CHAPTER 2

"ALRIGHTY Mr. Narrator Man, where to?"

Well there is one small catch in this whole deal, Deadpool.

"There always is with you "masculine-voiced narrator" types aren't there?"

I am going to just refuse even responding to that.

"You just did. You heard it too, right?" He did, can confirm.

Damn it! Alright then, fine. I just won't tell you about the catch. I'll let you figure it out yourself! How is that, smart alleck?

"My name is Deadpool not Alleckpool and I'm most certainly not smart." You tell him "AND FURTHERMORE, YOU ARE THE NARRATOR! NOW NARRATE!"

Did he leave? "Can he do that?" I don't think so.

*tap… tap… tap tap…*

You are tapping thin air. "Yea, but every time I do that words pop up on the screen. How else do you communicate with a rude narrator?"

I AM NOT RUDE!

"HAHA, see? We got him!" I can't see.

Alright, fine. The catch is…

Then suddenly Deadpool was struck in the back of the head with a club.

"OW! What the Enchanted For-"

With a sudden shock of intense pain in the back of his skull, Deadpool found himself falling deep into unconsciousness. The last thing he heard was the muffling mumbles of a strong, female voice, which sent him into pleasant daydreams as to who the voice belonged to.

Upon awakening, Deadpool finds himself in a dark cave, seemingly alone. He holds his hand to his head and finds dried blood, which means his wound had since healed. His captor must have escaped and –

"And when I find the b*$# who did this to me, I'm gonna RIP HER HEAD OFF!" Unless of course she has nice boobs… in which case…

OK! Wade, why don't you take a look around for a way out?

"Oh yea! That might be a good idea."

Taking a few blind steps forward on solid rock ground, Deadpool slams face first into a wet, warm wall.

*BANG*

*thud*

"… when I get outta… rip someone's… eat their… piece of…"

With a sudden roar, the Merc is immediately awake and alert. Jumping back a few feet out of instinct and reaching for his katana, Wade readied himself to fight. A sudden burst of flame in the cave made him duck, and expecting the worst, our humorous hero braced himself for the burns to come. However, after a moment, there was no pain at all. Looking up, he found torches along the walls of the cave lit, and a large, fearsome looking dragon staring intently into his eyes from above.

"MALEFICIENT! YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAST YOU, did you do something new with your hair? You look lovely, honestly, you really upped the scales."

RAWR!

"Ok ok! I can see where that joke might have been a tad insensitive, don't be so hot headed, girlfriend!"

To this the dragon responded with a simple stare, although tons of annoyance could be gathered from just a moment of seeing the look in the beast's eyes.

"Can you get me out of here, darling? I'm kind of a delivery boy - on a treasure hunt - for his literary package. Not to mention I'm dealing with a narrator guy and an author writing a fanfic about all of this, so I could really use a break."

RAWR!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M CRAZY, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MANY TIMES YOU HAVE CHANGED APPEARANCES IN THIS SHOW?"

~Editor's Note: SPOILER ALERT - Three times – From her original appearance into a dragon – then into a ghost – and then into a younger actress with no frizzy blonde hair.

Just as the words escaped Wade's mouth, a metallic-creaking shriek like that of old machinery whirring to life sounded throughout the cave, echoing off the stone walls and making the place louder than a fiesta with free chimichangas.

You are just trying to piss me off now with hunger, aren't you?

Torchlight could be seen coming from a tunnel, and carrying that torch was the man wearing a sheriff's badge Deadpool had seen in the diner before he was knocked out. In his hand was a tray, and on that tray was a plate, and on that plate was a bright, red, juicy looking apple.

Saliva was pooling out of Deadpool's mouth now, and not just because the sheriff was quite the looker.

"Graham, you beautiful sonuvabitch. GIVE ME THAT APPLE!"

Deadpool rushed forward to snatch the apple off of the tray, and was just feet away from Graham when he heard a loud noise and felt a sharp pain. Quicker than Wade could react, Graham had pulled and fired his gun at the Merc's leg, and dropping to the ground, he looked up with a laugh.

"Oh the things I am going to do to you… *laughter*… I'll let you take a guess. It includes me shoving a certain something somewhere. Hint: That something is an apple, and the place it's going? It sounds a lot like apple only it smells worse."

These words didn't seem to register on the face of the sheriff, and Wade noticed a certain glassiness over his eyes.

"Are you stoned, Graham ol' buddy? I didn't even get a stifle of laughter out of your little Scottish a$$?" It isn't 420 today, is it?

Still, no reaction at all. Just then, however, Wade noticed something peculiar; the tray on which the apple sat was shiny. Very shiny. Calling to mind his knowledge of the show, Deadpool had deduced that someone was watching the two of them, and that someone was probably in control of Graham. That someone also likes to show a lot of boobie in her dresses.

"Ooooooohh….. I see. Well, I am gonna guess I have to ask nicely for the apple?"

Surprisingly, Graham just mechanically handed the apple over calmly, and then proceeded to hurriedly walk away.

"That was… a bit too easy…" You know this is a trap right? "Oh f$# yea." What else does the Evil Queen do in the show? "Um… show tons of boobies?" I already said that but I mean what else? "Teehee, I don't notice much more than that." Oh for f*$ sake, don't eat the apple. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MOM!"

With a satisfyingly tantalizing crunch, Wade tasted the crisp apple as it met his tongue, crushed between his teeth, and slid smoothly down his throat. All that he could remember after that moment was getting a REALLY GOOD SLEEP.

Darkness enveloped Deadpool and sadly, the Merc with a Mouth was voiceless. He heard nothing, not even the voice in his head or the narrator guy he adored so much and whom he thought was so handsome. He saw nothing, not even a good TV show like Once Upon a Time.

He felt tired. He was restless, but could not move a muscle. He felt his feeling factor working but… it was like running up a hill of ice wearing soap shoes. Alone for what felt like a lifetime, finally Deadpool awoke.

"Wha tha…. When I get a hol of… I am goin ta… slice an… Holy $#it, I needa throw up." Welcome back.

Hurling onto the floor beside him, Wade heaved until he was breathless, and then tried to assess his surroundings.

Still in the cave, and still alone, other than for the dragon fast asleep a few feet away. How long was he asleep?

All of the events leading up to this point caught up to Deadpool in an instant, and it all made him angry… and with the greatest of angers… comes the greatest of…-

"I am hungry." Dude, me too.

-… apptetites. Set on chowing down on anything edible that was preferably Mexican food, Wade rose up from the floor and began to walk towards the tunnel he had seen Sheriff Graham walk in from before he had passed out. Before he went in, however, Deadpool turned around and took one final glance at the sleeping beast.

"Well, well, well… She is gonna love not having those blonde curls and being human." That and not being alone. That must suck.

"Yea, being alone and sane must suck."

Hey, I can vouch for it being quite pleasant, actually.

"No one asked you, bodiless narrator guy. I thought voices didn't have opinions."

I could make that into something very poetic. Voices don't have opinions, but opinions have voices and-…

Or we could find the book. "I, for one, am with stupid."

And with that, the Merc and the voice in his head walked ahead into the dark tunnel and the unknown, ready to find and deliver the book, but first and foremost, to get some chow.