CHAPTER TWO
Interview Subjects 1 and 2: Shadow and Hiei Jaganshi
"Okay, I have a school project to do, and I need your help," Kurama said. He explained the project to the two fire demons sitting on opposite sides of a poker table, playing--what else?--poker. Shadow was losing horribly, so she was happy for the break.
"Ready?" Kurama said, focusing the camera on the duo.
"Yah."
"Okay. It's recording. Shadow, what's your opinion? Are men superior?"
"No, they are not, no way, no how, huh-uh, nope, no."
"Think you made that clear enough?" Hiei asked.
"Shut up, man, this is MY SHOW."
"Now, would you like to explain why women are better, in your opinion?" Kurama said.
"If I must... Women are better because I am part of their gender... I make everything better..."
"Golden touch, right?" Kurama said sarcastically. Hiei snickered behind Shadow's back. "You'll have to give a better reason than that."
"Fine. Women are the creators... They are the givers of life. Some people, like, mostly men, may see women's features as weak, but that's not true... Women are... gentle..."
"Shadow, what book did you read this in?" Hiei asked. Shadow instantly got that demonic angry anime girl look on her face and punched Hiei.
"Well, that's not very gentle!" Hiei said as he rubbed his cheek.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... Men are just big, and dumb, and bumbling. They don't have delicate features like women... Wait... Now I'm making Shuichi sound like a girl... And Hiei too, for that matter... cuz he's not all that big... and he doesn't bumble. However, Kuwabara... Yuck. I'm making Kuwabara sound like more of a man that Hiei and Shuichi... Doom... Can I start over? Thank you. Now, as I was saying, women create. They are the givers of life!--"
"Yes... That may be true, Shadow, but women couldn't have children without the men, either," Hiei said. Shadow narrowed her eyes.
"Yes, but men have no hope of ever giving birth. All they do is--"
"Ahem!" Kurama said, in an attempt to get their attention and perhaps censor out what Shadow said there.
"--and after walking around for months as a fat whale, the woman goes through a lot of pain to squeeze that baby out her--"
"Shadow!"
"--nine months after the man--"
"HEY!"
"--and then she feeds the baby from her--"
"*exasperated groan*"
"--and gets cavities and shit from malnutrition because most of her nutrition is going to that stupid baby that probably ended up as a boy and is gonna grow up and be WORTHLESS!" Shadow finished, finally. Hiei just stared at her with a sweatdrop.
"If you took ALL the women off the planet, men would be doomed. DOOMED. DOOOOOMED!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Once again, Hiei stared. Finally he said, "Yes, but it'd be the same if the women were left alone on earth."
"Women are smarter," Shadow said, changing the subject. "All men care about is football, beer, and sex. They're uncivilized."
"Well, I'm so glad you hold me in such high regard, Shadow," Hiei said sarcastically.
"You're different."
"I'm a man. You said men, and I fall in that category."
"What makes me so sure of that?"
"Want me to prove it?"
"HEY! NOT HERE!" Kurama yelled desperately.
"Eeep!" Shadow and Hiei said in unison. ('eep' isn't a very Hiei-ish word...)
"Sorry, sir!" Shadow said, bowing. Hiei smirked.
"Obviously you really know, maybe subconsciously, but you know men are better. You're bowing to one. You just like to think women are better because you are one," he said. Shadow kicked him in that area below the waist and he fell over and curled up on the ground in pain.
"Men are weak!"
Shadow made sure Kurama taped Hiei lying on the ground curled up in pain.
"Shadow..." Hiei growled.
"Uh-oh."
"You are so DEAD!!!" Hiei shouted. He lunged at her and they vanished from sight as he knocked her to the floor.
The door opened and Eclipse walked in. A second afterwards, Yusuke and Kuwabara walked in. Convenient, ne? Well, the bakas might as well just live in Shadow's house... They're there all the time...
"What are you taping?" Yusuke asked curiously.
"It's supposed to be something for--"
"Oh my God! Get this on tape! Gimme that!" Eclipse said, snatching the camera from Kurama's hand She focused it on Hiei and Shadow on the floor, who were no longer killing each other, but were instead curled up in each others' arms with their eyes closed.
"Eclipse! That's for SCHOOL!!!" Kurama said. "Stop!"
"Is it? Heh heh heh..."
"GIVE IT BACK!"
"Good Lord..." She handed him the camera.
"Thank you. Now if you'd be so kind... Shadow, could you be serious for a second and tell me your opinions and reasoning so I can get this stupid project over with quickly and not have to think about it for three weeks?"
Shadow was suddenly sitting in a chair at the table again.
"Okay. Women are superior. They give birth. They're smarter. Most are more civilized. Ahm..."
"Are we comparing women to men here?" Yusuke asked.
"No. We're comparing women to trees, baka," Shadow said sarcastically. She looked directly at the camera and pointed to Yusuke.
"This is a prime example of a man stupider than a woman. And Kuwabara there too."
Kurama swiveled the camera and focused it on them for a second. When he turned back, Hiei was sitting in his chair at the table as well.
"I agree that those two are bakas, but in most cases, men are superior."
"No they aren't," Shadow said.
"In the Bible it says God created humans in His image or something to that effect, doesn't it? The first human was a MAN, so God must be a man, so of course men are superior."
"Yes, but the second human was a WOMAN!" Shadow said.
"Yes, well that's the second one. And she was created from the man."
"But he didn't give birth to her."
"Thank God..." Hiei muttered.
"How do you know he didn't give birth? Maybe the first man could give birth but after a while God realized there'd be a problem with that."
Hiei stared, wide-eyed. "Ri-i-i-i-i-ght. And wasn't the woman the first one to fall to Satan's charms?"
"I dunno."
"And why do you think humanity is also called 'mankind?' Because MEN are superior," Hiei pointed out. Shadow narrowed her eyes.
"Oh yeah, well back to the religious stuff, a woman gave birth to Jesus."
"Well DUH. You yourself said that men couldn't give birth, so of course it was a woman who gave birth to Jesus."
"Yes, but God could have just poofed Jesus into existence, but He made that lady pregnant and she gave birth. So obviously He wanted the woman to give birth because it'd be more beneficial," Shadow said.
"Right... If women are so great, why do they no have very important roles in history?"
"Dude, I don't know the first thing about history. Except that it's in the past and has something to do with dead people," Shadow said stupidly.
"Hn."
"Well if men are so great, why are so many, if not all, of those barbarians and conquerors and such all men?"
"Because women are too weak to conquer," Hiei answered simply.
"And men aren't weak? Look at this!" Shadow kicked Kuwabara in the groin. He screamed like a girl and passed out.
"You can't use the baka as an example!"
"How about you?" Shadow asked as she made Kurama aim his camera at Kuwabara's unconscious stupid form on the ground. "I kicked you and it hurt you."
"Shutup."
"We are way off topic here," Kurama said.
"No we aren't. We're talking about how weak men are," Shadow said. "Women don't have and weaknesses that are characteristic of just their gender."
Hiei changed the subject again. "Well men sing rock music. How many rock bands are there with female lead vocalists?"
"Ahm..."
"See?"
"Women sing pop music..."
"Which sucks."
"I know."
"HA!"
"But women are smarter."
"Oh yeah? Name one famous smart woman who did something worth mention in the history books," Hiei challenged. Shadow smiled.
"Me!"
"Ha, ha, ha. I can name quite a few men. Einstein. Edison. The guy who invented PIZZA!"
"He was Italian."
"So?"
"Name some Japanese dudes who did some cool stuff."
"We aren't talking about Japan, Shadow, we're talking about men's superiority!"
"Well F***!!!"
"SHADOW! This is for SCHOOL!!!" Kurama yelped.
"Shadow admits defeat," Hiei said to the camera. "Men are better."
"I never admitted anything! Look at me! I'm a woman, and I'm the best person in this house!" Shadow said.
"And look at K-- er... Shuichi. He's a guy, and he's a friggin' genius!"
"Well that's cuz--" Shadow started.
"Aht! But he's still a guy."
"*inaudible grumbles*"
"Admit defeat yet? Maybe if you admit it I'll stop humiliating you."
"I'm not humiliated."
"You're just losing this debate so horribly it's funny. No, that's not humiliating. Of course not," Hiei said sarcastically.
"I'm not losing."
"Yes you are. Give it up, Shadow. I never lose. Anything. Ever. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"You lose card games. To him," Shadow pointed at Kurama.
"He cheats."
"Suuuuure he does."
"*snarl*"
"Heh heh heh."
"Well, I'd say I've got my first two people interviewed..." Kurama muttered, turning off his camera as Shadow and Hiei settled down and dealt out some more cards.
