Don't own Bleach.

Hope Fades

She spoke. She actually spoke. Three words had escaped her lips, barely audible, but they were there. Many rejoiced, believing that the last loose end of the disaster left by Aizen would finally be tied. However her anticipated recovery was pushed back further and further as days turned into weeks, and months slowly passed. Hinamori Momo uttered nothing else. She remained bedridden in Fourth Division and as dead to Soul Society as she was to the real world.

Hitsugaya visited whenever he could afford the time. If he was absent on assignment or mission, his path would always find its way to her bedside within the first few hours upon returning. She was always in his thoughts. What if she wakes up when I'm not there?

Unlike so many, he still had hope.

He would always tell her about things that happened around Soul Society, his missions, what the other vice-captains were up to (or at least what he could pick up from Matsumoto without sounding too interested). He would tell her everything, though just as often he spent the time sitting in silence. As unsettled as he was by her current state, merely being with her always comforted him.

Hitsugaya had never once given in to the possibility that she would not wake. Not since that day anyway. The day when he finally gathered enough courage to enter her room. She had spoken to him, and he knew that somehow she felt him there. He couldn't give up hoping. She was there…somewhere. He…just had to find her.


On occasional mornings while rushing from his captain's quarters on his way to Fourth Division, his vice-captain Matsumoto would wake up early to accompany him. "Do you mind, Taichou, if I come with you today?"

"If you want," is all he would say.

Whenever Rangiku or anyone else was with him in Hinamori's room, his emotions always kept their distance. He still could not allow his own vice-captain, his closest subordinate officer, to witness his vulnerability. But Rangiku already knew. She saw the change from the very moment he stepped into Hinamori's quarters.
It was in his eyes.
The impassive mask of his face never changed, but his eyes…he would enter the room, see her there and those blue-green ice crystals softened every time. She, who had become so used to reading her captain, could tell immediately how fond he was of the meek girl lying in the bed in front of them.

There were even times when she thought she saw the hint of a tear about to break its way through his hardened expression. It was always at those moments she noticed the pitter patter of rain drops on the window outside. The beginning of a storm…

I know he cries…even if he never lets me see it…
The sky tells me so.
She knew. Those stormy eyes; the violent sky. But she knew better than to say anything about it.
Just stand by him. That alone will be enough.

An exchange of words was never necessary between the two of them. She understood him better than anyone, and he knew she understood. Yes, that was more than enough.


One evening, ending her errands early, Rangiku found her way back to her captain's office. She peeked inside hoping to find him at his desk and not off somewhere alone, as was becoming more and more frequent these days. He had even disappeared earlier that afternoon, his absence unnoticed save by her and a few others. She never knew where he went, and she could never bring herself to ask. Over the years, Rangiku had learned the extent to which her captain preferred to keep his personal matters private. Asking him to confide in her would be an unjustifiable invasion of that privacy.

Finding everything as it should be, or at least where it should be, she slipped in and shut the door without a sound. As she leisurely made her way to the couch, pretending not to notice, an accusatory glance preceding an irritated "Tch…" followed her into the room. "Didn't I leave word for you to go to 8th Division on errand, Matsumoto, or did you think it would be wiser to come back and take a nap first?"

She looked up in mock-surprise at her captain's annoyance, exclaiming, "Oh! Taichou. Heh. I can barely see you over that mound of paperwork."

Hitsugaya's eyebrow twitched at her mischievous retort. He shot her a look, appeared as if to scold her further, but changed his mind and scoffed. "Anyway, what did Kyoraku say?"

"He'll need until tomorrow to write up a proper reply, but he says he'll review your notes tonight and respond as soon as possible." She reached the couch, plopped down and heaved a sigh, her arms draped over the back.

"That's fine," he said, as he resumed his work. Although, judging from the tone of his voice, she could tell that not everything was.

Matsumoto looked back at him. His agitation with her lasted only a short while these days, his mind always seemingly preoccupied with something else. Even so…

"And, since you're here." As he caught her glance he slid a stack of papers toward the front of his desk in her direction.

Her mouth turned in a half-smile. Even so… She could tell he was grateful for her company. Especially during the long, dull days full of paperwork in the quiet of that office. And he was grateful for her humor, which is why she still provoked him from time to time when she felt he was becoming too distant…

She got up from the couch without reply and took the papers from his desk, pausing briefly. He had seemed extremely distracted today, more so than usual. She glanced down at the small captain buried in papers behind his desk, and her concern overflowed. Taichou…Where do you go all the time? It's like you've been hiding…even now. That's not you… She knew he wouldn't confide in her. Nevertheless she couldn't help the question that was itching to be released from the tip of her tongue. Her sense of reason was powerless to stop it.
"Ne…Taichou?"

"Aeh?" he replied without looking up, his forehead propped by his small hand.

"Oh, uh…nevermind," she sighed. What else was new? She could never bring herself to pry tactfully. Anything she ever got out of him was done strictly by taking advantage of his exasperation with her. She knew by the look in his eyes that his mind was consumed with thoughts of Hinamori, her health, her safety, and what he could possibly do to fix it. His heart bled for that girl, mostly because he knew he was powerless against the forces which kept her from him.

Those eyes again. It was a new look, one he had adopted ever since…well, ever since it happened. Such an unguarded expression wasn't becoming…not of her captain. Besides…how often did it remind her of those bitter feelings lurking behind her own eyes…and in her heart? I know, Taichou. I understand.
She hated seeing him in such a state. Confused and alone, but blindly hoping against all hope. Maybe not so blindly. But it only reminded her of her own pain and confusion at being left behind.

To the untrained eye, he was still no more than a child. And yet…over the past few months something about him had changed. He was not the same cocky boy genius who surpassed his older and more experienced classmates, taking the rank of Captain so early on in his life. Many wondered if he was really fit for such responsibility at his age. She always knew he was, but now…just something…aside from his obvious worry and fear for Hinamori…she couldn't quite put her finger on it…but something else was different.

One thing was certain, though. That iron-clad will of his would never fail. He would never stop trying, never stop believing. He would do everything within his growing power to see that that which was most important to him was put right…and kept safe.

It's been almost a year since Taichou and Hinamori-chan were wounded by Aizen.
Taichou made it through just fine…his will is strong…but Hinamori-chan's is…
After taking a seat at her desk, she again glanced over at the Tenth Division Captain, sitting, head still in hand, hunched over his paperwork. Now, however, he seemed to hardly be looking at it at all.

He had been doing things like this for awhile now, staring at his desk but looking at nothing. Sometimes she would come back at night to find the office empty, unfinished papers still in piles where their deliverers had carefully laid them. It wasn't like him to shirk paperwork. But of course she knew better.

She thought to suggest taking a break (and perhaps a drink) when there was a knock at the office door. Hitsugaya barely looked up from his desk as he vaguely replied.
"Come in."

Two men entered. They had a grungy look about them, as if they had just emerged from brawling in the streets. Rangiku gawked at their dirt-streaked faces, wondering at the extent to which the struggle must have exerted them. The exhausted officers bowed and gave their report. "The mission was successful, sir…"

Rangiku's attention drifted to her captain's distracted mood and wondered again what she could to do to get him out of it, when she noticed a hell moth fly in from the window. It approached her, and she held out her finger as a perch to accept the message. Her chair was loud against the floor as she quickly stood. She turned toward her captain, her voice insistent. "Taichou…"

One look at her face and Hitsugaya knew.
Hinamori!
He silenced the reporting officers with his hand as Rangiku spoke. "It's…from Unohana-taichou. …'Urgent' she says…"

Without waiting to hear another word, Hitsugaya snatched Hyourinmaru from its resting place next to his chair. With no attempt to strap it over his shoulder, he made for the door. The small captain sounded downright formidable as he hissed, "Matsumoto…!"

"Go, Taichou. Please leave them to me."

He didn't reply, but paused at the doorway, turning briefly. The look in his eyes was all Rangiku needed to understand his gratitude.
An instant later he was gone.


Within minutes, he had arrived at Fourth Division. He burst into the darkened entryway to find Unohana standing there to meet him. "Hitsugaya-taichou. Thank you for coming. I apologize for the hour."

"Hinamori…is she alright! What happened!"
His heart was racing, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins. Unohana merely looked at him with sympathy in her gentle eyes. His irritation at her silence momentarily got the best of him.
"Unohana-taichou!"

"I'm afraid that this long-awaited development is an unfortunate one. Her will…is failing."

No…
She had spoken of this. From the very beginning Unohana had said this might happen!
"I have healed all the wounds on her body, but her heart and soul have been too greatly damaged. Whether she lives or dies is no longer within my power. It is merely a question of the strength of her will to live. Whether or not she wakes up, completely depends on her decision to either remain hidden from the world, or awaken to her shattered reality…"

A sudden fear gripped Hitsugaya, like an ice-cold hand squeezing his heart, the pressure in his chest so great he couldn't breathe. His grip loosened on the sword still clutched in his hand. Finally he managed to speak, his voice low but stable. "What…happened."

"Please come inside."
He followed the healer into the Fourth Division Office where they could speak in private. Unohana rounded her desk and sat down. Hitsugaya, being so unsettled, chose to stand.

"Earlier this evening Hinamori fuku-taichou's condition worsened. When she was wounded a piece of the illusion created by the zanpakutou, Kyouka Suigetsu, still lingered inside her. She was too deeply comatose until now for us to be aware of this fact. It was only this evening, when we began to see signs of her regaining consciousness, that it was confirmed."

Hitsugaya blinked, his voice faltered as he said, "a…an illusion? But you said her will was the only thing keeping her from waking."

"That is what we believed until now. We were unaware until tonight how serious her condition truly is. Her mind has been trapped inside that illusion, but only now is she able to consciously experience it. It appears to exist only inside of her, but…judging from her screams…Aizen is still torturing her…"

Hitsugaya's fists tightened as he heard that name. His jaw clenched and his breath caught in his throat as he ventured to inquire no louder than a whisper.
"…s..screams?"

"I'm afraid that she seems to be reliving the most scarring elements of his treachery. The discovery of his feigned murder, drawing swords against you, and finally almost being killed herself, by her own captain. I am not sure as to why or how such a thing remained after Aizen disappeared, but I am certain it is this illusion which impedes Hinamori's progress toward consciousness, and forces her to retreat further into her misery.

"The shock of what she seems to be seeing damages her spirit so that she is no longer strong enough to break free of it on her own. She was defenseless from the beginning; we all were, but she is now devoid of the power or motivation to fight it. Instead of retaliating, she has given in to the despair his illusion incites, and has turned her damaging thoughts upon herself. Instead of freeing her mind, the action she takes is doing the opposite."

He was confused and frustrated with this long explanation. Hitsugaya took a deep, silent breath and gripped Hyourinmaru tighter, letting the chill spread through his veins and calm him just a little. He slowly exhaled, his composure returned. "What are you saying…that she's holding herself prisoner?

"I'm saying that what she is experiencing now, coupled with her regret and guilt, is causing her to give up completely."

Hitsugaya started. "Guilt?"

"The pain and anguish she is projecting now is born from two main sources. First, are the events brought about by Aizen's cruelty. The second resulted from you."

It took him almost no time at all to realize what this implied. I failed her again…
"I…I'm the…cause of this…?"

"No. Aizen is. He is making her suffer by showing her images of her betrayal, as well as the consequences, whether they have actually happened or not. That is one reason why I asked you here tonight.
…She is calling for you, Hitsugaya-taichou."

Hitsugaya's eyes widened.
Her betrayal…!
She's…still suffering?
And…calling for…me?
That bastard, Aizen. How much more pain do you have to cause her! You played her, and she fell for it. But you got what you wanted! Why are you still here!

A cold flare ignited in his eyes, flames spawned of hatred and vengeance. He could feel the ice dragon inside him clawing its way up from the depths of his soul. He could feel Hyourinmaru pulsating in his hand with such a lust for revenge he almost lost himself in it, control over his rage about to fail. From the chasm of his mind an echoing cry filled his entire being, faint and far away at first but steadily growing. On the edge of losing all control, the cry almost on the tip of his tongue, he was suddenly wrenched back to his senses, struck with a sickening horror.

What began as his soul crying for retribution seamlessly bled into a bone-chilling scream that pierced the heavy air, so swift and so shrill that every hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Wide-eyed, he froze where he stood, muscles locked. His insides somersaulted like he had suddenly fallen from some lofty height. He whispered, "…Unohana-taichou…is that…?" Unohana's eyebrows upturned and creased. What poured from them then was nothing but sadness.

No words were needed in response. He knew instantly, even though such a voice could hardly be recognizable as human. It was undoubtedly Hinamori. There had never before been a time when Hitsugaya Toushirou, wielder of ice, was even once affected by the cold. But such blood as was in his veins chilled him to his very core at hearing such a grisly sound.

As he locked eyes with Unohana he could hear the commotion growing outside in the hallway. Fourth Division aides with raised voices were rushing between stations, doing all they could to placate the screaming girl and ease her suffering. Each scream tore at Hitsugaya's heart until he could bear it no longer.
His lip curled and his teeth clenched for a split second.
Tch…chikusho!
He flew toward the door.

"Histugaya-taichou."

He paused with his back to her, furious and terrified at the same time.

"You must wait. There is still much to explain, as well as the other reason why I have asked you here tonight…and we must speak quickly. There is little time."

"I have to go to her."
The icy glow of his eyes was like blue fire in the darkened room. As he turned, he needed only that one glance for Unohana to understand and cancel any further objection. There would be no persuading him otherwise.