Ch. 2: All Too Well
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
8 Months Ago
Austin's POV
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
The sound of my alarm pierces through the silence of the morning. Lazily, with my eyes shut, I aimlessly try to find the button to turn off my clock. It takes a few tries but when I finally do, my eyes are already wide awake.
I stay in bed for a few seconds, simply debating if I can somehow sleep in for a little while longer when I realize that I have a meeting to get to. Reluctantly, I get up and make my way to the bathroom.
My eyes are still half closed as I walk through the halls, and I almost trip on my feet three times. When I do reach my destination I start brushing my teeth as I go over my schedule for today. It's not long before I hear the noises of a busy city.
It's strange how LA and Miami are both cities and yet so different. Everything about California is… different.
There's a beach and there's horrible traffic. But somehow the sand in Miami felt better between my toes. And don't ask me how or why, but traffic in Miami was always tolerable and here in LA… well it simply just sucks.
Like always, I splash cold water on my face in hopes of waking up. It's refreshing as it hits my face, and by the time I'm drying my face off, my eyes no longer have trouble staying wide open. It's only then that I stare at my reflection and ask myself the same question that haunts my mind since I left: Does she still think about me?
Sometimes I wish I knew the answer. Because then maybe moving on, forgetting everything about her… would be easier. Other times I think its best that I don't. Because then I can lie to myself with the false hope that she still thinks of me like I do of her. And maybe deep down, she still loves me the way I love her.
And that is the biggest difference between LA and Miami. LA can have many interesting places, beautiful people… but only Miami will have Ally.
I still ask myself if letting her go was the right thing to do.
We were young and stupid back then. We didn't know how to love each other the right way. It was always too much or too little. It was always sweet and lovely, or screaming and fighting. Little by little we fell apart as we had bills to pay, pressures from her father wore us down, and the world caved in on us long before we were willing to admit it.
It was all too much for us to stand.
Which is why I had to leave. We would have killed one another sooner or later. I sigh reluctantly at the thought of what we almost could have been. Only to be startled a few seconds later when I feel two arms intertwine with my torso.
"Why the long face?" asks the soft voice.
I look in the mirror to meet the intense blue eyes that I have become all too familiar with. They have a drowsy look to them as her long, blond hair is tamed in a messy bun.
She looks nothing like Ally. She's the exact complete opposite if you ask me. But strangely she has more things in common with Ally than I first thought. Yet, even those characteristics she shares with Ally… she never does them the way Ally did.
I mentally yell at myself for thinking about Ally instead of Halley. It's a mean thing of me to do… even if I miss Ally after all this time. But then again things happen for a reason, and I think she's in a better place. Or at least I hope so.
Feeling guilty, I turn around and kiss her lightly on her forehead. I still can't believe that Halley loves a guy like me. If I was a girl, I don't think I could handle the baggage I come with.
I let out a sigh before telling her, "I'm fine. Just a little tired is all."
She gives me a small smile before pecking my lips quickly. We stay still for a moment or two. Just feeling each other's embrace, before she tells me that she'll make waffles for us to eat.
I try my best to not complain about her choice. But really? By now I think she should know that my favorite breakfast, scratch that, food, is pancakes.
I weakly say, "Ok," as I leave to go get changed.
This is all part of a routine. I wake up, say good morning, change, eat, leave, come back home, and then repeat it all over again. Sometimes it's too repetitive. Other times wonderful memories are made. But I can just hope for the best right?
As soon as I walk through the door of the kitchen the scent of freshly baked pancakes take over me. With a lazy smile covering my face, I quickly make my way to my seat and am beyond ecstatic as I see two pancakes waiting for me to eat and more batter waiting to be cooked.
"So I want to ask you something," Halley nervously tells me.
I nod my head in acknowledgement, but to be honest, all I'm thinking about are the pancakes. I'm eating them away when I feel something hard in my mouth. Automatically my face grimaces in pain as I stick my hand in my mouth to find the cause of it.
When I find the source, all I'm left with in my hand is a big, shiny ring. I am wondering how the heck this got in the batter, but when I look up at Halley everything clicks.
She looks ecstatic, and before my eyes she goes down on one knee. The ring in my hands is too expensive to be any ring. It's actually a freaking engagement ring. Now last time I remembered the guy is supposed to ask the girl but Halley has always been unique.
"Austin Moon, will you marry me?"
She says those deathly words. The words that should be bringing me joy but instead make me panic as they escape her mouth. Her eyes are full of hope. The way they shine make it impossible for me to say anything but, "Yes?"
And just like that, at this instant, everything falls in place for her as I am wondering what I'm going to do. She's too thrilled with my answer to even notice the questioning tone in my reply.
Yet as soon as she wraps her arms around me, I know I said the right thing. I'm sure that Ally has made her life by now. I need to move on and let her go. I might not be able to be with my first love but at least I have a shot with the second sweetest girl that I've ever met.
And this is the second chance I need to start all over again. I promise that this time I won't ruin it with her. I'll love her right. I've learned from my mistakes.
When she finally releases me she starts to exclaim all of the wedding arrangements that will need to be done. She's making her list out loud when out of nowhere she says, "OMG! I need to call my cousin. And my mom and family. And are we going to have the wedding here or on the other side of the country?"
After a while I just block her out as I tell her that I need to leave. I don't even think she notices that I'm gone.
When I make it out the door I can't believe how quickly my life changed. This morning I woke up being plain old Austin Moon. But now I'm engaged Austin Moon. Funny how you make plans and life rearranges them.
Ally POV
Staring at my room in darkness I can't help but think that I don't miss him.
I just casually think about him sometimes. You know? Like I'm doing right now.
It's just… I don't think I've ever realized how lonely it is to live by yourself.
There's no one to say goodbye to when you leave. Or hello to when you come home. Dinner often consists of cold, refrigerated take outs of the night before and occasionally a homemade cooked meal.
My apartment is always clean, which I guess is an upside to the situation. But it's always too quiet. And you never have someone to talk to whenever you want. You can't bother anyone with your problems when you come home from a bad day at work.
The funny part is, I never felt like this before when I lived by myself. After the messy break up Austin and I had, I can't stand it. It's like I'm still trying to believe that I live by myself in this apartment. But I have. I've been living alone for a little bit past a year.
I don't really think about him. I swear I don't.
It's just sometimes… I wish we could have at least ended with a sweet goodbye instead of me throwing random objects at him. But he deserved it.
He just left me out of the blue. He didn't give me any reason to suspect that things were going wrong. The bastard actually took me out on a date and then broke up with me in the middle of our dinner when I was trying to enjoy my food. Which I really couldn't after he told me, "Look, I've been thinking for a while, and I think we shouldn't see each other anymore."
The nerve of that guy!
When we got home I slept in the guest room and the entire ride home he kept asking me what was wrong. I left the next day without a warning. Just like how he broke my heart without any consideration.
Although he really took my hatred for him to the next level when a week later, after he dumped me, he came to the house I was staying at to ask me if I was ok.
How do you expect a girl, who gave her heart and soul, to react to the guy who dumped her and then came back to ask her how she was doing?
Well I punched him straight in the eye which I later found out left him a black eye. And then I started throwing anything I could find at him. And an interesting fact about me, when I'm mad my aim is actually better than when I am not.
I shake my head in a disapproval of my foolishness.
I've moved on since then. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have great friends. I just opened my own recording studio with my own money.
Life is better than great. It's going exactly as I planned. Everything I have ever wanted is finally happening. Even better than I could have ever imagined.
It's just… When I do think about Austin…
I know I'm not mad at him. I'm past being heart broken.
But when I do wonder about him… I just want to know what I did that made him want to leave.
Taking a deep breath I close my eyes and let myself sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.
When I wake up the next morning I can't help but snuggle closer to my blanket. The thought of today's schedule makes getting out of bed even harder than normal.
With reluctance, I quickly start getting ready. Today has to be perfect… which means that there's only going to be more stress. Because today I am meeting Zayn's entire family.
He's told me a lot about his relatives; he even has made me talk to some of them over the phone. But talking and meeting is such a different experience and being his girlfriend, I'd rather have them like me than hate me.
Especially his cousin, Halley, whom he adores. I've talked to her on the phone a few times and she seems really sweet. She's practically the sister that Zayn never had and could easily pass as one of my friends.
By the time I am ready to leave I know I look elegant.
I'm wearing a really simple dress. It's a halter top that's sheer from my upper chest and goes down past a little mid thighs. It's perfect for meeting his family. It makes me feel confident as it distinguishes my waist and makes me look great.
I try my best to look as natural as I can. And by the time I hear my door bell ringing, I feel nervous yet excited at what is to come.
Like always, Zayn stands outside my door with a bouquet of roses. He has his famous smile playing on the corners of his lips and his eyes never fail to let me know how much he loves me. We say a quick hello with a sweet simple kiss before placing the flowers in a vase.
It's not long until he takes me by the hand and we slowly walk to his car, as if we have no destination at all. It's moments like these that I love. When being with him is enough to get my blood rushing through my veins.
He opens my door and helps me get in without being asked. And I can't help but laugh as he rushes to get to his side of the car to simply hold my hand again as he drives to his parents' house.
Even though his presence calms me, when we do reach our destination, I feel anything but tranquility. I hold onto his hand even tighter if possible. I've only meet his parents before this. And he keeps reassuring me that I'll blow his family's mind away yet I can't help but feel the pressure after he told me that I am the first girl to be presented to everyone.
As soon as we cross the door I'm bombarded with a lot of questions and smiles from strangers. The most frequent line is, "So this is the famous Ally Dawson that Zayn can't stop chatting about."
Some of his male relatives even compliment me as they tell me that Zayn was wise in being selfish because I am too gorgeous to share. That earned a blush from me and a playful hit from Zayn to all of them.
His entire family are just as sweet as him. It's really no wonder why he is a gentleman after all. I can imagine myself getting married to him one day. It's only logical. We both have great jobs, he's organized just as I am, we know how to have a conversation when things are getting tough, and we have the same opinion about everything. It's like we were made for each other.
I can't help but wait for Zayn to introduce me to Halley or bump into her. I am really curious in meeting the girl whom he sees as a sister. I keep asking him to tell me who she is, but he just keeps telling to be patient.
It's only when I excuse to get myself a drink that I bump into somebody.
Automatically I start saying sorry and can't help but laugh in between as the other person does the same thing. I'm looking around to make sure we haven't made a mess of something when I hear the same person say, "Ally?"
I'm a bit confused as I look up to find the same blue eyes that I have seen in a photo that Zayn has shown me frequently.
"Halley?" I ask her in disbelief as I am finally meeting one of the most important people in Zayn's life.
We both chuckle and soon I'm brought into a tight hug as she tells me that her cousin choose wisely for his girlfriend. It's not long until we find two empty seats and start talking.
She's the fastest talker that I have ever met. She bounces from one topic to another in a blink of an eye, saying the most interesting and bizarre things you could ever think of. Soon she's telling me of her engagement and how we should spend this opportunity getting to know each other since I am most likely to become her "sister-in-law" sooner or later.
I chuckle at her statement and tell her that we'll only see as time goes by if I will or not.
It's not hard to notice all the similarities that Halley shares with me. We both enjoy the same hobbies such as reading. Our favorite movie is the Notebook and we relatively listen to the same kind of music. We both easily come to mutual agreement on Zayn being arrogant at times, and she sweetly jokes that it's a good thing I have a backbone to put him back in his place.
Halley is everything I could have ever imagined. She's sweet, kind. The type of friend I would have chosen if we had met by chance. We are in the middle of a conversation when Zayn's mom comes by and asks me real quick if I can go into the kitchen and get more plastic utensils for dinner.
Quickly I excuse myself and make my way to the kitchen. I'm deep in thought as I'm looking through different cupboards when I hear some loud footsteps coming from behind me. I hear a male's voice uttering stupid for some reason and before I know it he's asking me where the nearest bathroom is.
Closing the cupboard, I explain the directions as I turn around to point the direction.
And the sight I'm greeted with is beyond my control.
I gasp a sharp intake of air as my eyes collide with those brown ones. I can't move. The sight of him makes my mind numb as I desperately try to search for the words to say.
I blink a couple times, knowing this can't be real. It's simply impossible. He's in LA for Pete's sake!
Yet he is still standing there. And the possibility that this is real makes the room and my head spin round and round.
What should I do? Do I walk out or act like a mature adult and ask him how he's been? I'm torn between running away and running towards him. I feel terribly confused as his wide eyed gaze mirrors mine perfectly. I know I need to get out of here yet my feet don't even attempt to take a small step.
I'm brought back to earth when I hear him whisper my name in disbelief. He's eyes are about to fall out. His mouth is wide open, and he's bemused.
"Ally?" he questions again, still debating if I'm just a hallucination.
Throughout this confusion I still notice he looks exactly the same as the day he left. He's hair is still the same blond hair that I loved to run my fingers through. His cheeks still have that rough look that makes him look intimidating yet gentle. His lips can still remind me of the way they felt against my skin; the way they tasted against mine. But his eyes… Those eyes.
His eyes show all of those emotions that I have long forgotten. The way one look of his can make you feel wanted… beautiful… most of all loved.
It's take every bit of me to tear myself away from his gaze. But it doesn't help at all. I can feel his stare burning me alive; making me feel things I long thought I couldn't feel anymore.
I'm trying to get control of my beating heart when I feel him touch my cheek delicately as if I'll disappear under his fingers.
This time when I look up he's only an arm away from me. And this only makes me panic more as I wonder how to gain control of these emotions I have long erased.
Because having him this close, intoxicates me. It makes all those feelings: the butterflies, the nervousness, the fear, the love… come back and hit me like a brick wall.
I'm too caught up in my own thoughts that I don't notice how close he really is. He's pulling a strand of my hair behind my ear as he says, "Ally, I can't believe it! It's you!"
And he brings me into his arms with such desperation that makes me wonder if he thought of me every now and then as I thought of him. If his heart is skipping beats at this moment simply because the thought of being close to me again makes him feel adrenaline? Just like what he's doing to me at this moment.
I don't know how long I stay in his arms, but when he pulls himself back and gives me a sincere smile… I can't take it any longer. I can't pretend and act as if
I hadn't punched him the last time I saw him. I can't pretend that seeing him doesn't break my heart all over again because it does.
I am still completely in love with Austin Moon. And I'm fool for believing it had ever been otherwise.
He leans down so naturally to give me a kiss on my forehead. As if we had gone back in time. He keeps holding me; almost as if he knows I'll escape the moment he lets go.
"God I've missed you so much. Everything in California begged me to come back home to Miami."
And his words are my last straw.
I push him off as I run out of his grasp and into the safety of the party. I reach the edge of it when I hear him shout my name. But I keep moving. My instincts tell me the farther I am away from him the safer I'll be.
I once again bump into a person when I realize that it's Halley once again. I look lost as she keeps asking me if I'm okay in an over exaggerated tone that now seems to annoy me.
My head keeps getting heavy with each new thought that forms. As his eyes get burned into my memory.
Austin finally catches up with me and the scene that plays out in front of me breaks any few strength I had.
"Hey there baby," I hear Halley say.
Austin seems frozen as if he just got caught doing something wrong. But she doesn't notices as she goes to give him a quick peck on the mouth. Nothing makes sense to me and then she puts the pieces together. She simply says, "Ally, this is Austin. My fiancé."
I can't help myself but I bit my tongue as the words of demanding an explanation from him burns my tongue. And the lump in my throat lets me know that I'll break down in any second in heartache again.
Suddenly the room seems to be spinning and everything is a blur. I look from Austin to Halley as I try to process her words. My hands feel sweaty as I cross my arms against my body in hopes of shielding myself from him; from the pain.
I let out a small chuckle before I say, "Fiancé? Austin? Fiancé?"
Halley's face goes from happiness to anxiety and Austin seems to come closer to me as I take a smaller steps backwards than the one before.
"Austin's your fiancé?" I ask out loud.
Even though it was meant for me, Halley answers it with a confident, "Yes."
I let another soft chuckle escape my mouth and next thing I know, I don't know anything. Everything turns a big blur as my vision becomes unclear from my tears that are threatening to escape.
And he's reaching out to me, but I just bump into another person as I try to escape his touch.
I only feel a little comfort as I realize that it's Zayn and grasp onto him as if he's my life. As if he can erase everything that has occurred in a matter of seconds.
