Chapter 2:
A/N: Thanks everyone for all the reviews! They make us happy!
Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: I know right? His hair was always too perfect.
Kelly Jay: Thanks! It's people like you who keep us going with encouragement.
Thank you to Tanjamusen for following this story.
Thranduil sat on his fabulous throne, looking into a fabulous mirror and fabulously admiring his fabulous self. As his moony son came in, struggling to keep himself upright, he turned with his hair flipping fabulously behind him and opened his mouth to say something fabulous. Legolas staggered against the steps of the throne and gave his dad a goofy smile. Thranduil's fabulous right eyebrow went fabulously up.
"What," he demanded fabulously, "are you wearing, and what is wrong with your hair?"
Legolas only managed to moan, "Fabulousness."
Thranduil's fabulous left eyebrow fabulously joined his fabulous right eyebrow at the top of his fabulous forehead. So as not to overpower you (or myself), I will now quit with the fabulousness.
Thranduil accordingly dismissed his son's unfabulous appearance, and casually tossed his mirror to a bystanding guard.
"Son," he said, folding his hands philosophically in his lap, "I have something to tell you."
Oh fabulous, thought Legolas. This day is getting rapidly worse and worse.
"As you know," continued his dad, "I have trained you day in and day out to be a son worthy of my name. You must be a lover of gold, a protector of Mirkwood, strong, brave, just, unmerciful, unbending, unfazable, unconquerable, dreaded, and most importantly, fabulous." Thranduil tossed a strand of his hair to demonstrate. "I was all these when I came to the throne. And more. I had a wife. Someone to share the love of my life with. A person with whom I banked all my hopes for the future."
Legolas' ears perked up.
"Perhaps," continued the elf-king, "you too have someone with whom you bank all your hopes."
Legolas' thoughts flew to the captain of the guard, Tauriel.
"It is a good thing," said his dad, still monologuing. "Someone you love gives you comfort. And what's more, it establishes a firm alliance with that person's family. And what's even more than that, it ensures that you have seed to pass the kingdom on to. Perhaps there is someone specific with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life?"
The king said it questioningly, but as Legolas opened his mouth to affirm and express his desire for Tauriel, his dad started talking again.
"No? Good. Because I know of someone who would be very happy with you."
Legolas' mouth went dry. Oh horror, he thought, what has my dad cooked up for me now?
"Arwen Undomiel is as yet unmarried," said the king, doomfully. "An alliance with her would prove not entirely futile. And they say that she is also beautiful."
Legolas gagged. He'd met Arwen before. He had no wish to again, especially as her boyfriend, Aragorn, would skin him alive.
"Ummmm…." he said.
"Good," said his dad. "Then that's settled."
"WAAAAAT?" Legolas shrieked. He was hyperventilating. "But daaaaad! I love another!" He fell passionately to his fabulous knees.
"Oh?" said Thranduil, as though it was of no consequence. "Too bad. It's already arranged. She's arriving at noon today. My warmest good wishes and my deepest condolences."
"But dad!" exclaimed Legolas, staggering to his feet, and clutching the arm of the throne. He swayed dizzily.
Thranduil surveyed his tottering son. The prince's hair was tangled and a large pink bow dangled halfway down his back. Legolas' eyes were pointing in two different directions. He looked like he'd just been through one of the orcs' torture machines.
"Dad," the elf-prince pleaded, "She's so zooey!"
Thranduil sniffed.
"Then it's a perfect match!"
A messenger rushed in.
"My lord!" he cried, "Spiders have attacked!"
He collapsed on the floor from running so hard and shouting so fast. Then he started up, took a look at Legolas and fled the room.
"Alright then, son," said Thranduil, waving his hand. "Go save the world!" Then he added in a doomful tone: "Or else…."
Legolas swayed to his feet and staggered out the door.
Thranduil watched him go with a smirk.
"I'm such an inspiring dad," he declared, fabulously.
TBC
