Well...talk about a break. I don't know if my updates will be frequent because school is really busy at the moment and, more to the point, I need to keep up my grades if I want to do commerce/law next year. Anyway, I don't even know if this chapter is very good-considering my long absence from this-but it was something I just randomly wrote at 1am last night when I was taking a break from my religion essay. For those of you who think that Handel and Freud aren't connected; think again. I spent a long, long day writing that essay. (I can't help it if I am the Queen of Procrastination...I think I do things better last minute, anyway. Normally...) Also; if I have learnt anything another than how Freud and Handel can be connected in my long, long absence, it's that unrequited love sucks. Majorly. Trust me. Especially when there are moments when it doesn't seem quite so unrequited.

But anyway, like I said, I don't know if this chapter is any good but hey. (Try to) Enjoy!

The rain had not stopped falling by the time they'd packed the car and taken off, even though it had taken almost two hours to get everything and everyone ready. Seth sat in the back, half asleep with Captain Oats tucked under his jacket and Sandy drove silently, throwing concerned glances towards his wife every now and then, who had not moved since getting in the car.

Kirsten sat, looking out the window. In the past hour they had been driving, she had come to the conclusion that she liked rain. It was almost as though the sky was doing the rest of her crying for her because there was no way she was going to break down in front of Seth. So anytime she felt like crying, she'd focus on the rhythm of the rain pounding on the car and look at the droplets trailing down the window, pretending they were tears falling down her cheeks. And then she'd feel cleansed; as though she'd somehow purged her soul.


Hailey stirred, groaning as she was reminded once again of the back pain caused by sitting in the one chair for the past year. Okay-so maybe she hadn't been in this hospital for a year, but it sure as hell felt like it. She could already see that her life had been divided into two, distinct parts: BOC and AOC-Before Ovarian Cancer and After Ovarian Cancer. And although she'd only been in AOC for the past six hours or so, she already knew that it was the crappiest stage of her life. Ever. She was sick of the smell of hospitals; that chemical smell that staff try to hide with fake floral scents that just make you want to turn and run. She was sick of her Dad alternating between sitting with his head in his hands and lying next to her Mum, holding her-didn't he know that his silence just made things worse? She was sick of her new understading of words such as "chemotherapy" and "radiation" that had been alien to her less than a day before. But most of all, she was sick of avoiding looking at her Mum in the eye, knowing that once she did the tears would start.

Hailey shifted, trying to ease the back pain, but nothing worked. She looked over at her Dad-he was in his head holding phase-and wished that he'd take her home so she could curl up in bed and finally cry. The only problem was, it's difficult to take home someone you've forgotten about. Hailey gave a small cough but her Dad didn't stir. She sighed, coughed again and even tried saying "Dad" quietly to avoid waking her Mum, but nothing worked. Finally, she got up out of her chair and just left the room.

There was a Coke machine outside the hospital enterance, if Hailey remembered correctly. Checking her pocket for money, Hailey made a beeline for the relief caffeine could give her. It was clear that there'd be no going home tonight when "tonight" had become "today" that was going to see sunrise in a few hours.

Stepping outside, Hailey thanked whatever higher power that existed for the shelter over the Coke machine. She couldn't remember it having pelted down like this in ages. Hailey put the coins in the machine, lost in any thoughts that didn't involve the hospital or her mother, eagerly grabbing the can as it fell out.

"Hey."

Hailey stood back quickly as some Coke spilt from her can. She'd jumped a mile when she'd heard that voice and glanced part in anger, part in fright at the stranger standing against the wall a couple of feet away. He was probably about fourteen or fifteen, Hailey guessed. He had a messy sort of look to him; his brown hair was longish and, from the looks of it, unbrushed. As he moved closer to her, Hailey could see that his scruffy clothes were soaked.

"What are you doing up at this time?" he asked with an arrogant smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hailey asked passionately, quicky riled like she always was.

"Nothing," he said with a shrug.

"Well, what are you doing up at this time?" Hailey asked.

"My friend OD'd," he said flippantly.

"Oh...I'm sorry," Hailey said, assuming that whatever an OD was, it was something bad.

"Not as sorry as he'll be when he wakes up, his parents are gonna be so pissed," the guy said with a smirk. "Do you even know what an OD is?"

"Of course I do," Hailey lied.

"Right," he said. "And, let me guess, you're twenty one, too?"

"I'm fourteen," Hailey lied again, adding two years to her age.

"Well, I'm Tom," Tom said.

"Hailey," Hailey said, trying not to notice the fact that Tom was still looking at her like he didn't quite believe her. Did she really look that young?

"You want one?" Tom asked, pulling a box of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket.

Hailey stared at the cigarettes dumbfounded. She couldn't smoke. And now she was going to make a total fool of herself in front of Tom.

"Um...well..." Hailey spluttered. "I have to...get back inside."

Hailey quickly walked away, cheeks blushing with embarrassment as she heard Tom call out; "Sure you do. Nice to meet you, Hailey."

She basically ran to the lift. And then as soon as she got there, she wondered why she'd even left. Once Hailey returned to that room, she'd be invisble again. She'd have to face this ugly dark reality. Alone. She was sick of her father being too absorbed in his work to notice her. And, if you wanted to get down to it, she was sick of her mother never being able to do motherly things because she was too busy drowning her sorrows with a bottle. Why did she try to please them? Why did she try to live up to the reputation of a sister who, it was clear, she was never going to be?

With her mind made up, Hailey turned around and confidently walked back outside.

"Hey Tom-can I have that cigarette?"


Kirsten frowned as the rain began to ease off. That wasn't meant to happen! The rain stopped her from crying, she couldn't see anything ahead of her with the heaviness of it. If the rain stopped, everything would just be too...normal. And she couldn't take normal right now.

Sandy noticed Kirsten's frown and the dark, heavy circles under her eyes. She looked like she'd just pulled one of her famous all nighters from college; when she'd get through the next day in a daze and then Sandy would have to half carry her back to the mailtruck. He wished he could hold her now. She looked so vulnerable and alone.

Kirsten jumped as Sandy rested a comforting hand on her knee, tearing her out of her dark, rainy world.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep?" Sandy whispered.

Kirsten tried to shake her head, but as her imaginary world disappeared, so did her strength. A hot tear rolled down her cheek. Then another one. And another one. She turned her head, hoping Sandy wouldn't see the cascade of fresh tears, but she realised she was too late as Sandy pulled the car over.

"Kirsten," Sandy sighed, moving as close as he could to her and running his hand up her arm.

Sandy's touch just made the tears fall harder as she realised how much she loved him; how good he was to her.

"Don't leave me," Kirsten whispered frantically, quickly turning around and clutching tightly onto his hands with her own. "Don't leave me. Don't get sick. I couldn't cope Sandy, I just-I couldn't!"

Sandy held on tightly as Kirsten leaned into him, clutching desperately onto his shirt. She breathed in deeply the scent of the only man she ever really loved and trusted, wondering if he really knew just how much her world revolved around him. He kissed the top of her head continuously, wishing it would ease the shaking of her body, anything so that she wouldn't be feeling this terrible pain. It hurt him more than she'd ever know, seeing her like this.

"We'll get through this together," Sandy whispered into her ear. "I promise."

Kirsten nodded, and drew away a little bit to look in his eyes for reassurance. Sandy kept his arms around her but placed his forehead on hers as she took deep breaths to control her sobs.

"I love you, Kirsten," Sandy told her. "You're my life."

"I love you, too," Kirsten whispered. "More than you know."

Sandy kissed her lovingly. First on the lips, then the nose, her cheeks, her forehead-all over her face, in the vain hope that it would somehow take her pain away.

"I love you," Sandy repeated.

Finally, Kirsten's sobs subsided. Once she seemed to have settled down enough, Sandy drew back, touching her face before starting the car.

"I'll be with you for it all," Sandy said.

"Promise?" Kirsten asked.

"Promise."

Oh yes...and Josh Schwartz is officially a mean, mean man because he just had to end The O.C.on what happened to be my seventeenth birthday! Where is the justice in that?? Here I am, a completely dedicated fan and this is how I am repaid? Oh well. At least he gave us Sophie Rose Cohen and an awesome earthquake. That is almost enough for me to forgive him. (And thank God the finale was shown here in Australia on the day after my birthday, so I got to spend my birthday in partial peace. It was an awesome birthday, too, so it gave me a happy place to go to when I became really down after seeing the final episode.)

ANYWAY...sorry about the ramblings and ventings. Let me know if this chapter was okay, terrible, beyond terrible so I can decide whether to continue on with this or escape from the shame by assuming a new screen name. Or mane, as I accidentally typed in. Actually, I'm not really that keen on this chapter. But hey, it might help me to deal with criticisms on the offchance of me becoming a lawyer one day. (Ha ha-like I have the guts to do that when I hate public speaking.)

Review, review, review!!