Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.
Sasuke and Neji are in there late twenties in this, 28 and 29 or something, while Kakashi and Gai are in there early forty's, 41, 42ish, Naruto is a Hokage in training, while Sasuke and Neji are Jonin, Jiraiya's age is irrelevant.
Chapter 2 ; Pick up lines
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( Classroom )
The last ray's of sunlight died as Jiraiya turned to survey his class, they had just finished learning how to remove a thong with chakra and he had homework for them.
"I am going to hand you out a list of the greatest pickup lines ever. As homework you must use some of them on some women, and note their reaction." Stated Jiraiya.
"Yosh, we should have a challenge, My eternal rival, my eternal rival's student and of course my student I challenge you all to get the better reactions." Wailed Gai magically conjuring up another setting sun.
"Here use these." Shouted Jiraiya throwing each of them a small recorder.
"So nobody thinks of cheating."
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( Three days later )
Sasuke, Neji, Kakashi, Gai and Jiraiya sat in a circle on the classroom floor, Jiraiya let out a little giggle as they began listening to the recordings.
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Kakashi x Kurenai
"You might as well sleep with me." Came Kakashi's voice.
"Kakashi, are you drunk ? Why would I do that ?" asked the surprised Kurenai.
"Because I'll tell everyone you did anyway." This was followed by some pained shouts.
Kakashi x Anko
"Hey Anko, If your left leg's Halloween and your right leg's Christmas." Came Kakashi's voice again.
"What are you talking about ?" asked Anko wonder why Kakashi was referencing her legs as holidays.
"Can I come visit you between the holidays ?" once more the group heard Kakashi's pained cries.
Kakashi x Tsunade
"Would you like to go out for pizza-" came Kakashi's voice.
"Alright." Tsunade had worked through lunch that day.
"-and sex ?" this time the noise was different, a monstrous scream came before the beating.
Kakashi x Ramen Girl
"Hey, how about we go back to my place and do some maths." Asked Kakashi
"What ?" asked Ramen girl.
"Yea, we'll add a bed….minus our clothes….divide your legs….and multiply." Said Kakashi, right before she dumped some just cooked noodles and he started the standard screams.
Kakashi x Sakura's mother
"If I bit my lip, would you kiss it better ?" asked Kakashi, already preparing to run.
"Why yes, I would Kashi, and anything else that hurt's too." Purred misses Haruno, moving a hand to slide up Kakashi's leg.
The group heard Kakashi give a whoop of joy before they heard the sound of clothes being removed, that was, until the group heard.
"Mom, I'm home, huh, Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing to my mother ?" everyone heard Kakashi's curse of "Shit !" before his screams filled the air again.
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"Ouch, tough break with that last one Kakashi, but this is a good lesson for the rest of you, older women are easy, well except Tsunade that is." Explained Jiraiya as they moved to Gai's tape.
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Gai x Shizune
"Lovely lotus, your clothes don't suit you, take them off ?" announced Gai as he barged into the Hokage's office.
"Oka- Wait, what ?" asked the confused Shizune.
"Take off your clothes and let us make babies." There was a scream from Shizune at this declaration, then there was some screaming from Gai as the usual beating sounds began.
Gai x Kurenai
"How would you like to feel my Chakra ? My beautiful Lotus." Asked Gai.
"What the Fuck is going on today, is there something in the water." Kurenai seethed before the sounds of a vicious beating began to play from the speakers again.
Gai x Tenten
"If I flip this coin, what's the chances of me getting head ?" Tenten only gave a shocked gasp before the beating began.
There was another gasp as Lee came upon the scene, giving Gai the time to escape.
Gai x Kakashi
"My eternal rival, how would you like to go out for food and…" Began Gai.
"No !" stated Kakashi
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"You know I said women Gai ?" asked Jiraiya as they moved to Neji's tape.
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Neji x Sasuke x Garaa x Kiba and Sasuke x ?
"Well, well, well, what do we have here Kiba ?" came Garaa's deep voice.
"Mmm the tasty Uchiha, and the pretty Hyuga hiding behind him." Replied Kiba as Neji cursed at being found.
"Why so shy Hyuga, you weren't last time ?" asked Garaa grinning.
"Um, Neji ?" asked Sasuke.
"What !" raged the Hyuga from still behind the Uchiha.
"There's a trail of sand running up your pant leg." Stated Sasuke.
"Sand ? Sand ! Get it off ! Get it off !" screamed Neji as Garaa cursed the Uchiha's eyes.
Several minutes later resulted in a now pant less Neji hang from the Uchiha's shoulders, and still trying to hide behind him.
"Nice panties Hyuga, Kiba, Lets drag the Hyuga into that alley over there." Said Garaa.
"No ! I want Sasuke." Complained the dog man/cross dresser.
"Have you ever been on the receiving end of a Chidori ?" asked an annoyed Garaa.
"Your right, I'll go high, you go low." Agreed Kiba.
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"Um, Sasuke ?" asked Jiraiya as he paused the tape.
"Yeah ?" responded Sasuke sending a glare over his shoulder to where the Hyuga was once again hiding.
"They didn't, you know ?" asked Jiraiya.
"Shh !" Said Sasuke hitting the play button.
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"Sasuke, Help !" screamed Neji as he was dragged into the alleyway. Sasuke sighed deeply as he contemplated helping.
"Kiba ? What are you doing to my cousin ?" asked an enraged sounding Hinata Hyuga.
"Hinata ? Save me !" called Neji.
"It's not what it looks like Hinata, I'm just helping Garaa, I'd prefer raping Sasuke." Explained Kiba, the group actually heard Sasuke's twitch, before the dogboy got into a catfight with Hinata.
"Hmm, if I help out Hyuga his well endowed cousin might 'reward' me." Sasuke was obviously holding the recorder as this was said under his breath.
"Back off Red, he's mine !" growled Sasuke as he swung an arm around Neji. Neji it seemed, didn't care.
"Oh Sasuke, protect me." Wailed Neji.
"Get out of my way Uch-" Garaa was cut off by what sounded like a slap.
"Stay away from my cousin you Red haired Man-whore." Screeched the Hyuga Heiress after back-handing Garaa.
"And you ?" she turned on Sasuke.
"I didn't know Neji had a boyfriend, nice to see you came out of the closet Sasuke." said the heiress happily.
"We're not, Nice tits by the way." Sasuke casually said making the group of listeners hold there breath, none off them had dared try a line like that.
"You should see them without all this pesky clothing on." Replied Hinata.
"How would you like to feel my Chakra ?" asked Sasuke casually.
"I'd pay !" purred the Hyuga Heiress.
"Shall we ?" asked Sasuke giving the Recorder to Neji.
"Let's ."
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Neji x Ino
"Wow, Hyuga ? You look pathetic !" Stated Ino to the Hyuga, still lying in the alley he was abandoned in.
"Help me ?" asked Neji.
"What do you want me to do !" asked Ino amused.
"Make me feel like a man again ?" begged Neji, there was a sound of clothing being removed.
"Okay."
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"Congratulations young lotuses on you success with the beautiful flowers." Bellowed Gai, grabbing the two ninja for a sunset moment.
"You used the Sharingan, didn't you ?" asked Kakashi hopefully, he could already taste a Sharingan controlled one night stand.
"Nope, after I got into her head I discovered I didn't have to, closet fan-girl." Explained Sasuke.
"No, not my cousin." Growled Neji.
"Check under her bed." Simply said Sasuke.
"Time to celebrate !" called Jiraiya breaking out a bottle of wine, his first students to succeed ever.
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Well, that took forever to write, anyway reviews will get you more chapters.
Yours truly, Sasuke's darkside
R&R
