Chapter 2
"You should go, Spence. I think that you'd really regret it if she..." She pauses and looks at me intently. "I just think you should go." Ashley tells me for the tenth time. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. A part of me wants to go see my mother, tell her goodbye, but then the part of me is saying don't go Spencer, even on her death bed your mother is still going to be the same closed minded person she's always been.
"I wanna go, Ash. But then there's a part of me that's still upset with her about everything." I try and explain.
"I know." She nods and wraps her arm around my shoulder. We've been sitting on the floor in the kitchen ever since Arthur called, and she's been trying to convince me that going back to California is good idea. "Everyone makes mistakes, Spencer. And undoubtedly, your mom made a mistake in the way she handled your coming out, but she's your mother, she thought that she was doing what was best."
"Are you taking up for her?" I ask, a little more snappy than I had intended.
"No." Ashley shakes her head. "Not at all. I'm just saying, that if it was you in her position, with her beliefs... what would you have done?" She asks then stands up. "I'm gonna get dinner started." She adds as she walks towards the stove, leaving me sitting on the floor.
She's right. Of course Ashley's right. She's always right.
"What about school?" I ask, standing up from the floor.
"We can talk to your teachers, I'm sure they'd understand Spence." Ashley tells me with her back to me.
"Fine." I say and roll my eyes at her back. "I'll go." I tell her through a sigh.
"Good." She says walking back to me and wrapping me up in her arms. "You need this Spence. Trust me it'll be good for you." She tells me with a smile and head nod.
"I'm sure." I say sarcastically.
"You should go pack. I'll call my dad and have him send the jet for us tomorrow." She tells me.
–
"I feel like I'm forgetting something." I tell Ashley frantically, as we drive to the airport.
"You're not forgetting anything Spence, you're just freaking out and making excuses." Ashley tells me with a small smile.
"What if she hasn't changed at all, Ash. What if she's still the exact same person?"
"Then at least you'd know. At least you'd have given it a shot to fix things." Ashley says as we turn off the freeway.
I think that's what I'm most afraid of, going back to California and my mom being the exact same person she was when I left. Even dying, I'm not sure I expect much of a change from my mom.
"I love you." Ashley says grabbing my hand as we pull into the small airport to board Raife's jet he sent for us.
"I know." I nod and smile, then lean over and kiss her cheek.
–
The plane ride to California was unusually quiet. I think Ashley was trying to give me space... time to think about what's about to happen.
"Did you wanna go straight over there or..." Ashley trails off, letting her question hang in the air as she places our bags onto the bed. We got a hotel about fifteen minutes from my parents house.
"I just wanna lay down first." I tell her as I lay down on the bed, curling up into the fetal position. She nods and lays next to me.
"I'm gonna go get us something to eat. I'll be real quick." She whispers in my ear and kisses my forehead. I wordlessly nod and close my eyes as I feel her get up from the bed and I hear her leave.
"Spencer!" My moms voice immediately calls me from the living room. I walk into the living room to find my whole family and a priest. "Spencer..." My mom starts, walking up to me. "I'm gonna ask you this one time, and one time only. Are you and that girl together?"
I look past my mom to see my dad and brother looking down, probably here involuntarily, and the priest staring at me with questioning eyes as he holds his bible close to his chest. Really mom? A Priest?
I don't wanna lie to her, I'm not gonna deny Ashley. I love her and my mom can't stop me. Or some Priest for that matter.
"Yes." I say simply. Not like I need to go into details about it. Her breath hitches and she covers her mouth with her hand, averting her gaze away from me. "Mom, I love her." I admit quietly, glancing over at my brother and father whose eye's are still glued to the ground. The Priest looks like he wants to say something, but I guess he's waiting his turn.
My mom goes to say something but I guess it gets caught in her throat. "Mrs. Carlin, may I?" The Priest asks stepping forward, placing a hand on my moms shoulder. She nods and he steps closer to me, with a small smile on his face. "Spencer, dear. I'm Father O'Harra." He extends out his hand for me to shake and I take it. No need to be rude to him, it's not his fault my mom dragged him into this.
"Would you like to sit?" He questions and I shake my head.
"Look, Father. I don't wanna be rude, cause I know that you were called here by my mother. But I love Ashley and nothing and no one is gonna change my mind." I tell him and he nods his head.
"" know things sometimes can become a bit confusing when you're a teenager. Feelings and emotions start developing, and everything becomes one big blur. If we look at the big picture, the picture God has created for us, then we'll see that these events merely are there to test your faith, nothing else." He tells me calmly.
"Father, I..." I start.
"You're gonna go to hell, Spencer. Do you understand that?" My mom cuts me off. And I can see the tears now forming in her eyes. I don't get why this hurts her so much, this is my life, let me live it. My dad is now on his feet at my moms side consoling her. Why is he consoling her for? I'm the one under attack here. Thanks dad!
"Mom, I know that right now all this seems bad, and I'm sorry if I embarrass you but this is who I am. Ashley is who I wanna be with." I say stepping closer to her, but she moves back like I'm diseased.
"That girl has changed you. You're not my daughter, I don't know who you are." She spits out.
"I'm the same Spencer, mom." I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself. She's never gonna understand.
"No, you're not." She says, detaching herself from my fathers grasp. "And you're gonna live under my roof you're not allowed to see that girl anymore!" She yells, causing my brother's head to shoot up, and my dad to try and calm her.
"Paula." He says softly, but she's not paying him any attention. She's looking directly at me, eyes filled with venom.
"I'm 18 mom, you can't tell me what to do anymore and that girl has a name!" I retort and she scoffs.
"If you wanna live under my roof you'll understand that you are forbidden from seeing Ashley." So much hate spewing from her words.
"Then I guess I'm leaving." I blurt out before I can even stop the words from falling from my lips. Everyone in the room eyes shoot to me. "I'm not gonna live in a house where the person I love and amazing, wonderful love I have for them, is not accepted." I tell them, making sure to look everyone in the eyes.
"Then leave!" My mom shouts and lunges towards me. "Get out, get out, get out!" She keeps yelling, as both my brother and dad have to hold her back.
"Spencer, Spencer!" Ashley shakes me awake.
"Hmm?" I ask, looking up at her. I didn't even realize how tired I was.
"You were screaming...baby you're crying." She says wiping the fallen tears from my face. "Are you okay? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."
"No, I'm fine." I cut her off. "I need to do this." I say sitting up. "I can do this." I nod firmly.
"Okay." She says softly, wrapping her arms around me. "We don't have to go today, we ca go tomorrow." She adds and I just nod.
"Ashley." I pull back and scan her face.
"Hmm?"
"I love you." I say simply and a small smile plays at her lips.
"I love you more, Spencer Carlin." She says and kisses my lips sweetly.
I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, what was going to happen to my mom or if she'd become a different person over the past two years. I didn't know any of that. The only thing I knew for sure is that I'd have the one person in the world that I cared about unconditionally and irrevocably right there by my side, holding my hand.
