The original telling of this masterpiece. Or rather a rant about episode 3 written in 10 minutes at 3:30 in the morning.

K so the Black Cats of the Moon people are getting owned by monster things but Kirito saves the day since he's A HERO. What a nice guy. He takes them to the best training spots and shit so they can get better and stuff. Sachi is also really cute.

LATER, dat thief guy opens the chest cuz he's a dumbass. BUT dun dun dun, instead of being beat down by the monstars (not a misspelling in ch 1, Space Jam anyone?). He takes out hilts that look like keys. Then, 2 lightning fast strikes hit the axe using monster (or w/e weapon he's using) and he dies.

The Lancer dude takes out his red and yellow lances and beats a few monsters up. Sachi starts falling in love with him after seeing his face. Since Lancer is being all badass he starts talking about LOYALTY and HONOR. Unfortunately he trips and stabs himself through the chest. Being Lancer is suffering. Then the mace and shield dude dies since seriously who uses a mace. Kirito signs in using Heathcliff's password and starts duel wielding Excalibur and his jedi lightsaber. He uses like uh, Eclipse and stuff dies.

UNFORTUNATELY, Caster appears with his army of squid monsters. Sucks to be the Black Cats of the Full Moon guild. Oh yeah uhh, Sachi is being useless. Then Kirei, I mean stupid thief dude that opened the box, is REJOICING about people and monsters dying. Uhh, what else should I put here… Caster made his giant Cthulhu monster so oh noes Kirei and Kirito cannot win! (Since Kirito's Excalibur can't shoot giant beams of light). OH NO DESPAIR AND STUFF!

BUT THEN KAMINA CAME TO SACHI AND SAID "ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH."

So Sachi used spiral power and made her lance into a Giga DRILL BREAKERRRRRRRRR. Sachi pierced the heavens! and killed Caster and his monster. She got to lv 9001 from the battle exp and beat the final boss . Now everyone is free and happy! Yay.

/start rant

Okay I really don't know how I came up with this but I was browsing forums about episode 3 and I was PISSED OFF about the episode for several reasons. Obviously, they could've made Red Nosed Reindeer 2 episodes instead of 1. But if not, they could've removed the intro a la Fate/Zero to introduce the Black Cats and Kirito saving them. But of course they're just drinking in the first scene without a good explanation. The house buying part was pretty pointless considering they were rushing the episode. Also, a major reason Kirito feels guilty is because the Black Cats had a vote in the LNs whether or not to open the treasure chest. In retrospect, Kirito knew he could've prevented their deaths if he told the guild he was a beater. But in the animu the thief dude is like OMG treasure and proceeds to die immediately after.

As for the fights, the Black Cats could've had more dramatic deaths IMO. In addition, the anime doesn't clarify that Klein duels a member of the Divine Dragon Alliance to prevent them from advancing. There's no way Klein's 6 member guild could've taken on 30 members of one of the strongest guilds. Kinda dumb.

But one of the episode's biggest flaws is that the anime doesn't explain why the hell the episode is called Red Nosed Reindeer. Sachi seemingly just starts humming at the end of the episode for no reason. She actually sings in the light novels. This is the explanation

"Why did I only remember [Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer]? The previous night, Kirito said something to me, "No matter who you are, you definitely can make a difference in someone's life." Telling me that even if it is me, there is a place where I belong. After hearing those words, I was extremely glad and I remembered this song. I don't know why but it was probably because I kind of thought myself as Rudolph and you as Santa Claus... if I have to put it in words, you give off a fatherly feeling. My father left me when I was still very young, that is why every night when I was sleeping beside you, I kept wondering if that was the feeling that a father would give. Ah, okay, I'll start singing."