Chapter 1
Letters from Hogwarts to Bromfield High

Dear girl (hopefully),
My name is Sirius (pronounced Si-re-us, not seeeerious) Orion (pronounced Or-EYEy-on) Black. And I don't care how amusing you find that fact, because it's the truth. I don't really see why I have to write this stupid letter, but there are a few questions I've been told to answer/tell you about/ask you.
You already know my name, so I guess that's done with. So, what's your name? I'm a 16-year-old male (get me, I'm sexually legal!) who enjoys girls, physical activities with girls, pranking people with my best friend and partner-in-crime, James Potter, hanging out with my cousin Andromeda, and an unusual 'sport' beginning with a rarely-used letter. I dislike shopping with my family, Snivellus, going places with my family, Evans when she rejects James, certain oddities who like to eat death (haha, you so won't get that), my family in general, reading, writing, doing school work, and anything that requires me to use my brain. What are a few of your interests?
How cheesy does this letter sound! But McGonagall (gotta love 'er) made us write this, and I'm reckoning she'll check and double-check mine for any rules broken. I haven't exactly got the best track record when it comes to... well, anything.
Knowing Minnie (McGonagall), you're probably almost definitely of the male species, but just in case... are you hot? ;)
I am. I'm very sexy, as many girls have told me, and I have beautiful dark brown hair, and even more beautiful grey eyes. Around half of my girlfriends have told me that my best features are my hair and eyes, but the other half, who have gotten a bit further, have strongly disagreed, and think that something else is my best feature... if you get my drift ;) But yeah, I am extremely good-looking and beautiful and handsome and just generally wonderful. My other best mate, Remus, is currently reading over my shoulder and getting disgusted by me. He's just jealous. Plus, his letter is a total lie. He hates swimming.
So that brings me to the subject of my best friends: James, Remus, and Peter. Obviously, I have many, many more friends, as I am an extremely popular person, and most people love me. I even have my own fan club! But anyway, James is my brother from another mother, and I live with him and his family, as my family are rotten to the core. He has the best ideas for pranks, and is completely and utterly obsessed with this useless girl called Evans. Well, Lily Evans. She has a friend called Cecilia Jenkins, and James and I like to collectively make their lives hell. Only James has gone soft on Evans as of late. Remus is the bookworm of the four of us, and is constantly disapproving of anything he possibly can. He's also very helpful when it comes to the brain-part of pranks. Although James would be equally good, could he be bothered. And then there's Peter; he's pretty cool when he wants to be. And together we create the marauders. Yeah.
I'm relatively clever, I'd say, but who can be bothered with school work?! All the professors I've ever had always moan on about my 'wasted potential', but I don't really see what their problem is. 'Least I turn up for their stupid lessons. At times. They should think themselves lucky.
Last subject; family. My mum hates me, my dad hates me, my brother Regulus hates me, my aunts hate me, my uncles hate me, and all my cousins but one hate me. You?

Reply, yeah yeah?
Sirius.

*

Hey,
I'm James Potter, Quidditch champion, marauder, and prankster extraordinaire. I'm 16-years-old, and I like girls, Quidditch, food, Lily Evans (my soon-to-be-girlfriend), my friends, pranks, and Transfiguration. I do hope you have no idea what I'm chatting about here. I hate Potions, Snivellus, Slughorn, Quidditch-haters, Slytherins, and my best friend Sirius' family, who are all/were all Slytherins.
I play Quidditch, eat, sleep, do school work at times, hang out with my best friends, and generally devote my life to my future-wife, Evans.
I am around 6ft1, and I am incredibly handsome. Many girls fancy me, and they have even taken to stalking me at certain points of my life. I have hazel eyes, and ulta-sexy, ultra-messy black hair.
Best friends; Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Sirius is an absolute manwh*re, and treats women like disposables. I would never ever treat my Lilykins in such a way. Sirius lives with me, as his family are a bullying bunch, and needed to be taught a lesson, so he ran away. Remus goes a little crazy once a month, but apart from that, he's a cool kid. Although he really needs to be taught that lying, and trying to act as 'normal' as possible in his letter is really defeating the object. Peter's a fairly reasonable, honest person. And he can be helpful when we're trying to perform awesome yet possibly illegal pranks.
I'm top of the class in everything at school, and so that's alright. I don't even really have to try hard – how doss can you get! Transfiguration is obviously my best subject, which is lucky, since there's something we – Sirius, Peter and I – do... sometimes, to help out my good mate Remus, which I can't really tell you about but I can tell you it's damn cool.
My family are a lovely lot; my mum's called Victoria, and she can't cook for toffee, but she's an excellent present-buyer. My dad's pretty old (my mum is too though), but he plays Quidditch like a pro. I'm an only child (sob sob), and some could say that Sirius is my brother. From another mother :)
That's pretty much it, then, I guess. That's all that's written on the guidelines for this, anyway.
Ooh, I think I'll dedicate a little paragraph to Evans, to maybe get her on side. She's incredibly beautiful, and has the most amazing green eyes. I love her with all my heart, and would never ever ever ever ever ever ever only be chasing her for the thrill and then dump her straight after she got with me. That would be cruel, cruel, cruel! She's the best thing to ever happen to this school.

Bye,
James.

*

Dear student,
I'd first like to start out by saying that I think this is a great opportunity, to talk to other people, and learn about their lives. My name is Remus John Lupin, and I am a student at an ordinary boarding school called Hogwarts. The name may seem a little odd, but so were its founders. I am an ordinary boy, and 16 years old.
I like school work and subjects – for example Maths and Biology, two of which I know a lot about (for example, in Maths, you add things together, and subtract them). I also like swimming in my local swimming pool, which is inside a building, and not in the open air. I like to read books, such as Romeo & Juliet. Do you like to read books, swim, and learn things at school? If not, what are some of your other interests?
I dislike History. I hear History is not liked by many people. Do you like History? I do not enjoy sports, either. Bullies, mean children, and unfair teachers are not appreciated by me. Do you appreciate any of these things? What else do you dislike?
My favourite hobbies are swimming (as previously mentioned), reading (as previously mentioned), and learning (as previously mentioned). What are your favourite hobbies?
I have sandy brown-coloured hair, and pale blue eyes. What colour hair and eyes do you have?
My three best friends go by the names of James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. They are all very fun to be around, although I disapprove of the way Sirius treats girls, and his and James' pranking. I also disapprove of the way Sirius and James do not put enough effort into their school work. Peter tries very hard, but gets nowhere. I try to help him as much as possible. I wish Sirius and James would do the same. What are your friends' names, and a few things you like and dislike about them?
My family are very kind and supportive. My father's name is John, and he is a 48-year-old male, who enjoys golfing, laughing, and working at his ordinary bank job. My mother's name is Mary, and she is a 43-year-old female, who enjoys going to the spa with her friends, cooking, cleaning, and working as an ordinary lawyer. Tell me a little about your family. What are your parents' names, ages, and jobs? Do you have any siblings? – I do not.
I am relatively smart, and get quite high grades in most of my subjects. For example, in Biology, I recently discovered that I had received an A* - which I know for sure is the top grade – on my latest project, which was all about dissecting frogs. What are some of your grades?

Yours sincerely,
Remus John Lupin.

P.S. I also love Christmas, which is a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus. What about you?

*

Hello,
I am called Lily Evans, and I am 16 years old.
I love being a prefect, talking with my friends, learning interesting things, reading interesting books, and shopping for my favourite books, records, and clothes. My absolute favourite singer is named Marjorie Johns – and she tragically died last year. I was so upset!
I hate this idiot boy called Potter – who enjoys stalking me. I also hate brussels sprouts, Sirius Black, rodents, bullies, sexist men, and liars.
I sometimes go jogging, but I've recently given that up, since it tires me out too much, and can be quite boring. Other hobbies include dancing (at parties), shopping, having fun with friends, and reading.
I am roughly the average height, but I can't be sure exactly. I have flaming red hair, which can sometimes be annoying as some idiots are rude about it, but also quite cool, because I personally quite like the colour. I have emerald green eyes, which I like, and wouldn't change for anything. I'm not too sure whether or not I'm pretty – some boys have told me so, the ones I've dated, but who knows whether they're telling the truth?
My best friend in the whole wide world used to be a boy named Severus, but he said a few unforgivable things to me, and now I can't stand the sight of him. My best girl friend is called Cecilia – Cecile to her friends – Jenkins, and she's really... indescribable. I mean, some days she can be totally normal, but others... you don't even know what's going on in her head! She's really pretty, and a bit of a slag when it comes to boys, and doesn't she know it. She can be so hilarious at times, and she's dead kind. There's also this really lovely girl named Alice Prewett who I was quite good friends with, but she left school last year, as she is two years older than me. I have a few other friends in my year, but none of any real importance – just girls I sometimes talk to, sit next to in lessons, and hang around with in breaktimes and at lunch.
I like to think I'm quite clever, as I am a very hard-working student. The subject I am best at is Chemistry, and Professor Slughorn (who teaches the subject) says I'm one of his favourite pupils. I really, really hate Maths – it's absolutely awful! Who wants to sit there and learn about a bunch of formulas and numbers?! Not me!
My parents are middle-aged, and fun to be around. My sister, Petunia, hates me. I just want her to open up and talk to me again, but ever since I 'abandoned' her, and went away to boarding school, she refused to talk to me. There's not much else I can say on my family. I have a few cousins who are very nice, and I love my dear grandmother.

Yours faithfully,
Lily.

*

To muggle,
Hello, my name is Severus Snape. I am a boy, and I am 16.
I like Potions and my should-still-be-friend Lily. I hate Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. I enjoy working on new spells, and talking to friends. I have black hair, and eyes so dark brown they are black.
I have a few friends; Avery, Mulciber, and Lucius Malfoy, who left this school a long time ago. I wish Lily was still my friend.
School is boring, except for Potions.
My family is neither enjoyable nor interesting enough to talk about.

Severus.


When Lily says Maths & Chemistry, she means Arithmancy & Potions, but you know, translating it into muggle language... :/
Lol, I hope you liked it D:
It's basically just a little thing to get rid of my stupid writer's block for Lose Myself, another fic I'm working on about the marauders in their fifth year. I'm trying to write five chapters a week, as I am incredibly slow at it these days, and that seems a lot for me, but I keep getting distracted by LOST season 2 which I'm watching atm. Lmao, my life story D:
Please review, if you liked it :) or constructive critism you know, that's always good (y)
Lmao x
P.S. Disclaimer for whole story; nothing is mine, everything you recognise is either JKR's or the letters thing from Finding Cassie Crazy.