closer than friends use
I still can't say it after all we've been through

"And all really want from you is to feel me
as the feeling inside keeps building
and I will find a way to you if it kills me
if it kills me..
If it kills me.."

It was killing him, slowly but surely, every single day this thing with Jack was killing him. And Ianto was powerless to walk away. He needed Jack like an addict needed his fix. Ianto was head over heels, stupidly, madly in love with Jack, and the object of his love didn't-or wouldn't- see it.

"Oh I think it might kill me

"And all I really want to do is feel you
Yeah the feeling inside keeps building
I'll find a way to you if it kills me
if it kills me..
It might kill me.."

As the song came to a close, Ianto sighed heavily and went back to his filing. After all that's all he was good for.

Sudden heavy foot fall brought Ianto from his dark thoughts and mechanical filing. Jerking his head up sharply to the right, there he saw none other than the man his thoughts had been focused on. This was starting to get weird..then again this was Torchwood, so it wasn't so odd that Jack kept popping up everywhere. The man lived there.

Removing his ear buds and putting his iPod into his pocket he turned to his Captain.

"Yes sir?"

"Can you tell me why Owen came into my office a few minutes ago, spitting fire and telling me that I better not hurt you or I better bloody well pray that this immorality thing will hold out?"

Ianto paled slightly and shook his head. "No idea sir. Perhaps Owen just saw something and thought he needed to step in."

As Jack walked closer, Ianto picked up a stack of organized files and quickly walked away over to the correct filing cabinets and started to put them away, hoping to get away from the immortal. No such luck.

"And what does Owen think he sees that makes him want to step in?"

"No idea sir. Does Owen really need a real reason to threaten you?"

Jack shrugged and leaned against the cabinet looking down at the kneeling man and ran a hand through his hair. Ianto's heart skipped a beat, and he swallowed hard. "Jack, please, I'm busy."

"I can see that Yan. But I want to know why Owen thinks he has to worry about you?"

The Welshman shrugged and stood, stepping around and away from Jack and his petting. After several trips between table and cabinet, with Jack following all the while, Ianto wondered that if maybe he went out into the hub he could lose Jack and double back to the archives?

Glancing briefly at the table, Ianto picked up his steps and exited the archive, Jack two steps behind him, still pestering him.

Reaching the hub, he saw Tosh at her work station with Owen next to her at his own. God knew where Gwen was and Ianto could care less. He strongly disliked her, truly. She could have gotten eaten by Janet for all he cared. Then again if that happened he would have to feel sorry for Janet, Gwen probably didn't taste that good.

Climbing up the few stairs to be level with the computers and his friends, Ianto sighed heavily trying to check his growing annoyance. Jack really was blind, if he couldn't see that Owen meant that Jack's relationship with Ianto-or lack there of- was hurting him.

"Ianto talk to me.."

"No Jack. I do not want to talk to you. Can you not take a hint!?" the Welshman spun around to face the American and stared him dead in the eye, gray to blue and all but yelled, "If you are so blind as to not see that I do not want to talk to you right now, then it's no wonder that you can't see that I-" his voice caught and that was enough time for Owen and Tosh to get between them, afraid that it might get physical, in the bad way, Owen taking Ianto while Tosh took Jack.

While Toshiko tried to keep Jack with her and not go after Owen and Ianto, those two were headed up to the tourist office. As they were coming out of the door, in came Gwen holding pizza boxes. "Owen? Ianto?" she asked, suddenly switching into concerned mum mode.

"Not now Gwen. Ya might want to leave Jack alone too, he's grumpy. You head on down, we'll be down soon." Owen ordered, motioning with his head to the door, while physically leading Ianto into the office. Gwen seemed to follow orders and after getting Ianto settled on his chair, Owen poked his head out just to make sure. They were alone.

Coming back in, Ianto had moved to the corner and was curled up, head resting on his knees. Owen moved over to sit next to him and nudged him gently. "C'mon tea boy, spill it. What's did he do now?"

"Nothing Owen. Just kept asking me why you yelled at him. What the hell were you thinking?! I don't need you trying to keep me from getting hurt! It's too damn late for that Owen! Now just sod off you-you-you Wanker!"

Owen sat open mouthed for a minute, then two and then shook his head. "I'm going to chalk that up to you being pissed off, and not really meaning it like that. Ianto you need to tell him. If you don't, I'm telling Tosh and she'll tell Jack. Or, rather she'll tell Gwen who'll go running to Jack wide-eyed and hurt. Now do you want that?"

"No! I just want everyone to leave me alone. I'm not worth the effort..just the Tea boy.." he whispered, and Owen wrapped an arm around him.

"You aren't just the tea boy. C'mon. I'll tell Tosh I'm takin' you home. C'mon up mate.." Ianto stood up under Owen's direction and as the left, Owen called Tosh on her mobile and told her that Ianto wasn't feeling well.

"Yeah Tosh, I'm takin' him home. Yeah tell Jack that unless someone's dying I'm not comin' back in. Thanks Tosh.." Tucking his phone back into his pocket Owen unlocked his car and walked around and got in the driver's side while Ianto got settled in the passenger seat.

Pulling out of the lot, Owen drove Ianto back to his flat in near silence. Ianto had plugged himself back into his iPod and was staring out the window looking fragile, very young, and so lonely. Oh Jack was so dead when Owen got to work tomorrow. Very dead. So what if it didn't stick? That just meant Owen could kill him again.

Owen came to realize not too long ago that he cared about Ianto. Not in the way that he'd try to woo him away from Jack- and even if it was that way it was pointless to try- but more like he would a younger brother. The one he never had and kind of never wanted. Simply Ianto was family and no one hurt his family.

Finally reaching Ianto's flat, Owen pulled over in the residential parking and moved to help Ianto out, which he didn't need. He was already out and heading towards the front door. "Oi! Wait up Yan!" He called running to catch up.

Silently they walked up the stairs, skipping the lift and soon reached Ianto's floor. Unlocking his door Ianto entered without closing it, Owen doing it for him. Slipping his shoes and jacket off, Ianto threw his suit jacket in the direction of his chair and while it landed on the back he flopped down on the sofa, loosening his tie and rolling over to face the back.

Owen looked around and nodded to himself. There were a lot of book shelves full of books, DVDs and CDs. No life apparently, but then again Ianto was their whipping boy at Torchwood. It shouldn't have surprise Owen as much as it did.

Slipping his own shoes off, the doctor settled on the other arm chair and waited for Ianto to talk to him.

Reaching down towards the other end of the sofa, Ianto grabbed a pillow and pulled it up over his head, as if he were sheltering himself from the outside world, the world beyond his music and his thoughts.

Sighing heavily Owen got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink and order lunch. This was going to be a long day..