Hey, guys!
Told you I'd be back with weekly updates. This will follow a pattern at least until the very end (I'm pretty sure I know how many chapters it will be).
Anyway, I like to respond to those who reviewed, so thank you to all who left me comments thus far:)
padzer- Without giving too much away, what you just described is what I plan to do going forward with the story. Thank you for the links you sent me, I took a look and they helped immensely.
TimeLordMaster108- Thanks for the review man! I hope you like what comes next.
Guest- Thank you! Characterization is one of the most important, if not the most important aspect of fanfic writing. As for where I'm taking this story, I don't want to spoil too much, but I do have a solid idea. I'll say this: it will explore what might have been for Azula in the most realistic way possible.
The Rhombus- Much obliged, as always my friend. You've been a big help to me with this story. I hope you enjoy what follows.
Dragonlvr22- I'm certainly glad I peaked your interest. I hope you also like the story progression. I think that's lost in the tale of big, bad Azula- her insecurities are well hidden but they boil to the surface anyway. It's easy to forget she's only fourteen years old.
AzureTemplar3535- Thank you! I hope you like this chapter!
Anyone who leaves a review, I will respond to it. It's one of my favorite things about fanfic writing.
Anyway, I'll let this chapter speak for itself. Because this is the one that truly sets the tone for the entire theme.
Enjoy!
Chapter 2. The Catalyst
Azula knew Zuko would be at their former summer home and so instructed Mai and Ty Lee to find a spot on the beach to get comfortable while she went up to find him.
"I won't be long," she said swiftly. Neither gave a reply, so she began her trek up the hill.
Sure enough, Zuko was there, sitting out on the front steps, holding a clay imprint of his hand from when he was a mere toddler. Judging by the look on his face, he was contemplating the summers they had been here, a time when life had seemed so much simpler. Azula supposed couldn't blame him for that. After everything they had been through, the quiet, starry night on the beach offered many temptations of the past.
"I thought I'd find you here," she said using a tone that was uncharacteristically soft.
Zuko didn't look up immediately.
"Those summers we spent here seem so long ago," he said quietly. "So much has changed."
In Azula's mind, dwelling on such matters did no good for anyone. They could sit for hours and reminisce on reenacting awful plays together, building sand castles, long walks with their father, quiet care from their mother, Iroh cracking his usual assortment of jokes…but it wouldn't change anything. The six and four-year-old carefree kids were gone, and two battle scarred, complicated teenagers had taken their place.
"Come down to the beach with me," she offered. "Come on. This place is depressing."
Zuko obliged, leaving the tiny handprint behind, a symbol of what was and would never return.
As they made their way down to the beach, Mai and Ty Lee had found an area previously used as a firepit. It sat against a high arching dune and protected them from the worst of the chilly wind.
"Hey," Mai said to Zuko as he entered the makeshift camp.
"Where's your new boyfriend?" Zuko asked snidely, clearly still upset over her breaking up with him in front of everyone at the party. It was for this reason, Mai chose not to respond but her face took on a mask of high annoyance.
The Crown Prince sat down next to her and tried to place his arm around her shoulder.
"Are you cold?"
She slapped his hand away, apparently unwilling to forgive him at the moment either.
"I'm freezing!" Ty Lee said with a slight shiver.
Azula concurred. Despite it being summer, the air tended to become chillier at night due to the running current here and none of them were wearing anything particularly warm. Especially the girls in skirts and swim tops.
"I'll make a fire," Zuko offered. "There's plenty of stuff to burn in there." He indicated the house above them, standing as a monument to childhood and family bonds that had long since been broken.
When he returned, he had brought back a small amount of kindling, wood, and a few other mementos that apparently were not worth keeping. Using his bending to set the pyre alight, Zuko began adding the wood and other useless memorabilia to keep it going. That included a picture of himself, his mother, father, and Azula almost a decade ago.
"What are you doing?" Ty Lee asked, confused why anyone would burn a picture of their own family.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Zuko replied, his face disgruntled, and his arms crossed.
"But, it's a painting of your family."
"You think I care?"
"I think you do."
Azula watched the exchange with mild interest. Personally, she had no attachment to anything in that house, but it was fun to see Zuko pretend otherwise. He had always been horrible at covering his true feelings and his hostility gave everything away.
"You don't know me. So why don't you just mind your own business?" Zuko dismissed angrily.
Ty Lee looked down.
"I know you," she spoke quietly, this pattern of behavior from the Fire Nation prince all too familiar to her.
"No, you don't!" Zuko continued to lash out. "You're stuck in your little 'Ty Lee world' where everything is great all the time."
"Zuko, leave her alone," Mai chastised him.
But her boyfriend didn't heed her, instead mimicking Ty Lee by doing a handstand and a mock impression of her high pitched voice.
"I'm so pretty! Look at me! I can walk on my hands! Whoo!"
He plopped himself down on the sand with an angry thump.
"Circus freak!" he spat.
Azula couldn't help but laugh. She didn't normally like to make fun of Ty Lee and Zuko's behavior was unnecessary. However, that didn't mean it wasn't funny either.
The girl who had just been labeled as a circus freak had tears forming around her eyes, but to Azula's slight surprise, she did not bawl like she normally would. Her face became defiant and her eyebrows furrowed.
"Yes! I'm a circus freak. Go ahead and laugh," she said, aiming a glare at Azula. "Do you want to know why I joined the circus?"
The princess had heard this sob story more than a few times and held no interest in hearing it again. She sensed she was about to whether she liked it or not.
"Here we go."
"Do you have any idea what my home life was like? Growing up with six sisters who look exactly like me? It was like I didn't even have my own name!" she cried, standing up now over the flames of the fire, before falling to her knees. "I joined the circus because I was scared of spending the rest of my life as part of a matched set. At least I'm different now! Circus freak, is a compliment!"
"Guess that explains why you need ten boyfriends," Mai interjected.
Ty Lee bounced up at this jab, hands on her hips, head titled to the side in offense.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Attention issues," Mai said as if it were obvious. "You didn't get enough attention when you were a kid. So you're trying to make up for it now."
"Well, what's your excuse, Mai?" Ty Lee shot back. "You were an only child for fifteen years. But even with all that attention your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray! -"
"I don't believe in auras," she dismissed.
"Yeah, you don't believe in anything," Zuko added, getting up from off the ground.
"Oh, well I'm sorry I can't be as high strung and crazy as the rest of you."
"I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy," he said indicating Ty Lee. "Are you going to take that?!"
"What do you want from me?" Mai droned, laying back on the rock she sat on. "You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich, only child who got anything I wanted. As long as I behaved…and sat still…and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble, we had my dad's political career to think about."
To Azula, who had once more been observing and taking mental notes, this had a simple explanation.
"Well that's it then. You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything and why you can't express yourself."
But evidently, she had touched a rare nerve as Mai stood up, blazing fury in her normally impassive eyes.
"You want me to express myself? LEAVE ME ALONE!"
There was brief pause in the conversation as silence hung over the four teenagers before Zuko spoke up again, reaching towards her.
"I like it when you express yourself-"
"Don't touch me!" she snapped at him, moving away. "I'm still mad at you."
It was Zuko's turn for his anger to spill over.
"My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai."
"Whatever! That still doesn't excuse the way you've been acting."
"Calm down you guys," Ty Lee said, trying to ease the unending tension, which still hung thick in the nighttime breeze. "This much negative energy is bad for your skin, you'll totally break out."
But that was no reassurance for the Fire Nation Prince, who raged at the girl's naivety.
"Bad skin?" he said in disbelief. "Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson, on my FACE!" he roared, pointing to his infamous scar.
"Sorry, Zuko. I-" Ty Lee tried to apologize. But by this point, he wasn't even listening and launched into his own emotionally fueled rant.
"For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now and my dad talks to me…Ha! he even thinks I'm a hero!"
Azula gave the smallest smirks as she witnessed her brother's anguish. So Zuzu still felt conflicted. Even after receiving credit for slaying the Avatar and regaining his birthright…all things she had gone out of her way to help restore for him. It was really quite droll.
"Everything should be perfect, right?" Zuko continued. "I should be happy now. But I'm not! I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why!"
He turned around and faced his peers, almost begging them for an explanation through his body language alone, which for his sister was easy to glean.
"There's a simple question you need to answer then," she offered. "Who are you angry at?"
"No one! I'm just angry!"
But the girls did not take his word at face value.
"Yeah…who are you angry at Zuko?" Mai asked again.
"Everyone!...I don't know!" the Fire Nation Prince raged in anguish, putting his hands on top of his head as if to prevent it from exploding.
"Is it, dad?" Azula pressed.
"No! No.." Zuko reassured her.
"Your Uncle?" Ty Lee offered.
"Me?" Azula asked. Now she was generally interested.
"N-No! No! No! No!"
"Then who? Who are you angry at?"
"Answer the question, Zuko!"
"Talk to us!"
"Come on, answer the question."
"Come on, answer it."
They continued to barrage him until Zuko finally burst with a blast so powerful, he sent the flames of the fire nearly fifteen feet into the air.
"I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF!"
Just as quickly as the fire threatened to rise and blind them all, it settled back down again, Zuko standing amongst the sparks of his inner agony and conflict.
Azula was the first to speak up.
"Why?"
"Because I'm confused," her brother replied, self doubt racking his voice. "Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore."
"You're pathetic."
And Azula meant it too. How on earth could what have happened at Ba Sing Se still be affecting him this badly? Was that what three years with their traitor uncle taught him? When would he learn there was no such thing as right and wrong- only achieving what you wanted by any means necessary and nothing less. Perfection…that's why she had become what she was.
"I know one thing I care about," Mai said walking over to Zuko, placing a soft, feminine hand on his cheek. "I care about you."
Smiling at one another for the first time in days, the couple shared a loving kiss, officially making up.
The Fire Nation princess could hardly resist showing her amusement. The whole thing had been such an amusing exercise. Ty Lee, Mai, her brother- they were all such divas, and remarkably easy to read. None of them realized that revealing your innermost turmoil and secrets was just a sign of weakness, to be used against you by anyone looking to bring you down in a given moment. What did they know of struggle or expectations? She had experienced the harshest training under her father for years, having to prove her worth every day without a single mistake or else, she was the Fire Nation princess, cunning, capable and adored by all of her people. The essence of perfection with all of the hidden scars to prove it. And no one saw her complaining. Not about that, or her lack of success with boys, or even her mother…
Clap* Clap* Clap*
"Well, those were wonderful performances, everyone."
Zuko frowned at her, wrapping his arm around Mai as he did so.
"I guess you wouldn't understand, would you Azula? Because you're just so perfect."
The Fire Nation princess could sense a bubble of her own deep seated emotion rising and did her best to hide it from the rest of the group.
"Well, yes, I guess you're right. I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don't really care."
Memories began to flood her mind- all the times she was scolded and her brother praised, never earning even a moment's admiration for everything she had accomplished.
She could hear the yelling and disappointment in her head, cutting through her heart like a blade….
Go to your room, young lady! Now!
That is enough, Azula. We do not do such things in this family.
What is wrong with that child?
"My own mother…thought I was a monster."
No one said a word, waiting to see if she would indulge further about this part of her that she had never revealed to anyone. Well they would be disappointed. To appear vulnerable, even among family and friends was not for the strong, not for those who had been given the divine right to rule. Zuko could show all of the emotional instability he wanted, but such a flaw was the reason he had suffered so much in life. So, she tried to play it off as though it had meant nothing.
"She was right of course, but it still hurt."
Azula figured that was the end of it. Alas, the temporary slip in her mask aroused suspicion in her older brother, who pressed her. The catalyst for what was about to be a much deeper conversation.
"I don't believe that for a second," Zuko dismissed with a wave of his hand. "You're telling me you actually cared what mom thought of you? What anyone thought of you?"
She narrowed her eyes.
"I'm sorry, but is there something I said that's so unbelievable?"
"Can you really blame me for being skeptical?"
"Zuko…" Mai began, knowing her boyfriend's temper was already rising. But he ignored her.
"You two don't know her like I do," he said, speaking to Mai and Ty Lee, who looked increasingly uneasy at where the conversation was going. "Almost as far back as I can remember, she's stolen, cheated, and lied to me and everyone around her. She's only interested in keeping people close when they're useful to her. When they stop, they get discarded."
Azula only raised an eyebrow in reaction, but her own temper continued to increase.
"Oh? Is that so? Well then let me remind you who it was that gave you the credit for slaying the Avatar at Ba Sing Se. Who helped bring you home and redeemed you in the eyes of father so that you could have back everything you desired. I didn't have to do any of that Zuzu…"
"Don't pretend it was out of the goodness of your heart. You couldn't have taken the Avatar and the water tribe girl without my assistance. That's the only reason. Face it, Azula, the only person who matters to you is you."
She rose from the rock from which she sat, golden eyes burning in anger.
"You know nothing about who I am, Zuko," she said through almost gritted teeth.
But her brother didn't back down. If anything, her emotional response seemed to embolden him more. Despite the increasing intensity of the argument, Mai and Ty Lee did not dare intervene. They could only watch as the two siblings continued to escalate their aggression like magma rising within a volcano.
"I know this," Zuko responded, his voice taking on a quietly infuriated tone. "When mom left and disappeared without a trace, you didn't show even the slightest hint that you missed her. No tears, no mourning, no anything. You taunted me that she was gone because it meant you could get away with anything you wanted from there on out. So, give me one good reason why what mom thought of you made any difference in your life? She meant nothing to you."
Azula took a step forward, feeling the electricity practically crackle in her clenched hands, blue flames ready to leap forward in rage.
"I meant nothing to her!" she yelled. "While you were being coddled every time you stubbed a toe, I was being scolded or being told what was wrong with me! For all the advanced routines I learned, all of the tactics I memorized to the letter, it still wasn't enough to pry even a fragment of her attention away from her poor little Zuzu!"
Zuko's good eye widened slightly, but still his face remained skeptical and determined.
"What are you complaining about? In case you hadn't noticed, dad gave you all the compliments and praise you could ask for. You were the prodigy, you were the favorite child, not me."
Azula shook her head, unable to reel back what she had unleashed.
"You really are clueless sometimes, Zuko. Have you not noticed by now that everything with dad is conditional? You don't receive encouragement or praise unless you earn it. You spent three years trying to restore your honor, I've spent fourteen ensuring I keep mine. There's no time to cry or feel sorry for yourself. You have to be effective, ruthless, and perfectly precise because-"
"Because what?" her brother interrupted.
Without warning Azula unleashed a stream of lightning so deadly, so powerful it would have cut through anything it came into contact with like a hot knife through butter. It certainly caught the other three teens off guard, as all three ducked on instinct.
When the lightning had vanished and the tranquility of the nighttime scene restored, Azula looked towards her brother, the rage quieted but still burning softly, embers of a slowly dying fire.
"Because 'almost' isn't good enough," she said bitterly. "And in mother's case…I'll never be good enough."
Zuko did not have anything to say now. No one did. For over a minute, silence reigned over the foursome with only the crackling of the weakening fire to serve as a backdrop for the intense conversation that had just occurred.
Azula on the other hand could barely believe what had just happened. All of her life she had devoted herself to absolute control, unadulterated confidence in herself and her mission as the Princess of the Fire Nation…yet one trip to the beach had been all it took to shatter that image in one fell swoop. What had gone wrong?
She felt a soft body press against hers and realized Ty Lee was hugging her from behind. Though the gesture was not reciprocated, Azula did not make any attempt to throw her off. If there was one person capable of arousing her sympathy and what little affection she cared to have, the happy go-lucky circus girl was it.
Ty Lee let go but no one else said anything or made any gesture to continue the conversation to which Azula was highly grateful. There was nothing to be gained by pouring salt into open wounds. Better to bury and never speak of them again.
One question still lingered in her mind- did they do so out of fear or pity?
The fact that she did not know frightened her.
"What Lo and Li said came true. The beach did help us learn about ourselves. I feel all smoothed," Ty Lee said happily, rubbing her hand against a rounded rock. "I'll always remember this."
Azula couldn't have felt differently. This was an unfortunate slip up, never to be thought of again. She had had enough of these pathetic confessions. The night needed to end on a high note, and she knew of the perfect way.
"You know what would make this even more memorable?" she said with a malicious smirk.
Twenty minutes, a destroyed house, and one crying Chan later capped off quite a memorable day for the four Fire Nation teens. And though Azula felt a great deal better afterwards, deep down she also knew this something she would never forget.
Little did she know how much it would change going forward.
Forever.
Alright, this is arguably the most important scene in the whole story because it sets the pace and standard for what's to come.
I really hope you all enjoyed it. And please let me know what you think.
~The Wasp
